He didn't always try to avoid Damon. It wasn't like it is now.
At first, he missed his brother terribly. Missed the companionship. Missed his best friend. He lies on his side, propping his head up on his hand and then smoothly – gracefully – he rolls onto his back. She moves from her position at the foot of the bed, crawling towards him until she is lying next to him, placing her hand in his. They lie like this in silence for a while, absorbing the close contact, staring at their clasped hands. His mind wanders back to his brother, and he continues.
Being a newly turned vampire is never easy especially if you're doing it alone. When he first transitioned, he never thought he would be going through it by himself. He thought like everything major in their lives from their mother's death to Katherine, they would be sharing this experience. They do but not together. The separation, the distance between them is too large and too deep. It's not what he envisioned when he feed from his father. He had delusions of grandeur.
He was sadly mistaken.
Now he doesn't think it will ever be the same. Yes, they still save each other from peril. They still feel that sense of loyalty to each other. They're brothers after all. The same blood flows through their veins, calling to each other. Even when at odds, they are brothers. No matter what Damon says.
He holds out hope that Damon will change, that the love between them will be acknowledged. That things will become like they once were. But as the decades pass, that hope has dwindled to the size of a pebble. It's still there, but it's looking less and less likely. That is until…
He doesn't finish the sentence. Out of fear. Out of his own jealousy and insecurity.
She knows how that sentence ends. Until Damon met her. Until he claimed to be in love with her. It's a sensitive subject, one they've been so careful to avoid. They've mentioned it to each other at first just as a precaution. Just as a clarification, assuring similar feelings, declaring love and faithfulness. They have not dug deeper. Have not discussed what this little twist in the road means.
But now is the time.
Now it is safe.
He lets go of her hand and sits up as she does the same until they are sitting cross-legged on his bed, staring at each other. She begins.
She knows he's worried but honestly, this little revelation means nothing to her. It's not even a blip on the radar. She has no feelings for Damon other than those of friendship. She loves him and only him. That will not change. He sighs. He knows this.
He knows this.
But still. His mind can't help imagining scenarios that will lead her to Damon and not him. There are none in her mind, but there are plenty in his. What if he goes back to human blood? What if something happens to him? What if he hurts her in some unforgivable way?
What if, what if, what if.
These are just natural possibilities. Life has shown that there are plenty of possibilities beyond the natural.
They don't matter. None of them matter. She refuses to live with that fear overhead. She's done it before for too many years. She won't do it again. Let's get to the center of it all. Let's cut to the chase. He and Damon have a history of falling for the same woman with her face.
But not her personality.
Hasn't she proven that?
Of course, but his insecurities lie deep along with his jealousy. They're embedded into the very core of him. He's been in this situation before, and it didn't turn out well for him. That situation occurred, but not with her.
Remember.
Please remember.
She is not Katherine. Will never be Katherine. No matter what he imagines or what Damon wishes. She will not be her.
She reaches out to him, and they embrace, enveloping each other completely. He closes his eyes and although he has been reassured, he can't help but think. She may not be Katherine. Will never be Katherine. But Damon is still Damon.
And that's what he's afraid of.