She felt reborn…
Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion for the last time.
Many thanks to all the reviewers, all of you that read, even if you thought it was crap, and many many thanks to pre-reader John Brown.
Author's Note: I'm really sorry, believe you me, I'm writing a lot, I mean a lot. For a while I was thinking about only releasing fics when I finished them completely, but I depend on reviews to know if a story makes sense or not, so if I just wrote complete fic after complete fic, then I wouldn't get better in my writing…o.o
Please send downright flames by e-mail, I say. I understand that people try to help writers get better, and I even understand that some people deserved to be flamed, but I would prefer to know what I did wrong first.
And I was never good at endings anyway, so I know I'm going to hear it this time.
Rei felt as if she had just woken up and seen the world in a new light, the world wasn't just black and white, but it also had shades of great, and then there was the knowledge…but that was beside the fact, she was now complete, and she was going to help the one boy the begged for somebody's help…
And for once it wasn't the part of Yui's DNA that made her go after Shinji.
It wasn't the S2 engine in the center of her chest that made her go after Shinji.
The only thing that her choice was based on was her own free will…
Rei broke out of the Geo Front and almost immediately after that her full attention was on the morbid cross, formed by some red substance and regenerating Eva's.
"Ikari…"
Her quite voice sailed through the air causing the clouds to shift directions; she floated above the ground and went towards the tree of life with intent to draw it into herself, in order to give Shinji another chance to stop the Third Impact.
Clearing all thoughts of the commander and SEELE out of her mind, Rei placed both hands around the tree of life, in what seemed to be a hug, she drew the tree of life closer and closer to her chest, as soon as one branch touched the whole thing was sucked into the complete Angel.
"Now your test will began…"
Rei closed her eyes as she sensed the souls rising from the earth trying to get into the tree of life, she exposed her chest letting a branch of the tree of life point out, as the souls started to flock towards the branch, Rei couldn't help but wonder if Shinji would pass Lillith's test.
~*~*~*~
Shinji sat in the middle of a room with a dim light swinging above him, around him the people he considered friends, enemies, and family.
A red-haired pilot stepped out of the darkness and walked towards Shinji who noticed the bounce in her step, when she reach the distance she thought was acceptable, she placed both hands on her hips and looked down at Shinji who blankly started back at her.
Asuka snapped her fingers and they were in the living room of Misato's apartment.
The girl got straight to the point, "Why do you hate me…?"
"…I never said I did…"
Asuka lowed her voiced as she whispered the next question, "…Then do you love me?"
"No."
She pushed him backwards causing him to fall out of the chair onto the floor of the apartment, as Shinji laid there on the floor, Asuka loomed over him liked a giant over a insect, "Then why did you save me…why did you protect me?!"
"…Because you are the same as me…"
"Don't compare me to you! We are nothing alike!"
Shinji got up off the ground and stood up looking Asuka directly in the eye, "I believe you are the exact opposite of what you try to make yourself, instead of being arrogant and superficial, I believe you are just an girl looking for somebody to love you…"
Asuka turned her back to him, "…If you knew that why didn't you try to get…closer to me."
He sighed, "Asuka…you need somebody who can support you and themselves at the same time…we…it just wouldn't work out…"
Asuka stayed with her back turned towards him, "…You don't know it either it did or not…"
"Neither do you…"
Asuka turned around with tears still going down her face, "…I wanted to live like a winner or die with glory…but I didn't get shit…"
"Eva isn't everything, you should know that better than me…"
"But it was my life damn it!"
Shinji picked up the chair and sat back down, "What did you plan on doing after Eva, did you ever want to get married, and did you even want to have a real job?"
Asuka went wide-eyed, although she already got her college degree; she never put much thought into life after Eva.
"I see what you mean…"
Asuka started to walk in the opposite direction from Shinji, but stopped when he called out her name.
"…Just cause I said I didn't love you, didn't mean I didn't care…"
The lights in the apartment blacked out.
When Shinji looked around he noticed he was once again in the dark room with the single dim light around him.
The boy stopped humming and turned to face Shinji, the gray-haired angel flashed Shinji a quick smile and suddenly Shinji was in a place that overlooked the lake that was created when Unit 00 self-destructed.
Shinji looked around for Kaoru, only to find the boy on top of a large rock. Once again Kaoru stopped his humming, "How are you doing Shinji?"
The pilot couldn't dare face him, much less look him in the eye, "…Why are we here."
Seeing that Shinji wasn't in the mood to share common cutesy, Kaoru decided to be serious, "We are here to discuss the value of life…"
Something about the way he said it made Shinji feel…uncomfortable.
"What is life to you Shinji?"
The boy rested his head on his head as he started to think, after a short while he had an answer, "Life is the essence of the soul, our life styles reflects our inner soul, and so does personality, that is what life is to me."
Kaoru picked up a rock and threw it as he listened to Shinji's answer, "To me life is simply freedom, to live and to make decisions, to learn from your mistakes, and to enjoy your advantages."
Shinji stared at the Angel waiting on him to speak which he did, "Tell me the value of life based on my point of view."
"To you life is the most precious thing you ever seen, and you think that having free will defines life, but…
"But?"
Shinji scratched behind his ear, "But you didn't say anything about feelings, of course free will is a part of life, but so is emotions."
Kaoru started to clap, "Well said Shinji but I only have one final question. Why did you kill me?"
That one took Shinji by complete surprise, "I…well…I…"
"Did you kill me because of the others, did you want to the li…humans to live on, or did you just do it because you wanted to?"
Shinji tried to look the Angel in the eye but still couldn't bring himself to do so, "…both, you asked me to kill you…so I did."
"That's all I wanted to know, and I'm sorry for betraying you…"
Shinji knew it would be difficult to say it, but he had to anyway, "…I'm sorry for killing you."
Kaoru smiled as the scene around them started to fade away, reverting back to the darkness of the dimmed lighted room.
A man in the corner of the room pushed his glasses back up to the bridge of his nose, he casually strolled towards his son, the dim light reflecting off his glasses in such a way, that it made it so Shinji couldn't see his eyes.
Gendo Ikari stood in front of Shinji and looked down on him, the same way he did in most of the boy's life.
As soon as the hairs on Shinji's arm started to stand up, and he could feel the harsh cold of the A/C, he knew where he was.
The commander's office, a place that to this day still made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end.
"Why are you here?"
Shinji sighed, he really didn't feel liking dealing with his father nor most of the others, he didn't even know if he was dead or not, "I don't know…"
For once Gendo took of his glasses; even from where Shinji was sitting he could see the rage burning within his father's eyes. The calm commander of Nerv was now shaking with rage for a reason Shinji didn't even know.
"…You caused me to lose her, for a reason you didn't even know."
Shinji almost laughed at the look on the commander's face, it almost look like he was about to cry, and when he really did notice a tear running down the side of his face, Shinji couldn't help but explode into laughter.
The younger Ikari pointed at his father, still laughing barely saying the words as his laughing caused tears of his own to roll down his face, "You act like I'm suppose to care."
Despite the tears, he stilled held the calm voice with was laced with bitterness, "Then why did you pilot?"
"I piloted because I didn't have a choice…people would die if I didn't."
"You piloted Unit 01 for your own selfish desires, you put everything else second. I know everything."
"You don't know shit about me! You wont even care if I dropped dead right now!"
Gendo put back on his glasses, "Indeed I won't, I wanted to perform a simple task, yet you even failed in that, you are useless."
Shinji stood up from the chair looking in the opposite direction of Gendo's desk, where the exit would normally be, "…I don't need to hear this…"
As the office seemed to become smaller, Shinji blinked, when his eyes opened he was back in the room sitting in the single chair in the middle of the room, but this time it was very different…
It wasn't a room, the light was gone, and it was he, the chair and Rei.
"Stop lying to yourself Shinji, you are wasting time, and that is something I detest."
Shinji leaned back in the chair being careful not to fall backwards, "How am I lying to myself."
The room appeared and the people that was once in it was back in it again, "This. This is coming from your mind, you want to be able to call Soryu a friend, you want the 17th to forgive you for his murder, you want the commander to hate you, just so you can hate him as well, and you want more than that, but I had to put it to an end, this is not assisting you at all."
"…Then what do you want me to do Rei, I'm dead anyway…"
"You have free will and you will have to use it, but first you will have to clear your mind of all thoughts, and also free yourself of problems, thus you must ask yourself."
Shinji stood up as the chair started to fade away along with the room and the people that inhabited it, "…Ask myself?"
"…Yes."
Shinji turned around completely shocked by voice that came from behind him, "…What the hell!!"
Shinji Ikari stood before Shinji Ikari, both started at each other until the both of them tried to speak at the same time, causing both to stop talking. This happened many a time, until the 'first' Shinji spoke, "…Who…What are you?"
"…I'm you and you are me, I am the Shinji Ikari of the mind, the question is what are you."
"I am Shinji Ikari! There is only one Shinji Ikari damn it!"
The 'false' Shinji rubbed his face with both his hands, "…Wrong, it is many Shinji Ikari's. It is a Shinji in each of our minds, based on what people think of you, and what you think of yourself makes up your personality, without these Shinji's that exist in our minds, we wouldn't have a personality.
"…Are you trying to tell me you are the way I think of myself?"
"…Yes, that's pretty much it."
Shinji looked around in the darkness that surrounded them, expecting something to happen.
Nothing did happen, "That's it right, I'm suppose to be finished or something."
"…Um…not really," came the meek response from the boy, "You have to make a decision…"
Rei floated down from above as the 'other' Shinji started to fade into the darkness the same as the room, "Are you willing to die so that others can live…?"
Sacrifice.
Shinji ruffled his hair and gave out a nervous laugh, "I guess that's the only way right…?"
"Indeed, its either one way or another, its up to you. A long time ago, the commander told me that nothing could come from death, which now I find to be untrue, life and death to a certain extent are the same, for some to live others must die."
"…You didn't have to ask Rei, I wont make another stupid mistake…"
The wings on Rei's back began to grow larger and larger until they was both twice as big as her body, "Be aware that you will suffer Shinji…"
The boy let out another nervous laugh, "…My personal hell, I guessed it would have been something like that…"
The albino started to fade into the darkness the same as everything else so far, "…Farewell Shinji…"
Shinji noticed the faint reflection of light of what seemed to be drops of water, but he knew better, once again forgetting to be formal, Shinji spoke the few and maybe last words he would say to the Angel, "Goodbye Rei…"
He started at her fading presence until it was very clear that she was gone, upon her disappearance, the dim light above him came back, and the room started to take shape.
The only thing being different was that the group of no more than twenty-five people started to come closer and closer towards him.
"I hate you!"
"Why wont you die?"
"…Please die, I don't want you, I don't need you!"
Shinji, who had already accepted his fate, simply looked forward at the advancing group. When they began to lay their cold hands on him, causing the boy to lose much of the warmth he had.
He ignored the slaps.
He ignored the licks.
He ignored the touches.
For a second a thought crossed his mind, he didn't have to do this, as the came to mind he pushed the mob away just for enough seconds to scream the words that echoed through out his mind in almost every Angel battle, "Let me live!!"
A hand covered his mouth, and another covered his eyes, a few more did the same to ears and nose, all of them pulling him down to the floor, the only thought on his mind before he passed out was…
'This really is my hell…'
~*~*~*~
He woke up, and was shocked to find himself floating in infinite darkness, but for some reason this darkness seemed…familiar.
Beyond tired, the young man lifted his head, and looked around and found the one thing that made the darkness so familiar.
The ball of bright white light rotating in the center the darkness, like the moon in the sea of darkness called the night.
"…Shinji…"
The boy who was nearly to tired to move, tried to swim in the darkness only to fail horribly, he discontinued his useless energy wasting action, and just spoke to the person who probably knew him the most, "…Is this also a part of my punishment, mother?"
Ignoring his question, the ball of light spoke, "…Please don't think of this as rejection…"
The boy stayed silent as the ball of light moved farther and farther away, just like last time and also like so many of the people he knew. Sadly, Shinji shook his head up and down, "I…I understand…"
He could here the distant voice all but whisper, "No…you will never understand…" the ball of light exploded, forcing the boy to be thrown deeper into the darkness away from the raining balls of light, or rather the raining pieces of his mothers soul…
To exhausted to cry and to weary to keep his eyes open, the boy tried to go to sleep, and for once succeeded.
~*~*~*~
Laughing.
Madness.
Grinning.
Insanity.
Crying.
Sorrow.
Sobbing.
Sadness.
All of these were in the mind of one Shinji Ikari, each battled for superiority over the other, at times laughter would win, and others sorrow would overcome the all, but each had their time to affect the boy.
So as the boy floating on top of the LCL and started at the cloudless crimson sky, almost the same color as Rei's eyes, Shinji noted.
He lifted his head and looked into a random direction only to set eyes on what seemed to be a beach…with a single person on it.
Shinji sighed, although it was LCL, he was still tired and even if he wasn't he couldn't swim. The boy let his head fall back into the thick LCL letting it splash as it fell back into place.
Recalling what Rei said about the 'talks' he had with Asuka, brought a smile to his face and he could help but laugh, 'I did it because I wanted her friendship, but I was to weak to try to get it in real life…"
His eyes looked at the blazing star, which seemed to sail to the heavens above, that star was Unit 01, perhaps going to another planet, maybe another galaxy…maybe another universe.
"Didn't it have the lance with it…?"
As the boy floated farther back he could see the enormous lifeless body of Rei, lying in what used to be called Tokyo-3, he narrowed his eyes only to find out what the red object sticking out of her eye…
"…If Rei is dead…that means…~~
Hands emerged our of the LCL beside the boy dragging him down against his will, if he ever cried over anything it was nothing compared to what had just taken place…
Rei the carrier of souls, had been stuck down by Unit 01, thus destroying the souls that she held, to put it simply, Shinji was just screwed by Unit 01.
As Shinji was pulled deeper and deeper into the LCL upon talking a few swallows of the stuff he came to a very startling revelation, this wasn't LCL, and worst he couldn't breathe.
If the situation wasn't so dire, the boy would have laughed, this was his hell to have his worst fear to annihilate him, he was drowning, and it was nothing he could do about it…
The young boy took his last attempts, and then it was silence…
And like always were one tale ended another began, and this was very true for a certain female who awoke to find the body of a boy floating on the LCL.
As the screams touched the corners of the earth, a purple demon, which cruised through space, turned to the lonely planet.
The voice inside the monster spoke, chanting a small poem she used to tell a little boy who she was so fond of…
"…When the time comes, let me die, not so new doors can opened or so old secrets can be uncovered. When the time comes, let me fall from glory, not because I don't deserve none and so I can't be remembered. When the time comes, hate me, not for the mistakes I made, but for the wrongs I have yet to right…"
The soft voice paused, taking a slight second of joy in saying the last line as the Eva went on its way deeper into space…
"When the time comes, love me…not because you take pity on me, love me because you have so many things to hate me for…"
Unit 01 roared as the wings sent it into a black hole, taking it to another place, possibly another time, a place yet to be dirtied by humans, a place yet to be tainted with blood…a place that has yet to be called home…
______________________________________________________
I know the ending was kind of bad…-_-' but I gave it my best, I even made up that crap of a poem at the end.
Also many sorries for being late, I'm writing a lot of different things right now, and I promise I'll get to the point where I won't even need a pre-reader._
Remember, I plan on rewriting everything I wrote, so I might not be releasing that much new stuff. Hate me, my ending to this or anything else feel free to email me.
And many thanks to that guy who signed me up for Free Asians.com…o.O, I'm just kidding but that first picture of that girl wasn't so bad (and she wasn't naked if that's what you are thinking…~_~)
Chibi Fenrir