Author Note: Another helping of double chapters, just for you my lovely reader.
Garrus is in the Cargo Hold when she finds him, sliding through a series of combat moves like some perforn dance routines. His body is intent on the pattern. His mind is star systems away. She watches him a few minutes before he notices her; still unwashed and clad in her armor undersuit.
He stops, rubbing his face with a white towel. It rests on his shoulders after, the color stark against his bare chest. "When Ash came back with just Samara…" He says, "I wondered if you were leaving us. I wouldn't blame you, I said some harsh things."
"I wouldn't leave. I just had some things to take care of." She lifts an eyebrow. "You think I'm gone so your reaction is to come down here?"
"I trusted that you'd come back."
She winces, recalling how trust factored into their last conversation. After the mission and the visit to the base, she just wants to collapse on him. Grip him tight. That's not an option with this ugly mess hanging between them.
"So, can we talk?" Shepard asks.
"Yes," Garrus replies, sitting down on one of the crates. "We can talk."
She stands before him, knees almost brushing his. Her hands rest on her waist, then dangle by her hips and then tuck under her arms. "Okay. Look, I…I'm not an expert on right and wrong. Maybe it's all relative. But that situation…"
"Where do you draw the line, Shepard?" He looks up at her. His visor is on the side of the room with his shirt and the power of his full gaze is unbalancing. "I honestly want to know. There are some days I think I have you figured out. And then…"
If he knew how often she'd thought the same about him… "Hell, I don't know. It's more gut than anything. Nothing's black and white to me."
Garrus leans on his hands, claws drumming against the crate. "I'd prefer if things were always black and white. I…used to believe that most people were good. That C-SEC and the government and the military were all good people taking care of the bad guys. That didn't last long after I joined the force."
She can't relate to that feeling and maybe that's the difference—she'd always seen the world as people fighting through the galaxy's food chain. Some people survived and got to keep their soul. Most didn't have the luxury.
"It doesn't matter if there's law," Garrus continues. "It's always the powerful taking advantage of the weak. Exploiting the law that was supposed to stop them, to keep me from changing things on the Citadel. But on Omega…"
"No one would stop you from making a difference once you got Aria's okay." Shepard nods. "And you did that."
"For a short time at least." Garrus sighs, shoulders heaving with the sound. "And there I was, about to attack a weak man and acting like the ones I hunted. Am I any different in your view?"
"What? Of course you are." Shepard cups Garrus's cheeks and makes him look at her. His legs part so she can stand closer, between his knees "You're not like the bastards you've taken down. I mean…shit. I've been there. Letting revenge get the better of me. And you…you never stopped me."
"Garm wasn't Sidonis." Garrus touches the backs of her hands. "It wasn't so much that you stopped me that angered me. I was…mad at myself for trying to make you do something that was wrong. And mad at you for not trusting me. You've been worrying about me long before this mess."
"…Guilty. Alright." She sighs. "You…really freaked me out for awhile after they died. And I know that it's normal to grieve and all but I'm not used to seeing it. I…was scared I wouldn't get you back again."
He slips his arms around her waist, drawing her closer. "I'm not going anywhere. I have you to come back to." He leans his forehead against her stomach and she spreads her fingers over his fringe. Rubs the back of his neck and sighs as he nuzzles her through the suit.
"…You weren't wrong." Garrus murmurs. "I…will never forgive Sidonis. But maybe there is some good left in him."
She bows her head towards him. "And I'm sorry I didn't trust you. Are we going to be okay?"
He rests his hands on her hips. "We'll be okay. I told you I wasn't letting go of you."
"Still want to keep me?" She chuckles. "I'm a lot of trouble."
His hands slide down to her thighs and he positions her to sit on his leg, cradled against him. "Do you see me letting go?"
"Not yet." Shepard presses into his warm chest, running a hand over his plates. He's more comfortable than any blanket or bed. "But there's time to bolt before the Omega-4 Relay."
"I'll never bolt." Garrus touches her cheek, brushing his forehead to hers. "When the time comes, we'll run into that Collector base together."
Her heart feels light as she kisses his mandible. "And we'll get out again. If I have to drag you back to the ship myself."
"Always saving me from the brink." Garrus grins. "You're a regular hero, Shepard."
She finds herself blushing at the title. He stares at her pink cheeks and starts to make comment. She shuts him up with a kiss, pressing him down onto the crate.
The agenda is, now that they've taken care of the time-sensitive missions, to bring Grunt to Tuchanka. A message from a Turian patrol changes plans and Shepard ends up on a Collector ship with Ash and Thane.
Amidst fighting for their lives, it's a good learning experience. Ash discovers that the Collectors were once Protheans. (Why this affects the Commander so much, Shepard doesn't know.) Shepard's reminded that there's an enemy out there she feels no pity for. They all scan and pilfer new, kickass weapon models.
Almost worth the fucking horrifying sights of those goddamned monsters and the nightmares they're sure to bring.
"Should've gone to Tuchanka," says Ash during a short respite. Thane darts on ahead, scouting the next area. "At least there are a couple of friendly faces there."
"Always wondered," Shepard replies as she reloads her assault rifle. "How'd you end up with so many non-Alliance squad members the first go-round?"
Ash cocks her shotgun. "When the Council shut me down for accusing Saren, I needed all the resources I could get. I never expected they'd end up my friends."
"It obviously helped against Saren-"
"Husks!" Thane announces moments before the hoard rushes into the room.
"Big help. Start shooting," Ash commands before vaulting over their barricade to shove the butt of her shotgun into a Husk charging Shepard.
Shepard is so fucking relieved when the mission is over. Not just because they escaped or because Grunt needs to get to Tuchanka or because she's jealous that Thane can just dodge those Husks like nothing. But because she swears that when Harbinger taunts and targets Ash…she swears that once his sonorous voice hisses her name too.
She doesn't sleep well between the Collector ship and Tuchanka. Too many nightmares clawing at her brain and not enough room on the cot for her tossing and turning. The only thing that helps is when Garrus sits up and insists she lay her head in his lap. His fingers stroking her hair soothe her into a doze.
Tuchanka's what the vids promised—lots of smells and piles of trash and rusting structures. It's also got Ash's old squadmate Urdnot Wrex to welcome the Commander and explain what has Grunt so wound up. Puberty, of all things.
They're directed to the shaman who gives Grunt permission to complete a rite of passage. Especially after Shepard makes another Krogan clan leader back down from protesting Grunt's ceremony. She forgot how hard it hurts when you headbutt a Krogan.
When they step away from the clan, Ash says. "None of us have biotic power and we're sure to need it. Shepard, I'm going to need you to switch out-"
"No," says Grunt.
He steps in, standing nose to snout with Ash. Shakes his head. The Commander keeps her ground, the only change a flash of anger in her eyes. Grunt grins, delighted to see his Commander's war face.
"Shepard," he continues, "is my krantt. She comes along."
They're both lucky that the other Krogan aren't overhearing this or Ash would be doubly pissed. Shepard's trying not to smile because she didn't ask for him to insist on her presence but damnit, she's kinda touched.
"We three have this Ash," she says. "Plenty of force with all our skills combined. Don't switch me out."
When Grunt steps back, it's Shepard who receives the full force of the Commander's staredown. She knows that Ash can kick her ass or space her or both. But Grunt needs her and it's not something Shepard will compromise on.
"The three us will go," Ash says at last. They embark for the grounds of the rite, neither woman speaking much to each other.
A few hours later they've taken down Varren, Klixen, a fucking Thresher Maw and Gatatog Uvenk. Urdnot Wrex invites them to stay and celebrate but more missions await. Grunt rehashes their triumphs on the shuttle ride back, taking up most of the conversation.
They reach the Normandy. Ash stops them in the airlock, turning to Shepard. "Take a break. Then meet me in the Cargo Bay in your sparring clothes. There's a few things we should discuss."
"Fine by me," says Shepard. Apparently, you can spar out some aggression with your commander.