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CHAPTER XI – Don't tell me that it's over.
"So I hear Wendy Teller is leaving us today." Janine brought up innocently as she toyed with her milkshake straw. They were in Jesse's office, enjoying their twice weekly lunch that was unfortunately more often that not cancelled due to both women schedule. Janine loved to fill in Jesse with the local hospital gossip and Jesse just enjoyed the down time with her friend.
Jesse swallowed a bite of her turkey sandwich before replying. "Yes, we finally found her a bed in a rehab center near Sacramento." She tried to be non committal in her answer, distancing herself from the memory of a certain blond biker. It had been 4 days since they had their conversation in her office where she told him their night together had been a mistake and she hadn't been able to shake him since. The look on his face when she'd said those words… He'd stared at her in disbelief and yes…hurt.
The head nurse let out a snort. "Good, because she was driving my nurses crazy. How much jelly can that woman gobble down?"
Jesse forced a smile wishing they could get move to another subject. Treating Wendy the last four days had been awkward at best, downright uncomfortable sometimes and she was looking forward to the woman's departure from her service. She was sure Margaret Murphy was playing out some kind of punishment. Once the results of the cardio test had come back negative and they were sure that Wendy's heart suffered no lasting damage, she had tried to get the case re-assigned to another doctor but the administrator had kept finding excuses.
"Have you talked to him?"
Jesse looked up to find two concerned eyes staring at her. "Who?"
The nurse chuckled, amused at her friend's attempt to dodge the question. "The giant elephant in the room? Jackson Teller, that's who."
"Janine, I really don't want to talk about Jax." She urged as she busied herself with cleaning her desk of any crumbs.
Janine rolled her eyes theatrically. "Oh come on, you've been miserable the last few days! And you should see him look around, obviously searching for you when he comes visit her. You two have gotten really good at avoiding each other."
"You've been watching him?" Jesse chastised, straightening up in her chair.
Janine raised her hands to stop any recriminations. "Don't worry, he was too busy moping over you to notice." She mocked.
Jesse relaxed in her chair as her friend continued to eyed her questioningly. "Things are just complicated." She stated, rubbing her forehead.
"Maybe it shouldn't be."
A thought suddenly stroke Jesse. "Wait, weren't you the one telling me to be careful with him?"
"I said be careful, I didn't say dump his fine, fine ass."
The doctor's mouth opened in feign shock but she could only giggle at the inappropriate comment.
"Jesse, if anything, the guy finally got you to have a little fun, loosen up which I've been trying to get you to do."
"Oh yeah, in the whole two months you've known me?" Jesse countered.
Her friend raised a warning finger at her. "Don't be a bitch now."
"It's just not me, Janine. I don't do casual, and I don't really want to be his rebound girl." She took a sip of her water before continuing. "Maybe this whole thing was just a giant mistake from the beginning. I mean me and a biker. What was I thinking?"
"And maybe you're just looking for excuses."
"I'm not." Jesse defended
"Really?" Janine ran her eyes across her friend's face, wondering if she should speak her mind before taking a deep breath. "Jesse, I'm going to say this and then I promise I will never mention it again unless you want me to. I…I'm not sure what happened to you in the past but I think I've got a pretty good idea. And no matter how hard it is, you can't keep running from it and you can't keep bottling it up. At some point, you're going to need to let someone in."
"Someone like Jax?"
"Jax, me, anyone you want. But if you don't, it's going to keep eating at you until life passes you by. You can't spend your life watching from the sidelines, alone."
Janine words resonated through the room as an uncomfortable silence settled between the women. Before Jesse could formulate any sort of response, Janine's pager went off. She took it off her waist and checked it. "Duty calls." She stood up taking the remnants of her lunch with her. "I'm sorry, Jesse I didn't mean to overstep any boundaries."
Jesse decided to let her only friend off the hook. "Do you have any?"
Janine giggled, relieved to be forgiven. "Alright, time to retract the claws, now." She took a quick few steps towards the door before spinning around. "I'll just say this and then leave you to it. Ask yourself if he was a mistake. Or if you just wish he were… I'll see you later." She smiled at her friend and exited the office.
Gemma took out a long drag of her cigarette, surveying the lot through the office window. Things had been really quiet around here lately and it always unnerved her. Things always went quiet before shit hit the fan. Needless to say she was worried about one thing in particular. Or more to the case one person. Her son. Over the last month, she had noticed a difference in him. He had become distant, secretive. If that change had been only directed towards her, she wouldn't have worried, but he was doing it with his club, with Opie. He was keeping everyone at arm's length and she couldn't help but be reminded of a similar situation she had faced in the past. With John Teller. He had shut her out too. Not overnight like Jackson had, no, with John it had been gradual. It had started when Thomas had gotten sick with his escape to Belfast and had only gotten worse after their son's passing. He left her, abandoned her without even leaving her side. She had found herself alone, the one man meant to love her looking at her with nothing more than contempt in his eyes. She shuddered the thought away, reminding herself her son was not his father. And he would never be. She wouldn't let him be.
"Penny for your thoughts."
She turned to the familiar voice of her current husband, raising an eyebrow. "I'm not sure they're worth that much."
Clay cleaned up his hand from the grease he had been gathering all morning. "Let me guess, you're worried about the kid."
"It's not funny." She scolded him.
"Oh, trust me. I know."
"Did you talk to him?"
"Nothing for me to talk to him about. The man just got our of a messy marriage and he's chasing tail Gem let him be."
"It's not about him chasing tail, Clay, you know that. It's about whose tail he's chasing. Getting involved with outsiders who don't and will never understand who we are and what we do? It's a bad idea.
He sighed, "I'd tell you to stay out of it, but I know you won't listen so what are you going to do?"
"What makes you think I'm going to do anything?"
"Really?" he retorted, unable to stop the sarcasm.
She couldn't suppress a smile. "I'm going to do what I always do, protect my family."
He chortled, shacking his head in resignation knowing that once his wife was on a mission, there was no stopping her, especially if she was protecting put his hand on her hips as she wrapped her hands around his neck. " Please, whatever you do, keep me out of it."
She planted a quick kiss on his lips. "You got it babe."
Jackson opened the drawer one more time closing it as he realised he had already checked it. Twice. There was no other answer, he must have left his journal at Jesse's house. He felt weird, having all his thoughts out there for someone to read if they wished. Not that there was anything compromising in them, but those words were not to be shared with anyone. He would have to go see her to get it back. He wasn't sure how to feel about it. He hadn't seen her much since she'd ended it with him. A couple of times while he visited Wendy. Both times, she had pretended he wasn't even there, as if he didn't exist. He wished he could just flip a switch and stop thinking about her. He had put himself into her life to protect his club and when he realised she didn't know anything, he should have walked away. He should have but he didn't. He hadn't wanted to lose her. He hadn't wanted to lose what he felt when he was around her. Something he didn't think he'd ever feel again. But she had been clear she didn't want to see him again, and this time Jax was trying to respect her wishes. He heard steps coming down the corridor to his dorm room and knew immediately who to expect.
"Hey Ma."
"Hey baby. What you doin'?"
"Just clearing up some shit." He jerked his head to her. "What's up?"
She placed a hand on her hip. "I hear the junkie is getting out today?"
Jax rolled his eyes, annoyed. "Can you stop calling her that? She's got a name you know."
"Oh I know that." she mumbled before sitting at the end of the bed. "You're gonna go see her before they ship her off?"
"I already told you I would. " He smiled amused by her questions and answers game. "So how about you just get to the point mum?"
"Sit. Don't roll your eyes at me again Jackson. Just do it." "I take it from the sad face you've been showing all week that you and the doctor are done?"
"It's none of your business, ma."
"I make it my business, Jackson. Because you are my business. You're my son." She took his hand in hers. "And I don't want to see you get hurt. Not again. Or do you not remember what happened the last time you let an outsider in? That little bitch broke your heart."
"So what Mum? Crow eaters and sweet butts, that's what I get? Is that what you want for me?"
Now it was her turn to roll her eyes at him."Don't get overdramatic." Jabbing her finger on his chest, she continued. "You're the vice president of the Sons of Anarchy. The future president of this club. You can have anything, anyone you want. No croweater is going to bear my future grand kids, I'll have you know that. And I know you think I'm overbearing but let me ask you something, if you're so sure this girl is right for you, then why did you feel like you had to lie to me, to your club? Don't make the same mistakes your father did Jax. This life, it's simple. No need to overcomplicate it." She cupped his face in her hands and deposited a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth as she always did. She brushed her thumb across his cheek before standing "Say goodbye to the junkie for me, will ya?" She added before walking out the door.
Jesse adjusted her stethoscope back on her neck. "So everything seems in order Wendy, your vitals are great, so we'll get the nurses started on your discharge paperwork."
"Thanks Doctor." The woman murmured. She looked beat, sad and alone.
Jesse turned to her intern. "Would you give us a minute?"
The young man nodded and Jesse waited until he exited the room before continuing. "There's someone called Ronda at the Wellness Rehab center. She… she got a lot of people through what you're going to go through. You can trust her."
And Jesse did. Ronda had single-handedly saved Jesse's life. She got her through three rehabs and two relapses, guiding her through the steps, listening to her cry hysterically at three o'clock in the morning, holding her hair while she puked her guts out during detox.
Ronda, a recovering addict herself, had been an addiction consultant for twenty years in San Diego before recently taking the opportunity to head the Wellness Rehab center. In Sacramento. They still talked from time to time whenever Jesse felt her old demons tugging at her. So when no space had been available for Wendy in the local rehabs, Jesse had used her connection to get Wendy a bed.
"Can I ask you something Doc? The nurses said it was you who got me a spot in that fancy rehab, is that true?
"I made a couple of calls, yes."
Wendy held up her head before pointedly gripping. "You do this for all your patients? Or just the ones whose husband you're screwing?"
Jesse almost lost her footing. She opened her mouth to speak before closing it, knowing there wasn't much she could say. She sat on the chair next to the bed looking contrite. "Wendy, I… I'm so sorry, I…This is not why I'm helping. Believe me."
Wendy's face seemed to soften. "It's fine, I'm sorry for blurting it out like that. I just… I guess I just wanted an honest reaction." She looked at her trembling hands and sniggered. "I saw the way he looked at you when you walked into the room my first day here. He never looked at me like that. I knew straight away your car breaking down story was bullshit."
Actually that story is kind of true, Jesse thought silently. "Wendy, I didn't know he was married. I would have never gotten involved with him otherwise."
"It wouldn't have mattered. Our marriage was fucked up long before you showed up, doctor. And it's all my fault."
"Wendy, you need to concentrate on the positive in your life. Right now, that's the most important." Jesse remarked before hesitantly patting Wendy's hand.
"Yeah, heard the speech before."
Jesse looked at her and something resonated with her. The words she'd told Jax came back to her. It could be me in that bed instead of Wendy. It had been her in the bed. Her saving grace had come in the form of Ronda and she hoped Wendy would find hers. She took a deep breath. "It took me 3 tries. To get clean."
Wendy wouldn't have looked more surprised if Jesse had told her she was secretly a man. "You? You look so…together. "
Jesse couldn't help but laugh at that. Together was so far away from what she was.
"What's the secret?" Wendy enquired.
"To try until you get there."
"I guess we have more than one thing in common now uh?" Wendy was trying to lighten up the mood, and they knew it. But the smile on her face disappeared and she stared right into Jesse eyes. "He is a good guy, Doctor. A lot of guys would have just washed their hands of me, put me in the streets. He didn't. Whatever happened with us, it's on me. "
Jesse was not going to have this conversation with her one night stand's ex-wife. There was weird, and then there was that. "I have to continue my rounds." She announced standing up. "Good luck Wendy."
"You too."
Jesse gave her a small smile and left the room only to spot Jax coming out of the elevator. She saw him hesitate before he made his way towards her. "Hey." He greeted her softly.
"Hi. I was just leaving."
" Wait, I think I might have left my journals in your house the other day."
"I didn't see it, but I'll have a look."
"Thanks."
She couldn't help but notice how beat he seemed. He looked tired, weary. "Jax, are you okay?"
He snickered "What you're worried about me now?"
"You're not being fair."
"Maybe I'm sick of being fair."
He pushed past her and walked into Wendy's room as she let out a deep sigh. Was this day over yet?
"Doctor Granger."
Not just yet. She concluded as she turned around to face the chief administrator judgemental eyes.
"Everything okay?"
Jesse nodded enthusiastically, maybe too much. "Yeah, everything's fine what can I do for you?"
Margaret pursed her lips together clearing her throat."Dr Granger, I wasn't going to say anything but you're new to this town and I think someone needs to warn you."
"I don't follow."
" And I think you do. You told me your association with… them was over."
"And it is."
"You should make sure of that. You have to realise that this is a small town and as a new young doctor, I think it would be highly detrimental to your career if your reputation was…tarnished by associating with that type of people.
Jesse felt her anger brewing. She was getting tired of people telling her what to do today. "I'm not sure how my private life has anything to do with my career."
"Like I said, Dr Granger, this is a small town." Margaret gave her one of her tight smile and held out a paper to her. "Here, you've been fully clearer for surgery."
So this chapter was more of a filler with a lot of character interactions but I hope you enjoyed it. Next chapter will hopefully be up soon.
Thanks for taking the time to read, and remember I like all feedback good or bad so don't be shy!