"How are you feeling today?"
Harper was standing in the doorway, watching Daryl and Lilah practicing her archery. The child had gotten better over the weeks and ever since the incident with her mother, which had already been close to a month, Lilah's skill had doubled. Harper stayed close to Daryl but she had been too anxious about leaving the safe confines of the prison and so her anxieties only tripled when he went hunting, and on top of everything else, she seemed to have come down with something and Harper was constantly fighting an upset stomach, which was something that she was trying to hide from everyone. Finally, after a long moment of silence, she turned to look at an expectant Rick, "I'm doing okay."
There had been two weeks of tension between Rick and Daryl after her accident and despite her momentary surge of anger, Harper didn't stay angry at Rick. She knew he had no insight to the situation with her father and thus, there was no way he could know that he had been doing more harm than good.
"That's good," Rick seemed to be trying to make small talk for the sake of making small talk, and Harper honestly had no idea where he was going with any of it.
Harper sighed and headed back inside, moving back to where Carol was sorting through a pile of clothes.
"What is your sewing skill?" Carol asked as she watched Harper sit down.
"Uhm," Harper shrugged, "I can fix buttons and that was just from online tutorials I watched."
"Well same basic premise, you think you can help me stitch up the holes in these shirts?"
"It's easy," Beth promised, smiling at Harper, "Almost just like putting a button on."
"Well, I can try," Harper offered.
She was slow to work and her stitches were haphazard on the shirts that belonged to Daryl that she was trying to fix, but she knew he honestly wouldn't care about jagged stitches. She was just tying off the thread on the first shirt, when her illness struck, "Oh God," she groaned, quickly putting her head down between her legs.
"Are you okay?" Carol asked, concern quickly spreading over her features.
"I'm fine," Harper said, "I've just been sick on and off since," she stammered, "Since my dad." She threw down the old shirt of Daryl's and quickly took off to her cell.
It was easy for her to get through the day as long as the incident in the cabin wasn't brought up, but Harper had backed herself into a wall, by trying to explain away something that she had no explanation for. Her father's death haunted her, because despite everything, there was some tiny little nagging feeling of guilt. She had just gotten up the stairs when she bent over and threw up.
"Fuck," she whispered, quickly wiping sweat away from her brow.
"Harper?" Michonne came out of her cell, where she had been resting after a night of watch.
Harper looked up at her friend, "Yeah?"
"You okay?" Michonne eyed the puddle of sick.
Harper wiped her mouth, "Yeah just," she sighed, "Don't mention it to Daryl, he'll worry and worrying makes him irritable."
"You go and lay down," Michonne said, sensing a deeper fear beneath Harper's nervous face, but she said nothing about it, "I'll clean up the mess."
Harper nodded, "Thank you."
She disappeared into her room and rested her face against the cool cement wall. She had a horrible feeling about the truth of what was wrong with her, but Harper refused to voice it, and she certainly was not going to tell Daryl. But there had been a night, probably that night in the cabin, where they had gotten so anxious, they had forgotten to use protection. She was so caught up in her thoughts, that she didn't hear anyone climb up the stairs, let alone the loud thud of Daryl's boots.
It wasn't until he had come in the room and attempted to wrap his arms around her, that she had noticed him. Her reflexes took over before she could realize who it was, and she quickly elbowed him in the stomach.
"What the fuck, Harper?" he asked, his arms holding his stomach as he doubled over in pain.
Harper whirled around and swore, "Oh God, I'm sorry!" Her eyes welled up with tears, she had been so on edge about her fears of pregnancy and the haunting images of her father, that she had reacted as if her father had just been there. "I started thinking about that night and," she sat down on the floor and pulled herself into the corner, "Oh God, I can't stop thinking about it."
Daryl watched his girlfriend, the woman he loved, and when he saw her in pain like this, he quickly forgot his own, and moved over to the corner where she was curled up, "Come 'ere," he said gently.
Harper pulled him to her, "Oh God, I just want it all to be over. The nightmares, the panic attacks, sickness, everything."
Daryl held her tightly, "You can't rush it, Harper."
"I am done being broken!" she shouted.
"Harper ya can't-"
"Daryl!" she shouted, cutting him off.
"What?" He pulled away from her, only enough to see her face.
She stared at the man in front of her, searching his features and she shook her head, "Nothing," Harper quickly pulled herself from his embrace, "Nothing."
"Harper," Daryl protested, "Tell me what is going on."
She got to her feet, "I just can't deal with this, it is too much."
"What is too much?"
"I need to get some air," Harper shrugged.
"Okay, I'll go with you," Daryl knew that by "air" she meant, out of the prison.
She shook her head, "No I'll uh, I'll see if Michonne will go with me."
"Harper, what the fuck?" Daryl was frowning, she was practically clinging to him whenever he wasn't on duty, and now she wanted to be away from him?
Harper left the room and quickly went to find Michonne before Daryl could even react.
"I need to go make a run and I need you to go with me," she said, her voice shaking when she finally found the woman outside.
"Why don't you go with Daryl?" Michonne asked, raising an eyebrow.
"I just," Harper sighed, "I need to do something without him."
Michonne was silent, quietly assessing the situation, and then finally she nodded, "I'll go tell Rick."
There was a long moment of Harper waiting and she wished she had grabbed her coat, but she wasn't going back inside now. She made sure to tell Lilah she would be back in an hour and then finally, Michonne appeared. Weapons in hand and Harper's leather jacket, "Thought you might want this."
"You are awesome," Harper slipped her arms into it and instantly felt a little bit better. She may be avoiding Daryl, but leather reminded her of him, and this tiny little comfort calmed her nerves.
"Let's go," Michonne said, after a few minutes.
Harper followed her friend to the pickup truck and the two women took off down the driveway, where Carl opened the gate for them.
"So are you going to tell me what this is about?" Michonne asked
"Do I have to?" Harper responded, her voice nervous once more.
"No, but since I am risking my life for this I feel I should know," Michonne gave her a look.
"I think I might be pregnant," Harper sighed, "And it is one thing to reminisce and say how desperately Daryl and I wish Lilah was his but it is another thing to actually have a child in this world. I mean, it literally killed Lori."
"If you are, what can you do about it? What will you do?" Michonne was gentle with the question.
Harper shrugged, "Try and have it and pray I don't die," she blinked away tears, "I'm afraid Daryl is going to flip his shit."
"I would be surprised if he did," Michonne commented, "Daryl can be a hot headed, ignorant, ass hole but if there is one thing he can do, it's be gentle and loving to kids."
"I guess," Harper sighed.
The rest of the drive into town was a quiet and long one, but finally at long last, they found the local pharmacy and Michonne even offered to go in while Harper waited in the car. It only took five minutes and only one walker approached her as she exited the store, which Michonne was able to quickly behead. She climbed into the car and handed the box to her friend and they were silent for a long time as Harper turned the box over in her hands.
"Do you wanna do it here or back at the prison?" Michonne finally asked.
Harper shrugged, "Probably out here I guess. There's no privacy at the prison."
"You can go behind the building I guess," Michonne shrugged, "I'll cover you from walkers."
So they climbed out of the car and Harper went behind the pharmacy, carefully opening the test. When she was done, the women returned to the car, and waited in silence. When the time was up, Harper's hands were shaking as she turned the test over in her hands.
"What does it say?" Michonne asked, gently.
"Fuck," Harper whispered, "It's positive."
–
"What the fuck?" Daryl was pacing back and forth, having taken the afternoon shift, which Carol had joined him for, "I understand her not wantin' me t'come up behind 'er like I did, that was fuckin' stupid but come on. What gives?"
Carol shrugged, "I don't know Daryl, one minute she was fine and then she started feeling sick and her father got brought up and she took off upstairs."
"God damn it," he shouted.
Carol glanced around nervously, "Daryl, you need to stop. You're making everyone talk and you're scaring Lilah."
Daryl had been about to protest but the thought of Lilah being upset or scared of him made him stop in his tracks, "I can't do this," he shook his head, "I dunno know how to make her better when I'm all fucked up myself."
"Daryl, you have been a lot better since you let her into your life," Carol began, carefully choosing her words, "You healed me when I lost everything I had ever known, if you can help me, just a friend, you can help the woman you love."
"I'm fucking useless if she don't let me in on her thoughts," he pointed out.
"You are many things Daryl, but you aren't useless. Don't ever call yourself that again, okay?" Carol had her hands on her hips as she said it, "I mean it."
He stood there for a long time and instead of continuing to argue with Carol, he turned his attention back to the watch duty, but he was watching the road more than he was watching the walkers. What was the solution to the situation with Harper? How was he ever going to be able to bring her back from her demons, when he had fought so hard to heal her before. But then it was hunting, killing geeks, and sleeping together that had brought her to him. Now she was afraid to go hunting in the woods, let alone go outside of the confines of the prison to kill geeks, and there was definitely nothing going on between the two of them physically, because there was no privacy at the prison.
When at long last, he saw the car on the highway, Daryl called down to Beth and Carl, for them to go and open the gates. He waited until the car had pulled into the yard before he descended the stairs to greet them. When the car door open, Harper gave him one look, her eyes were red and he knew she had been crying. Before he could react, she had thrown her arms around him, "I'm sorry," she cried, "I am so sorry."
Daryl was clearly perplexed but he wrapped an arm around her regardless, "Where ya been?"
"Daryl," she said quietly, "I need to talk to you."
He stared at her, picking up on the tone in her voice, "Okay."
Her hand slipped into his and Harper pulled him along down to the shower rooms, which was the only place she could think of would provide them with privacy.
"Harper," he began, "I'm sorry about before," he looked down, not daring to look Harper in the eyes.
"Don't be sorry," she said quietly, "It was my fault."
"What is going on? This is all more than just yer dad," this time he said the words and looked at her.
"Daryl," her eyes welled up with tears, "Fuck Daryl, here," she shoved the pregnancy test at him and she slid to the ground, pulling herself into a ball as she cried into her arms.
"Wha tha fuck?" he stared at her and then looked at the white stick in his hand, there was a clatter as the pregnancy test fell to the floor and Daryl just stayed still, not quite daring to believe what he had just seen.
There was a long stretch of time where neither spoke. Daryl stared at the fallen stick and Harper cried into her arms and finally, at long last, Daryl said, "But how? We haven't," his words fell off.
"I've been sick since the cabin but I blamed everything that happened with Earl," Harper raised her tear stain face to look at Daryl, "I just don't know how far along I am or anything."
There was another stretch of silence and then, "That night when we didn' have a condom."
Harper nodded, "Lack of proper birth control tends to do it," she sniffed into her arm.
Daryl swore and kicked over a table, "Fuckin' hell!"
She jumped in shock, "Daryl, what are we gonna do?"
"It's a baby," Daryl shook his head, "How we gon' raise a baby?"
Harper shrugged, "I guess we've been okay with Judith but," she shook her head, "Lori died in childbirth because she needed a C-Section and I could go the same way."
Daryl stared at her, "I can't do this," he said and then he was gone.
Harper stayed totally still, in a state of shock as he left her alone in the room. It was the first time since she had started seeing Daryl that he had left her to deal with her emotions on her own. He was usually so involved and concerned, that the action now felt like she had just been struck.
Hours passed and Harper stayed in the corner, until at last, she heard a door open and to her immense surprise, it was Rick. He didn't look at her as if he had been searching her out at all, instead he simply looked confused.
"What are you doin'?" he asked slowly.
Harper shrugged, "I dunno anymore."
"Lilah was asking about you," Rick wasn't sure what he had just come in on, "We didn't see Daryl around, so we assumed you two had gone off to work through whatever."
"Rick, I'm gonna have a baby," she said quietly, "And I'm absolutely petrified about having a child in this world."
The news had clearly shocked Rick but he seemed to be able to shake himself out of it and he came to sit down on the floor beside Harper, "How did Daryl handle it?"
"Well," Harper shifted and brushed a tear away, "Do you see him around?"
"Right," Rick looked down at his hands, "I understand how y'all feel, probably better than anyone."
"You lost Lori because of a pregnancy in a world where there is no medicine," Harper sighed, "I dunno how you did it."
"Guess you have to look at it this way," Rick was slow with his words as he carefully thought it through, "Our world went thousands of years without modern medicine and sure, it's hard but we're still here."
Harper sighed, "Lilah was never planned and this child was certainly not planned, I just don't know what we're going to do. Daryl took off without a word to me which says to me that he is just as scared as I am but," she trailed off, her words dying in her throat.
"I'd say to just give 'im some time to digest it all," Rick sighed, "Having a baby in this world is definitely hard but you know we're survived alright so far with Judith and Daryl will go to the ends of the Earth for you, Lilah, and this baby."
"I hope you're right Rick," Harper said quietly.
"I am right," he got to his feet, "Now come on, you need to head inside and have some supper."
Harper followed him outside, her eyes instantly glancing up to scan the night sky. She felt a pang in her chest for the comfort of Daryl's arms but she wasn't sure if or when she would see him. She climbed the steps into the prison and was instantly greeted by her daughter's arms being thrown around her.
"Hi momma!" Lilah greeted.
Harper bent down to pick her daughter up, "Hi baby girl."
"Where have you been?!" Lilah asked.
"Just thinking," Harper kissed her daughter on the cheek and a quick scan of the room told her that Daryl was nowhere to be found.
"We kept some soup warm for you," Hershel told Harper, "Bethy, fix a bowl please."
"Yes daddy," Beth smiled and got to her feet.
Harper ate in her soup in a contemplative silence. Everyone seemed aware that something had happened between her and Daryl, but only Michonne and Rick were aware of what that was. When she carried Lilah off to bed, her daughter asked for a bedtime story like usual, and Harper was glad to tell one until her little girl fell asleep. She settled into the bed herself and despite the sheer exhaustion that Harper was experiencing, she stared at the doorway all night long, waiting for Daryl to pull back the curtain, strip down to his boxers, and climb into the bed beside her, all while whispering loving and comforting words. That was the first night since they had begun sleeping together, that Harper spent a night without Daryl at her side.
Xx
A/N- Alright so I took awhile with this because I wasn't really sure if this was the direction I actually wanted to take this...but I think the whole concept is interesting enough...if I can do it properly. I apologize for the delay...just between school and actually making friends...I've had a LIFE. It's amazing. Anyways I have started re-watching The Walking Dead because I have no life...and tonight's episode was "Tell it to the Frogs" so I was inspired to start working on this chapter. Please be kind. Give me your thoughts, etc.
Lots of love, me.