Notes: Written because I couldn't decide whether to laugh or cringe, so I did both. Thanks for reading. :)

Apprehension (Party Foul)

Sharon drank her wine slowly, sipping it in silence as she watched her son work. Rusty had sketched a quick timetable on a scrap of paper and he hunched over it now, his head bent in concentration. On the computer screen in front of him, he had several browser tabs opened to the SMC class schedule. He clicked back and forth between them, taking notes as he went.

"How's it going?"

"I'm taking a psychology class," he said. "Don't laugh."

"I won't," she said, hiding her smile behind her glass.

God, but she was so proud of him. Thinking back to the boy he had been this time last year, and comparing him to the young man sitting in front of her now... it was incredible how far he had come, it really was.

That didn't mean there was nowhere left to go.

Sharon's smile slowly faded, the worry she couldn't quite stave off returning to settle in the pit of her stomach.

Preparing her children to be adults was one of the essential duties of being their parent. Sometimes this required her to initiate frank discussions about things no child wanted to discuss with their mothers but most needed to.

She'd had to proceed very, very carefully when she'd had this talk with Ricky and Emily, and Rusty often needed to be approached with extra delicateness. Sharon liked to think she'd developed an accurate gauge for reading his reactions.

But this was... tricky.

It wasn't a sex talk that she was thinking of giving Rusty. Not precisely. But there were other things, relationship things...

Sharon was beginning to wish she'd poured herself a larger glass of wine.

What she wanted was for her children to form healthy, happy partnerships with people who loved them. She wanted them to enjoy the emotional (and, yes, though she cringed to think about it, sexual) intimacy that had been absent from her own marriage, and more than anything, she never wanted to see them suffer from pain inflicted by their partners.

So there were certain things that she had instilled in the older two, things that she had repeated over and over until they'd rolled their eyes and complained that she was embarrassing, but that had been all right because she'd known they'd heard.

Rusty was... different.

There were some issues there.

She had some concerns.

To put it mildly.

She wanted him to know that he didn't need to feel guilty or ashamed. That it was okay for him to want a relationship. That he needed to look after his own health and his safety, and that of his partner.

That what he wanted mattered.

That if anyone ever laid an unwanted hand on him she would throw them in jail faster than he could blink, because he always, always had the right to say no.

The last two were most in line with her current worries.

Given his history, he would be especially vulnerable.

Given his history, he would be especially reluctant to participate in this conversation.

Sharon shifted her glass to her other hand and tried to shift her thoughts with it. She leaned closer, trying for a better look at the work he'd done. The closeness would've made him shy away, once. He didn't seem to mind her hovering over him tonight, and when she reached over and squeezed his shoulder, she was answered with a smile.

"You look like you're making progress."

"I guess." Rusty made a face. "But like, these classes are all at eight. In the morning."

"There would've been room in the later classes if you'd registered last week."

"'I told you so,' really?"

Sharon smiled into her wine. Yes, really. "That's half an hour later than your classes at Saint Joseph's, and there are no Friday classes. You'll be fine."

A face and an eyeroll. "That's not the point."

She didn't ask what the point might be.

She had some time.

He hadn't even told her that he was romantically interested in this Jeff, and she didn't want to press the issue until then. She also didn't want him to misinterpret her reservations about this budding relationship as being related to his sexuality in any way. She was going to have to proceed carefully, there.

Sharon was sure that Jeff was a nice young man. Rusty and Mike both liked him. But she worried that would be part of the problem—had Rusty fallen for the first person who was kind to him? Was Jeff even aware of just how much influence he had over Rusty at this particular moment? In any event, he was too old for her son, and this business about not going to college... She just didn't like it.

Sharon loved her life.

That didn't mean that she wanted to see any of her children put their dreams on hold to please someone else, and especially not the child whose entire life had been spent putting other people first.

Maybe Sharon wouldn't have made it as a lawyer. Maybe she wouldn't have enjoyed the work. She could think of a hundred other maybes, but it still would have been nice to have made the choice for herself.

She took another sip of wine and watched Rusty scribble something down on the table he'd drawn. "I think you'll enjoy college," she said. "I did, so much more than high school."

"Yeah," he said, sparing her a dubious glance before he crossed out what he'd written and looked back at the computer screen. "That was like, thirty years ago, Sharon. I think it's changed a lot."

"Mm," she said vaguely. Yes. Thirty. They would stick with that. "You might be surprised. How's your schedule coming?"

"Uh..." Rusty squinted at his handwriting. "English first thing in the mornings, then psychology, then history."

"How many units is that?"

"Nine." He hesitated. "You have to pay per unit."

"It's my job to worry about that," she said firmly. "Not yours. Your job is to work hard. Is twelve units still full-time?"

He nodded.

"Start with that, your first quarter," she suggested. "That should be enough to keep you busy, but it'll give you some time to get used to the workload and the campus. We can see about you taking more in the spring."

"Are you sure?"

As sure as she'd been the last time they'd had this conversation. Rusty looked at her uncertainly, his mouth opening as though he were prepared to argue with her. She shook her head, motioning him back towards his computer. "What else are you thinking of taking?"

"The counselor I talked to said everyone needed to take communications to transfer," he said. "I guess I could get that out of the way. Whatever that is."

"Public speaking."

He wrinkled his nose. "Maybe not."

Sharon hid a smile. "You should take something fun," she told him. "Try something new."

"But—"

"Don't tell me it's a waste of money."

"Time, then."

She shook her head. "Or you could find that art history is your calling."

"You said something fun, Sharon." But now he was hesitating. "Jeff took a theater class because it was the only thing that fit into his schedule one quarter. That's how he figured out what he wanted to do."

At least Jeff was making himself useful now. "And I wanted to be a lawyer because of one speech and debate class," she said. "You might want to try a theater class yourself, if you like your job."

"Maybe..."

"Or what about creative writing?" she said. "I always see you writing in your notebook."

Rusty shrugged.

"If you don't want to, you don't have to," she told him. "It's up to you. I'm only asking you to consider it."

"I'm considering it."

"I'm glad."

Rusty gave her another look and returned to the computer. She finished her wine as she watched him paging through his tabs and rearranging the items on his paper with hastily drawn arrows. "Okay," he announced finally. "If I move my psychology class to the afternoon, I can take creative writing in the mornings."

"Maybe you'll be a writer for Badge of Justice someday," she said, gently teasing, and he laughed.

"I hope not," he said. "Even Jeff thinks the scripts are pretty terrible. And, I mean, they kinda are."

"So I've been told," she said, leaning to set her wine glass on the coffee table. "But Mike seems to be enjoying the creative process."

"Yeah," Rusty said. "Lieutenant Tao's really into it. The writers ask him a lot of questions. He likes that."

"I'm sure he does." She owed him a thank you.

"Jeff says he's a really great resource."

"And he's right, of course." She gave Rusty a good long look, noting his relaxed expression and the lack of tension in his posture, and decided she would work with that opening. "And I'm glad that you have turned out to be such a valuable asset to the team too."

Rusty shrugged. "Like I said. It's mostly just getting people stuff."

"Still." She smiled at him. "You're working so hard, and I'm glad that you're making friends."

"Yeah." Just for a second, she would go so far as to say he looked proud of himself. "I really like—them."

"I know." She made no comment on that little beat of hesitation. "And I hope that you keep making friends when you get to college."

"Sharon." Rusty gave her a look, then gestured at the screen. "I get it, okay? I'm going to college."

"No," she said. "This is something else."

"Oh."

"There was a time when I—" No, he already knew this story. Sharon cleared her throat and started over, trying to speak more generally. "There will be people whose perspectives matter to you," she told him. "I'm not saying you shouldn't take your friends' opinions into consideration, but Rusty, it's important not to lose sight of what you want."

"Unless it's your opinion, though, right?" he said without looking up. "Then I'm supposed to do whatever you want."

Sharon paused, momentarily forgetting everything else that she'd meant to say.

She saw a smile flicker across Rusty's face before his expression turned serious. "I know what you're saying, Sharon. I do. I swear."

She hoped so.

She wasn't convinced.

They would be revisiting this conversation. More than once. Because she needed him to know that when it came to his future, what he wanted should come secondary to no one. Even her, if it really came down to that. She hoped that it wouldn't, not just yet. Not until he'd grown enough self-esteem to know that he was worth something.

"I'm glad we've got that settled, then," she said, reaching over to squeeze his arm. "Now, why don't we get you enrolled in these classes before they fill up, hmm?"

She breathed easier once it was done.