It hurts me to hurt him this way. Sometimes I wonder if I should give in and say "Yes."
Sometimes he looks so helpless. I just want to wrap him up in my arms and say "I love you, Aniki. Please don't be sad."
Then I remember what I'm doing this for. I can't just let down my whole family because I'm being selfish and feel indulging my older brother's homicidal tendencies. By this time, Tsunade won't let me give up.
Hell, the entire village of Konoha won't let me quit now. They demand that I break Itachi to the point of rendering him harmless.
Sakura and Naruto have been immense (though surprising) help. They are the ones who have been preventing the villagers, civilians and shinobi alike, from storming the Uchiha gates and demanding his head on a plate. I am eternally in their debt, although they tell me they really don't want anything, except, says Naruto, a free bowl of ramen now and then.
Why doesn't he give it up? I hate doing this to him everyday; it's like clockwork, we've done it so often.
I glide past him, trying to avoid his chair, but he grabs my wrist anyway and tries to drag me near him, almost desperate in his attempt.
What I'm going to do next always breaks my heart.
I push him back into the chair, giving him a sharp, but impersonal, slap across the face. I let nonexsistant disgust, rage, and venom color my voice until it makes something ugly and contorted, the complete opposite of what I feel for him. "NO!"
He shrinks away and I can see him visibly go inside himself.
He doesn't say anything anymore, and all I seem to say is no.
I want to cry for him, my beloved aniki who used to be so strong and composed but is now so helpless and lonely looking. My ideal person, I worshiped him night and day.
Irony is a bitch when working against your favor. Once, I wanted to get revenge upon him and make him suffer as he made me suffer.
Now that I now longer wanted to see him in pain, that I want to make him happy, I am forced to cause him emotional anguish.
To be continued...