A/N – sorry guys…but like I said back to school and I'm doing exams soon. Anyways thank to arabellagrace for reviewing again. Anyone else find the last chapter "heart wrenching"? Let me know in the reviews! Thanks MinevraLover1234 for following me!
The scene dissolves around me like liquid, with a faint 'swoosh' We're in the hospital and Other Me is sitting in that hard green plastic chair. The scene is so familiar, even though I've tried hard to forget it. We've just arrived. Her head hangs in her hands and tears flow down her face in rivers she doesn't even try to stop. Rowan has been taken to a special room. Nurse Freeman, tries to comfort her, fruitlessly. I hated Nurse Freeman then and I hate her now. Her face is plastered in a too thick layer of make up. Her eyes are ringed in blue and purple eye shadow, she has ugly flat leather shoes on her rather big feet. I know Other Me doesn't want that flabby, freckly arm draped around her shoulder and I try to push it off and shove Nurse Freeman away but neither of them react and my hands just go straight through her.
I wish I could comfort Other Me but I remember how beyond hope I am, and even if Other Me could see me, I probably wouldn't be much comfort to her. Mum and Dad come rushing from the surgery, their faces grey and strained, it's probably the first time they rushed to one of us from the surgery. They were always too busy, too busy for music recitals, spelling bees and awards day. They would show up to collect us after it was finished saying how sorry they were but they just couldn't make it. Oh well, I think, it's too late now. Rowans gone and I'm off to boarding school.
Dad is crying, that was the first time I ever saw him cry, but it became his normal behavior other the next few months. In fact it was unusual not to see him crying. They don't even see Other Me, crying in the green chair, instead they crouch by Rowans beeping mess of a body, stroking his red hair, the only part of him that had any color left. This is wrong, I think now. We should have wept together, held each other, huddled beside his sickbed together. It's part of the reason I've shut down, been left completely broken, I didn't have anyone to grieve with.
The doctors say that Mum and Dad have to leave the room, they need to restart his heart. The next hours pass in a blur of scalpels, machines, doctors and nurses. Even now, waiting, endless hours spent on those green chairs, Mum and Dad are useless, they sit staring listlessly into space. Other Me faints at one point, they don't even notice. I watch as Other Me starts gasping for breath, and slumps off her chair, out cold on the lino flooring. It's that Nurse Freeman that puts her head between her knees and gives her a glass of water to sip when she comes to. I don't even remember fainting…
Finally they were allowed in to see him. His face was still deathly pale and he was completely out of it, all the drugs he was on. He was hot and sweaty and the bandages on his face had blood on them. Other Me didn't care, she ran to his side, the first one in, and held his hand for dear life. Rowan and her had exactly the same sized hands. Other Me cried, quietly muttering things into his ear.
"Hey Rowan, it's me" she said, gulping "it's me, Mione. We're in the hospital, the same one I had my appendix out in. Do you remember when you came to see me? It was great because you convinced Mum to buy me all those chocolates, but you ate them all. I was so mad but when I got out of hospital you made all that jelly for me because you thought I had had my tonsils out. You're gonna get better Rowan, the doctor said and dad he…he promised but…but" she gulps "the doctor said you might me in a wheelchair for a while. But that's ok, I'll get one too and we can have races down the hall, it'll be fun…" She sounds unsure. " But Rowan, listen to me now, because you have to get better, because I need you too, we've got our science project in on Monday. Anyway just tell your heart to keep going okay?" She looks up at the monitor that hovers perpetually around Rowan now. The green spiked lines that come with the beeps are reassuring but the gap between them is too long. She could go on for hours but more but Mum sweeps in, wearing her expensive Prada dress suit. "Don't worry Babybear, Mommy's here" she announces. "Mommy's here now…" she clasps his head between her hands and rocks it gently. "Shhhhhh…."
Other Me has retreated to the side of the room, her fingers tightly crossed, watching the heart monitor like a hawk, gasping with relief every time the reassuring beep comes. Now I bristle with anger. Rowan hated, hated with a with a passion, being called Babybear. Maybe I imagine it, but I think a little wrinkle appears in his forehead when Mum called him Babybear. He was smiling a little when Other Me was whispering to him. I fold my arms, I wish I could hold his hand, rub my hand through his hair, give him a hug, just one last time…. I could sit staring at him for hours, drinking it all in. The exact shape of his face, the color of his hair, which I'm sure I'll never see again.
The scene dissolves again, suddenly. "No" I scream as the background swirls behind me, "nooooo…" I'm not ready, I need to see him for as long as possible, I want to relive the hours I spent on that chair in Rowan's room, watching him breathe, his chest rising and falling slowly, as if he was sleeping, except without his signature whistling snores. The snores I'll never hear again. Now I'll never get to. "No" I whisper.
I look around and realize what I'm going to see. I watch numbly, my eyes wide and my heart fluttering in my chest. The three of us are in the waiting room, the doctors had to do some tests, whatever that means. They've been at it for hours. Mum is sitting blearily in a chair, filing her nails all the way down to the quick. Dad is holding a newspaper in front of him, but not reading it, it's the same one he's had for the last three days. Other Me is chewing at her thumb, watching everything carefully, noticing all the funny things that are going on, trying not to think what's going on behind the closed door. The world goes on outside, traffic rushing past, bin men and postmen doing their rounds and families going grocery shopping, an ordinary Friday afternoon. I'm panicking now, wishing I wasn't here, once was bad enough, once was bad enough. Twice…I don't think I can do doctor comes out of the room, a clipboard in his hand. I'll never forget the expression on his face, a combination of regret and something else, a dullness, like he was used to doing this. Which, I remind myself, he probably was.
He clears his throat and walks solemnly over to my parents. "I'm sorry, but Rowans heart, it was so weak after the accident, his heart has just failed, he hasn't made it, I'm afraid. I'm very, very sorry indeed." At that sentence the world comes crashing down around Other Me and I feel it too, yet everyone else keeps going about their daily business like they haven't noticed the world what has happened. Mum's reaction is the worst, she collapses out of her chair and just screams, a hollow scream, raw with emotion. Other Me is in denial, her eyes wide like a deer caught in the headlights. "He's not…what…no you said…you said he'd get better. You promised Dad….you promised me…he wouldn't DIE. I didn't know, I didn't know." Other Me loses it and starts screaming at Dad and Mum and the doctor. "You promised me he wouldn't DIE, you PROMISED." As she gets more and more hysterical, a shot has to be administered, by Nurse Freeman herself. I see Other Mes eyes roll back in her head and Nurse Freeman lies her down on a plastic chair.
Because of my fit, because I had to be knocked out…I didn't get to say goodbye. The thought only comes to me only now as the scene dissolves again.