Disclaimer: Don't own ANYTHING!!! Apart from the ACL :D
A/N: Right, well I've decided to get rid of the ACL, mostly, because (and you should agree :D) they blagged head. They will probably still make an appearance in future chapters, but wont be as major.
Chapter Eleven:
"OH MY GOD, DAVE!"
With unnatural speed, all the cameras were switched on and turned to the source of the noise. Harry got up, and stood on his tiptoes to see what was going on, shading his eyes from the sun.
"NOOOO! NOT DAVE!" The chavs were standing well away from the water apart from Dave's mate, the Ravenclaw. He was on his knees, fists clenched, screaming at the sky.
"ACL, proceed with caution, do not try to make contact with the enemy chavs, but keep your cameras on!" Harry gave his orders and they moved with stealth towards the lake. They appeared silently behind the group of chavs, and Harry cleared his throat. The already-spooked Hufflepuff gangsta turned around and screamed.
"IT'S THE GRUDGE!" He turned and took refuge behind everyone else, but they - having turned at the shouts and seen the 'grudge' look-alikes - were trying to do the same thing. It was chaos.
One of the chavs got out his wand and pointed it at the ACL, who were all too busy filming to pull out their own wands in time. Luckily, the chav seemed to think a made up spell would suffice.
"GRUDGE-ICUS BANISH-ICUS!" A rather weak 'poof' sounded and a small cloud of smoke emitted from the end of his wand. He dropped his wand and scrambled through the rest of the chavs. Jumping into the water, he disappeared beneath it, never to be seen again.
Throughout the entire situation, the Raven chav had remained on his knees screaming at the sky. At the second splash however, he looked down.
"NOT YOU TOO JIMBO!" He staggered to his feet and pulled out his wand. "I SHALL AVENGE YOU!" With a battle cry, he ran and leapt into the water. Now their leader was gone, one by one, the rest of the chavs' primal instincts flared and they raced to defend the Raven. Within thirty seconds, sixteen Hogwarts Chavs had vanished. There was a weird silence as air bubbles rose to the surface and popped sorrowfully. Harry cleared his throat.
"Ahem." He edged himself to the edge of the lake and peered over. The dark depths revealed no secrets. Apart from one torn Speedo that had floated to the surface. Harry cleared his throat again and turned to go back to the ACL.
"Well then- hello?" There was nobody there. He looked down. All of the ACL was knelt, there heads touching the floor.
"Err." Harry said. A mosha towards the front sat up and back on his heels, waving his hands in the air.
"Oh revered leader! Teach us your ways!" Harry stared. A moment ago they were sneaking off to unknown places to film things and hitting on him, now they were worshiping him?
"I'm sorry, what's changed?" He asked delicately.
"Oh, almighty one-who-we-are-not-worthy-of! In one stroke of your hand you have rid the earth of over a dozen chavs! Teach us how to, oh masterful ruler!" Harry swallowed, and glanced back at the lake.
"Actually I think the giant squid ate them…"
"You are so modest, oh great one! We can all only hope that one day we might merit half of your worth!"
"That doesn't make any sense…" Harry was awash in a sea of confusion.
"Let us bear you into the warmth of the castle, oh great warrior!"
"Its already warm enough out here!" Ignoring him, the ACL rose as one and lifted Harry onto their shoulders and carried him into Hogwarts. They passed Hermione, who was leading a group of Vicky Pollards outside.
"Harry, what's happenin-OOMPH!" One of the ACL spammed Hermione (A/N The technique where you slap someone forehead with the palm of your hand).
"YOU WILL NOT SPEAK TO THE ALMIGHTY ONE UNLESS HE SPEAKS TO YOU!" The mosha raged.
"What? The almighty one? Harry! OOMPH!" She had been spammed again. "Stop tha-OOMPH!" The procession halted at the third spam.
"She has defied the almighty one three times, she will be punished! Get her!" Hermione was grabbed by two moshas, one on either side.
"Its okay, I don't mind." Harry said, peering down at Hermione in worry.
"She must be taught a lesson, almighty one! Just like these other traitors!" Harry looked around to the back of the procession. All of the emo/Vicky Pollards were being dragged along (all of them in tears) and several chavs were captive too. Harry giggled nervously.
"Oh, yes, well, if they're traitors…"
"Harry!" Hermione yelled. "Get off of me, you stinking mosha OOMPH! STOP SPAMMING ME!"
Harry was carried to the room of requirement (made by a mosha, big mistake). He gaped at the image the room presented. It was a cathedrally type room, high ceiling and massive wood rafters. There was a stain glass window at the far end of the building, depicting an armour clad Harry standing on a mound of chavs, a beam of light shining down on him from the heavens. There was many inverted-pentangle's hanging on the walls, and Harry was put down in front of an altar with what looked like the Book of Shadows from Charmed laid on it. Sure enough, as he opened it, there were pictures painted in it of men and women, and their strengths and weaknesses. The only difference from the Channel 4 show was that they were all Hogwarts Chavs.
Harry shut it carefully and spun around to see his mosha cult herding the chavs, emo's and Hermione towards him. He raised his hand and silence descended.
"He speaks!" A mosha yelled, then cowered under Harry's glare.
"The traitors that you have captured shall be….." He paused dramatically. "Taken to the Great Hall!"
"Take them to the Great Hall! Take them to the Great Hall!" They chanted as they filed out. When the church was empty, Harry scarpered.
DUH DUH DUUUUUH!
Next Chapter:
Now we've got rid of the ACL, its time for some lone combat…IN CLASS!