Olivia woke up to find Alex still curled up in the closet, sound asleep. "Baby," she said quietly, taking Alex's hand and giving it a squeeze. "It's time to get up." She really didn't want to wake Alex, but she had to clean her cuts and then they had to go to the police station, where Alex was supposed to give her statement.
Alex's eyes flew open and she flinched, trying to squirm away from Olivia.
"Sweetheart, it's okay. It's just me." She bit her lip. "Alex, I need to clean your injuries for you and re-bandage your back."
"No," whimpered Alex, vehemently shaking her head.
"Yeah, baby. I told you before that I would have to do it twice a day. It's to make sure your wounds don't get infected, sweetie."
"Please don't," begged Alex, and it was breaking Olivia's heart to deny her. She knew that to Alex, this felt like another violation altogether, and she couldn't bear the idea that she was taking away Alex's control over her own body, just as the man who'd abducted her had done.
"Alex, I won't hurt you. I promise I'll be very careful and I won't hurt you."
Alex mutely went to the bed and lay down, staying as still as she could, although she was trembling. "Yes, ma'am," she murmured, and buried her head in her hands.
Alex cried as Olivia lifted her shirt and started to gently peel off the bandages. It made Olivia want to cry, too, but she had to be strong for Alex. She murmured soothing words as she applied the antiseptic, but Alex didn't seem to be listening, so she settled for taking Alex's hand. Alex's fingers were limp and her hand shook, but she didn't try to pull away – not because she didn't want to, but because she was afraid of what would happen if she did. Olivia understood this, and as soon as it hit her, she felt tears rushing to her own eyes, and blinked them back.
Olivia re-bandaged Alex's back and pressed a gentle kiss to the base of her neck. "You're being so brave, baby," she said, tenderly stroking Alex's hair. Still, Alex shivered, and still, she wept.
"Sweetheart, can you turn over for me so I can finish?"
Alex looked up at Olivia through glassy blue eyes. "Yes, ma'am," she whispered, and rolled onto her back.
"You don't have to call me ma'am, honey. It's okay." She planted a kiss on Alex's forehead. "I'm so proud of you."
Alex forced herself to lie still, to be the good girl Olivia expected her to be, even though it hurt, almost as much as when the injuries had been inflicted to begin with. And she was going to have to go through this every day, twice a day, for weeks. She didn't know if she'd be able to bear it.
After what seemed like an eternity, Olivia finished and rolled down Alex's shirt. "I'll make you breakfast, sweetheart, while you get dressed. Then we have to go to the precinct so you can give your statement."
Alex shook her head. "I don't want to –"
"I know you don't, baby, but you have to. We're going to need your statement to convict the man who hurt you. You know that."
"But I don't – I can't –" She bowed her head. "I'm scared," she finally admitted.
"I know, baby, but you are very, very strong, and I know you can do this. I'll stay with you the whole time if that's what you need."
Alex shook her head. "It doesn't work that way. You know that."
"I'll find a way."
"But it has to stand up in court, and if you're there, it won't, and I've wasted my time." She sounded so weary, defeated, and that hurt Olivia more than anything. She couldn't make Alex feel safe anymore. She couldn't protect her.
"It'll be okay," she said, but the words sounded hollow, even to her. She couldn't make those kinds of promises anymore – Alex wouldn't believe them.
She went into the kitchen and started some pancakes for Alex, trying to push away her guilt for what she had to force Alex to do. She didn't like making Alex do things she didn't want to do, but right now Alex wasn't in any state to decide for herself, and Olivia knew this was the right thing to do. She just wished it didn't hurt so much.
"Alex!" she called about ten minutes later. "Breakfast's ready!"
Alex didn't respond, so after a few moments Olivia went to get her.
She found Alex curled up in the closet again, rocking back and forth as tears streaked down her face. "Please, ma'am," she begged, looking up at Olivia through glassy eyes. "Please don't make me!"
Olivia felt the physical pain in her heart, and she knelt down beside her girlfriend. "Princess, I know you don't want to talk about what happened. I don't want you to talk about it, either, and I don't want to put you through any more pain than you absolutely have to endure. If there was any other way, I'd find it, but sweetheart, there isn't. I really wish you didn't have to do this, but you're going to have to be brave for me. I know you can do this."
"I can't," whimpered Alex.
"I know you can, baby. You're the strongest woman I've ever met, and you can do this."
"No, I can't!"
"Princess –"
"Please." Alex's final entreaty was barely audible, but it brought tears to Olivia's eyes.
"Baby, you have to. I'm sorry, but you have to."
Alex bowed her head in acceptance – no, in defeat. It broke Olivia's heart.
She sighed and helped Alex to her feet. "Come on, baby. I'll help you get dressed."
An hour later, Olivia and a very reluctant, trembling Alex were sitting in an interview room at the precinct. Olivia wished she could take Alex's statement herself, but it would be a conflict of interest, and two detectives from Brooklyn SVU had come down to the 1-6 to interview her.
Both of them looked up when the door opened and a woman and a man walked in. They sat down across from Alex and Olivia. "Ms. Cabot, I'm Detective Stevens and this is Detective Russo," said the woman, and turned to Olivia. "Detective Benson, I'm sorry, but you're going to have to leave."
Olivia kissed the crown of Alex's head. "You're going to be fine, baby," she murmured, giving Alex's hand a squeeze before leaving the room. She stood on the other side of the mirror and chewed on her lower lip, watching the interview.
Alex didn't look at the detectives in the room. She kept her eyes on the table, tracing circles with the pads of her fingers. Her fingernails were just starting to grow back in, and it was more painful than she'd expected. Olivia had given her some painkillers, but they only helped so much.
"Ms. Cabot, is it all right if we turn on the tape recorder?" asked Detective Russo.
Alex wanted to say no, but her throat constricted and she couldn't say anything at all.
Detective Russo turned it on anyway and said the date and time.
"Ms. Cabot," said Detective Stevens. "I want to walk you through what happened the night you were abducted. Where were you when it happened?"
Alex took a deep breath. "I was on my way home from work. I stopped to pick up some Chinese for dinner, at Mandarin. When I came outside, there was a man waiting. He asked me for directions, and I told him I didn't know, and started to go back to my car. He grabbed me and I felt a gun against my back. He told me to shut up and not say a word, or else he'd kill me and hurt Olivia – Detective Benson. My girlfriend." She bit her lip. "I went with him. He put me in his truck and tied me up in the back."
"What happened next?"
"He drove for maybe an hour or two," answered Alex, picking at a loose thread on her shirt. "We got to a house, and he took me into the basement. He blindfolded me and hung me from the ceiling by my wrists. He came back down a while later, and he raped me." She buried her head in her hands. "I don't want to talk anymore."
"I know this is difficult, Ms. Cabot, but it's very important that you tell us everything you remember."
"I don't care." Alex started to cry and looked up at the one-way mirror. "Olivia?" It was more of a plea than anything, and it took all Olivia had not to go to her and fold Alex into her warm embrace. Alex needed to finish this. It would be painful, but then it would be over. That was what mattered.
"Ms. Cabot, what happened after he raped you?"
Alex cried harder. "Olivia!" she said, rocking herself back and forth. "Olivia –"
"Ms. Cabot –"
"No!" she screamed, covering her ears with her hands. "I want to go home! I don't want to be here!"
And then Olivia was by her side, holding her and protecting her from this pain. She said something to the detectives that Alex didn't understand, and the next thing she knew, Olivia was shepherding her out the door and into the car. "You did so well, baby," she said, kissing Alex's forehead. "I'm proud of you."
Alex leaned against the car door. "I'm sorry, ma'am. I tried, really, I – please don't punish me, I didn't mean to."
"Princess, I'm not going to punish you. It's okay. You did just fine."
But Alex either didn't hear or didn't understand. And that hurt Olivia more than anything, because there didn't seem to be anything she could do to help.
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