Jess was tense and nervous as she slid into the both across from Dean, unable to look at him as her decision weighed her down. She considered bolting but she stayed because this is what she wanted, someone to know.
"Jess if you don't want to go through with it you don't have to." Dean said in a soft voice as his hand slid across the table and covered hers.
"No, I'm ready to get it out of me. I've bottled it up inside for so long it literally hurts." She said and Dean understood. He'd bottled up his own demons and every now and again they'd kick his ass. "Ask me something." she prompted him to get the conversation going.
"Alright, I'm gonna try as simple as I can right now. What's the deal with Matt? He's a massive concern of mine because I find him dangerous." Dean said as the worry set in the back of his mind. He hoped the older Hardy showed up so he could pulverize him.
"Matt is in a poor mental state of mind, has been ever since I can remember. He'd always lash out for no reason and always carried around this rage that seemed to have stuck with him through out his whole life. In his mind he's just trying to protect me but he's doing it in all the wrong ways. He always has to be in control and when he's not his anger just spirals out of control and he lashes out at anyone within 10 feet of him." She explained. "He used to be so good at containing himself because our Dad used to keep him in check but ever since he died he just hasn't been the same. And when Matt says he's gonna do something he does it, so if he said he was going to come looking for me and bring me home you can bet he's going to try his hardest to do just that." Jess said as she looked dean in the eyes in complete seriousness and worry.
"And that's going to be a problem because I'm a man of my word also and he's not getting near you. What about your addiction? What started that?" Dean asked getting to the deeper part of it.
"What started my addiction was actually the first boy who ever took an interest in me." She said in a shameful voice. "I was 16 and he was 20, we met at a wrestling gig that my brothers were doing around North Carolina and we got to talking and I developed feelings for him. It was the first time I'd fallen for someone and after all that shit I swore he'd be the last person I let in." Dean felt a slight pride come over himself because right at that moment Jess was letting him in, defying her own vow.
"And what was that like?" He asked again as a waitress made her way over after tending to other customers. The bar was fairly busy for a Wednesday night. "2 beers." Dean said and she was off.
"It was a living hell. He got me to inject myself the first time, telling me how great it would be but I didn't want to, kept telling him no but he pulled that if you love me bullshit and I was blinded by what I thought was love when really I had no idea what the hell I was doing. I fell in with that crowd and soon we were doing it almost every day. I got kicked out of my house because my dad was so angry and moved to the worst part of town you could think of in this cracked out little apartment. Every night I was terrified to go to sleep because I thought someone was going to break in and kill me." Jess said as the emotions from the memories bled through into her voice and Dean could literally feel it. He sat and listened intently as she went on.
"Pretty soon I found this guy who I was madly in love with at the age of 18 banging some other chick in our bed so I tossed him the fuck out of my apartment and that's when the real struggle began. I would go days at a time without eating because I'd rather spend my money on getting my fix and soon I could barely even afford those, so I wracked up a debt with Gerry. Everyday was my last in my mind as the drugs took over everything, making me paranoid and moody and depressed. And I heard the rumors about Gerry coming to kill me and every night I would sit in the living room of my rat infested apartment in a chair and just wait, staring at the front door for him to burst in and just end it, put me out of my misery." Jess said as the tears formed in her eyes. She had been in such a dark place at the time that the only thing she truly wanted in life was to die.
"Dean you have to promise me that what I tell you won't be repeated to anyone else. Especially not Jeff, because this is the hardest thing for me to admit." She said as a tear slipped down her cheek. Dean reached across the table and wiped it off her upper lip.
"I swear on my life." He said and she let out a breath of air as she prepared herself for his reaction.
"The night Jeff and Matt had found me passed out in the bathroom stall wasn't an accident. I purposely put that much heroine into to me to kill myself. I couldn't handle being on this earth any more with the lifestyle I was living and believe me I tried to stop, I tried really hard but the withdrawals were too much to handle and I'd cave within a few hours." Her chest went tight as Deans eyes went wide at her confession. Nobody had known her real intentions, just assumed that she was a junkie wanting more from her fix and accidentally taking to much.
"Wow, Jess." Was all Dean could say and now she was ready fro him to walk away from her just like everyone else had. Matt told her once that he was all she had in the world, that as soon as everyone found out about her old ways they would all drop her like she was nothing more than garbage.
"I understand if you don't want anything to do with me any more. That's how the people in my town were when Matt told them about my accidental overdose bunched up in a web a lies. That's generally why I stay away from others because as soon as they find out they avoid me as if it's some disease that you can catch." She said as she wiped under her eyes.
"I'm not walking away from you Jess, in fact I'm grateful you could open up to me and nobody is ever going to hurt you again. Your secret is safe, locked inside my heart along with you." He said looking into her eyes as he took her hand and placed it on his chest, his heart beating strong and steady under his warm skin. She felt the weight on her shoulders lift significantly and she smiled, really smiled for the first time in a long time, across at Dean. "Do you still feel like killing yourself though?" Dean asked her seriously.
"Back home I did, even after my first failed attempt I was gonna try again and again until I succeeded. In fact before Jeff handed me my contract for WWE training I was laying in the bath tub and planned on drowning myself until I heard him knocking. He wasn't home when I got in but as soon as I tried he came knocking and I think that's fates way of saying 'wait Jess, we got a special surprise for you'." She said with a smile. "But to answer your question, nah. Ever since I got that contract I found new hope." She said looking at him with a smile.
"You have no idea ho glad I am that you are still here, sitting in front of me, Jess Hardy." He said and the warmth spread from her heart all the way up to her cheeks. "So what's your full name? I'm just curious." He said putting his chin in his hand as he gave her a sheepish smile.
"Jessica Faith Hardy. What about yours?" She questioned back, thankful to be off the subject.
"Dean Joseph Ambrose." He told her and rolled his eyes, hating his middle name. "I think your name's pretty though, and fitting considering."He said and let the rest of the sentence unfinished but she understood.
"Where the hell is that waitress with our beer?" Jess said as she looked around impatiently.
"Screw it, let's just go and buy our own and have a party." Dean said as he stood and took Jess up with him as they left the bar. When Dean and Jess got to where he parked his car he threw up his hands.
"Why is it always my car?!" He yelled at the sky as the word cheater was spray painted across the body of his car in bright blue.
"So since I told you about my mentally unstable brother you wanna tell me about your crazy ex?" Jess asked as she watched him circle his car to check for more damage.
"Layla isn't even my ex, we just slept together. She had this delusion in her head that we were together but it was all in her head and I told her many times that I didn't want a relationship I just wanted to get laid a lot. Soon after she became obsessed and I tried hard to get rid of her but she just won't leave me alone so I dealt with it, that was, until you came along." Dean said joining her side again.
"Did she do anything else?" She asked.
"Not that I can see on the outside but the inside might be a different story." He said as Jess walked over to the passenger side and opened the door. Sure enough there were cuts in his sears and foam cushioning popped out everywhere.
"She even cut into the dashboard." Dean said in disbelief as he ran his fingers over the rough surface.
"Well now it looks like both of us have our own psychos to deal with, you get my brother and I'll get her." Jess said as she buckled up.
"Are you sure you wanna go up against her? She's pretty tough despite her appearance." Dean said as he was torn between driving the car to the nearest mechanic or calling one and having it towed.
"See Dean that's just the thing about me, when it comes to sharing, I don't do that well and that's usually when people get hurt." Jess said with a devilish gleam in her eyes. She knew she was in for one hell of a ride now once she hit RAW but she was ready for it, with or without Dean by her side.
"There had better be some bite that comes with that bark because you sure can talk the talk but I haven't seen you walk the walk." Dean said catching a side glance from her.
"You'll see soon enough. I can be a nasty bitch sometimes. You couldn't be soft when you were in the drug scene or people would walk all over you, so I guess maybe one good thing came from it." She said.
"So, I'm gonna call a tow truck and we need to hook you up with some ring gear." Dean said changing the subject. He didn't like the way her tone went dark and menacing and her demeanor changed.
"What did you have in mind?"She asked as they sat in the car after Dean made a call.
"Well I was thinking something kind of like the size of a bra with lace and maybe red or blue with a matching thong." Dean said and Jess slapped his arm as she chuckled.
"I'm not wearing lingerie as ring gear, that's something I save for the bedroom." She said in a suggestive tone.
"You have lingerie?" He asked her as he gave her bedroom eyes.
"Wouldn't you love to know. Quit it!" She said as she turned away from his stare.
"Actually I would love to know. At least tell me what color they are." He said as he readied himself to picture it in his mind. Jess had some fairly large breasts and he wondered if they were natural or not.
"Red with black lace and trim." She said as a blush came up to her face. Dean got excited and made the cha-ching motion as if he's just hit the jackpot. Jess just used her hand to cover her face as she laughed at him.
"Man that is awesome, when can I see them? You gonna model them for me?" Dean asked her as he smiled at the thought.
"Since when the hell did this turn into me showing you. You wanted to know the what color they were, you never said anything about wearing them or showing them to you!" She said as he face flushed red.
"Nope now you definitely have to wear them and show me. Preferably tonight if that's okay." Dean said suggestively making her swat at him again and Dean only laughed.
"At the rate you're going I'm not showing you a damn thing." She said and soon it was silent between them as they both calmed down. Jess could see Dean fidgeting and trying to turn his body away from her. "Are you okay?" She asked as she sat up and Deans face went beat red.
"Uh..yeah." He said but she knew something was up.
"You're a bad liar, spill!" She said as she grabbed his shoulder and turned him to sit forward. His hands were attempting to cover the massive bulge in his pants but they didn't so much good because Jess could still see it and her face flushed. "Oh, sorry." She said as she sat back in her seat and looked away blushing.
"It's your fault." He said and the tone of his voice made her bust out laughing.