The look I give Shisui is one of disbelief. If it also happens to make it look like I think Shisui is a complete idiot, well, that's just a side-effect. Shisui just smiles happily at us. Well, mostly at me because Itachi is side-eying me with a twitch in his eyebrow.
I center myself, control my expression. I pull my hands, flat against each other, up to my face to settle against my lips. I breathe in deeply, eyes closed.
A beat.
"Shisui." I don't open my eyes.
"Yes, Yasu?" My hands press to my face, rubbing up and then down past my neck. I give the older boy a pointed look.
"I only turned seven last week-" I steamroll the noises of surprise both boys make. (Woops, my bad) "I really don't think I can pull of that jutsu without killing myself. I can't die til I've grown a beard, Shisui." I glare, as hard as I can for a short, pudgy faced little boy. "I. Can't. Die. Without. A. Beard. Shisui!" Shisui, being the big pest he is, just looks like he's trying not to laugh. This is mildly insulting, because I am dead serious. Itachi, who just visible from the corner of my eye, looks entirely puzzled.
He waves me off, smile threatening to tear his face in two. "Don't worry Yasu-chan."
"Shisui." Itachi's voice refocuses us, and Shisui gets right into it.
"Learning the Shadow Clone jutsu now is the smartest thing you can do." He starts, hands blurring and a single clone poofing into existence next to him. The clone waves. "You both have good control, which makes this entirely possible for you. Mastering this now means as you get older and your reserves start to really grow, you won't risk chakra exhaustion trying to learn this." Shisui's clone comes to stand directly next to me, shoulder to shoulder. Shisui himself continues to talk, seemingly having pulled me into his explanation.
"I'm more than a head taller than both of you. It takes more chakra at a minimum to make a single clone, then it would take either of you, due to this difference in size. This jutsu is unique in the fact that it takes more chakra to safely perform the older you get, rather than having a standard amount required. You see, the Shadow Clone divides one's chakra equally between you and the number of clones made. If you don't have enough chakra for the minimum, then you're risking exhaustion. Right now, both of you have good enough control and reserves, I am confident you can both successfully make one clone." His clone pops itself, and Shisui looks serious for a moment.
"If you feel tired, even after only one attempt, wait to try again til tomorrow. Learning this quickly isn't worth the risks."
Me and Itachi nod. I find his reasonings sound, and at the end of the day, I do trust him not to lead us astray.
Itachi gets it down the first time, only needing to have seen Shisui do it that one time and hearing how it was supposed to work. It takes me three additional days and 5 attempts total to get it right . To my surprise, Itachi switches places with his clone to join me for lunch under our tree, during the time it takes me to learn the jutsu. My heart gets warm in my chest, almost full to bursting.
From then on, I meet Itachi before school and together we send our clones off. With more time to our day, Itachi and I train harder and longer. But now that we spend all day in the forest with clones at the academy, Itachi relaxes enough on his training to go home earlier in the evenings. He has a father and mother eager to see him, and a baby brother who is crawling now. I am happy for him beyond measure. But….with Itsuki gone on long escort missions, I have nowhere to go after school aside from back to the orphanage. The only curfew I have is to be back by dark. So when Itachi bids me goodbye to head home and see his family, I stay behind.
After all, not all training is as fun as with Itachi. Some things are more relaxing to be done alone. Practicing kicks and punches to strengthen myself, or working on flexibility…..I sink into the tedious training, letting my mind wander, or going over whatever memories I'm send when my clone pops. Idly, I think of how much I wished I had some headphones and my old mp3 player.
Itachi and I are walking to the Academy, having left behind the originals to their own devices. The downside to being a clone is being stuck with the grunt work, so to speak. School is fairly boring, unless I happen to get the chance to help some of my classmates. Sometimes I wonder how Itachi can stand it, the ever dutiful student he is. I'm fairly sure my teachers are irked by me when I practice my chakra control on twigs in the middle of their lectures.
As I follow behind Itachi into the school, I don't spare a second glance at the group of boys yelling at each other. Scuffles between students isn't uncommon.
I regret this a moment later, when three of the boys come running down the hall, shoving me out of the way to hide behind Itachi, crowding around him like cowering puppies. I regain my footing just as an older boy with the ugliest mullet I've ever seen comes up, growling out questions.
Itachi and the boy stare at each other for a moment. I have a sinking feeling.
"Ah, excu-" The older boy turns to lash an arm at me, "Be quiet brat!", and I spin on my heel to deftly dodge. I glance at Itachi and- oh boy. He's dark eyes have gone steely. But, because Itachi is a polite boy, he makes the seal on confrontation towards the bully.
Because the bully is NOT a polite boy, "All the freshmen this year….are STUCK UP!", throws a punch Itachi's way without returning the seal.
Itachi flips him as easy as breathing, holding the other boys wrist in what I know from experience is a painful hold. The mullet boy passes out.
"Out cold from just that?" I ask, leaning over Itachi to look at the chubby boy. I ignore the aw'ed voices behind us. Itachi gently lowers the boys arm back to his side, looking over to some older students who'd come to see the debacle when the voices had been raised.
"Take him to the infirmary please." A shaky 'Hai', is given to him as he stands. I step back to give Itachi room, but once more I am shoved aside.
"Itachi, you're really strong my friend!"
I go still. No. Nope. I whirl to watch Itachi get crowded by the three boys suddenly calling him friend, going as far to start shouting about him being a 'sir' and 'Master Itachi', as they begin to try to clear the hall for Itachi.
I barely pay any attention to the other boys, instead I watch Itachi. He doesn't tell them to stop, just stands there bewildered. But I can see his shoulders starting to tense, the furrow in his brow, the twitch of his left pinky.
"Oi!" The leader of the boys is dressed in a grayish lavender shirt, with long, spiky brown hair. I direct my shout at him, and get right in his face. I have never been this angry in my short life. I know Itachi is hard to read! I know that! But this behaviour would embarrass any sane person!
The boy turns to me, all puffed up like a angry porcupine. I don't even let him open his mouth.
"Knock it off! This is embarrassing! If you want to thank Itachi for SAVING you," I jab a finger in his chest, "then thank him properly! We don't need theatrics!." The boy's face is getting red, but I turn my back to him.
"Itachi." My voice goes softer, and my friend has already, mercifully, started to release the tension in his body. His eyes scream thanks. "Come on, let's go."
I walk beside Itachi, a shield against anyone trying to make him uncomfortable after the incident.
"Oi! OI!" The long haired boy tries to shout after us, but I resolutely keep walking, until we've gone two hallways away and I can't hear the boy anymore.
But I can hear someone else.
"Ah, Yasu-san! Itachi-san!" "Wait, Yasu-san!" "Excuse us!"
I turn around, Itachi turning with me. I know these voices. Sure enough, a few of the more taijutsu inclined kids from my own classroom. Three boys, and two girls are moving to catch up with us.
I fall into an easy smile, and greet my classmates each in turn as they gather around.
"Hello, Daichi-san," a lanky blonde boy, "Hideki-san" a short boy with dark hair, "Aoi-san", a brunette girl, "Akio-san" the twin brother of Aoi, with short brown hair to match her's, "Shun-san." a girl with black hair in two braids.
Daichi smiles brightly, as does Shun, but the others looked a bit more hesitant.
"We saw what you did in the hall!" Shun says, turning to Itachi. I blink, and tense. Are they going to heckle him? No, they're nice kids, but- "We were hoping you could show us how you did that, Itachi-san!" Daichi finishes.
Oh. I go lax, smiling happily. Itachi looks startled.
"It was amazing, Itachi-san." Akio says, well Aoi nods furiously behind her brother. "I would really like to be able to flip Akio like that." Her twin playfully elbows her.
I reach over, an arm slung comfortably around Itachi's shoulders. (Once, such a casual touch like this would have driven me bonkers, the feeling sticking to my skin long after in a way that was different and maddening. But taijutsu has long since desensitized me. I don't enjoy it still when it comes to strangers, but Itachi is my friend, and I'm secretly a cuddly bastard when it comes to my friends.)
"Well, I go no plans today after school." I give Itachi a wink. Clones like us really didn't have anything important to do, aside from our task of being in class. "Is this ok with you Itachi?" Itachi nods.
"Ah, y-yes. If you really want to." His voice trails off, uncertain. My classmates all confirm they do want to, and thank him properly. I practically feel myself light up next to him. Social interaction! Huzzah! Itachi huffs, but I hear no malice or annoyance. Well, no annoyance aside what if typical for us. I try to give him a nuggie.
Itachi has no qualms about (carefully, so I don't pop) flipping me onto MY back, to stop me. I have a feeling this is going to be a good day.
Itachi and I come across the slightly fur-covered bones of a small mammal one day, as we come to a break in our sparring. He stares at it, looking lost.
"Itachi?"
"What's the meaning?" He whispers, torn. I know, deep down, he doesn't mean the meaning of why this animal is dead. My heart clenches in my chest. Itachi turns away, moving in a different direction. I give one last look to the oh-so casual reminder of death, and follow after my friend.
Every few days, Itachi and I wait after school for the five classmates who approached us about the taijutsu move. We spend a few minutes giving pointers or small corrections in various techniques, or showing them other moves. It's not a lot of time, but sometimes they ask Itachi and I other things, and I get to watch Itachi casually stumble his way through trying to have conversations with others our age. The day Hideki proudly announces his new baby sister and starts a whole conversation about siblings with the group will forever remain in my heart. This was something Itachi knew, and whenever he spoke of little Sasuke his face softened and a blind man could see how much love he had in him for the toddler.
Every so often, I catch Itachi and Hideki talking about baby siblings during these little hangouts. It always makes me happy in a way I can't explain.
Some days, Itachi is lost in his own head, and I have to drag him out.
"My father took me to see a battle near the end of the war. I tried to give a man water, but...I killed him almost without thought when he turned on me. I dream about his eyes sometimes. I dream of that battlefield."
The day it all comes crashing down is only one week before the official end of our first year in the academy.
The mullet haired bully who Itachi so easily defeated while ago shows up, flanked by six or seven boys his age. They grin maliciously, probably hyped up on their impending graduation, and charge.
It's a flurry of activity, and I try my best to help my classmates and watch Itachi's back.
But Itachi is grabbed in a hold by two other boys, and is punched by mullet. I am entirely distracted as I see this.
Itachi pops from the punch.
There is an attack I didn't see coming when I watched my fellow clone disappear in front of witnesses, both student and teacher.
I pop seconds after him.
We are training with Shisui when the memories come. I listen as Itachi asks Shisui why we fight, and I listen to Shisui declare his wish to end it if he could.
"Me too." Itachi says, conviction clear in his voice. I bump my shoulder with his, glancing between the two Uchiha boys.
"Me as well." I echo back at them. It feels like a solemn vow, as if a pact was written in stone. Itachi and I turn our backs to Shisui, heading to face the music.
We wait outside a meeting hall as our respective teachers talk with the Hokage and his advisors. We are both given messages to take home to our respective guardians.
I am baffled when I am graduating. I knew Itachi graduated early, but….
I don't feel worthy of graduating. But I can agonize over that later, as I watch Itachi's face. He's closed himself off so tight that I cannot read him.
"I have a story for you, Itachi.
There once was a boy, whose Father knew the answer to every question. Trying to pull one over on his father, the boy asked, 'Father, what is the meaning of life?' But the Father only smiled and laughed, saying 'Ask me again when you are taller.'
So the boy grew, and when he was on the cusp of adulthood, he asked again. 'What's the point, what's the meaning of life?' But again, the Father only laughed and smiled. 'Ask me again when you are a man.'
Time passed, and the boy became a man, and that man was soon to become a father himself. But life was not kind, and the child was taken from the man far, far to soon. In a fit of madness, the man asked his father again, 'Please! There must be an answer to why? What is the meaning of life, if not to suffer?' The Father did not smile, did not laugh. He held his son tight, and said 'Ask me when I am old.'
Time passed. When the Father was laying, old and dying, his son came to him one last time. As was his way, the once-boy asked again. 'What was the meaning, Father?'
The Father only laughed, rearing his head back one last time. 'Ask me when I am dead!' This time, the son laughed to.".
Itachi frowned. "So he never got his answer…" His voice was quiet, dissatisfied. I nudged him with my elbow, and when he looked at me, I continued.
"The next morning, the Father was found to have passed away in his sleep. On his bedside table, was a book, with a letter a top addressed to his son, stating to open it only after looking through the book.
When the man opened it, it was filled with pictures and notes written in the Father's hand. Pictures from when the Father was holding a newborn baby, all the way through the rest of the Father's life til his death. The last picture in the book was of the Father, seated at a table with all his children and grandchildren around him. When the son opened the letter, all that it read was this.
'Here is your answer. This was my meaning.'"
Itachi looked at me. Dark, solem eyes peering deep into me, as he was trying to look past everything I was, to find something else within. I tried to grin, but it was a soft thing. I knew how much Itachi pondered this question, how much it pulled at his mind.
"I like to think that the answer is what we leave behind."
Itachi hummed low in the back of his throat. Above us, a crow cawed, and together we sat in the dying light of the day, knees touching and backs against the bark of a tree. Eventually, Itachi whispered a question, sounding for all the world like the child he was.
"But what about death?" I watch him, take in the way him shoulders seem just a fraction tighter then they should be, the twitch of his finger, the pace of his breathing. I look back out into the woods, watching the light make its final descent.
"Once I dreamed of two people, of Life and Death." This was a lie, it had rather been a simplistic comic someone had drawn, that stayed in my brain for moments like this. "Life and Death have been in love for longer then we have words to describe. Life sends Death countless gifts, and Death keeps them forever." I slumped, my body leaning on Itachi just a bit. I could practically feel the shock radiate through his body.
"But that is romanticized, for we both know death is rarely peaceful for people like us." The sun had finally fallen, somewhere beyond the tree's, leaving us in the soft darkness of early night. "So," I whisper, "I like to think this instead. Death is a necessity. If there was no death, life would never evolve, there would be no change, no dreams of greatness. Who wants to live a life that is easy?"
Itachi leans back against me ever so slightly.
"But just because death must exist, doesn't mean it must be cruel. We ask the wrong questions sometimes. A death in battle is one thing, but a the fate of a man at our mercy is another. The true question is whether someone deserves to die or not. If you ask me, there is only one way to answer that." I press against him harder, just for a moment, soaking up the warmth he can offer as the temperature starts to drop around us. I stand, stretching as I do.
I dragged Itachi out here, having sent Shisui to summon him from his home, a few hours after the chaos of our sudden impending graduation was announced to our respective guardians. I know what kind of life we're heading towards, and I know Itachi knows this to. I spend days during my solitary training, trying to figure out something to say when this moment came, something to try to quell the question, quell the unease in him.
Itachi follows my example, standing and preparing to head home himself. "So, how do you answer it?" The quiet question hangs in the air, and I smile at my friend. He's so young, with a heart far to kind for this world. Itachi is a genius, this is true, but he doesn't have the emotional experience that I do, doesn't have memories of a world so different then this one, and all the awareness that came with it.
"Without bias."