Combusting Hearts
Chapter 11
The next day was Sunday, a day when most people religious would be in church. It's a day that for years, has held no place in my heart. In fact, it was a dull reminder of a normal life long forgotten. Though apparently, not forgotten enough.
That's right, my thoughts still trailed back to it. My heart pounded in my chest, reminding me of those years with my family, when we would go to church together. I had always believed in God, always loved God, always prayed for his help and guidance. I don't know what went wrong though. I suppose it was my guilt that pushed him out of my thoughts after my parents death. I felt as though he would never accept me again, no matter what I did.
As I walked the halls, I closed my eyes, thinking of how great my sin of living was. I had killed my parents. Two innocent people died by my hands, and I couldn't take it back, no matter how hard I tried. I would never be forgiven, and would inevitably be sent to the pits of hell for all eternity.
Those thoughts were put aside for barely a moment as I stopped in front of a door. I could hear muttering inside, almost like chanting. I also noticed that it was Kurt's room that I was standing in front of.
"Kurt…" I whispered, before carefully opening the door.
I looked inside, seeing him perched on the edge of his bed, muttering to himself. He had what looked like a twisted cross hanging from his fingers on a chain.
"Kurt…?" I called quietly, making him look up from what he was doing.
"E-Elaine," he stammered, surprised to see me here.
"What are you doing?" I asked quietly, staring at him as he leapt off of his bed and onto the floor.
"I vaz praying," he told me, holding up the metal cross that hung from his pocket.
I stared at it for a moment, thoughts running through my head. I had to avert my eyes for a moment, glancing away from him, and what was currently dangling from his hand.
"Why…why do you do that?" I asked, slowly bringing my eyes to look at him again.
"You mean pray?" he asked.
I nodded my head.
"Vell…I pray for forgivnezz," he said, "I pray to be clozer to Gott," he explained.
I just stared at him, my brows furrowing together.
"But…but how can you believe in him…how can you pray to him when he's left you like this!?" I exclaimed, wanting to know how someone like Kurt could bother asking for forgiveness, when all he's gotten is a life of pain and fear.
"Becauze fraulein, he iz merciful. Gott iz great, and he givez forgivenezz to zoze who azk for it," he told me.
I just turned my head away from him, not believing it. I could never be forgiven, so why even ask for forgiveness if it won't do me any good.
"You do not believe?" he asked me.
"I…I used too, but not anymore," explained, turning to a wall, and resting my face against it.
"Zen you know zat he iz forgiving," he said, coming to stand by my side.
I shook my head no, trying not to cry.
"Not when you've killed people Kurt!" I cried, not realizing that I had just blurted that out.
"Killed people?" he questioned, his brows knitting together as he stared at me with his yellow eyes.
I nodded my head carefully.
"A dangerous sin among others…one that cannot be forgiven…and I don't expect it to be…" I told him.
I then turned around to look at him, my eyes connecting with his.
"I'll burn in hell Kurt…so why should I pray? If I were normal, then there wouldn't be any problems at all," I explained.
This caused him to look at me with a certain sadness as realization hit him.
"Ziz vaz a rezult of your powerz?" he asked.
I nodded my head, answering without any spoken words.
"Elaine…" he whispered, walking to stand before me as he wrapped his arms around me in an embrace.
"Gott forgivez all zinz…he lovez uz all Elaine. You juzt have to believe in him and he zhall guide you to the heavenz above. Zere iz a reazon for everyzing Elaine. It vaz not your fault," he whispered into my ear softly.
I just stood there as tears fell, trying to pull away, but Kurt wouldn't let me go. He knew better than to let me go at this moment in time. In fact, if he did let go, then I'd probably end up doing something stupid.
"N-no! I'm a sinner! It was my fault!" I cried, trying harder to pull away from him, but it did little good for me at all.
"Elaine, once you believe in Gott, you never truly ztop believing," he said.
I just backed against the wall, sliding down it, crying into my arms.
"Pleaze Elaine, juzt listen?" he pleaded, kneeling before me, his strange hands on my shoulders. "If you von't pray, zin I vill do it for you," he explained, taking his cross from his pants, and placing his hands on the sides of my face.
His cross dangled down, brushing my cheek as tears fell mercilessly down my face. He didn't seem to mind as they soaked into his skin, a few rolling down his hand, and traveling down the blue plain of his arm. His forehead was placed against mine.
With each tear I cried, my soul grew tired, crying out for redemption. I still believed in God, but I myself was too scared and ashamed to ask for forgiveness after everything that I had done. Now, Kurt was doing it for me, praying for me so that I didn't have to. He prayed for me to put my restless and longing soul at ease, to free me from my self-imprisonment. All that I could do was nod weakly.
Such great power in words of prayer, those spoken aloud, they were more powerful than any. They were words being spoken for me.
"Merciful Gott, forgive zeze zinz az you have forgiven mein. Forgive and let her be free from zis zorrow zhe holdz. Pleaze, Lord in heaven, Gott our zavior, zave her from zis zuffering…" he whispered quietly with his head down and his eyes closed. "Forgive zy Lord in heaven. For your vill zhall be done on earth az it iz in heaven," he whispered, and once again, more tears fell from my eyes.
His words of prayer were so soothing to me, even though they seemed so foreign to my ears. They brought back old memories that I had kept locked far away in my shaky mind. Though as everyone knows, not all memories can be so easily forgotten and left in darkness to rot away. No, they came back out every now and then just to spite you. Right now, was one such time for me.
"Come here baby. Hush now, please don't cry," my mother said softly, brushing away the tears from my eyes.
"I did a bad thing Mommy," I cried.
"What did you do sweetie? Tell Mommy and I'll make it all better," she promised.
"I-I lied," I exclaimed tearfully.
Once again, she whipped away my sorrowful tears, kissing my forehead gently.
"Don't worry baby, all is forgiven," she assured me.
"But…we're not supposed to lie…it's against the rules," I cried.
My mother sighed, her eyes tracing over every part of my tiny face. My face was filled with such anguish.
"Yes, I know sweetie, but he always forgives us," she said, causing me to look at her. "God, forgives all sins as long as we believe. We must believe in him Elaine. Believe and embrace him, cherish him and love him, hold him always in our hearts," she said, "He loves us always."
Tears fell rapidly from my eyes.
"In your loving and holy name, I pray, amen," he whispered.
"Amen…" I choked faintly, catching him by surprise, but causing him to smile.
After that, I let my arms fly forward, hugging him and crying.
"It'z alright Elaine, it iz alright," he shushed, holding me in his arms.
He gently stroked my hair as we sat there, cooing faint words into my ear. They were gentle words of calming, prayers, and psalms from the Bible. The Bible, no doubt a book he had memorized and read often. He could probably speak every word verbatim.
"Huzh now Elaine…pleaze do not cry," he whispered softly, his accent never wavering.
Once again as always, this wore my body out, exhausting all of my energy. I had gotten so wound up, that now, I was completely tired out. I just wanted to go back to sleep and possibly wish that this never happened. Then again, it did happen, whether I liked it or not. Regardless, the crying would not stop. In fact, I couldn't stop crying even if I wanted to right now.
"Huzh Elaine. It iz alright, ze Lord iz vith you az am I," he whispered.
I shook my head quietly, weakly, trying to brush away my tears. I had no clue as to why this always tired me out so much. Then again, so much energy was used and wasted on account of crying. So I guess that is why I was so tired. Then again, I was pretty much tired of everything to be honest.
So, without really thinking about anything else, I just let myself fall against him. My tired exhaustion slowly taking over me and leaving me alone with him in this darkness.
I could hear him sigh quietly as he wrapped his arms around me to pick me up. He just held me in his arms as he walked toward his door, his tail flicking behind him as he looked down at me.
Trying to suppress my emotions didn't help me much either, it just wasted even more energy that I obviously didn't have in me.
"Hey! What's goin' on here?" Gambit asked as he stepped out of his room, his eyes landing on me and Kurt.
"Nozing," Kurt assured him, walking toward my room.
That answer apparently wasn't good enough for him, so he followed Kurt into my room.
"Vhy muzt you follow?" Kurt asked, glancing at Gambit as he laid me down on my bed.
"Because, Gambit wanna know what wrong wi'd cheri," he said as he moved closer to look at me. "Why she been cryin'?" he asked with a slight accusatory tone in his voice, upon seeing the wetness on my face.
Kurt turned away from him for a moment, before deciding to answer.
"It iz not my place to zay. It iz between her and Gott now," he said.
Gambit glared at him as he said that.
"Don' give me d'at crap," he spat, obviously annoyed.
Kurt was taken back by this, startled at what Gambit had said. Before Gambit could say anything else, I decided to speak up.
"Enough Remy…" I groaned, turning over a bit and surprising both of them. "Don't make me…get…Logan in here," I said tiredly.
It was obvious in the sound of my voice that I was completely exhausted, and they both noticed it. I gave Kurt a look that basically said, "Go get Logan" and with that, he left. Though, he left Gambit to pester me with questions.
"Why were ya cryin' cheri?" he asked, sitting down on the edge of my bed.
I just turned over, facing away from him as I closed my eyes, trying to tune in out. That didn't seem to work though as he turned me back over to face him.
"Come on, cheri, tell Remy?" he pleaded, but I gave him no answer.
"It's not something that I want to talk about Remy," I muttered, listening quietly to the oncoming footsteps that were now heading down the hall in my direction.
"Why won' you tell Remy?" he questioned, still trying to pump me for answers.
I let out a sigh of relief as Logan came into the room and grabbed him by the back of his coat, tossing him out of the room, and closing the on him. Though, not before saying something along the line of, "Stay out of here Gumbo"
"Logan…" I whispered tiredly, a small smile on my face.
He just gave me a faint chuckle as he pulled the desk chair up in front of my bed.
"What's got you so bent out of shape before 8 in the evening?" he asked.
I went to open my mouth, but he held a finger up. He then got up and went to the door, opening it, and grabbing Gambit roughly by his coat. I could hear the sound of his yelp as he was tossed into his room. I wouldn't doubt if Logan doesn't end up tying him up and hog tying him. Logan then came back 5 minutes later with a satisfied grin on his face.
"Well, I think that takes care of that," he said, sitting back down in front of me.
"Please tell me…that you didn't just do…what I…think you did?" I asked through half lidded eyes.
He just grinned at me.
"Lovely…" I muttered, closing my eyes tiredly.
When Logan didn't hear anything else from me after a good 10 minutes, he left, deciding that I was finally asleep.
T
Unfortunately, I wound up waking up at around midnight, unable to go back to sleep. So, against my better judgment, I decided to get up out of bed.
A thought crossed my mind as I left my room, quietly heading toward Gambit's. I had a feeling that he wasn't asleep, and likely still tied up. And what do you know, upon entering his room, I found that I was right.
I couldn't help but laugh as I stood there staring at him. He just sat in the corner of his room on his stomach tied up, staring at me with pleading eyes.
"You know…" I yawned, "I have half a mind to just leave you like this and attempt to go back to sleep," I said, rubbing my eyes a bit.
"Come on cheri, I'm beggin' ya. Help ol' Gambit outta d'is?" he asked, moving around a bit the best that he could.
I sighed as I came closer, falling to my knees in front of him. I then went to work at trying to untie him, but it did little good, only resulting in making my hands sore.
"Remy, where's that knife of yours?" I asked, yawning again.
He tried to turn a bit as he thought about it.
"Is in me back pocket cheri," he announced.
My whole face went red when he said this. Just the mere idea of me touching his butt was enough to send me over the edge. So, swallowing heavily, I reached into his right back pocket. I came back empty handed and still embarrassed.
"In d'e o'der pocket cheri," he said, biting back a laugh. I smacked his arm for that.
I sighed, before reaching into his left back pocket, coming back out with his pocketknife in hand. I swear, the whole time, I could feel my face heat up.
"Ya got it cheri?" he asked.
"Y-yeah…I've got it Remy," I told him, flipping it open, and working on cutting him loose.
It took me a few minutes because Logan had tied him so tight, but I eventually cut through it. He was so happy when he was finally free, rubbing his wrists painfully, along with cracking his stiff neck and back.
"Feel better now?" I asked, yawning as I rested against the wall, closing my eyes.
I think sleep was trying to catch up to me again, telling me that I needed to go back to sleep again.
"Much betta cheri, much," he said, grinning at me.
I just sat there with my eyes closed and his pocketknife in my hand. My mind kept trying to go back into dream world as I sat there. Luckily, it was Remy that was alone in the room with me instead of a few possible other guys in this school. I can only imagine what they would do while I slept. Luckily, Remy was a gentleman and had manners for the most part. Although, it wouldn't surprise me if he didn't let his mind wander a bit every now and then like most guys, but I still liked him well enough.
"You're fallin' asleep there cheri," Gambit said, stating the obvious.
I could only half way hear him though as I sat there, slipping in and out of consciousness. I could feel the gears in my head turning as images made their way into my mind. They were all of various colors, with nothing in particular standing out. All that it really was at the moment was a bunch of swirling colors that continued to mesh together in my head.
"Cheri," Gambit's voice pulled me back to my senses for a moment, "You're fallin' darlin'," he said.
Even though he said this, it still didn't really register with me that well.
"You know cheri, if Wolverine find you in here, Gambit gonna be in big trouble," he said, listening carefully for any noise outside.
I didn't really move or say anything as he sat there in front of me, staring at me. I opened my eyes for a brief moment, my eyes slowly fixing on his face. He gave me a small smile as he came closer, wrapping his arm around my back. I looked at him tiredly, a faint spark of curiosity in my eyes. He just placed his other arm under my legs, lifting me off of the floor as he stood up.
He made sure to check the hallway first, before stepping outside. Once he was satisfied, he quickly snuck over to my room and put me in my bed.
He stood there for a few moments, just staring down at me as he brushed a bit of hair out of my face, placing it behind my ear.
"You really are a beauty cheri," he whispered, caressing my cheek for just a moment, before turning toward the door. "Bonne nuit, cheri," he said, closing the door behind him.
The moment that he left though, I could hear his voice distinctively saying, "Merde!" I could tell that he was trying to stay on the quiet side when he said it, but he was obviously irritated and displeased. Though, I think I heard Logan's voice too, so that would likely explain things.
Ok everyone, there's chapter 11. I hope that everyone enjoyed it. Please remember to REVIEW and send me feedback? I love hearing back from others on what they think of my story. So please, don't hesitate to let me know how you feel about it. Reviews are always good inspiration to keep me writing. :) Thanks everyone. Pleasant reading.