Hi again everyone. I'M BAAAAAAACK!!! and guess what, I am actually happy to say that I do not own the legend of zelda because I can now say it as the disclaimer in this story again. YAY!!!
School's started again so I don't have as much time to work on new chapters as would like but that doesn't mean I won't find anytime to write. Well enjoy the next exciting installment in: The Legend of Zelda, Link's Valentine Day
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The pain…….. it's gone? WOOHOO that means that our grand band of Zelda characters can continue to be insulted, bribed, set-up or just plain annoyed. Oops, scratch the annoyed part, that belongs to Navi and no-one can take it from her.
"You're annoying me Author" said a random person.
"What!!!!?" yelled Navi as she burst into my room. "Are you stealing my only job and seeming point of existance!!!!?"
"Nooooooo wait I can explain *WHACK*……… remind me to check for conveniently placed items that may be used to beat, main, brutalize or possibly kill unsuspecting authors. If the items can be used to do the same thing to other characters instead then we'll just see what happens.
Kokiri Forest
Ah what a peaceful scene this is. The sun is just rising, spreading it's golden glow across the forest and bringing life to the forest in preparation for a new day. Accompanying this serenity is the proud and extremely loud crow of a cucco sitting on the balcony of none other than Link's House. So peaceful *sight*……….
"STUPID BIRD!!!" yelled the now awake Link. "CAN'T A GUY GET SOME SLEEP AFTER SAVING THE WORLD AND BEING CHASED BY PERSISTANT AND POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS WOMEN!!!?"
The Cucco crowed again.
"IM WARNING YOU TO SHUT UP NOW BEFORE I GET ANGRY!!!"
The Cucco's reply was to crow even louder.
Link's reply was to throw his boot out the door knocking the offending Cucco off its perch and giving it a bad headache for the rest of the day.
Inside of the tree house Link put on his token green tunic. The boy then went over to the nearby mirror where he ran his fingers through his messy blonde hair before putting his long green hat thingy on over it.
"I could really use a cool soothing drink with caffeine in it right now" said Link.
"Here you go" said a familiar voice coming from a cloaked guy holding out an iced coffee.
"Gee, thanks" said Link quickly taking a mouthful. He suddenly spat it out as he came to reality "What are you doing here LinkHammer!!? I though you had finished with this story."
"Some friends wanted me to continue (thanks DarthRevanShepard, linkluvr01 and HUNGDEADSCREAMING) and so I decided that we can come up with more randomness. Isn't that exciting?"
"You must be mad. I thank you for how you set me up with Saria but don't you think the others will rip your guts out?" said Link.
"Yeah of course I'm mad, but sticky tape fixes everything ……… At least I think it does. Oh and don't worry about the gut ripping thing, I rated this baby T so that kind of violence can't happen…… at least not where the reader's can get a description of the event happening."
Link just looked at the mad, iced coffee loving author and took a step backward then spoke. "Well Navi won't take this very well but she's away right now for some reason so I guess you lucked out."
"Yeah, sure is peaceful without her………"
"Hey, Listen Link I'm back with breakfast" said Navi as she flew in the tree house. "Wait a second, who's this guy?"
"Umm... I'm the friendly postman with a letter for you Link, three letters in fact (I stole that line from the real postman)…… hey I do have the letters" I said in a gruff voice and handed Link the three letters.
"Ok, but you seem familiar for some reason" said Navi suspiciously.
"I've never met you before Navi and ……. Oh crap."
"LinkHammer? ....... I'm going to hurt you badly!!!" yelled Navi
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"
10 Minutes Later
"Ow …….. The agony" I groaned from under the pile of books, fruit, chairs, baseball bats and cricket bats (I'll get Navi a new item soon).
"Look what you made me do, I don't have anything for breakfast now!!" fumed Navi.
"My room….." said Link in a shocked voice.
Link's room was covered in torn paper, fruit juice and other messy items. His furniture was pretty beaten up and strewn around the place.
"I guess I have to get breakfast at Saria's house now" said Link as he slowly walked out of the building.
"Wait, I'm coming with you" said Navi.
"………….Help' *falls unconscious*.
DarthRevanShepard, linkluvr01 and HUNGDEAD SCREAMING appear in the room and pull the unconscious author out of the pile of stuff he was under. Then they disappear to plan their own fights against Navi.
Saria's House
Link walked up to the front door and knocked three times. The door was soon answered by a bright and chirpy Saria and her fairy Leo.
"Link what you are doing here this morning?" she said after giving her love a big affectionate hug.
"It's a rather long story but while I'm telling it can we have breakfast with you?" Link responded.
"What happened to the breakfast Navi got you?" asked Saria.
"That fits in with the story" said Link glumly.
"Well isn't it a good thing that I have enough food here all of us?" beamed Saria as she set about preparing breakfast.
When she was done she put all the food on the table and everyone sat around it. "So…. Tell me what happened" said Saria with a curious voice.
"Well it all happened this morning when…….."
10 Minutes Later
"And that's what happened" finished Link as he picked up a piece if fruit and bit into it with relish.
"So you're meaning to tell me that that crazy LinkHammer author guy is back and Navi almost killed him when she found out" said Saria with a look of shock and surprise on her face.
"Well that basically sums it up" said Navi from the other end of the table.
"Poor guy" said Leo shaking his head.
"What, he deserved it" said Navi with a look of irritation on her face.
"Well beating the living daylights out of a slightly strange author just because you don't like him is really not an excuse" said Saria with a frown.
"Hey I just remembered something" said Link in a sudden exclamation of enlightenment.
"What" asked Leo.
"He gave me these letters before he was assaulted" replied Link as he pulled out the three letters. One was red with a big letter 'M' on it while another was blue with a big letter 'R' on it and the last one was pink with a big letter 'Z' on it.
"Go on and open them" said Navi.
"Ok, ok. Sheesh you sure are impatient for a glowing bug with wings" snapped Link in annoyance. The look of fury on Navi's face was enough to make a redead cringe in fright.
"I AM GOING TO HURT YOU LINK!!" the blue fairy yelled and charged at him.
"Noooo……. LinkHammer made me say it" said Link covering his face.
This instantly made Navi change directions, fly out of the house and head towards Link's tree house screaming "I'LL HURT HIM INSTEAD THEN!!" resulting in a few Kokiris' running inside their own house in fright.
"You placed the blame on an innocent bystander?" said Leo.
"I don't know what made me say it…… I'm sorry" said Link giving puppy dog eyes.
"Try saying that to the poor author" replied Leo shaking his head.
"I'll just open these letters and try to forget it" said Link.
Meanwhile
"Ugh… man that hurt, but I'm fine now…… *WHACK*………ow" (falls unoncious again… hmm I seem to be making a habit of that)
"THAT WAS FOR MAKING LINK INSULT ME YOU *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!* screamed Navi at the top of her lungs.
"…………………"
"GREAT FIRST YOU GET ME INSULTED AND NOW YOU IGNORE ME!!!…… oh wait, he seems to be unconscious" (clap, clap for the handicap)
"Well I'll just leave him here until he recovers"
Suddenly a loud noise erupted from Saria's house.
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH"
Navi quickly flew into the building to see Link holding three pieces of paper in his shaking hand.
"What's wrong Link?" asked Navi in a worried voice. Link started to reply when he was interrupted by Navi trying to figure out what was wrong.
"Is it a message telling us of impending doom?"
"No it……"
"How about some huge evil power that is about to destroy you and you aren't ready?"
"No, Navi let me spe…."
"Is it the Black Spot?" (Thanks Muppet Treasure Island)
"SHUT UP NAVI AND LET ME SPEAK!!" Link suddenly yelled.
"Well you didn't have to yell, you could have asked" Navi said in a sulky voice.
*groan of annoyance*
Leo and Saria were still just standing there looking at the boy and the fairy trying to figure out how they didn't kill each other.
"Ok I'm going to tell all of you what these letters say" said Link in a fearful voice.
"Go ahead Link" said Saria putting her arm around him "It can't be that bad can it?"
"Link smiled at his girl friend who he was really considering asking if she would like to marry him.
"Well these letters are from Zelda, Malon and Ruto" Link started to say before he had to take a quick drink of water to moisturize his drying mouth. "The three girls want me to come visit them on some urgent business that they say they need me to help them with."
"That's all?" asked Leo in an amused sort of annoyed tone.
"Is that all? They are obsessed with me and if I go to them then they'll try to keep me with them until I proclaim that I love them and want to marry them *shudder*" said Link with some slight hysteria.
"It's ok Link, but you should go, it is your duty after all" said Saria sadly.
"……Ok *sigh*…. Hey why don't you come with me Saria?" Link suddenly said.
"Why?" asked Saria in amazement as Link never asked anyone to go with him and he still hadn't gotten Navi to leave him alone.
"Well maybe if the other girls see me with you then they'll give up" said Link with a grin.
"Ok, I'll go with you then. Just let me get some stuff" Saria said happily.
Elsewhere in Hyrule
Malon was doing her chores around the ranch as she thought about Link coming with great excitement (She's the excited one, not Link). "Oh Goddesses please let Link say he loves me" Malon wished with starry eyes.
At Hyrule Castle Zelda was also thinking about Link coming to visit. She was preparing to look her best when he came. "Please let Link fall in love with me when he comes around. You owe me a wish here goddesses" wished Zelda with all her might.
Ruto was sitting in her room in Zora's Domain thinking about Link non-stop. "Today's the day. Please let Link want me to marry because I'm going to marry him when he comes around" wished Ruto as she toyed with the idea's of all the happiness they could have as a couple.
(Ok there are a few points I want to make here. You may take Malon, Zelda or Ruto's sides because of the way they acted when making those wishes to the goddesses. In this story they think they love Link but it is only just an attraction to the hero type thing. Their true loves are still out there somewhere.)
Up in the Heavens
Yo Din, Nayru we got another three live ones in the wishing business" called Farore as she read three email messages. (It's rather convenient having email don'tcha think?)
"I'm not in the mood for this right now" said Din with a hint of rising anger.
"You haven't been happy since that cute author, what was his name? Oh yeah LinkHammer. Well you haven't been happy since he beat you at poker and you had to give him all your iced coffee" said Nayru.
"Don't remind me" said Din as a ball of fire started to form in her hands.
"Will you two quit it and just help me out here!!" yelled Farore.
"Ok quit your yellin" said Din.
"There was no need for you to yell at us" said Nayru.
"Grrrrrrrrrr"
"Anyway who wants these wishes and why should we give them to them?" said Din.
"Ok the first one is from Malon the Ranch girl" said Farore.
"She thinks she's in love with Link and wants us to make him love her back. I thought we already did this with another girl?" said Nayru.
We shouldn't let her be delusional about this thing" said Din. "Ok let's send down a celestial lightning bolt to just show our displeasure. We don't need to hit her, just show her what we think."
"Lightning bolt loaded" called Farore.
"You forgot to say celestial" pointed out Nayru.
"Who cares?…… FIRE!!!!" yelled Din.
Hyrule
Down at LonLon Ranch a bolt of lightning struck near Malon scaring the living daylights out of her. She soon recovered and quickly thought about what had happened. "Hmm could the goddesses be displeased……. Nah. They obviously decided to show me their power to encourage me to pursue Link" and with a skip in her step Malon went back to work.
The Heavens……… Again
"Ok the next wish is from Zelda and she basically wants the same thing that the Ranch lass wanted" said Farore.
"Hmm she says we owe her a wish. We owed the Hero of Time a wish so maybe we owe her one too" said Nayru thoughtfully.
"That is bul*beep*" said Din. "All she did was order the Hero of Time around and then cast a spell or two. The selfish little brat needs to be zapped… Hey that rhymed."
"Celestial Lightning Bolt number 2 loaded!!" yelled Farore.
"Are we sure this is the right idea?" asked Nayru.
"Who cares…. FIRE!!!" yelled Din
Hyrule…… Ok This Location Message Is Starting To Annoy Me
*ZAP*
Zelda was flat out on the floor, smoking quite heavily (not a cigarette or anything) as Impa rushed in and took her straight to the royal doctor. When she finally recovered Zelda thought over the events. "The goddesses must have wanted me to have more power by sending me theirs in a lightning bolt. So I need to use power to win Link's love."
Back In The Heavens……… Ok I'm Going To Destroy This Message
"Two down one to go" laughed Din.
"Ok the third is Princess Ruto and she wants Link to love her when she makes him marry her today" said Farore.
"Ok, I'm not generally a violent goddess but she needs a zapping" said Nayru in a matter-of-fact tone of voice.
"YAY you finally understand….. Load another celestial lightning bolt" Said Din.
"Problem, we're fresh out" said Farore.
"How is that possible?" asked Din.
"You used all but those two we used when you lost to LinkHammer…. *sigh* Soooo dreamy" said Nayru.
"Strange how Nayru's been acting since he came" said Farore.
"Yeah…. Is there anything we can use to get the Zora Princess?" said Din.
"I got a rock" said Farore.
"Good enough!! Load annnnnnnnnnnnnnd FIRE!!!" yelled Din.
"Fired…… Wait these co-ordinates changed, someone tampered with my computer!!" yelled Farore.
"Who can do that?" said Nayru.
"Hi" I said as I step out of the shadows. "Sorry but there was a problem I needed to take care of down there."
"It's him!!! *fangirl scream*" cried an ecstatic Nayru jumping up and down in excitement.
"What's wrong with her?" I asked.
"We are trying to figure that out" replied Farore.
Din could hold in her rage no-longer.
"YOU!!!!" she screamed in anger and grabbed me by the scruff of the neck. "I'm going to get you back for beating me in poker" she whispered dangerously in my ear. And with that she loaded me in the missile silo and fired me at the last co-ordinates.
Down in Hyrule…… AARRGGH I'm being Destroyed…. Beep… Beep
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH *thump* ……….. ow"
"Is that the author? asked Saria as she stood with Link looking at the sight.
"Yeah but how did he fall from the sky?" asked Link.
"Probably the same way that the strange rock that knocked Navi unconscious did" replied Leo as he held his beloved blue fairy girlfriend.
A beam of red, green and blue shot down from the sky and turned into three figures of women.
"LinkHammer I take away the ability for you to disappear into your world for the rest of this adventure. You're part of the story now" said the fiery red one with a smirk.
"Why'd you shoot him down here and take his powers?" asked the green one.
"Because I wanted to" was the red ones reply.
"Noooooo, what did you do to him" cried the blue one.
"He'll be fine now lets go" said the red one and the beams of light shot back into the heavens.
"Well I guess we should take him and Navi into the Zelda Chat Room to recover" said Link.
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Well what did ya think of that one? A whole heap of brand new ideas are coming forth and must be used to create even more randomness. Everyone seems to have some problem in this story, and what the heck is with the goddess Nayru? Well I guess you'll just have to review and wait until the next story type chapter comes forth. (Damn the 'Great' Deku Tree and his wierd talking. It's starting to rub off on me now)