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ALICE: OH MY GOSH!! EDWARD, YOU ARE BRILLIANT!! ~hurries off to try it on~ HOW DO I LOOK!??! FABU, RIGHT!?!?!
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EDWARD: OH ALICE! YOU LOOK SIMPLY MARVELOUS! DO A TWIRL FOR ME!
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ALICE: ~does a twirl~
~as she does this a bunch of girls come over~
GIRL #1- THAT DRESS LOOKS GREAT ON YOU!! IT FITS YOU PERFECTLY!!!
GIRL #2- I LOVE THE COLOR!!
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EDWARD: OH, MY LITTLE ALICE! I'M SO PROUD! I'M BUYING THIS FOR YOU! Oh, come here, you! *hugs her in a death grip*
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ALICE: O_____O E-EDWARD!!! DEAR BROTHER!! I LOVE YOU TOO, BUT PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!!!!
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EDWARD: *tears of pride* Oh, Alice, I am sorry! I just get carried away with my emotions sometimes! *sniffle* go get changed, you! We have a lot of work to do if we are to get Violet her hip new wardrobe!
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ALICE: ~tries to skip but can't because of Edward's death grab so just wobbles back to the changing room~
~5 seconds later~
ALCIE: OKIES!!! ^^
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EDWARD: ALRIGHTY! LETS GO! *grabs her hand and skips off to the next store, which has really frilly outfits EVERYWHERE*
TIME TO GET OUR NEW FRIEND A LOVELY FEMININE WARDROBE!
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ALICE: OH, WHAT ABOUT THIS!! ~hold up a bunch of stuff~
~a couple of hours later, they arrive back at home~
ALICE: WE'RE HOMMMMEEEE!!!
VIOLET: ~is upstairs and hears Alice~ No! I got to hide. Just where.. ~looks around~ I know! ~hides underneath the bed~
ONE OF VIOLET'S FRIENDS: Vi, what are you do-
VIOLET: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
ONE OF VIOLET'S FRIENDS: Okay, okay!!!
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EDWARD: *Follows Alice inside* VIOLET! WE HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU!!!!!! *skips around the house looking for her*
ROSE, HAVE YOU SEEN VIOLET TODAY?
ROSE: What do I look like, the skank's baby sitter?
EDWARD: *gasp* SUCH FOWL LANGUAGE!
ROSE: Whatever. I haven't seen her.
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EMMETT: ~hears the girls talking but just grunts and walks downstairs and sees Edward~ Creature.. ~looks at Alice~ Other creature. ~walks by them~
ALICE: OH YEAH!! ~throws a coaster at him~ WELL, YOU'RE A BABY!!!
EMMETT: ~turns around~ WHAT. DID. YOU. JUST. SAY!?
ALICE: YOU. ARE. A. BABY!!
EMMETT: YOU JUST LOVEEEEE PISSING ME OFF, DON'T YOU!!
ALICE: BABY!!
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EDWARD: EMMETT, HOW DARE YOU SAY SUCH HURTFUL THINGS TO US? WE ARE YOUR FAMILY, EMMETT! YOUR FAMILY!!! NO RESPECT! NONE!!!
WE WOULD NEVER SAY SUCH WRETCHED THINGS TO YOU, EMMETT!
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ALICE: ~is not paying attention to Edward~ YOU ARE A BABY, EMMETT CULLEN!!!
EMMETT: ~gets pissed at both of them~ ARE YOU HEARING THIS SH**, EDWARD!?!??! I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE!! AS FOR YOU!! ~picks up the coaster and throws it at Alice's head~
ALICE: ~gets hit~ HEY!!!!!
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EDWARD: *watches as the impact of the coaster on Alice's head makes it (the coaster) shatter into a million little pieces* DARN YOU, EMMETT CULLEN! THAT WAS MY FAVORITE COASTER! WHY CAN'T YOU EVER TREAT OUR STUFF WITH RESPECT?
ESME: *walks in and sees Alice and Emmett throwing things at each other* ALICE! EMMETT! Please! Try to behave yourselves and get along!
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EMMETT: ~sticks both of his index fingers in mouth and then walks over to Edward and Alice and gives them both wet willies~ WET WILLY!!!!!!
ALICE: Oh, HOW GROSS EMMETT!! REALLY, MUST YOU!?
EMMETT: ~takes his fingers out of his ears and walks upstairs~ Whatever. F***ing crazy people.
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ESME: EMMETT MCCARTHY CULLEN! YOU BETTER WATCH THAT MOUTH MISTER! APOLOGIZE TO YOUR BROTHER AND SISTER, YOUNG MAN! NOW!!!
EDWARD: OH, MY EARS! THEY HAVE BEEN GROSSLY CONTAMINATED! I WOULD FAINT, IF SUCH A THING WERE POSSIBLE FOR A MONSTER LIKE ME! *runs upstairs to take a shower*
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EMMETT: ~is already in room and slams the door~ F***ing crazy people. ~sees Violet on his couch~
VIOLET: EMMETT, MY LOVE!! ~comes skipping over to him and tries to hug him~
EMMETT: ~takes his hand and sticks it right in her face to stop her~ ROSE!
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ROSE: *swings the door open so hard that it comes off it's hinges* THAT'S IT! OUT! NOW! *shoves Violet out of the room*
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EMMETT: WHAT IN THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING COMING INTO MY ROOM!?
VIOLET: I was lost?
EMMETT: OH, SURE!! OKAY. THAT MAKES SENSE. ESME!!!
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ESME: Yes, Emmett dear?
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EMMETT: I WANT HER ~points to Violet~ OUT RIGHT NOW!!!
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ESME: But Emmett, she hasn't done anything wrong! She's only staying here until we can help her find her parents. OH! Emmett, I have an Idea! You should go help Violet find her parents!
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EMMETT: NO WAY IN HELL!! THEY'RE PROBABLY CRAZY LIKE SHE IS!!!
VIOLET: HEY, YOU DON'T KNOW THAT!!!
EMMETT: OH YES I DO!!!
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ESME: Emmett, I am appalled! This poor child has lost her parents! Have you no compassion? No, Emmett, you are going to help her find them. That is final. *stern mother face*
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EMMETT: HELL TO THE NO!! ~races upstairs~
VIOLET: Really, thank you for trying to help me. Even if he doesn't want to help. I appreciate it. ~starts to cry~
EMMETT: ~yells~ OH PLEASE!!! THE WHORE IS JUST ACTING!!!
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ESME: EMMETT! THAT LANGUAGE IS NOT APPROPRIATE! HOW MANY TIMES MUST I TELL YOU THIS???
*to Violet* Oh, you poor dear! Come here! *hugs her tightly*
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VIOLET: ~hugs her back, suffocating Esme with her cleavage~
EMMETT: ~races downstairs~ WHAT THE F***!?!?!?! WHAT TIME IS IT!?!?!
VIOLET: ~checks clock~ It's 4-
EMMETT: ~jumps down on the couch and start to watch tv~ THE SUPERBOWL IS ON!!! I'M SUCH A F***ING IDIOT!! GOOOOOOOOO ARIZONA!!! ~has a foam finger on and an arizona uniform on~
ALICE: The Steelers win.
EMMETT: F*** YOU ALICE!! F*** YOU!!! F*** THE F***ING F***ERS!!!!!! WHAT THE F*** DO YOU THINK YOU'RE F***ING DOING TELLING ME THE F***ING GAME!?!?! F*** YOU B****!!!!!!!!!
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ESME: Children! Such behavior is shocking for people your age! Alice, apologize to your brother. Emmett, apologize to your sister!
EDWARD: *covers his ears* LANGUAGE!!! SUCH FOUL AND VILE LANGUAGE!!!!!! IT'S ONLY A GAME, EMMETT!
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EMMETT: ~was sterting to calm down but then hears Edward and jumps up really quickly anbd runs over to Edward, grabs him by the throat and throws him to one of the windows~ ABSOLUTELY NOT!! I WAS STARTING TO CALM DOWN AND THEN THIS RETARD HAD TO GO AND OPEN HIS BIG F***ING MOUTH!!! MOTHER F***ER!!!
VIOLET: Um.. Woah..
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ESME: Um, Violet, perhaps you could give us a moment?
EDWARD: *goes sailing through the air and crashes through the roof of his cabin*
BELLA: *goes to help him up* Emmett again?
EDWARD: No, I just got bored of using the door. I figured the roof would make a splendid point of entry. YES, IT WAS EMMETT! THAT MISCREANT! NO RESPECT! NONE!
BELLA:...*is shocked*
EDWARD: I'M SORRY! I SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN SARCASTIC WITH YOU, MY LOVE! I AM SUCH A MONSTER! A HORRIBLE MONSTER! I SHALL NEVER YELL AT YOU AGAIN, DEAREST, I PROMISE! FORGIVE ME!!!
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EMMETT: THANK THE F***ING LORD THAT MOTHER F***ER IS F***ING GONE!!! ~sees Renesmee~ OH, THE F***ER IS HERE!!! HEY F***ER!!! HOW'S MY FAVORITE F***ER DOING TODAY!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!
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ESME: EMMETT! WE DO NOT USE THAT WORD! ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE ARE INNOCENT EARS PRESENT!
Nessie dear, go find your father. Okay?
NESSIE: *goes to jump out the window*
ESME: Wait, NESSIE! The OTHER way, Sweetie!
NESSIE: *skips off to the cabin through the door*
ESME: Violet, kindly give me a moment with my son. I need to have a WORD with him. *crosses arms and taps foot*
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EMMETT: ~goes over to the fridge and starts eating a hotdog that's probably about 15 years old~ Yeah. Whatever. ~stuffs his face~
VIOLET: Sure. ~goes upstairs~
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ESME: EMMETT What's gotten into you! You almost exposed us! Normal people can't throw their brothers out of the window!!! Please, the faster you find Violets Parents, the quicker we can stop pretending.
And that language is unacceptable, mister! I will make a swear jar if I must! I mean it!
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EMMETT: WHY DO I HAVE TO GO FIND HER F***ING PARENTS!?!?!? WHY CAN'T YOU FIND THEM!?!? I DON'T GIVE A F*** ABOUT HER!!
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ESME: Emmett, please try to have some compassion! She misses her parents! And I think it will be good for you to get out of the hose for a little bit. Look, she'll go once we find her parents, so just think of it that way, okay? Please? I'll let Rose go with you if you want!
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EMMETT: ~rolls eyes and grumblesd some swear words about how he wants to punch small animals~ FINE!! BUT THIS BETTER BE THE LAST TIME WE EVER SEE HER F***ING FACE!!
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ESME: Emmett, that's 25 cents in the swear jar! I mean it! *plunks an empty jar onto the counter*
Please behave yourself while you are gone.
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EMMETT: NO, F*** THE F***ING F***ERS F***ING B**** HO SLUT A**HOLE A**WIPE DOUC* RATARD D*** S***TY MOTHER F***ER!!!!
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ESME: *opens mouth, then closes it, slides the jar towards Emmett before walking out of the room*
BELLA: *Walks in* I believe that makes... *ticks off on her fingers* $2.25.
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EMMETT: F*** F*** F*** F*** F***F*** F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***F***
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BELLA: Okayyyy. Well, then, I'll be going now. Have a, um, nice trip. *pats him on the back and leaves*
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EMMETT: ROSE!! WE ARE LEAVING TO GO FINE THE SHE DEVIL'S PARENTS!!!!
VIOLET: ~comes back downstairs~ WHAT!? NO!!! YOU'RE NOT!! DON'T TELL ME THIS IS TRUE!! PLEASE!! I WANT TO STAY HERE!!!
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ROSE: Yeah.... No. Not happening. We aren't your babysitters, kiddo. *grabs the keys* LET'S BOUNCE!
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EMMETT: VIOLET, FIND YOUR WAY HOME. OR GO DIE IN A HOLE. WHICH EVER ONE SUITS YOU. ~follows Rosalie~
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ROSE: Hmmm... We probably should have asked her where her parents live. I don't even know where to start. Ah well.
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EMMETT: F*** this man!
VIOLET: ~is talking from the backseat~ They live in San Frascicso.
EMMETT: WHEN THE F*** DID YOU GET IN HERE!? GREAT, NOW EDWARD IS GUNNA HAVE TO CLEAN THE CAR BECAUSE OF YOUR SLUTTY GERMS-WAIT. RUB MORE OF YOUR GERMS ON THE SEAT!!!
VIOLET: ~slides over the seats~ Like this..?
EMMETT: YEAH, KEEP DOING THAT!!
VIOLET: ~keeps doing it~
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ROSE: Emmett, that's disgusting!
Wait. Did you say SAN FRANCISCO? What, are your parents hippies or something?? No. No way. NO WAY! I am NOT driving all the way down to SAN FRANSISCO!
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VIOLET: I would rather not say..
EMMETT: OH, WELL YOU CAN WALK THEM!! BY ALL MEANS, SUIT YOURSELF!!!
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ROSE: How did you end up HERE from SAN FRANSISCO in the first place? HERE! Of all the places! Oh, we just have all the luck!
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VIOLET: Some things are just better left unsaid.
EMMETT: I really don't want to hear this story..
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ROSE: Whatever. Point is, I'm not driving all the way to San Fransisco!
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VIOLET: FINE! THEN PULL OVER!!!
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ROSE: FINE! I WILL! *cuts across 3 lanes of traffic to get to the shoulder*
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VIOLET: WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DRIVE LIKE A 90-YEAR-OLD BLIND GRANDMA!?! HMMMM!?!?!
EMMETT: OH, SHUT THE F*** UP AND BE GRATEFUL THAT WE ARE GIVING YOU A RIDE!!
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ROSE: WELL WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BEHAVE LIKE A SLUT???
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VIOLET: I. AM. NOT. A. SLUT!!!
EMMETT: UMMMM, REALITY CHECK!!! YES YOU ARE!!!
VIOLET: JUST PULL THE F*** OVER!!
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ROSE: FINE! *pulls over and stomps on the breaks* THERE! HAPPY?
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VIOLET: ABSOLUTELY!! ~gets out of the car and slams the door and starts walking in the "direction" of San Fransisco~ GOD DAMN PEOPLE!! B*****ES!
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ROSE: *turns off the engine and gets out of the car* WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL US???
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VIOLET: HOW. THE. HELL. DID. YOU. HEAR. ME!?!?!?!?!??!
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ROSE: THEY'RE CALLED EARS, KIDDO! THEY'RE ATTACHED TO THE SIDES OF OUR HEADS! SOMETIMES, WE USE THEM TO LISTEN TO THINGS!
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VIOLET: OH, HA HA!! WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO BACK TO YOUR F***ING MANSION AND LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!
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ROSE: BECAUSE MY F***ING MOTHER TOLD ME TO F***ING TAKE YOU HOME! THATS WHY!
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VIOLET: THEN JUST SHOW UP IN A COUPLE OF DAYS AND LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!! THERE!! PROBLEM SOLVED!!
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ROSE: MAYBE I WILL! IN CASE YOU FORGOT, YOU WERE THE ONE STALKING US! WHATS TO SAY YOU WONT SHOW UP AT OUR DOORSTEP 3 WEEKS FROM NOW WHINING ABOUT YOUR PITIFUL LIFE! AND THEN WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK HERE!
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VIOLET: JUST LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!!!
EMMETT: Rose, just drive away so everybody can-
~suddenly, a big bus comes down the street~
MIKE: NO MR. FLUFFYPAWS, DON'T CRAWL INTO MY PANTS!! NO!! OUCH!!!
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ROSE: S***!!!!!!!!! NO! *grabs Violet and forces her down so that they are hidden by the car*
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MIKE: ~smells the air and frowns~ ( happy frown, ironic, right? .;) I SMELL YOU MY DARLING!!! AND I WAS WAITING FOR YOU FOR 3 WHOLE DAYS!!!!
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ROSE: *slowly stands up* Oh! Mike! It is you. What a, um, well. Surprise. Well, we best be off. We really have to get this young lady back to her parents. TOODLES! *jumps in the car*
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MIKE: OH, BUT MY BELOVED!! I HAVE MISSED YOU SOO!! ~gets out of the bus and so does his 99 cats~ NO, YOU GET BACK ONTO THAT BUS RIGHT NOW!!! ~opens Rosalie's door and the 99 cats flood into her cat~
EMMETT: ~gets hit by a wave of about 50 cats~ WHAT THE F*** IS THIS!?!??
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ROSE: NO! MY CAR! THIS IS A BMW! I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS! *shoves Mike and the cats out, drags Violet in, and gasses it*
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EMMETT: ~is covered in fur and looks like Sasquatch and the abdominal snowman's baby~
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ROSE: Oh, honey, I think you have a fur ball on you... *tries really hard not to laugh*
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EMMETT: ~has a mustache and beard on him~ I LOOK LIKE A F***ING FUR MONSTER!!!
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ROSE: But an ADORABLE f***ing fur monster!
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EMMETT: Sure.
VIOLET: ~is allergic to cats and starts sneezing like crazy~ DAMN CATS!
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ROSE: I know! they clawed up my leather seats! Oh, you mean the allergies. Well, on the bright side, we only have to drive to SAN FRANSISCO! Thank god we aren't going anywhere far, right? Because that would be awfully MISERABLE, wouldn't it?
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VIOLET: DAMN CATS!!!!! ~ sneezes more and then gets an idea and wipes hands all over the seats and sneezes everywhere~ WHOOPS! MY FAULT!!
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ROSE: OH. MY. GOD. YOU DID NOT JUST DO THAT TO MY CAR!!! WIPE IT UP, SLUT! RIGHT NOW!
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VIOLET: ~keeps sneezing all over the place~ NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT!