*insert excuse and funny disclaimer here*

It took all my strength to face my family after that. I don't know why I should be embarrassed…I just hated them to see me like that. To walk out unbelievably hurt.

He deserved every pain he's feeling. Who gave him the right to walk in and out of my life and play with my heart? Not me. No one had come to check on me, and I liked it that way. I didn't need their cheering up. I wanted to wallow in the misery I had shut off for over 100 years. I wanted to drown in it.

At the same time, I wanted it to be over. All I wanted was for it to be over. How could I have been so naive? I should have been more guarded, I should have known it wouldn't have lasted…But how was I supposed to know? I was I to know he'd do this to me?

How can someone had hurt me so much I couldn't get over it? All I wanted was for it to be over. To feel nothing. So what If it makes me a cold unemotional monster? Anything is better than this…but since I do have emotions I put it into a song for the tour

It was no use

I could spend all night looking at my song book and strumming my guitar and still came up with nothing. I couldn't focus on anything. I couldn't write I couldn't read. There was nothing to do but sit and think, and I couldn't even do that.

There was nothing to do but face my family, but I wasn't sure I could do that.

"YES YOU CAN!" Mitch called up, and I smiled in spite of myself. I heard tiffany ask "she can do what?" I trudged down the stairs pretending to not want to. "She can face us" Mitch smiled at me.

I flopped down on an empty seat on the couch "pick a movie" I commanded and Adele obliged with a smile. "Popcorn?" Mitch asked

"We don't eat…." Tiffany reminded him. His face fell

"Oh…yeah"

"Adele…what are we watching?" Chris asked cautiously

"A movie" he eyed her suspiciously

"I have a really bad feeling about this"

"No you don't" she said with an evilly cute smile

"I have a really good feeling about this" Chris said brightening up randomly

Adele has chosen mamma mia, to which Chris seemed unusually happy to watch. I was glad. Mamma mia required no thought, numbingly bright and sing song. Just what I needed. When it was over I heard Chris murmur "stupid pretty girl with the stupid siren power"

"LOVE YOU TOO!" Adele yelled with that same smile, everyone else laughed.

"So wait…who's the father?" Mitch asked suddenly confused, a pillow was thrown his way. "WHAT WAS THAT FOR!"

"after being alive for over 100 years you'd think you'd get smarterer" tiffany said.

"Don't be hatin girlfriend" Mitch snapped. We all laughed harder. How could I have been scared of these people? I suddenly got the urge to be somewhere. There was somewhere I needed to be. I grabbed my keys and feigned a smile for my family

"I'll be home later guys" I needed to be at Forks Cemetery. I was there. I slowly stepped toward the stones I knew so well. I sat on my grave, nothing buried there anyway. Except the girl I used to be.

"Hey dad" I said to the neighboring stone and grimaced at the way my voice broke. "I miss you. Forks isn't the same without you." If I could, I would be crying by now. "I know…I know we never really talked to much… and I'm sorry I shut down and left when Edward left…I should have realized what I had…I love you dad, and I regret leaving you behind like I did. Carlisle and David are great but yowl always be my real dad." There wasn't much else to say.

So I just sat on my grave next to my fathers and surrounded by the friends and family I used to know and mourned. I mourned for the coffin I could be rotting away in right now. I mourned for all the people that loved and missed me when I faked my death. I mourned for my family. I mourned for the 17 year old girl just out of phoenix. I mourned for the life I gave up. And I mourned for the love I lost. Edwards included.

The sun rose over the cemetery. And I grudgingly left my father there again, in the cold unforgiving dirt.

Cold and unforgiving like me. If Edward was dead would I regret everything? I didn't want to think about it. But I knew I'd eventually have to think about it. Eventually things had to be fixed. Right?

I knew in my heart that eventually id work up the courage to face it. But I wasn't strong enough right now. Right now I just wanted to run. Just like I ran from my humanity. My humanity. The reason Edward left. So I could keep my humanity. Its gone now. Ive had 100 years to mourn. Mourning is over. Regrets are over. Its time for the future. All about the future. Future future future. I can do this. I can focus on the future.

I can run in place. Run away from Edward and stay in forks. Plans been made. Lets see this run through. Let me be strong enough, just like Charlie wanted me to be.