Here's two of tonight's three updates to make up for my few days without updating! This one was hard to write - lots of emotions, lots of dynamics. I hope I did it justice. I rewrote it three separate times! Please let me know what you think!

Edward's POV

I walked slowly towards Carlisle's office, not particularly looking forward to our impending chat. I had known it was coming of course - he had mentioned it twice when I'd arrived hours earlier and I'd heard it in his thoughts the few times I had browsed through the house while lying upstairs.

I had known a conversation - confrontation may have been the better word - with Alice would be coming as well. She and I had always had a close relationship and I knew she missed me and worried about me immensely. She had also been extremely close to Bella and, with Jasper's role in the matter, she was having her own problems with the situation. And of course, our conversation had been intense.

I had tried tapping into her thoughts when she'd left, certain she was heading straight to Carlisle to tell him I was not only depressed but contemplating a trip to Italy. She had been reciting Romeo and Juliet. I had to admit, it was a fitting choice of Shakespeare to keep me out of her head, and it fueled my suspicion that she had left my room and headed straight for Carlisle.

When I reached Carlisle's office, the door was closed. I tapped on it, expecting Alice to be on the other side when it opened.

Come in Edward, Carlisle called with his thoughts. I let myself in. There was no Alice but that didn't mean she hadn't been there. I searched Carlisle's thoughts for clues to her presence but found none. He wanted to discuss Victoria, the werewolves, myself, and Bella - in that order. Great. I started running over ways to get out of his office before the myself and Bella parts of this talk got underway.

Have a seat.

So this was going to be a mostly silent conversation.

"Did you have a peaceful night?"

Or not.

"For a while," I answered. "Then Alice decided I'd had enough peace for the time being."

Carlisle chuckled and shook his head slightly.

"That's my Alice," he said fondly. "I suppose she decided my 'give Edward space' quota had been met."

"Yeah," I agreed nonchalantly. That's Alice, always voicing her opinion on what's best, what's right… I was so focused on my mental reaming of Alice - and hoping she saw it - that I missed Carlisle's thought process change, something I was sure was deliberate.

"How are you Edward?" he asked. "Please answer honestly. I have an appointment to get to in an hour and I don't want to waste the time trying to sort fact from fiction."

I started at Carlisle's question. If I lied, he would catch me. I was a skilled liar and yet Carlisle seemed to see through the lies his children tried to tell him as though they were transparent. The truth was my only option, especially since Alice already knew at least some of it. This was great - this same painful conversation, twice within the hour.

"I've been better," I answered carefully. I planned to share the least amount of information I could get away with. "The last several months have been difficult, to say the least."

You're going to do this the hard way then, Carlisle thought. I squirmed in my chair like a child sent to the principle's office.

"Where have you been since you left here?" he asked me. He gazed at me expectantly.

"Tracking Victoria," I answered automatically. I watched Carlisle almost smirk.

"Well it certainly seem as though we've finally found the one thing you aren't good at," he stated. I let a small smile slip across my lips.

"I was - am - terrible at it," I confessed.

"We'll get to Victoria in a minute though," he said, refocusing. "Back to my question. Where were you?"

I took a deep breath.

"All over," I answered truthfully. "I was living as a nomad, tracking Victoria when I got a lead on her, stopping over occasionally for a shower and a change of clothes. I was in Columbia when you called, Brazil before that. Texas. New Mexico. Arizona - Phoenix actually, that was pleasant. California."

"What - state - have you been in?" Carlisle pressed. I sighed. I could see in his thoughts that he at least had an idea.

"It's been - hard," I admitted. "Being without Bella, it's damn near impossible. I fight the urge every second of every day to go to her, beg her to take me back. Fighting it now, when she's so close… I'm terrified I'll give in to that urge."

"And why would giving in be so bad?" Carlisle continued.

"I'm a danger to her Carlisle! All of us are!" I spat, suddenly angry. "You remember her birthday. Even I wanted to attack her! She deserves to live a normal life, a life without a ravenous vampire for a boyfriend, his family waiting in the wings, just in case her blood is shed in front of them. And then she has that whole 'make me a vampire too' wish… She will eventually move on and forget all about us."

Carlisle was silent, sorting through his thoughts. I listened as he debated. He saw my logic but he also saw what my logic was doing to me.

"Edward, I understand your position. I do. But Bella has changed you and you know that with our kind, that change is permanent. Bella is a part of your very being now. You are a mere shadow of the person you were seven months ago. Frankly, it's hard to see you like this. And I can't imagine Bella doing any better with this than you are. Knowing what your wishes are, I would like to express mine. I would like for you to consider going to Bella, making amends, something I feel will go a long way for the both of you."

I sighed heavily and rubbed my face. Being asked to do the one thing I so desperately wanted to do twice in one day was testing my resolve.

"Carlisle, I can't…"

"Can't?" Carlisle interrupted. "Or won't?"

I sighed again.

"Won't," I answered truthfully, my heart twisting. "I made my decision. Now I have to suffer the consequences."

Carlisle shook his head. I could not only see his disappointment but hear it in his thoughts as well. It was one of the many times my gift was a curse.

"I suppose we should move on to Victoria and the werewolves then," he stated. I nodded, not quite able to meet his eyes. He wasn't happy with me and that hurt more than I would have liked it to.

"I'm not sure which are the biggest threat, Victoria or the wolves, but they will both be taken care of," I said. I felt the determination to secure Bella's safety brewing from somewhere deep within.

"I've thought on this. While the wolves are dangerous, based on the information I've put together, Victoria is the bigger threat, especially as the wolves are protecting Bella."

"Protecting her now, mauling her later," I mumbled.

"Alice tells me Bella relies on the Black boy and that she counts the other members of the pack among her friends. I trust Bella's judgment…"

"Trust her judgment?" I interrupted with an explosion. "Bella willingly dated a vampire, hung out with his family. Her judgment as to what is and isn't dangerous is highly skewed!"

"Bella is also highly intuitive, Edward. She would sense if the wolves were a threat to her. She is aware of what they are capable of but feels safe with them. For me, that counts for something."

I traced a pattern on my thigh. Bella had also trusted that I was safe and look where that had gotten her.

"Alice is watching Victoria. She'll let us know when she's close again," I said in an effort to change the subject.

"Yes," Carlisle agreed. "What are your plans when we have a lead?"

"Intercept her and destroy her," I answered simply. It was the only option as far as I was concerned.

"By yourself?" Carlisle questioned.

"Of course."

"Victoria is vicious and has a knack for escaping. She won't be easily thwarted."

I knew this but it didn't matter.

"Carlisle, she's after Bella. I won't let her get away from me once I have the chance to stop her."

"You'll take your brothers with you when the time comes," Carlisle said firmly. "You of course will be given the chance to finish her off but you will have them as a source of backup."

"No," I argued. "This isn't their fight. Quite frankly, I'm not even sure why you all are here. This is my score to settle, not yours." I bothered me immensely that my entire family had returned to Forks. I had wanted to slip into town, finish Victoria and the wolves off, and leave again, completely undetected. With the seven of us here, it was impossible to hope we'd remain undetected, especially as it seemed Carlisle was already making appointments around town.

"We're here," Carlisle explained, "because you are our family. You are my son, Esme's son, Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie, and Alice's brother. That may not mean what it used to to you, but it still means something to us."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, not sure I wanted to know the answer. Carlisle let his thoughts answer.

You came home from Bella's, demanding that we leave for reasons that, to everyone but you, were completely irrational. We left, expecting you to come with us, but you took off on your own without so much as a backwards glance, nothing more on you than the clothes on your back and a cell phone and wallet in your pocket. You rarely called and when you did, you wouldn't speak to anyone other than Alice and would then have her lie for you… All of us have questioned, at some point or another, what we did wrong to make you turn your back on us.

I felt sick again. Carlisle was questioning my loyalty to my family. I had given him no reason not to, considering my actions. I had not only hurt Bella but hurt them. I realized just how selfish I had been as of late and felt my stomach knot even tighter than it usually was.

"My family means everything to me," I said quietly.

"Does it Edward?" Carlisle questioned.

"Of course it does!" I said sharply, too sharply.

"Esme and myself have worried about you day and night for months now. Esme has been downright distraught." I cringed as I watched a memory of Esme with her head on Carlisle's chest, tearlessly crying, wondering aloud why she had to endure the loss of another son.

"Emmett has missed his favorite brother, his friend. Rosalie has felt the void your absence has left. Alice has missed not only her brother and confidant but also Bella, the best friend she has ever had. And Jasper… Jasper and I have talked many times, attempting to work through the immense guilt he feels, the blame he has placed squarely on his shoulders. Quite honestly, the only thing keeping him with this family is Esme. He knows Alice would go with him if he ever decided to leave and he also knows what it would do to her if he too left and took Alice with him."

I didn't have anything to say. My life was one big disaster and I saw no way to fix it. Guilt piled on me as though someone was standing next to me with a shovel, steadily adding to the mountain that had already formed. Bella's unhappiness, my family's misery - it was me. All me.

"We have more to discuss," Carlisle said. "Victoria and the werewolves especially. But I have an appointment at the hospital to discuss my return and I don't want to be late, nor do I want you to attempt to give me all the reasons why I shouldn't be rebuilding our lives here. Please Edward, consider all of your options here - and a hunting trip as your eyes are blacker than I have ever seen them."

I was being dismissed without finishing our conversation. Carlisle was angry with me and needed time to regain his composure. I had rarely seen him angry period, let alone angry with me. It left me with a feeling I couldn't place, one that shook me to my already fragile core. I left his office quietly, pausing in the hall to decide where I was going.

"Hey Edward, want to play a few rounds of golf on the Wii?" came Emmett's voice. I turned to see him standing at the top of the stairs. He looked hopeful.

"I was just - heading out," I told him. "Maybe later?" Emmett's face fell, reminding me of what Carlisle had just said in his office about family.

"Oh, sure. Later," he said. He turned and lumbered down the stairs.

Comes back… Doesn't even talk to us… Can't get him out of his room… I squeezed my eyes shut to block Emmett's thoughts. They hurt too. Everything hurt.

I had to leave then, make my lie to Emmett the truth. I paused halfway down the stairs to get a feel for where everyone else was.

Far too many flowers… What on earth possessed me… Esme was still in the kitchen working on her arrangements, so that exit was out.

I wonder what I'd look like with bangs? Not those sharp, blunt fringes but the long, sweeping ones… Rosalie was tucked safely in her room, her mirror for company.

Guess I'll just play by myself… Emmett was in the living room. I could get by him without any problem - he already though I was leaving.

What's in a name in which we call a rose… Alice, absentmindedly starring out of her bedroom window.

She's talked to Edward no doubt. It must not have went so well judging by the anxiety rolling off of her… Jasper, situated at his desk, working on yet another model, worrying over Alice.

Where did I put my keys? Esme will know. She'll want to know about Edward of course… Carlisle was gathering his things in he and Esme's room, preparing to leave. I could safely make it out the front door.

I was down the stairs and through the door in a flash, running as fast as I could, no real direction in mind. I ran for quite a while, trying my damnedest to outrun Bella, my family, Forks, the disaster that was my life.

I stopped dead in my tracks when I came to an opening I recognized all too well. My meadow. Bella and I's meadow. The problems I'd tried to outrun caught up with me, slammed into me, letting me know they were still very much there.

Pain coursed through my body. I felt my muscles contracting, my stomach knotting up tighter and tighter. I swallowed past the large lump in my throat as I sank to my knees. I willed tears to fall, knowing they never would. I had no life, no reason at all for going on. I collapsed on the ground, giving myself over to my self-inflicted hell.