Author's Note:The Final Four are here. After today, there'll only be three. Also StarHeart Specials has done a top ten moments list for the first three seasons. Check it out, it's awesome. Also, the first episode of Total DramaRama was leaked to Youtube. It's actually pretty entertaining.
Disclaimer:I don't own Total Drama, the shuffled concept or the (most of) the characters.
And to answer some reviews:
Guest #1: I'm glad you liked Natasha's reveal, and Lily as a whole. While I can't give away too much, I can say that Lightning will not go his canon path.
Derick Lindsey: I don't think anyone was expecting Lily to go home then. And oh my, I didn't even realize how I mirrored that scene in All-Stars. I figured even with Heather, I had enough to make it different, like with Natasha seeing through her act. And yes, Heather was talking about Victor. DJ is coming this episode, and all Final Two players will return for Random Drama: The Finale. I didn't really think about how fang knew about Natasha, let's just say Chris told him. And sorry to say, but 'wait and see'.
Gucci Mane LaFlare: This stupid loaner laptop makes fixing those mistakes a bleep. But they'll all be fixed when I get mine back. Anyway, I'm glad you liked Natasha's reveal. And I'm also glad people liked the 'villain with a heart' angle that sums up Lily.
StarHeart Specials: Sorry, both for booting Lily before you wanted and for how she ended this season. But like I said, just because she's actually a good person, doesn't mean that she could walk away Scot free for what she did.
That British Guy: I'll take that as a compliment. :)
lordkalel: Thanks! I'm glad you like my version of Lightning, which isn't that different than how he was before this episode to be honest.
Shrimpimp: No need to apologize. Yeah, elimination ceremonies that reveal secrets tend to be tense like that. Though I am confused at why you thought Zeke had the idol.
Guest #2: Not that weird of a guess. Of course you're assuming I even do a Brains/Brawn finale, and the same about deserving it could go to Lightning and Bridgette. I'm glad you liked Natasha's big reveal. I've been looking forward to it since season one.
Remaining Campers:
Boys: Lightning, Natasha
Girls: Bridgette, Jo
Who's up for some cooking/eating/dork hunting?
Episode 11: Eat, Puke, and Be Wary
"Previously, on Total Drama Revenge of the Island!" The recap opened with a shot of Jo making her first pass at the stolen zeppelin, smelling her eggs; this was followed by the trio of mutant flying fire-breathing mountain goats appearing and breathing jets of fire at her wheelchair-balloon. "An epic air battle turned into an epic fail when Lily tried to take over Natasha's sweet ride," the cynic was shown battling with the mastermind in his converted sports car and then falling out of it, "costing her her shot at winning."
"Natsha fought for control," the host continued over a clip of the young man crashing into the zeppelin's gondola and struggling with Heather over the briefcase of prize money. "Jo fought with fire," he added over the scene of the jock-ette leading the mountain goats around and using their flames to take out the zeppelin's engines. "And Lily fought with Natasha as he used his immunity idol to give her the Hurl," Chris finished as Lily was shown arguing with the mastermind at the campfire ceremony, then getting hurled into the night sky.
The recap ended there, the scene cutting to a close-up of a pair of identical purple kites flying in the sky. "We're down to the Final Four," Chris said as the shot cut to him and Chef standing on the Dock of Shame with the ends of the two kite's lines. "Who's goin' to the finals?" the host asked with a cheesy but excited tone, taking a pair of scissors out of his pocket. "And who's gonna be cut loose?" he asked, reaching over and cutting the line to Chef's kite, then laughing as it flew away. "Haha, yeah, like that."
Chef scowled angrily at him, but Chris ignored it. "Find out right now, on Total! Drama! Revenge of the Island!"
XXXXX
[The sequence begins much as it did three seasons ago, with an open into letterbox format as the camera focuses on the tops of a few distant pine trees. A rusty stage light rotates up and turns on; then the shot changes to a cobwebby spotlight swinging down and turning on as well; then a small security camera popping out of one of several leaky toxic waste barrels; then another camera bursting out of a tree hollow, held by an octopus tentacle and dislodging a few bones; then a pair of fair-skinned arms clapping a film slate in front of the camera which switches to a shot of the island, briefly showing a giant octopus looking out of the lake to the right, then flying forward down the dock and past the buildings, passing under a totem pole that Chris was sitting on and which was being carried by a trio of male interns of mismatched heights.]
Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;
[The camera rapidly flies through the trees as the lyrics begin, quickly reaching the top of the thousand-foot-high cliff.]
You guys are on my mind!
[It looks down at the ring of buoys in the water below and dives, immediately cutting to an underwater view as the bubbles disperse to reveal Cody gagging with several vicious-looking fish watching him hungrily.]
Ya asked me what I wanted to be,
And now I think the answer is plain to see!
[Cody frantically swims up and away from an approaching tentacle, passing another fish wearing a gas mask. The camera pans up to reveal Bridgette on one side of her surfboard; Cody surfaces and slumps against the other side, then flashes her a flirtatious smile. The tentacle surfaces and slams into the middle of the board...and in doing so, sends Bridgette into the water and Cody high into the sky.]
I wanna be...famous!
[The scene lingers on Cody in front of the sun for a moment, then quick-pans down to Jo working out with a punching bag in the middle of the woods; a falling Cody abruptly falls into her arms. Cody tries one of his flirty smiles on the jock-ette, who just scowls and drops him before going back to her workout. The camera pans right to Ella, happily singing to a number of hairless squirrels and three-eyed birds.]
I wanna live close to the sun!
[At the top of a waterfall, Angel and Lily float downriver in a canoe. Angel appears to be gushing about something to her sister, and the cynic is clearly only pretending to listen for a second before turning around and spotting the fall. Both scream as they go over the edge.]
Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!
[The camera pans down to Lightning, deadlifting a large log while standing on another log suspended across the rocks at the bottom of the falls. the twins and their canoe land on his makeshift weight, breaking the log supporting him and sending all three into the water.]
Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;
[Ezekiel walks up to the outhouse confessional and a monstrous shark with arms and legs bursts out of the outhouse with a toothy grin, causing the homeschooler to scream and run away as the shark chases after him.]
I'll get there one day
[The camera pans to the Main Lodge, Chef's silhouette visible in the window. Zooming in to the room shows him stirring a pot of some greenish slop with an annoyed frown, and the shot pans over to show Gary making various hand signs and rapping. A spoon flies from the right and hits him, knocking him out.]
'Cause I wanna be...famous!
[Another pan to the left reveals Natasha looking Gary's way and sighing in relief, he turns to the camera and gives an all-knowing smirk. The scene zooms back out of the lodge to the beach, where Eva is alternating reps with a dumbell in each hand.]
Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa
[The camera pans away from Eva and on to Sam happily playing a handheld game. A furry hand taps him on the shoulder, distracting the gamer and allowing the arm to snatch away the console. Sam realizes what's happened, and rushes angrily at the large hairy ape-man now playing the game, and the camera moves on watch an odd, almost rattlesnake-like gull floating on the water. A bulbous-headed fish jumps out over it on the right and a shark jumps out of the left with its mouth wide open, but the first fish blasts the shark with some sort of laser, turning it into a skeleton which is swallowed by the first fish as it finishes its jump. A tentacle rises out of the water to grab the gull, but it quickly lashes out and bites it with its snake-like fangs.]
I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)
[The camera pans down to the end of the dock to show Beardo moonwalking to the edge of the dock. He brings his hands to his mouth and vigorously beatboxes, spit flying from his hands.]
I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)
[A sudden splash of water comes down on the hairy boy, interrupting his music and causing him to send a blank look upward – Chris is hovering above him in a jetpack and helmet, holding an empty bucket. He drops the bucket then flies off, the flames from his jetpack taking over the screen. It becomes night as they peter out, and the camera pans down across the stars and treetops and full moon to Angel and Bridgette, sitting at a campfire together. As they lean towards each other with expectant smiles they are interrupted and separated by Chef, wearing a hazmat suit and holding a glowing green marshmallow between them with a pair of heavy tongs.
The shot zooms out to show the rest of the cast looking shocked, whistling the last few notes of the song – Ezekiel, Cody, Natasha, Beardo, Lightning, and Lily on Angel's side; Ella, Sam, Eva, Jo, and Gary on Bridgette's side; and Chris standing next to Chef on Bridgette's side as well. The shot continued to zoom out until a signboard was shown marking the presumed entrance to the fire pit; it read 'TOTAL DRAMA REVENGE OF THE ISLAND' in block letters, the third word being the largest and the last word relegated to a board tacked on at the end.]
XXXXX
The scene opened on a trio of pink birds singing together on a tree branch...until a mutant squirrel leaned out from behind the trunk and zapped them with its eye lasers. They were burnt to a crisp, and flew away as the squirrel laughed cruelly to the camera.
The camera quick-panned down to the ground, where Natasha was standing at the base of the tree. The mastermind pulled a knot tight in a rope and held it up, revealing the loop he'd made. "And that should take care of that," he told himself. "Stupid shark's had it in for me ever since I had Zeke booted."
He heard muttering and smirked, and the camera quick-panned to show Bridgette shaving a long piece of bark as if she were trying to build a new surfboard.
XXX
"Now that I've given up my ruse," Natasha said, "I have a bit more freedom when dealing with the others. All I need is to make sure Bridgette and Lightning don't vote together. And given how much they hate me and Jo respectively, all I need is to agitate that anger to the point where it's all they think about."
He chuckled. "How kind of Bridgette to show up so close to me."
XXX
The static cut back to Bridgette working on her board. She looked up and scowled when she heard Natasha say "Hey there Bridgette. What happened to the board you brought?"
"What do you want?" the surfer asked. "And if you have to know, I haven't gotten from the wrecked cabin yet."
"What's with all the hostility?" the mastermind asked mockingly. "Is it how I pretended I couldn't talk? Or maybe you're upset that I sent your little girlfriend home."
"Get to the point Natasha," Bridgette sighed.
"You and me should team up to take out Jo and Lightning," he told her. "I mean we weren't exactly the strongest players in the game even at the start and I doubt you wanna go up against either of the mega-jocks alone."
"Better a mega-jock than a mega-jerk," the surfer shot back.
"You're positive about that?" the mastermind asked.
"Sha-Bam~!" Lightning's cry caught the attention of both teens and the camera before she culd answer. The uber-jock swung by on a vine and let go at the arc of his swing, somersaulting high into the air - high enough that he crossed paths with a flock of birds, one of which gave him a high-five and a nod of respect - before somersaulting into a perfect swan dive into a nearby pond.
"Let me know if you change your mind," Natasha said as he walked off with a smirk, leaving a wide-mouth Bridgette in his wake.
XXX
"Okay, trying to turn me against my only friend in the game is low," Bridgette complained. "But he had a point... I'm having a hard time seeing how I could possibly win this thing now."
XXX
"That took care of the Betty," Natasha chuckled. "Now to work on the musclehead."
XXX
The scene moved to Natasha walking up towards the lone cabin, where Jo was doing push-ups on the steps. She quickly noticed him and shot a glare his way. "What do you want?"
"How odd that that's women's first reaction when they see me," Natasha said.
She sniffed confidently. "Let me guess," she said. "You want me to help you take out Malibu and Jockstrap?"
Natasha smirked. "Nail on the head. All you have to do is keep egging on Lightning so he'll vote for you."
Jo stared at him. "That sounds like a trick."
Natasha seemed taken aback. "Right," he said after a moment. "Let me explain. It's impossible to get those two to vote for each other, but we can get them to split their votes on us."
"And you won't double-cross me?" Jo asked with a warning glare.
Natasha sighed in light annoyance. "What would I have to gain by going against those two alone?" he said dryly before noticing Jo's glare and quickly transitioning himself back into a smirk. "Good then, see you at the challenge," he told her before strolling off to the right.
Jo watched him go, then resumed exercising. It wasn't too long, however, before Lightning walked by. "Hey Jockstrap!" Jo called out mockingly, causing him to stop and glare at her.
"Now is not the time dude," the uber-jock warned.
"Why?" the jock-ette said with a mocking tone. "Because you found out that you let yourself get played by a girl?"
"Leave! Me! Alone!" Lightning yelled before storming off. The camera cut to a close-up of Jo's smirk.
XXX
"Lily may have been playin' Lightning," the uber-jock confessed, "but I'm still here and she's not. No more distractions. Lightning's going all the way to the finish and Not Quiet Dude and Jo are goin' home. Sha-Lightning!" he declared striking a pose.
XXX
"Challenge time!" Chris called out in an almost sing-song voice as the scene cut to him, Chef, and the Final Four standing just outside the communal bathrooms. "And since you've been abused so flagrantly," he said, walking past the wary four, "today's challenge is a super safe fun challenge!" The campers began to smile and cheer in genuine excitement.
"Get ready for bubbles, flowers, and cotton can-" Chris continued, walking further away...and stepping in something unseen that caused him to yelp in shock and pain before being lifted into the air. The camera cut outward to show that he'd been caught in a snare trap attached to a tall pole that flung him in a high arc...and down through the roof of the bathroom.
The Final Four cringed in sympathy and disgust. "Oh crap," Natasha winced, "that was my snare that just threw Chris into the washrooms..."
Chef raced to the bathroom door and opened it, quickly getting faced with the smells and noises coming from within. "Woo-eee!" he said, waving his hand in front of his face in disgust. "I need five interns and a fire hose! ASAP!" he called off-camera. "We'll get you outta there soon," he told the host.
Chris coughed and nearly wretched. "Those ungrateful puppets just crossed the line!" he said from within the depths of the building. He took a breath, then continued with "Remember your nasty challenges, Chef?" he asked, the shot quickly cutting to the Final Four as they shared a nervous look. "The ones that got the red lights?" he added. "Yeah, the light just turned green," he finished harshly.
Chef grinned, closed the door, and turned around. "I'll bring the pain," he said, punching his open palm and cackling evilly as lightning flashed, thunder cracked, and the music became higher and darker.
The Final Four gasped and cowered and turned their eyes skyward...only to see a bright sun and an almost cloudless sky. Though Chef kept laughing their fear soon gave way to annoyance, and the shot cut over to show that the ominous effects had been created by a trio of interns – a short young white woman with a high black ponytail switching a stagelight on and off, a young white man with long bangs waving a piece of sheet metal, and a young man of southeast Asian descent pulling a rope than raised and lowered a tarp above Chef.
After a few seconds, Chef finally lowered his arms and stopped laughing. "Okay, cool it," he told the interns.
\
The scene flashed ahead to a clearing in the woods, where each of the campers was standing behind what appeared to be portable kitchens made mostly of wood. "Listen up, dirtbags," Chef said as he approached from the right, the camera zooming slowly in as he walked past Lightning, and then Jo, and then Natasha, and then Bridgette. "I'm gonna push you until you break. Then I'll take the filthy little broken bits and give 'em another good breakin'!" He mimed snapping something in two with his hands as he finally reached the end of the line.
"No wimps are gonna make it to my finale," he said solemnly before turning around to face Bridgette and roaring "Do you understand?" Bridgette gasped nervously. "First challenge," Chef continued, "the cook-off!"
"Cooking?" Jo repeated dryly. "This better not be another challenge where we do your job for you," she said before getting hit with a frying pan and toppling over with a grunt of pain.
"Shut it, or I'll shut it!" Chef told her, catching the frying pan as it spun back on the rebound. "Bring in the TD classic competitor!" he called to the left, and the camera cut backward and panned over to show none other than season two's winner DJ, blindfolded and bound by rope to a hand truck being wheeled in by a short, fat, and bespectacled east Asian male intern.
"Wow, it's DJ," Bridgette said in awe.
Chef removed the boy's blindfold to reveal a look of panic in his eyes. "No," he moaned and squealed, "not here! I already won this show! I vowed never to come back here!"
"Your contract disagrees, dough-boy," Chef told him, holding up an official-looking stack of paper. "You slime buckets are gonna cook somethin' tasty," he looked back and told the campers, "and this bag of mush will be the judge," he dropped the contract to thumb at DJ. "You've got twenty minutes to make a tasty lunch with whatever you find on the island," he turned the rest of his body away from DJ, and the camera moved to get Bridgette back in the shot. "I believe in eating locally," he admitted proudly. "Ready?" he asked the contestants with his usual harsh expression.
"Quick question," Natasha raised his hand, "what will he have for seasonings?"
Chef just ran over to him with two frying pans in hand, shouted "Get cookin'!", and banged the pans together. Natasha flinched and yelped, then ran off with Bridgette right behind him.
\
Another flash shifted the scene into some part of the woods, where a three-eyed moose with bat wings for antlers was grazing until it heard the panting and footfalls of someone approaching and flew away.
"Chef doesn't know what he's talkin' about," Lightning complained as he finally entered the scene and stopped to look around. "There's no food in this forest! Think Lightning, think," he said with a hand on his chin as the shot cut in closer. "What makes steak?" His eyes lit up in realization. "Trees!"
He turned to a nearby tree and brandished a fist. "Come on tree! Give me some steak!" The uber-jock punched the tree several times, and the camera cut up to show a beehive in the tree that shook with every punch. With a sharp turn in the music, the hive fell down, the bees followed, and Lightning screamed.
\
The music trilled tensely as the shot cut to a close-up of a group small, glowing green mushroom growing on the bark of a tree. This time, however, they were soon scooped up by a hand that the camera cut outward to identify as Natasha'a. "Perfect," he said as he looked at his gains, "these will make an excellent base for any number of dishes. Now if only I could find some kind of grain," he said, standing up straight and looking around.
He saw Jo approaching and rolled his eyes. "Looking for cooking advice I take it?" the mastermind asked with a hint of condescension.
"Yeah so what?" Jo answered in offense. "I'm not exactly a housewife. And I wanted to talk about the vote. We are giving Jockstrap the hurl right?"
"Well actually I planned on booting Bridgette," the mastermind said. "To minimize the chances of you betraying me in the Final Three."
"Why would I do that?" the jock-ette asked.
"Do you honestly expect me to believe that you'd rather face me than Surfer Girl?" Natasha answered with a raised eyebrow. "As long as Lightning's in the game, I have an insurance policy."
"Fine," Jo conceded, "we'll vote for Malibu." She crossed her arms and walked away, leaving Natasha to smirk.
The shot quickly cut back to Jo, however, to show her looking back with a sly smile...before slamming headfirst into what the camera quickly zoomed out to reveal was a giant two-headed mutant rabbit. It roared at her, she screamed, and the music turned deep and ominous as she turned back and ran for her life.
\
The scene flashed to the communal bathrooms, where the female intern was now leaning against a pipe by herself with a cup of coffee in hand. "Helloooo~o?" Chris asked from inside the building. "Someone give me a hand! I'm almost free!" The intern just looked at her nails and whistled. "Uh-oh, oh no!" the host said in sudden alarm, the shot cutting in to the shocked intern as she listened to her boss slip on something and fall into something watery again.
"Whyyyyy?" he began to cry, earning a smiled from the braces-wearing intern. "Oh wh-h-hyyyy?"
She took a sip of coffee.
\
Another flash took the focus back to the woods, the camera stationed right behind a tree and catching Natasha running past from the left with a pair of laser squirrels gnawing on his head, then Jo running by in the opposite direction pursued by the giant two-headed rabbit, and then Lightning from the left again being attacked be a swarm of bees.
Bridgette ran in from the right, and skidded to a stop as she saw the uber-jock run past. "This is why being a vegetarian's a good thing," she said to herself. "Salad won't try and kill me."
\
The scene returned to the portable outdoor kitchens with a close-up of Bridgette, humming to herself as she tossed her salad with a wooden spoon and fork. The music turned tense as green tendrils sprouted from the bowl, grabbed both the surfer and the spoon, then repeatedly whacked the blonde on the head.
A calm, lilting tune played as the shot cut to a close-up of a bottle of oil, the camera moving back to show it in the hands of Lightning as he spurted some oil into his pan.
It flamed up seconds later, earning a panicked yell from Lightning and a tense turn in the background music. Frantically, he picked up the pan by its handle and moved it under the faucet, turned the water on, and screamed again when it just made the grease fire flare up even worse. He quickly tossed the pan away entirely, and it exploded into a fireball just off-screen. The southeast Asian male intern promptly ran by carrying a boom bike, all of him scorched and flaming and yelling.
The camera followed the flaming intern long enough to come to Natasha, standing with a bowl of glowing mushrooms at the ready. "It's not grandma's borst," he said to himself, "but a quiche should be fine." Jo walked over to the mastermind and raised an eyebrow.
XXX
"A quiche?" she asked incredulously. "Eugh, but it's cooking? How hard can it be?"
XXX
The static cut to Jo as she stirred something in her pan, then tasted it. The jock-ette made a noise of distaste and looked around then ducked down behind her counter and came back up with a three-eyed mutant frog in hand, and squeezed it so that a disgusting-looking pink slime spurted out of its mouth and in to the pan.
Next, the camera cut to Bridgette stil getting attacked by salad. She finally groaned in frustration, the grabbed a large wooden mallet from under her table and hit the bowl a couple of times. The tendrils released her, flailed for a bit, the went limp as Bridgette put her hands on her hips and smiled.
From there, the camera cut to Lightning, now roasting what looked like a large curled-up maggot. "Sha-licious," he said as he poured some water on the maggot, which uncurled and spat slime at him. As th slime-covered uber-jock stood there with a dumbfounded look on his face, his dish laughed at him.
XXX
"The only reason I didn't win the last challenge was that I need Jo to be invincible," Natasha told the outhouse. "But today? I don't need anyone to win but me."
XXX
An angelic tune was playing as the static cut away to the mastermind as his oven dinged. With a pair of blue oven mitts over his hands he quickly bent down and took out his quiche. The shot cut in for a close-up of the dish, putting a radiant gold-and-orange background behind it to emphasize its rather picturesque quality – a perfect unburnt brown.
The shot cut to Jo as her own oven dinged. Like Natasha, she bent down and picked up her quiche. The same tune played, but the angelic chorus was replaced by an ominous pipe organ as the camera cut to a close-up of her dish - looking the same as Natasha's but with a dark sickly green crust - against the same radiant background.
The camera cut to Lightning, now happily salting his pan with his eyes closed, not noticing that the maggot was now on his head. He opened his eyes and noticed, and with a smirk he attemped to whack the large bug with his pan. The maggot jumped away just before he connected, and the uber-jock wound up knocking himself out.
\
"Three, two, one," Chef counted down as the scene faded forward to him standing at the ready with a nervous DJ still bound at his side, "spatulas down. Well, dish it up cupcakes! Move! Move! Move!" he commanded, and the camera zoomed out as the Final Four scrambled in to a line with their dishes in hand.
The shot zoomed back in on DJ, Natasha stepping up to him first. "Today, I present you a quiche," the mastermind said as he presented his dish to the bound brickhouse.
"Mmm," DJ smiled, taking a whiff.
"...made from the finest toxic mushrooms on the island," Natasha finished, looking up with an expectant grin.
DJ yelped in alarm.
"Next!" Chef ordered.
Bridgette was next, she presented his bowl of greens...with a few larger black things scattered throughout almost like croutons. "How about a nice salad?" she asked with an confident smile.
The 'croutons' promptly stood up, revealing themselves as spiders as they crawled out of the bowl and on to DJ. The unwilling judge shuddered in fear.
"Or not...," Bridgette told him nervously before sighing and walking away.
She was replaced by Lightning, who watched his ally leave with a frown before holding up what he'd made so DJ could get a better look. "I went with an Italian theme!" he said proudly, holding up a pepper grinder. "Ginormous maggot cannaloni! In a cream sauce."
The spiders now gone, DJ looked at the dish warily. The maggot stood up and screeched at the brickhouse before being whacked on the head by the pepper grinder. "What'd I tell you! Stay down!"
DJ just whimpered some more. "Next!" Chef hollered, and Jo pulled Lightning away before stepping up herself.
"I made a quiche too," the jock-ette said. "Now eat it!"
The music spiked dramatically just then, and an eye stalk popped out of the dish and made DJ scream.
"Get me outta heeeeerrrrreeeee!' he wailed, bursting his arms free of their bonds with ease and quickly untying his legs. He ran off with his arms raised in utter terror, leaving behind a wide-eyed Chef.
"Welp, looks like we just lost our taste-tester," he said, his expression returning to his usual gruff glare. "Rule change!" he called out as he looked back towards the campers. "You've gotta eat all of your own weird grub."
"Urrgh...," Jo, Lightning, and Bridgette said in disgust while Natasha just smirked and chuckled.
"You hurl, you lose," Chef told them before the camera panned back his way. "Who's got guts of steel and who's gonna blast a barf bomb?" He asked it. "It's a throw-up throw-down, when we come back. On Total! Drama! Revenge of the Island!" An ominous chanting rose up in the background as he said the title with a grin.
\
(Commercial Break)
\
"Alright, con-pest-ants," Chef said with a light snicker as the camera slowly zoomed in from a long-distance shot of him standing behind the campers, who were now seated along on side of a wooden table with their dishes in front of them, "it's time to eat the disgusting crud you cooked up before the break!"
The shot zoomed in on Bridgette's salad, which still had a few spiders crawling in it. "Whoever finishes their meal first, without spewing," Chef continued as the camera panned up to Bridgette's nervous face, "wins the challenge." She looked over at Lightning, who was also looking nervous. Chef laughed, and added "Man, this is gonna be nasty," as the uber-jock looked down at his 'food' and prodded it with a fork. The maggot screeched at at him, and he looked scared.
At the other side of the table, Natasha looked excitedly down at his quiche while Jo cautiously hers. The jock-ette scowled at her 'ally' then hip-checked him hard enough that he fell to the ground with a yelp. While the mastermind was on the ground, Jo quickly swapped their dishes.
Natasha got back up and glared at Jo, but before he could say anything both he and Jo looked to the side. "Three, two, one," Chef counted down, the camera moving back to the middle to better show him standing between Lightning and Natasha. At the end of his countdown he blew an airhorn, then yelled "Eat it!"
Lightning went first, grabbing a bit of cream off the maggot, sticking it in his mouth, gagging, and fainting shortly after his eyes rolled back.
Next was Bridgette, who began to cough soon after her first forkful of salad. She hacked up one of the same kind of spiders that had put off DJ, and gave it a wide-eyed stare as it scuttled away. "Where did all these spiders come from?"
The shot cut to Natasha and Jo next, just as the mastermind was putting his first piece of quiche in his mouth. His eyes promptly popped open.
XXX
"Okay," he confessed sickly to the outhouse camera, "I didn't use frog, but I know who did." He puked a bit on the floor and added "Time to change targets."
XXX
The music ramped up dramatically as Natasha turned and vomited on the ground next to him. The shot cut to Lightning, now stunding up, vomiting, and then to Bridgette doing the same. The music leveled off as quickly as it had arisen, and the footage skipped ahead to Jo finishing off the rest of 'her' quiche.
"Not bad," she said after her last swallow, wiping the last few crumbs from her mouth. "I told you cooking wasn't a real challenge."
"Challenge is over!" Chef declared, leaning over and raising the jock-ette's arm. "Jo wins!"
The other three were shown groaning at the other end of the table with the remains of their dishes, and Natasha put a hand over his mouth as he wretched again.
"That's why she doesn't have to wear one of these tracking collars," Chef continued immediately, showing off the three metal collars hanging loosely on his left arm. A drum was struck as he threw each one in turn, and the shot cut back over to reveal that they'd locked around the necks of Bridgette, Lightning, and Natasha.
"Challenge part two," Chef told them. "I give you...'Dork Hunter'!" With an eager look on his face, he motioned to the GPS map he was now holding. The camera zoomed in, showing something like a topographic map centered on the Dock of Shame. "The challenge is simple," he explained as four red icons bearing the faint faces of the remaining campers appeared on the screen, "you're the dorks, I'm the hunter." A larger icon bearing Chef's faced appeared to the left of the four, and the map screen started panning upward with a dotted red arrow marking the way. "You run off into the woods, I hunt you down. First dork to the flagpole wins." The pan stopped a little ways after, and a large red circled 'X' started flashing on the screen.
"Pray that you make it," the cook said, the camera finally cutting from the map back to him – and the bazooka he was now carrying, "before the Dork Hunter blasts you into a whole new dimension of pain!" The shot suddenly moved in for a close-up as he held up a can bearing his face on the label, along with a plate of spaghetti and meatballs with a fiery background. "Rocket-Propelled Spaghetti Cannon. Featuring my own special recipe," he loaded the can into the bazooka, "Chef Hatchet's In-Your-Face Extra Spicy Spaghetti." The shot cut back outward to show that he was now in the driver's seat of the show's jeep. "Dinner is served...in your face!" he said, becoming suddenly aggressive again and firing the cannon.
A massive ball of spaghetti and meat sauce shot forward, the four campers barely ducking in time. It hit the long-banged intern as he mowed the common area, sending him flying backward into a rock formation. "Aww! Aww! It burns!" he cried out in pain, pinned to the rock by sizzling-hot pasta.
Chef cackled in delight. "Spicy! You got twenty minutes to run, hide, and say your prayers," he said over a shot of the Final Four, who nervously turned from the intern to their tormentor. "Now move out!" he commanded, following up with another shot from his cannon that forced the campers to scream and scatter into the woods – Jo and Bridgette taking a path further into the woods while Natashsa followed Lightning down a way closer to the camera. A third shot of pasta landed on a rock separating the two paths, and Chef giggled.
\
The scene flashed to the back of the communal outhouse, where all three male interns – including the one with long bangs – were now standing around.
"What's taking those interns so long?" Chris asked angrily, still stuck within the bathroom. The fat intern and southeast Asian intern snicked, but their companion – down on one knee in front of a pipe – quickly shushed them. "There's no way they coulda forgot about me!" Chris yelled. "I OWN THEM!"
As he roared, the banged intern raised a connecting hose out of the ground and hooked it to the pipe, and the southeast Asian intern opened the valve. After a few seconds of gurgling, Chris cried out in alarm. "More sewage?!" He took a deep breath, then screamed "HEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLPPPPPP!"
\
The shot cut to a close-up of a few lavender-colored tulips, which were promptly covered by a stream of vomit. "Yeah," Natasha said, clutching his stomach as he stood back up and wiped the puke from his mouth, "Jo's gonna pay for that little trick," he added, straightening up with a determined look on his face.
He kept moving in a silence that was broken moments later by a flash and buzz from the woods in the background, which was followed by a pained yelp from a familiar voice. Smirking in satisfaction, Natash turned and walked towards where the flash had come from.
The camera cut to show him stepping through a bush, then panned to the left to show Lightning frowning angrily at his tracking collar. He grabbed it again, only to receive an electric shock that made him yelp again.
"Lightning, just the man I wanted to see," Natasha said suddenly, drawing the uber-jock's attention to the smirking mastermind. "It seems we have a common enemy."
"What are you talking about?" Lightning asked warily.
"Jo," Natasha answered simply. "Here's the deal. I help you get rid of that collar, and you help me give... him the hurl."
"You gotta deal Not Quiet Dude!" Lightning said with a grin, shaking his former teammate's hand.
"So I'm guessing that those collars give out a shock when you try to remove them," Natasha said thoughtfully. "And I'm also willing to bet that they can only take so many shocked before they short out for a time. So if we-"
He was interruped by a zap and a flash of light, courtesy of Lightning trying to remove his collar again. Natasha just raised an amused eyebrow as the uber-jock tried again only to get another shock. Undeterred, he tried again... and was able to remove it with no issue.
"How many times did you try that before I got here?" the mastermind asked.
Lightning shrugged. "Lightning doesn't know," he answered. "He wasn't counting."
Natasha stared for a moment, then groaned in annoyance.
XXX
"Tracking collars?!" Bridgette asked incredulously. "Seriously?! I don't know what's worse. This, or Angel being voted off!"
Any further complaining was cut off by her collar shocking her.
XXX
The static cut to Chef cackling to himself with his spaghetti bazooka at the ready, and the camera panned ahead to Bridgette running through the woods and looking back with panic of her face.
"Chef!" the surfer yelled as a shot of pasta flew past her. "Wait!" she yelled as she narrowly dodged another one.
The camera cut in for a close-up of the surfer. "Please!" she begged, just before she skidded to a stop near an ominous grey sky with a gasp. The camera pulled back to show that she was at the edge of a cliff.
Chef drove to block the path, trapping Bridgette. "Hunt's over Dork-ette!" he taunted at her.
"Wait!" Bridgette said desperately, holding her hands out in front of her face. "I give up!"
"Let's make it official," the cook said with a grin before he fired. The pasta ball hit Bridgette in the face, causing her to back up a few feet and fall off the cliff with a scream.
"Maybe I'll come back for her," Chef said before grinning. "If I remember." He backed out off the clearing with a chuckle, and the camera panned to the bottom of a ravine ti show Bridgette laying on the ground and lightly crying.
"What was I thinking?" she said to herself. "People like me don't win..."
\
"No tracking collar and no Chef mean's I'm gonna win." Jo said to herself, a smug grin on her face as she walked through the woods at a rather casual pace. "Looks like swapping food with Natasha was a smart move. And he can't do anything to me because he knows he needs me to make it to the finale."
"That's the problem with all these losers," she continued, "they all need each other to get ahead. I don't need anybody but me. I bet they're all huddled and 'working together'," she added with a mocking tone and air quotes, "because of some crap about there being safety in numbers or teamwork." She let out another condescending laugh.
Her laughter trailed off again as she continued a few more seconds in silence.
\
The camera cut to Lightning, now without a tracking collar and running through the woods as a familiar soft crying filled the air.
The uber-jock skidded to a stop and looked around. "Bridgette?" he asked worriedly.
"Lightning!" the surfer called out, gaining both his and the camera's attention. The shot quick-panned to show Bridgette barely hanging on to the edge of the cliff.
"Hold on Surfer Girl!" Lightning yelled. "I'll help you up!"
\
The scene flashed to a close-up of Chef's GPS map, showing only his own blinking icon. "Now where the heck did those boys go?" he grumbled, the shot cutting back to show him sitting in his jeep in a different part of the woods. He scrolled the map around with his finger, then stopped and smiled. "Hah! Those fools didn't even think to split up," he said, the shot cutting back to the screen to show Natasha and Lightning to Chef's south.
"Better sneak up on foot," he said with a sneaky snicker as he hopped out of the jeep, the pasta cannon strapped to his back. "I'll bag 'em both before they know what hit 'em, and then I'll take out the mouthy one too," he said, chuckling darkly as he walked off into the woods.
The shot lingered on his jeep and the music turned eerie, and Natasha - also without his tracking collar - leaned out from the shadowy forest background with a smirk on his face.
\
Another flash took the scene back to Jo as she stopped in her tracks suddenly, and the perspective moved behind her to show a checkered flag sticking out of a small hill with an alarm light on top.
"Well what do you know?" she smirked to herself. "The finish line." She started running and the camera cut to a close-up of her face. "Now all I have to do is- yah!"
She was suddenly hoisted up in net trap. "What the? Chef didn't say anything about traps!"
Natasha snorted and came into the shot from the right. "No, he didn't," the mastermind said with a smirk. "You activated one of the traps I set up to catch Fang."
"Get me down from here already!" Jo yelled.
"After that little quiche-swap?" Natasha asked with a raised eyebrow as he brushed some dirt off his shirt. "I think you got what you deserved."
"You're backstabbing me?!" the jock-ette raged.
Natasha pursed his lips. "No," he said simply. "This isn't a double-cross. It's a lesson. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to -"
Like with Jo, he was cut off suddenly. However, he was cut off by Fang appearing directly in front of him.
"... run for my life," he finished, turning away from the flag and running away while screaming.
Fang chased the mastermind a few feet before he suddenly ran in an arc around a strangly miscolored patch of grass. The mutant shark however stepped on it and fell into a pit. The shark's head appeared from within every so often, but it was clear the trap was deep enought that nothing that fell in could get out.
"Hah!" he called back at the shark. "That's one trap for you," he turned back to the flagpole, "and one victory for me!"
A spaghetti shot hit the side of a tree right in front of him, shocking all three campers and causing the dramatic background score to resume. "Guess again, sucka!" Chef cried out, drawing the camera's attention to the tree branch he was standing in. He descended into a cackle as the mastermind looked his way, and fired another shot.
Natasha yelped and ducked, narrowly avoiding being hit by a past-blast that wound up hitting Fang as the shark tried to jump out of the pit. "Aaaagh! Seriously?!" the mastermind screamed, "Now what am I supposed to do?!"
"Run Surfer Girl, run!" the familiar voice of the uber-jock cried, catching the attention of both men and the camera. The two friends were jogging with bright smiles on their faces as they got closer to the finish.
Natasha smirked, and moved to grab Lightning's ankle as he ran past. He managed to wrap his hand around the uber-jock's foot, but rather than trip his opponent, he only succeded in being dragged a couple of feet... and over the pit where he'd trapped Fang.
"That's not good," he moaned in horror just before he fell in, the sounds of snarling, fabric tearing, and pained yelling telling the story of what was happening well enough.
"We're almost there!" Bridgette yelled out... just before Jo fell from the sky and landed on her, causing Lightning to stop and gape at her in shock. The trap that she'd been caught in unraveled.
"Finally!" Jo said in relief as she got to her feet. "See you in the catapult Jockstrap!" she yelled as she ran toward the finish.
Lightning growled. "Get back here dude," he yelled as he started chasing Jo. He quickly caught up to her, but rather than pass her and win, he tackled her to the ground and pinned her.
"What are you doing?!" Jo yelled as she fruitlessly tried to get her rival off of her.
"Go Bridgette Go!" he said in response, the music turning bright and heroic as the surfer jogged past the two jocks... only to trip and slide along the ground and hit the flagpole with her face. She grunted in pain and the siren on top of the flagpole immediately began to flash and spin and sound for all to hear.
"Wait," she said as she got to her feet and rubbed her forehead and a drumroll transitioned the background music into a victory theme. "Did I just win?"
"Game's over," Chef declared as the camera cut to her. "Bridgette wins immunity."
"I got here first!" Jo complained with Lightning still pinning her. "What do I win?"
Chef smirked and readied his cannon. "Dinner," he said darkly just before firing one last time. The camera stayed on his face as a splat was heard and Jo and Lightning cried out 'Ow!" and 'My head! My beautiful head!' respectively.
The shot finally cut to Natasha as he climbed out of his pit trap, now with a black eye and his clothes in tatters.
\
A handful of drumbeats marked the transition to the marshmallow ceremony, the Final Four assembled on the front row of seats with Jo furthest left with a small bandage around the top of her head, then Natasha still in tattered clothes and a bandaged torso, then Lightning with a bandage around his head, and lastly an injury-free Bridgette furthest right. And although enough time had passed for the torches that ringed the area to be lit, Chef stood alone in front of the oil drum podium with his usual hazmat suit-strongbox ensemble.
"Elimination time, dorks!" he told the campers. "One of you is going home tonight, except for Bridgette, who has immunity." The shot cut to Jo, crossing her arms and scowling at Natasha, who met her gaze with a neutral look. A pan over showed Lightning and Bridgette sharing an happy smile.
"Congrats on winnin'," Lightning told her. "You earned it."
"Thanks," Bridgette replied with a smile. "And thanks for that talk back there," she added. "I needed it."
"Zip it," the cook interrupted, drawing the campers attention back to him as he held up four note cards. "Now to the votes," he said, looking down at the cards as the music turned tense and trilling. "We got one vote for Natasha..." the mastermind rolled his eyes, "one for Jo..." the jock-ette's glare intensified, "and one for Lightning..." the uber-jock was the only one of the night to look nervous.
"And the final vote goes to..."
The tension increased in the music as Chef purposely drew out his pause, and the camera cut from worried Lightning, to annoyed Jo, to confident Natasha, and finally back to Chef.
"Jo," he read.
"WHAT?!" she asked, standing up in sheer shock and outrage. "I'm the strongest player here! I deserve it win!"
"Oh by the way," Natasha said with a smirk. "This is a double-cross."
Jo just gaped at him in outrage before the Toxic Marshmallow of Loserdom was thrown her way; she caught in instinctively, but fumbled it from hand to hand when it scorched her until she finally let it drop onto the ground.
XXX
"I can't believe this!" Jo raged in the confessional, punching the outhouse wall. "That little backstabbing weasel! That's what I was gonna do to him!"
XXX
"Aw yeah!" Lightning cheered. "Jo is sha-gone! Better watch ya step Not Quiet Dude," he warned. "The Lightning Bridgette dream team's comin' for you next. Sha-bam!"
XXX
"Once Jo pulled her little swap I knew that staying allied with her would be a mistake," Natasha confessed. He scoffed. "I may have been manipulating everyone since I got here, but at least I treated them with some respect. This does put me at a disadvantage in the semi-finals, but working together in those isn't always the best strategy. And if there's anyone who can figure out the best strategy, it's me."
XXX
"Okay," Bridgette sighed. "Natasha's still in the game, but with me and Lightning working together we should be fine."
XXX
The static cut away to the Hurl of Shame, Jo sitting indignantly in the bucket with Chef grinning cockily next to her and the Final Three watching a little way up the dock.
"I've been waiting to be the Hurl Master of this game," Chef said eagerly.
"And you're gonna keep waiting," Chef said, descending to the dock on his jetpack to the shock of Chef and Jo.
"Chris?!" the Final Three said together in shock.
"Yup," the host replied with his handle on the catapult's lever, "I'm the Hurl Master around here! You see Jo," he addressed the loser, "the Hurl of Shame is both shameful, and painful. And right now, I can't think of anything that fits that more for you than the knowledge that you brought this on yourself when you decided cheat your only available ally out of a win."
Jo's face fell into an expression of anger. "Allies are for the-"
She was launched into the night before she could finish her sentence, her words fading into a scream.
"Chris, good to have ya back, man," Chef told the host, walking over with a slice of glowing green quiche on a plate. "I even saved you some quiche," he said, putting a hand on the smaller man's shoulder and smiling.
"Chef, you are the man," Chris grinned, wiggling his finger in anticipation before swiping the quiche and shoving it into his mouth in one piece. He gulped it down quickly...but quickly wretched and vomited into a hole in the dock because of it.
Chef smirked. "You are the Hurl Master, hehe," he said as the series's capstone theme began to play.
"Who will be Hurled next," Chris said sickly, holding his stomach and looking distressed. "How much are they gonna hurl before we hurl them? And when will I stop hurling?" he asked, putting a hand over his bulging mouth before bending over and puking again. "Find out next time,' he stood back up and said, "on Total! Drama! Revenge, of the Island!"
The sound of him vomiting again was heard over the final long-distance shot of the island.
(Roll the credits)
Author's Note Post Script: Quite a few people were expecting her or Natasha to go home today, and as you can see I decided to keep Natasha. The votes were actually the easiest they've been in a while. You see, Jo was expecting her and Natasha to vote for Lightning knowing/expecting Lightning and Bridgette to vote for the antagonist they hated the most which would end with the uber-jock going home in a 2-1-1 split. Of course, Jo being Jo had to make sure she won by any means necessary and wound up cheating the only person in the game willing to work with her out of a win that he pretty much had guaranteed.
Which of course, made Natasha realize that Jo was not the person to stake his hopes on. And he decided to vote for her instead, double-crossing her before she had a chance to do it to him. And the 2-1-1 split wound up with Jo getting the boot that she's had coming for a while.
And as always I'm sure I'm forgetting to mention something.
I hope you all enjoyed the episode, or some part of it.
And I'd also like to remind you guys that a TVTropes page for this series does exist and needs you guys adding to it.
With that I'm signing off
-TotalDramaFan14
RDRotI ELIMINATION TABLE:
13th Place: Sam
12th Place: Gary
11th Place: Eva
10th Place: Ella
9th Place: Beardo
8th Place: Cody
7th Place: Angel
6th Place: Ezekiel
5th Place: Lily
4th Place: Jo