Here we are, once again! :) Enjoy and please, please, please leave a review. Seriously, I need some motivation! :)
- B.
Amanda's POV
"What are you doing, Amanda?" I hear a voice but I don't see the person who's asking me. It's clear as day, like the person is standing right behind me. It's soft but strong.
"What do you mean?" I answer and I look around and notice I'm not in a hospital bed anymore. I'm in a field, a beautiful piece of land that's filled with white wild flowers.
"You can't do this," again the angelic voice answers. I look around once more and my surroundings change. A dark fog is closing in on me.
"Do what!?" I start to panic, it's getting harder to breath, like the darkness is sucking all the air as it's surrounding me. My legs start moving, I'm running towards nothing. There's no escape.
"Run." The voice speaks even louder this time.
I stop. I need to stop running.
"Okay, what do I do instead," I close my eyes, not wanting to see the darkness, not willing to be consumed by it.
"Face it," I open my eyes. It's like I have no choice but to do what the voice tells me to. She continues, " face your fears, your secrets. Face it and it'll free you. It will free you from the darkness in your life."
"I can't," I answer her, my throat feeling thick with the emotions that are trying to come out.
"You can, if you let yourself."
"Who are you?" The voice sounds familiar, so familiar but again I can't put a face to it.
"A friend." She answers and at those words I get sucked into a hole that formed beneath me. I have nothing to hold on to, nothing to grasp. I fall, and fall, and fall.
I wake up and I'm in my hospital bed again. Olivia's hands are holding mine and her head is laying on top of them, she's sleeping. I think about the dream I have. I have to stop running, face my fears, face my secrets and it'll set me free. The last thing I remember before falling is sleep, is a pressure on my chest. Then I remember the thoughts that came with it. I need to stop running. I need to face it.
"I was raped," whispering the words out loud for the first time since it happened, felt like a weight being lifted of my shoulder. "I was raped," A little louder this time. I don't know if I confided in someone when I was in New York, but I know I haven't spoken about it back in Atlanta. I feel the brunette move, and I look at the clock on the wall. It's in the middle of the night, I try to lay as still as possible, trying not to wake Olivia. Who's probably been here ever since I blacked out. How long has it been? My hands are shaking, I'm not sure if it's because of what I said, of what I dreamed or because of my injuries but I can't seem to still the hand that she's using as a pillow. I stare at her, watching her move some more before she lifts her head up, slowly.
"Good morning," I speak, making her aware that I'm awake. My voice again, nothing more but a whisperer, it takes a lot of energy to speak louder. To speak clearly. She rubs her eyes and I'm not sure if she heard me.
I cough softly before speaking again, "Good morning," This time her head quickly turns to face me, her mouth hanging open in shock.
"You're awake!?" She gasps.
"It seems that way, unless we're both dreaming," I chuckle. A sad smile appeared on her face.
"We- We weren't sure if you were going to." She strokes my hand with her thumb.
"How long have I been out for now?" I ask, my voice soft again.
"3 days," she looks down before quickly looking up again, "Do you, uhm, do you remember who I am?" her eyes widen a little bit, she's afraid. Afraid I don't remember her, afraid that we're back to square one.
"Yes," I smile, "Olivia."
She lets out a smile and relief washes over her face.
"3 days, huh?" I nod my head a little bit.
"Yeah," she nods her head too.
"Anything exciting happened while I was out?"
"We've got a new case," a buzz of excitement runs through my body.
"what you got?" I feel myself snap in detective mode.
"Whoa, hold on there tiger. You're in the hospital, you know I can't share information with you." She holds her hand out in front of her, palms up.
"Why not?" I raise one eyebrow, challenging her.
"You-uh, I... Well, you just suffered a severe trauma," she looks down, sadness etched across her face.
"That was 3 months ago, Liv," I take in a short breath in shock, and as soon as the shortening of her name rolls off my lips her head snaps up.
"You called me Liv," she looks at me like a miracle just happened.
"Yes," I nod, " yes, I did."
"Do you remember calling me Liv?" She asks hopeful.
"No," Now it's my turn to look down.
"That's okay, at least we know it's still there, right?"
Olivia's POV
Seeing her look down when I ask her if she remembers calling me 'Liv', saddens me. It was nice to have this banter back again, to actually hold a conversation without having all the emotions and hard feelings combined with it.
"Yeah," she looks up and nods her head, agreeing with what I just said. "You know, working a case with you guys might actually joggle my memory," the smirk on her face makes me chuckle.
"Oh yeah?" I ask, raising one eyebrow.
"Yeah, Doctors told me," She smiles softly.
"Did they now?"
"Sure did, Ma'am."
"Was this during your 3 months or 3 days of unconciousness?" I gawk her reaction and see her laugh in surprise, the sound fluttering my heart. It's so good to hear her laugh again, it's been too long.
"You got me there, detective." Her laughter dies down before she speaks up again. "So, what are you doing here, if there's a case?" her tone serious.
"I'm not on it," I answer her honestly and she cocks her head to the side.
"Why not?" her facial expression turning into one of curiosity.
"Cause I'm here with you, I don't want you to be alone." After everything that happened, I decided to be honest with her. Always. Yes, I'm holding things behind but with time I will tell her about them. She's not ready, she needs to heal first. At least, that's what I keep telling myself.
"Are you out of your mind?" she asks in disbelief. "Come on, Olivia, I'm a big gal. I won't do anythin' stupid. Plus, I'll probably be h-" her eyes widen again in shock.
"What?" I look at her, see if she's physically alright, she is. She so is. I snap back to reality, "What is it?"
"I don't know where my home is." A pang of sadness before I look her in the eyes.
"When the time comes for you to go home, I'll take you." I grasp her hand with both of mine. Smiling at her, with the most genuine smile I could muster.
"Thank, Liv," she smiles sadly. We hold each others gazes for a moment, both silent. I see a questioning look in her eyes, but I decide to let it go. If she wants to ask me something, she will. Whenever she's ready. I'll be here.
"My pleasure," I answer her.
"But honestly, you should go and work that case." She removes her hand from between mine and puts it on top. "And then, when you come back, you can tell me all about it." She smiles.
I nod, "You're right," she is but I don't want her to be. I'm afraid to leave her side, scared something will happen to her and I'm not here.
"I'll be fine," as if she read my thoughts, she waves away my concerns. "I promise," she adds and I give her a smile in return.
"If you need anything, anything at all, you call me, alright?" She nods. I stare at her for another moment before getting up and grabbing my jacket. I walk towards the door but before I step over the threshold I look back one more time.
She's awake, and she's going to be alright.
Amanda's POV
After Olivia left, I called for a nurse. Only 2 minutes passed before she walks in, it's Annie. I know her from the day that I woke up after 3 months.
"Amanda! How are you feeling?" Her excitement to see me is contagious.
"I'm really good, honestly. I think I'm ready to go home, wherever that is." I chuckle and so does she.
"Well, I think the same thing. It's a miracle how well you recovered from your injuries." She nods and grabs my charts at the foot end of my bed. "Everything seems fine, the blood work we took from you is good. All your tests are clear, I'll talk to the doctor when I see him, okay?" I nod and she leaves my room.
Excitement starts to fill my chest, I'm ready to go home. Ready to start my second chance and whatever it's going to throw at me.
A couple of hours later.
The doctor walks in and holds out his hand. "Hi, Detective Rollins, I'm doctor Williams," I shake his hand and he gives me a reassuring smile. "I hear from Annie that you feel good enough to go home?"
"Yes, I do." A short answer, not wanting him to chance his mind. A smile for him addressing me as a detective, not as a patient
"I see," he, just like my nurse, grabbed the chart and starts reading the information on it. "Everything seems fine, but I do have to press that this was a very severe head injury. I know you suffered memory loss and I would like to monitor this closely-"
I interrupt him, "I'll come by everyday, if that's what you need me to do." I give him a resolute nod.
He laughs softly, "You're eager to get home, aren't you?" I nod again.
"Yes, Doctor, I am."
"Here's how it's going to go," he takes a deep breath before moving from my foot end to the side of the bed. "You'll come in for a check-up everyday and you'll go to physical therapy... Let me see... 3 times a week. You've been comatose for 3 month and your body will need some help to restart. Does that sound agreeable to you?"
"As long as I get to be home, I'll do anything you tell me to do." He writes something down in my chart before looking up.
"Also I want you to see a psychologist 2 times a week to help you with your memory loss," I sigh, "I know detectives don't enjoy talking to someone but since you're missing 2 years of your life, I demand it."
I just nod. Not happy with the last assignment. Then the dream comes back to me. Face your fears, face your secrets, it'll set you free. Maybe this is just what I need.
"So when do I get to go home, Doc?" I smile.
"I'll get the paperwork ready, say... an hour or so?" He holds his hand out again.
"Thank you Doctor, for everything."
"Is someone going to come pick you up? I'm not comfortable with you driving yourself," He checks my chart once again. "Your emergency contact information says, Olivia Benson, do you need me to contact her?"
"No, I'll take a cab home, Sir. I'll be just fine." He nods and starts to leave before I stop him. "Did I have any personal belongings on me when I was brought in?" He points towards the small dresser that's next to my bed. I smile.
"Thank you," I give him a small wave before he leaves.
I throw my legs over the side of my bed, carefully standing on my two feet. I gave myself a second or two to get used to the feeling and took a step. This went easier than I thought it would. I take another step, and another one. I keep stepping till I feel comfortable. Once it feels natural I walk towards the dresser and open the top drawer. There's my badge, my wallet, and my phone. I grab the last item and try to turn it on. It's dead. I grab my wallet and look for any information that will reveal where I live. Nothing. There's a business card in there with my name on it and the address of the precinct. That will do. I return to my bed and sit down, letting out a breath. I was exhausted from the short walk around my room. I picked up the hospital phone next to the bed and ordered a cab for in an hour. I looked down at myself and saw the horrifying hospital gown I was wearing. Shit, I can't go out like this. I stood up once more and walked to the dresser again. Opening the second dresser I found clothing that supposedly were mine. I took them and slowly made my way over to the bathroom to put on the new clothes I just found.
Olivia's POV
"They matched the semen to a guy named Jared Goodwill," I spoke out loud as I walked back into the squad room. Fin was sitting behind his computer and Amaro was nowhere to be seen.
"Funny name," I could hear the sarcasm dripping from his voice.
"Yeah," I nod my head in agreement before settling down behind my desk.
My head should be totally focused on this case but I can't keep it from wandering off to Amanda. She'd seemed a lot better when I left her in the hospital. We had made some small talk and it just felt... good. It felt normal. Like nothing changed. But it did. She doesn't remember how close, or at least, how intimate we had become over the last couple of months leading up to her incident. Due to the recent events I realized we have never been close. My phone rings and it startles me. I look at the caller ID and I sigh, still, I answer.
"Hi," I say shortly already knowing who it is.
"Hey, babe, I haven't heard from you in awhile." It was a statement but I can hear the resentment in his voice.
"Yeah, things have been crazy," I answer not going into detail, simply because I don't feel like talking to him.
"Crazy enough that you don't have time for your boyfriend?" I sigh, annoyance eating away inside me.
"Yeah, actually..." Another short answer from me, can he take a hint?
"How's Amanda?" I'm surprised by his question, he's never really asked about her. I'm always the one bringing her up and updating him about her status.
"She woke up a couple of days ago, she doesn't remember the last two years... hence the crazy." I figured I would give him some more information so he would get off my back.
"That's great, I mean, it's great that she woke up. Will she ever remember?" He seemed genuinely interested.
"That's a good question, Brian, if I find out the answer, I'll tell you," I can't help but snarl at him.
"You seem off, Liv..." I feel a little guilt for how I've been treating him. It's not his fault I developed feelings for Amanda, nor is it his fault she got shot.
"Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm just stressed and tired and... I don't know." I try to answer honestly but what I really want to say is. I'm done with you. I'm over you. I don't love you anymore the way I did.
"Come home, Liv, come home to me." He basically begs me.
"I can't Brian, we're working on a case and Amanda needs me." I sigh again.
"Amanda doesn't even remember you!" His voice raises and my annoyance turns into anger. I decide I should not have this conversation in the squad room and walk into the hallway.
"So what, Brian!? That means I should just give up on her!? Or not be there for her!? You're a selfish ass, you know that!?" I hear him sigh this time and we both know where our relationship is headed.
"She's not your girlfriend, Olivia. She's not the one you're supposed to come home to, I am." I know he's right, but that doesn't mean I can't be there for her.
"I don't want to come home to you," I speak softly, there it is. The truth comes out even though I didn't mean for it to roll out of my mouth. He's silent for a long, and emotion filled couple of seconds.
"I'll be out of your house by the end of the day," The dial tone tells me he hung up and with that, a weight is lifted of my shoulders. I can't even feel sad about it, we've been fighting for months. We barely saw each other but when we did we would have our long arguments about me visiting Amanda, about me working too much. In return I would tell him that he worked too much, that he was selfish, and didn't think about my life, and my wishes. He would shrug it off and go watch television in the bedroom while I was sipping my red wine in the livingroom. We were together but living our lives separately. We were a couple but acted like we were single. I never cheated on him, but I'm pretty sure he crossed the line with a girl once or twice.
I returned to the quad room and manage to avoid Fin's penetrating gaze. I busy myself on the computer, filing paperwork that came with our recent case.
"Aren't you suppose to be out with Amaro? Picking up Mr. Goodwill?" I suddenly realize I missed the part of what happened with the case.
"Munch and Amaro are on it," He sniggers knowingly.
"Munch, ha? Couldn't stay away." I shake my head, with a smile on my face.
"Nope," he laughs but suddenly it stops. I look up and follow his line of sight.
"Amanda!?" I quickly stand up, "What are you doing here?"
'This is the only address I found in my wallet. I figured this place was what I probably called home."
BOOM. That was another chapter of Remembering You, Remembering Me! :)
Hope you enjoyed this and please let me know! Reviews is Chapters! :)