Chapter 11: Change is Good… Isn't It?
The sun on my skin feels so good. Hmmm… I can't remember the last time I've slept through the night. I'm so used to being awake at night and asleep during the day this almost feels like my world was turned upside down. Maybe it was… because of a certain succubus. I had been reading her journals – over a thousand entries from the past four years of non-stop travel… this entire time she's been searching for me.
I felt her… I always did, but not as I do now that I've learned my Druid powers and can connect with her through nature. I'm glad she's finally started to work on her powers so we can talk when I'm in these shifted forms. It was frustrating that night – I was talking to her through the wind when they told me she was here and she didn't answer. I didn't understand – they told me she was part Druid and she wasn't answering, so I thought it was all a lie and I lost control for an entire day… the storm I caused did so much damage over seven counties. When I finally heard her voice, I calmed almost immediately. I'm not sure how, but I know it had something to do with her voice – maybe just feeling her presence on the wind and the warmth I now knew was in her heart.
I've got the phoenix and tiger thing down, but I just can't seem to get the knack of controlling my unicorn. The worst part is it seems to be tied to my succubus losing control. We've figured out that my shifter and unicorn strands intertwine so I come out a stallion instead of a unicorn. Madge says that's a good thing because if a human ever saw a unicorn running down the beach – horn and all – it wouldn't be good for the one rule. The few Fae that are here in this Druid community would not be happy. I still can't quite get used to the dangly boy piece hanging between my legs but Jake and Josh tell me I'm 'well hung' so I'll be a chick magnet. I would rather just be all woman, but not much I can do about it now.
I just wish I could figure out how to separate the succubus emotions from the unicorn taking control and running. I can't figure out how to separate the two. Of course, that's what all of these early Dawnings are supposed to be. Emma said,
'Each part will struggle for its place and purpose within you'.
All I know is it feels like a bar fight inside my head all the time – raised voices and chaos. The succubus is so hard to control. I was so hard on Bo all those years… I never understood how that hunger was with her all the time… even fed with chi, it's still there. She always said I was the strongest person she knew – now I'm sure she's the strongest person I've ever known. Bo… she actually wants me, and from what she said last night – not to mention every other page in her journals – it's for good… for life.
Everything I'd ever said I wanted from her she's offering, but I can't think of forever when I don't even know if we'll get my DNA stabilized. The Elder Druids and the Healer are all hoping that once I've completed all six Dawnings, that it will stabilize itself, but they're guessing… or… hoping. Regardless, they've never encountered my situation before so they have no way of knowing for sure.
Bo and I will have to talk about that and many other things, but right now, I've got to focus on my succubus and unicorn issue… and I'm sure my Nereid is lurking in there somewhere ready to stake her claim, too. She really only seems to appear if we're near water and someone else is in control – although she did let my Phoenix take control the other day. Pecking order, eh? Phoenix over Nereid? Would make sense… the Phoenix could burn them all up if she wanted. Okay – so I guess the Phoenix is the alpha… that's one thing figured out… I think. She doesn't seem to need to show herself much – only when the others step out of line. She watches and helps with decision-making for the good of all.
I think the Druid is next in line because I use those powers most. They help to sustain me – I think in a way, the Druid is the caretaker of my body. Then the shifter… he comes out when I get protective – so far, especially of Josh and Jake's boys… Jake… my Jake.
The day the boys were in the woods behind the farmhouse and I heard them yelling for help, I shifted instantly without thought. I was between them and the wolf within minutes. As soon as I had ascertained it wasn't Dyson come to find me for the Fae in Toronto, I had no problem ripping its throat out for threatening the boys. Of course, I felt bad that the boys had seen me like that – chewing on a fresh kill, blood all over my pure white fur. They seemed afraid of me for days until I told Madge what had happened. After she talked to them, Little John started coming around and cuddling up to me again when I was asleep in my white tiger form. When he got up early for fishing trips with his dad, he would make him take a nap when they got back. Little John would always ask to take a nap with me because I love to sleep on the side porch in the sun. He always tells me that my fur is extra warm and he doesn't even need a blanket, but he finally started using one as I requested so he doesn't get sick. He reminds me so much of… oh well…
So… the succubus and the unicorn are in a battle for fourth position, since the Nereid seems to know she can only take control in water – and she does, indeed. It seems every time I get the least bit aroused the succubus takes over and then the unicorn jumps in and forces me to shift into that fucking horse. Don't get me wrong – I love to run and as the stallion, it feels fantastic – especially to run along the water's edge on the beach. Maybe that's the healer in the unicorn preventing the succubus from killing in its hungered state? My Druid can feed from the earth to curb the hunger, but I still yearn for sex… I just can't bring myself to have sex with just anyone. So far it's just been her… my healer… Ella. I know Bo always said the same thing… sex with just anyone didn't really satisfy the hunger completely.
Well, I guess it isn't all bad… the stallion brought me to Bo last night. I heard her call to me on the wind… heard her words and then I felt the familiar surge of my succubus. I felt my eyes change and a hunger stronger than ever before rose up within me… I was so hungry, and as I looked around the room and found not one 'meal' that would be satisfying… I had to run. I think I changed almost instantly, but for that I was grateful. It took the succubus hunger away and replaced it with my wild child – the one who I think could fun so fast her feet would just fly off the earth. Of course, maybe that wouldn't be so bad… I could leave all of this DNA transition crap behind and just fly away – everyone would be safe… but Bo…
Running together on the beach under the moonlight – it was so romantic – just feeling each other and listening to each other's thoughts on the wind. It was magical – there's just no other way to describe it. The feel of her hands in my mane and wrapped around my neck… the sound of her voice in my mind… the sand beneath my feet, the sounds of the waves… sand… sound… waves… wait a minute… I'm sleeping in sand…
"Hmmm…."
Lauren froze at the sound… Who is that? What the… eyes, Lauren... open your eyes… I look down…
"Shit! I shifted back to human! No fucking clothes!"
I look up and down the beach… the sunrise is beautiful… no people… private beach... Martini land, thank God. I look to my left… she's beautiful…
"Beautiful… absolutely beautiful." 'Wait...', Lauren thinks… 'did I say that out loud?'
"Why thank you, doctor… Good morning yourself."
Shit! I did say that out loud… she's still here… "Bo…"
I speak her name as if it's a prayer. Maybe it is – one I've prayed for so long.
"You stayed." I said somewhat surprised she hadn't left at some point. Her eyes were beautiful… Gods how I missed this woman.
"I'm not sure… you shifted, we fell… I think maybe I hit my head… I'm not sure I actually stayed voluntarily, but waking up next to you is a bonus."
She smiled that ridiculously brilliant smile that I had missed desperately all of these years as her eyes started to drift towards my naked form. She caught herself and pulled her eyes back up to mine. As I felt the succubus start to rise, I closed my eyes so she wouldn't see… so she wouldn't know…
"I… " I stammered. I was confused. It was strange. I didn't feel a need to cover myself. I'd always been so shy around Bo. It was a bit chilly, but I was more worried about Bo seeing my blue succubus eyes than my very naked form.
"Lauren, please look at me… I would like a few minutes with the human you, so take a few deep breaths and look at that amazing sunrise, okay?"
Bo slid behind me pulling off her hoodie and wrapping it around my body. She then slid off her sweatpants and offered those to me as well. I pulled on the sweatpants.
"Now you're going to be cold. It's November and you're in shorts and a T-shirt, Bo. Slide around here in front of me so I can keep you warm."
"Thank you, but I think it's better if I stay here – you leaning against me will keep me warm. You definitely run a lot hotter than you used to… I'm guessing between Phoenix, White Tiger, Succubus and White Stallion, that's to be expected."
"Yes but they actually refer to them as fevers since my body's core temperature hasn't stabilized yet. Hopefully it will."
Bo pulled me back into her arms… I was a little stiff at first, so she reminded me…
"Lauren, relax – remember, focus on the sunrise and even breathing." She stiffened for a moment, "Are you uncomfortable in my arms?"
"No, Bo." I did as Bo said and found myself relaxing back into her arms, feeling her relax as well. "It's just been a long time… too long." Gods I was nervous… 'relax, Lauren… relax', I told mysel
"Now, I told Madge that I would help you with your succubus – from what we talked about last night, that is how you came to be with me? Can you tell me what happened… but remember – stay focused on that sky and calm breathing. If your breathing hitches, focus on mine – do you feel it? Calm, Lauren."
Bo got the calm part right, but I needed to get the honest part right too. I didn't want omissions to get in the way of whatever would happen between us this time around. 'Put it all out there Lauren', I told myself. It's all or nothing. You've got nothing to lose… you may not be here tomorrow and she knows that.
"Calm, right… well, my succubus got hungry – really hungry… I looked around the room and it was just the boys, their dads, the healer, two of the elders and Emma. I was going to grab my… uh… the woman I usually… but… you popped into my mind… the hunger got so bad so I ran out of the house… somewhere along the way I just shifted. I ran from the farmhouse through the woods but when I realized that wasn't a very good path for a horse, I turned back towards the beach and, well… you know the rest of my night."
"I know we were riding along talking in the wind… which was very nice, but the way… reconnecting with you when you weren't in your human form made it easier, I think… talking with words is just sound… talking through the wind, we can't hide our true feelings. I think it made it easier for you to believe the truth behind my words and for me to have the confidence to say them since I didn't sense you rejecting me."
I took a deep breath, sat up and turned to face Bo. For now, I was in control. I tested the waters and slowly raised my eyes to meet Bo's. We looked into each other's eyes for a moment and then I spoke,
"Bo, we have a long way to go before we can promise each other a lifetime. I've changed and clearly – from what I've read – so have you, although I can't say I don't like the new you. You stood up for me, Bo."
"Thanks for trying to make me sound so noble, but actually, I stood up for me, Lauren. I'd had enough of people telling me we shouldn't be together – you included in that, my dear."
I nodded my head at her reference to my request for 'the break.' That and her return to Dyson had been my doing. Rather than tell her how I'd been feeling, I'd run away from our relationship.
"I'd had enough of people telling me who was best for me because they were Fae. I'd had enough of people taking advantage of my succubus nature by pushing themselves at me physically when they had no clue how to reach into my heart and soul and connect with me mentally and emotionally. You were the only person that I connected with fully and completely. You were the only person who ever stuck your neck out for me without expecting anything in return. While I would love to say my motives for coming to you were not selfish, my reason for leaving Toronto was about standing up for me. I made the decision to live the life I chose regardless of what my family and friends, Dark or Light thought." I watched the now familiar effort of Bo calming her Succubus so she didn't lose control. I'd never noticed it before. Her control always seemed effortless to human me.
"Once I did that, they knew they either needed to get on board with letting me make my own choices for what I wanted in my life, or they were going to lose me. I was going to have a life with you if you would have me. I knew the longer I searched and stuck with it, the more I knew my love for you was real. I could have fed my way across Canada and the U.S., but I didn't, Lauren and I still won't. I can and will wait for you to decide what you want. Be selfish, Lauren – because if you say yes to me, I'm going to hold you to that in the biggest Fae way possible, so take the time and be sure. I know you have a lot on your plate and I am here to help in any way that I can – and I do mean to be whatever you need. That is where you will find the unselfish me. I will stay as long as you'll have me here and leave when you want me gone."
Bo stopped… wow… she couldn't believe she had gotten all of that out the way she actually wanted… not that it had been a planned speech, but hey – maybe she had a future in Fae politics. She chuckled to herself.
"What's so funny?" I asked with a smile on my face.
"I was just laughing at myself. More than four years on the road… you know, I really didn't interact with people much, so I was laughing at the fact that I was actually able to verbalize everything I felt and wanted you to know."
"You were cut off from everyone all this time? How did a succubus survive with no human contact? I noticed from your journals that you didn't really start interacting with people until you hit the east coast of the U.S."
"I wasn't in a good frame of mind, Lauren. I wish I could explain it, but I had lost my appetite when you left. My heart… no… m-my soul ached, Lauren. I was terrified I had lost you forever. There are things that I didn't write in the journal – things I did that led our friends and family to see that I needed to be with you."
Bo paused. There were things she had not talked about in her journal because she was ashamed of just how far down the rabbit hole she had gone after the whole Rainer thing and Lauren's departure. She shook her head…
"Bo…"
I placed a gentle hand under Bo's chin to raise her eyes up to mine. There were tears threatening to fall down Bo's face. I leaned up and placed a kiss over each and then looked Bo in the eyes…
"Bo, I can't say what's going to happen. If you're choosing to join this little ride I'm on, you need to know that we have a rough road ahead. Bo… I know they've told you, but you have a way of ignoring bad news sometimes, so I want to make sure you hear this from me, the doctor. I'm still very unstable… not just my control… my DNA… I don't know if…"
Bo interrupted her with fierce determination…
"No, absolutely not Lauren! You don't get to say you're going to die… not to me… not with all of the power we have between us. We are two succubae with the ability to give chi… we are two Druids with the ability to merge with nature – the source from where we all come… you are a phoenix and a unicorn, two of the most powerful healing creatures known to the known universe… the Martini's are part of a powerful pure bred Druid clan… my mother is a succubus, my father is one of the most powerful Druids ever known and my grandfather is the Blood King. You will not die, Lauren."
She grabbed Lauren's face with both hands,
"Now say it, Lauren… say the words… 'I will not die'… say it, Lauren…"
"I will not die…"
I spoke quietly. I had never spoken those words aloud.
"Lauren…"
Bo said with caution. She knew I said the words because she requested it of me, not because I actually believed it. I had to believe it because Bo wouldn't settle for anything less, nor should she. I had to fight like she had fought to come back to me. I owed her that much.
"I will not die… I will not die… I will NOT die, Bo… I won't leave you hear alone…"
The more I said the words, the more my resolve now matched Bo's own.
"Okay… now that we have that settled… "
We laughed together.
"Seriously, Lauren… we can figure this out. You just need to fight. Maybe the elders are right – maybe once you're through the Dawnings of your last Fae, your blood and DNA will stabilize. For now, let's just take one step at a time and cross the bridges of this journey together as we come to them. Okay?"
"Okay, Bo."
We pulled into a desperate embrace and held it for several minutes until I slid down and into Bo's lap. Bo's hands went to my hair, pulling it from my face. Bo untangled her legs and slid down so she could lay next to me, our arms wrapping around each other naturally as though we had never been apart for as much as a night. I draped one leg over Bo's and buried my feet in the sand, getting comfortable as I settled in to feel the easy feel of Bo's breathing and heartbeat that had been so familiar to me when we were last together.
Bo was first to break the silence, "So, would you like to have breakfast together today?"
"I would love that, Bo but I haven't been out in public since I arrived in town. I've never been able to keep my control – something always triggered it. I'm scared, Bo. What if I lose control? I could kill someone. I could expose the Fae to humans."
"Well, we only have to worry about three of your Fae showing themselves at inopportune times, right? So let's go through this. Your Nereid isn't going to show unless you're in water. Your Unicorn shows if your succubus loses control. Your succubus loses control when you are hungry and sexually stimulated. What has been causing the sexual stimulation… and before you answer… you won't offend me or hurt me with your answer, Lauren… remember, I've been where you are. One of the nicest changes for us is going to be that we can truly understand each other's urges now. I hate to bring this up, but maybe you understand just a little bit now about why I kept ending up back in bed with Dyson?"
I hesitated as I drew lazy circles on Bo's forearm.
"I do, Bo."
This was delicate territory and I needed to keep control, so I thought for a minute of how to say what I wanted to say so we could both stay calm. I focused on the sun and Bo's calm breathing.
"You always told me that you loved him, but that I didn't need to worry about him. I would argue that he had mated with you, so of course I had to worry about him. You would argue back that you didn't love him the way he loved you so it didn't matter. I would ask you if you didn't love him the way he loved you, then why were you in bed with him… what was the difference between being in bed with me or being in bed with him, for that matter. You would answer by telling me that it was just sex."
I took a few deep breaths… I was getting upset and we needed to get through the proverbial elephant in the living room… or the Dyson in the living room as it were. Sun… breathing… calm…
Bo just waited patiently… she could sense my breathing and knew we were in conversational territory that could cause me to lose control. She wouldn't mind if my succubus showed – she could handle her, but I know she didn't want my stallion – as much as she clearly enjoyed the ride with my stallion, that would mean the end of the conversation and we needed to finish this to move forward. Finally, I continued…
"I guess what I'm trying to say is that before I was part succubus, I couldn't understand loving someone and having sex with them but having no connection beyond that. I know there are humans who do it, but I was just never one of them. If I was going to have sex, I was in a relationship – or at least hoping to be – with that person. That's why the night we slept together on the orders of the Ash, I told you I hadn't done anything wrong. I wanted to be with you – completely – but didn't have the confidence to say it out loud that night. Of course I also didn't think you would believe me once you thought I was only there because the Ash sent me."
Calm… sun… breathe… Geez do we have a lot of baggage… call customs and have them take all this shit back to Toronto and leave it there! 'Calm, Lauren.' I thought to myself. I took a deep breath firming my resolve to stay in my human form and continued again.
"When I factor in the hunger and how he was constantly pushing you to be with him physically when I wasn't around, I can understand that with a human girlfriend who wasn't able to feed you, the hunger would have been unbearable. Frankly, now that I know that hunger, I realize just how much you had loved me to avoid countless numbers of trysts you could have had without my knowledge. You didn't have to tell me you slept with him, Bo – I know that. You tried to do right by me… always. I know I broke your heart a couple of times as you did mine. We hurt each other, but now – as long as we can get my Fae DNA strands to play nice together, we have a chance to see where this will go... what "us" can be. I can't lie, I'd like to see where that could lead us, but I can't make any promises, Bo. I'm different. I think part of why you fell in love with me was because I was human. I'm definitely not human any more, Bo. I know that you always thought that I was strong as a human and while that was nice to hear, the truth of the matter was that I could never be your equal – I was never going to be a full partner in our relationship. Now you'll have an equal, Bo. Unless we're both apart for some reason, I wouldn't accept you feeding from anyone but our good mother or me unless your heart was hanging out of your chest. I wouldn't expect you to take me cheating on you either. If we're going to be together, then our views on sex and compromise will have to change."
There, I said it. I then proceeded to tuck my head more firmly into Bo's shoulder and neck… some things didn't change… I still felt safe in this woman's arms… even when I was hiding from her reaction to my bold demands for a new start to our relationship.
"Change can be very good, Lauren. We've always loved each other so much, but the timing or the circumstances were always off. Now, there are no excuses… we're both Fae… we can both satisfy each other's needs. We're in a place where we are clearly surrounded by people who love and support us. It's beautiful here, Lauren… it's so calming. We're protected as much as we can be until the big bad finds us, but even if it does, we won't have to fight alone and we'll both be strong enough to fight for each other. I think change will be good for us."
"Okay – so we agree that we have to find some sort of definition of monogamy we can both live with but not have to compromise on feeling betrayal within our relationship. Therein lies the current problem. I want to be faithful to you but the truth is, that right now I can't control my succubus. I think of you when I feed… hell, you're all I've thought about since I left Toronto, but unlike you, I've fed, Bo. Recently. Sexually."
I had to tell her… she has to know… Oh God, she flinched… I'm so sorry, Bo… I waited… and waited… and watched the rise and fall of Bo's chest as it returned to normal, her breathing calming. She's processing… I just needed to give her a minute.
Ouch… that hurt, Bo thought. She tried not to flinch or pull away from Lauren but she knew she had at least flinched and Lauren felt it. Breathe, Bo… stay calm for her. She's fed sexually because you weren't around. Listen to her – she thinks of you. It's just like Dyson… her body is having sex while her mind's passion, heart and soul are linked to someone else. Bo pulled Lauren closer, but she was resisting. She reached down and cupped her face pulling her eyes to meet hers. Blue. Shit. Think fast. Calm her the fuck down, Dennis. I told you not to flinch.
"Do you speak to anyone else through the wind, Lauren?"
Bo waited, brown eyes still focused on blue.
"Lauren? Please answer my question."
"No."
"Do you know why you only do that with me, Lauren?" Bo waited again.
"No."
Bo could see Lauren was clearly fighting for restraint. She reached up and pulled her head gently back down to her chest allowing her to feel her breathing again – steady and calm – heartbeat – steady and calm. Think calm, Bo.
"It's because regardless of who has either of our bodies, Lauren, only we have each others hearts and souls. Isn't that really where true love lives?"
Bo waited… and waited… she finally felt Lauren relax. She looked down to see brown eyes shining up to brown.
"Yes. I love you so much, Bo. I've missed you so much."
"And I love you and I'm so proud of you at this very moment. I know what it took just now for you to push the succubus back down. And Lauren? Your unicorn didn't come out to play with me. Do you think maybe she trusts me to keep your succu-nut under control?"
Lauren laughed. "You do have a way with words, Bo. It's so romantic."
Lauren thought about it for a minute, then continued,
"I don't know… maybe?"
"Lauren? Can I try to kiss you? I mean, the worst that happens is you try to suck me dry and fuck me black and blue, right? We're all alone on this beach, so none of that sounds so bad – especially since you wouldn't be able to do either of those since I'm an older and stronger succubus with more control. If your uni kicks in, you shift and run. As much as I don't want my sweats torn, at least we know that you would run the beach until you ended up back at the farm in all likelihood, right? I mean just a little…"
Bo didn't finish her sentence… as Lauren rolled on top of her and gave her a sweet, soft, warm kiss on each cheek and then a quick double peck on her lips. She stared into Bo's eyes and said,
"Now… I carried your ass on my back for miles last night… I'm starving… what's the breakfast plan."
Bo's eyes were still closed as she smiled and licked her lips then started to laugh. Lauren laughed as well at the overly dramatic response to the simple kiss.
"Okay… we're worried about control so we go to Martini's and place an order to go – they'll understand. If you feel your control go, I hand you my room card and you go wait for me there. Regardless, the breakfast will be eaten in the motel room. After we eat, we work on a plan for teaching you about your succubus. Then later, we go share the plan with all of our mentors. What do you think?"
"Are you sure you don't want to leave me here, go pick up the take out and bring it back? I mean, if I shift into a stallion in your motel room and break down the door to run off, it could get expensive, Bo. I happen to know from a little reading I did recently that you are living on a work to live budget. How are you affording that motel room anyway?"
"Let's see… Boston, hospital custodian; Connecticut, hospital cafeteria worker; New York, bartender and hospital orderly. I got jobs in the places I was looking for you so that I had a better chance of finding you if you were there. I was a bit obsessed."
"I'm grateful… your obsession brought us back together." Lauren gave Bo another quick kiss on the lips and then fought back the hunger again. Bo could see her eyes flash blue for a moment.
"Lauren, you're hungry. That's not going to help us in the diner."
"I know, Bo but you're hungry too."
"Okay – let's try this nifty trick. Your Druid is more advanced then mine, right?"
"I suppose – I've been pulling chi for about four months."
"Okay – pull the chi from the ground, push it in to me and I'll push my chi into you. Keep it cycling around and focus on the three of us being joined by our souls."
"Bo – I'm afraid if you push chi into me I'll jump your bones."
"Lauren, I'm not afraid of you jumping my bones… sorry, I'm not ashamed to say I would welcome it, but I understand you are clearly not ready for us to be intimate yet."
"I didn't say that, Bo."
"But you didn't ask or suggest…"
"I'm afraid, Bo."
"Okay – let's get you back to the motel… food, then feed, okay? Lauren you have to trust me. I know you can do this, but you have to trust that I'm right."
"Let's go then. Bo – would you mind if I use my Phoenix to get there?"
"I have my bike… are you afraid of it?"
"No, it's just that you and me… my arms wrapped around you… vibration between our legs… wind in our hair… your scent wafting back at me…" Lauren's eyes flashed.
"I get it… not a good idea for control."
"Right."
"Can you carry my room card?"
"Just put it in my mouth after I shift… I'll be there in five minutes."
"I hate to make you wait – it's going to take me about thirty minutes to get back. A little less if I push the speed limit a bit."
"That's okay – do you mind if I take a shower and borrow some clothes?"
"Not at all. See you soon."
"See you soon."
Lauren took off her sweatpants and handed them to Bo. The sweatshirt Bo could pick up after she shifted. No sense in torturing Bo with a naked Lauren she was too afraid to share at this point.
"And Bo?"
"Yea?" Bo, looked up from her drawstring to Lauren's big brown eyes.
"Thanks so much for last night. It felt so incredible having you with me while I ran. I'm so used to running alone. I didn't know you could ride so well – any time you want – well, you know."
"I used to ride Midnight every day – don't make an offer if you aren't up to the challenge. Can we come up with something I can use to hold onto? I don't want a bit in your mouth or a saddle on your back."
"Actually, I can protract a few ribs to give you footrests and holding my mane allows you to communicate with me where you'd like to go or if you'd like me to stop. Holding my mane doesn't hurt, Bo… it's actually sort of a turn on, to tell you the truth."
"Well I'll have to keep that in mind, Doctor. Okay – get going before we have you struggling for control again. I actually can't wait to see your Phoenix. Can you not hurry off right away? I'd like to see you first."
"Oh, I get it – you want to check out my tail, eh?" Lauren and Bo laughed.
"Exactly."
"When I shift my wings may be a bit tangled in the sweatshirt… could you…"
"I got it… no worries, Lauren. Thanks for pointing out what should have been obvious to me, but wasn't. I need to learn how to take care of all of my girlfriend's various Fae."
Bo realized she had referred to Lauren as her girlfriend.
"Sorry, Lauren… I didn't mean to press…"
"Bo, I was happy to hear it… girlfriend… not mate, not wife… take it slow… girlfriend is a nice start. But understand, if you want to use that word for me it means I intend to 'try' to have you as my girlfriend. I want to be monogamous, but you have to remember that I am where you were after you killed Kyle. I haven't killed in a month, but I have killed – luckily, I have this nifty unicorn thing that allows me to bring people back and help them forget their pain keeping the Fae secret safe as well as me well fed. But I don't want to hurt you, Bo."
"Wow… doesn't this sound familiar? It's karma, isn't it? What goes around comes around kind of thing? I now have to handle what you had to handle for the entire time we were together. I deserve it, Lauren. I need to know how you felt – just like you're learning what it was like to be me. Walking a mile in each other's shoes for the next little while may be good for both of us, don't you think?"
"I really don't want to hurt you, Bo. I know I'm not capable of promising monogamy right now and I now how much it hurts when you're in a committed relationship feeling someone is with only you and they cheat. Call it what you want – feed, sex, chi sucking… it's cheating. It's hard for our hearts to see it any other way. I don't want to do it – I don't want to say I'm going to do it – I just know how it's been for the past months."
"Lauren – calm down, please. I want the rest of the day with you and I know that if I see that stallion, it's over for us until at least tomorrow. Please… breathe, sweetie."
Lauren took a minute in Bo's arms to calm down. God she loved being in Bo's arms – she felt safe and calm here. Why would she want to feed anywhere else?
"Look – let's drop this subject for now – we'll talk more later – it doesn't have to be today. Here's what we agree on. First, I love you and you still love me. That feels pretty damn good compared to where I was before I saw you last night. Second, I want us to have a life together and you have to figure out if that's what you want too. It's simple, isn't it? We're a couple of people who love each other and are both learning our powers. I don't pretend to be dealing with change to the extent you are, so we go at your pace. Let's just be Bo and Lauren and do what we do best… be together and handle the rough patches as they come… only this time around, no running – unless it's the temporary shift-type run, okay?"
Bo pulled Lauren away from where she had buried her head in her chest to meet her eyes. She cupped her chin and said,
"Let's just take this one moment at a time, okay? I love you Lauren. We're going to be all right - that is, if we eat soon! I'm starvin' Marvin! Let's get going, okay?"
"You're right, Bo. Let's get going. Watch my wings for me, okay?" Bo nodded. "Okay… here I go…"
With that, Bo watched as Lauren burst into flames to become the Phoenix. Bo's mouth dropped open and she started to yell…
"Jesus Christ, Lauren! What the fuck?! First, you're going to have to explain why my sweatshirt is not a pile of ash right now and second, you should have warned me! My fucking heart just stopped dead in my chest! You burst into freaking flames, Lauren – I thought you were doing that Phoenix dying thing! And I need to know that, too! How long do you stay dead – how long do I have to be without you when you do the Phoenix death thing… I need to know these things, Lauren."
Bo was panicking – Lauren's shift had scared her…. Bo was right, she should have told Bo what she was about to see. She shrugged a bit to try to get her wings free. Bo noticed her actions through her tears and reluctantly stooped down to pull the sweatshirt off of the majestic bird's wings and out of the sand. She stayed there, amazed at the incredible creature in front of her.
"My God, Lauren… your Phoenix is beautiful… you're all the colors of the sunset and the sunrise put together. I'm sorry… I'm crying again – you scared me."
Lauren climbed up onto Bo's wrist and cocked her head to one side as if to ask Bo if she had calmed down. A single tear left Lauren's eye and landed on Bo's wrist. Bo watched closely as the tear seemed to melt into her skin and warm her through and through. She calmed almost instantly. She smiled at Lauren,
"Okay – I'm okay… I'm calmer, and that was… that felt amazing! But… you're still in trouble, Miss." Bo shook a finger at Lauren who seemed to smile. "Little birdies are supposed to tell people things and you definitely have some talking to do, young lady. Let's get moving – we're both starving. Madge and Emma must be worried sick about you... me… uh… us… oh shit, we're going to be in so much trouble! I never came back for dinner or my evening lesson. I was upset when I left… shit! I don't have my cell on me either." Bo looked at Lauren and sighed. "Okay… let's get you back."
Bo lifted her arm and turned it in slightly to allow Lauren's massive wingspan to clear her head on take off. With a look down at Bo, she was off.
"Beautiful…" Bo paused as she watched Lauren circle around overhead before heading inland slightly towards Martini's. "…Just beautiful." Bo watched until she was almost out of sight. "Yes, indeed, change is good."
Bo turned to walk out to hop on her BMW. She didn't want Lauren to have to wait too long for her. She walked out to the road… she looked left, then right… nothing looked familiar. Shit – where the hell had Lauren run to last night? She called to Lauren through the wind,
'Lauren… I hate to bother you since you're probably half way to the hotel, but can you tell me where the hell I am?'
'Oh gosh, Bo… I'm so sorry. Turn left at the road, your bike is about three miles away… and before you say it, I'm sorry, Bo. If I knew for sure that I could make myself shift into a horse, I'd come back for you.'
'That's okay, Lauren, but I won't be back for another hour and a half or so, then. Plus I'm sure Madge and John will be giving me an earful for at least an hour about where we've been, then I have to fill them in our plan. Feel free to take a nap if you want.'
'Bo… I'm almost back to you… stay on the beach. I have an idea.'
Bo stood on the beach watching the sky for Lauren, but there was no sign of her. 'Lauren? Are you okay?'
'Yes Bo… don't freak okay, but look to your left.'
Bo turned to look and,
"Arghhh!"
Bo jumped back and fell as Lauren approached in her White Tiger form.
'I said DON'T freak, Bo… it's me, honest. Am I that scary?'
'My God, Lauren… you're beautiful in every form… I-I just wasn't expecting… th- your tiger. I didn't expect you to be… well, I expected you to be smaller. You're just a baby tiger.'
'I'm a full grown adult, Bo. I won't get any bigger, if that's any consolation. When I landed, I tried to shift into my stallion, but it didn't work and I'm too tired to try again. This is my most comfortable form, Bo. I often sleep this way.'
Bo looked at Lauren, imagining sleeping with a tiger in her bed. It would certainly eliminate the need for blankets. And uh… hmmm… what's that hanging down back there… her tiger is male too… that shifter DNA… Get a grip, Bo! You're staring at her… uh… his… shit,
Bo blushed and Lauren knew why, 'Uh… so… uh, why did you come back?'
'Hop on Bo, I can carry you in this form. Hold on to the skin at the back of my neck. The sway in my back will provide a sort of saddle.'
Bo hopped on to the large white tiger. She looked down at the massive paws – they were as big as Bo's head.
'Bo, I'm a lot faster in this form. I don't want you to fall off, so please hold on tight.'
Bo gripped tighter as Lauren started to move.
"We're both hungry, Lauren and you need a chi feed, so do what you must. Are you sure you don't want to stop and pull chi now?"
The lessons from Madge and John were coming back to her… they were dangerously low on chi and she had agreed to avoid that from now on. Suddenly, Bo lurched forward as Lauren jumped a huge log. It was barely a nudge for such a big jump. Bo was amazed and was enjoying this ride even more than the stallion. Her strides were longer and she stayed lower to the ground so it was a smoother ride. My god, she was talking about Lauren as if she were comparing a BMW to a Mercedes.
'I'm pulling chi as we speak, Bo.'
Bo was immediately jealous of Lauren's skill.
'You can do that? I haven't been able to do that yet.'
Lauren chuckled to herself as she checked her surroundings. She didn't want to pass Bo's motorcycle but she had no idea where she'd parked.
'Okay, let's make a deal. You help me control my succubus and I'll help you learn to pull chi. Bo – I don't know where your bike is, I'm going to move up closer to the road but I can't be seen in this form.'
Bo sat up taller, pressing on Lauren's shoulders to see over the dunes. She could see that they were just about a quarter mile away. She passed the information on to Lauren through their wind connection. They said their goodbyes again as Lauren warned her before she shifted easily into her Phoenix and flew away. She called on the wind to Lauren,
'I'll never get used to watching you burst into flames, you know. It kind of freaks me out. By the way, thanks for coming back for me, Lauren.'
'Always Bo, see you soon.'