You guys are going to hate me.
I don't own A&A...
You guys are really going to hate me.
Day 13
Austin hadn't slept yet. He had that "I need to stick toothpick in my eyes to keep them open." He hadn't left this floor in over twenty four hours. He hadn't eaten since about the same time. He had been a bit busy.
Ally was getting worse. She no longer was supporting herself. They had her on life support, fighting to save her, even after the papers of doom had been signed. All the doctors knew her. Most of them had basically watched her grow up. They were the closest thing she had to family.
But an idea hit him. He immediately stood up and tore his gaze away from Ally. It was hard, but if he was right, he wouldn't have to worry about the last glance for a long time yet.
He walked up to the nurse's station. They all looked at him in surprise; he hadn't moved for the past twelve hours.
"What kind of cancer does she have?"
The nurses all smiled sadly before one spoke up. "What kinds." She said it sadly, and Austin had to take a minute to register what she was saying.
"Kinds? You mean, more than one?"
The ones still looking at him nodded sadly.
He tried to ignore the tremble of his lower lip as he continued. "Fine. What kinds does she have?"
The nurse who spoke the last time took a deep breath. "She has bone marrow cancer, lung cancer, stomach cancer, and she has a brain tumor. The brain tumor is fairly new though."
He closed his eyes and counted. Four had never seemed like such a big number before. It had always seemed so small and insignificant. Not anymore…..
"Is there any treatment options that weren't able to be given due to financial problems?" He knew where he was going, but he could tell the nurses didn't.
"No." All hope faded from him. "For years we have all pitched in to pay for different treatments, and then when, well… you started donating money, we put almost all of it to her treatment. The administrative office turned a blind eye because they loved her so much too. There's nothing you can do Austin. I'm sorry."
"No." His voice broke in the middle of the pleading word. This couldn't be happening. He turned around and walked back to his seat. He started rocking back and forth in an effort to calm himself down. He didn't care that he was getting weird looks from other visitors. He didn't care that he probably looked like a four year old throwing a tantrum. None of that mattered. This wasn't about his image anymore.
It never was.
There wasn't any more he could do. He would have paid for an island in Caribbean for more than his life was worth if it meant having her get better. He would have taken all her cancer and put it in himself if it meant she was free. He would have done anything.
But there was nothing.
Sometimes you have to give up. Sometimes you've reached your limit. He didn't want to have reached his though. He wasn't ready to say goodbye.
He was still rocking back and forth when he saw her open her eyes slightly. He screamed involuntarily and alerted the nurses. They didn't even bother looking at him. They went straight to Ally. They put something in the IV drip and motioned for him to go to the cleaning room. The room where he would be forced to shower, give a blood test, and change into hospital clothing.
But it was worth it.
The doctors hadn't said anything about Ally kissing him. And he hated to admit it, but it didn't really matter. She was going to… die anyway.
He shower as quickly and thoroughly as he could. He brushed his teeth and hands over and over. He didn't everything as best he could while he waited for his blood to be cleared so he could see her. He changed quickly when they said he could and waited like a patient and obedient dog.
When they let him in, she was fully awake. She looked even weaker than yesterday. He went straight to her side and sat in the chair placed next to her.
She wiggled her fingers to tell him she wanted him to hold them. So he did.
It was painful to know that she couldn't even tell him that she wanted to be held. She was too weak. He just hoped she wasn't in pain too.
He leaned in next to her and whispered the words that had been haunting him for the past twelve hours. "I know we only met," He was silent as he tried to pull himself together again. "But let's pretend its love." He closed his eyes and sighed. "And never stop for anyone." He concentrated on not squeaking in what he could only explain as anguish. "And live while we're young."
Whenever he had heard that song before Ally fell sick, he had thought of it as happy and celebratory, but now, he could only concentrate on those words. Live while we're young. It seemed so final. It seemed so decided.
Before this moment, he had never really believed in unchangeable fate, but now, holding Ally, he couldn't help but feel hopeless. These next few days were crucial.
He opened his eyes and looked at her. If she even lasted that long.
And something told him that she wasn't going to.
"Me too." He heard it as a very quiet whisper. He heard it as a savior though. No two words had ever left him so emotionally drained.
But I guess I should expect this by now.
He nodded through his tears.
Why can't she stay with me?
He wished he could help her, but he knew he couldn't. He knew that it was going to happen. He wished he could take action. But there was nothing he could do.
"Why?" He whispered just as quietly.
He lifted his head to pretend she would answer, but found himself once again surprised to find her with a smile on her lips. "You'll see."
Sometimes he really did hate her.
"As long as you remember."
She then started coughing. And all Austin could do was hope that it wasn't the end.
There was something in Austin's mind that told him not to give up. That what she told him yesterday, about still being there, just not here, was more important than he had thought.
"Mr. Moon. We need to see you outside."
He sighed before hugging Ally closer than ever before with one arm. He used the other to lift his hand. When it was fully raised, he gave the doctors the middle finger.
And it felt good.
"Go." Dammit. Ally was still there.
"But I don't want to leave you." He sounded like a child, but he didn't care.
"I'll still be there when you go back." There. Not here.
Is anybody out there?
Is anybody listening?
It felt so wrong to just leave her like that. Why did the doctors need him right now? He needed her more.
Does anybody really know?
Is the end of the beginning
The quiet rush of one breath
He looked back as he followed the doctors out of the room. But he wished he hadn't because what he saw was he hand fall limp. He heard the heart monitor slow down to a stop.
There is a feeling of dread you get when you realize what is happening. When you realize you just said goodbye. When you just wrote 'Then End' in the middle of a novel. The feeling you get when you realize the doctors who are supposed to be helping you love pulled you away when they realized she was about to die.
Is all we're waiting for
Sometimes the one we're taking
Changes everyone before
"No!" His voice sounded that of a terrified teenage girl. He fell to his knees when he felt himself stop breathing. He couldn't get a lung full of air. This all happened to fast. This couldn't be real.
It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't
It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed
Some prayers find an answer
Some prayers never know
We're holding on and letting go
He couldn't find the energy to stand up, so he started crawling on his hands and knew to her side where he was painfully aware of her silent monitors. He was aware that she didn't respond to his touch. He was aware of his heart tearing. Right down the middle.
Sometimes we're holding angels
And we never even know
He had been so unaware of everything when he had got here. She had never been particularly mean to him, except for the occasional outburst. He had fallen so quickly and he hadn't realized it until it was too late.
Don't know if we'll make it, or we know
We just can't let it show
Had it been a pride thing? Is that why she didn't tell him? Was this some sort of joke?
It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't
It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed
Some prayers find an answer
That's it! She was playing a sick joke on him.
"Ally, this isn't funny!" He gently reached up to her shoulders and shook gently. "I mean it Ally." When he got no response, he shook harder and screamed, "Wake up, Dammit! This isn't funny!"
Some prayers never know
We're holding on and letting go
Yeah, letting go
"Ally!" He voice was getting louder and louder, but with each scream, he gave up a little more. Nobody was this heavy a sleeper.
It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't
It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed
Some prayers find an answer
Some prayers never know
"Mr. Moon. We really do need you to leave." He stood up and looked at the doctors. He tried to kill them with his glare, but by the way the doctors were looking at him, he was getting the same glare.
We're holding on and letting go
"Fuck you." He said as he walked out. He left without looking back. He nearly broke the elevator button with how hard he pushed it.
It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't
It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed
Some prayers find an answer
He walked out of the hospital and let himself pretend that he would never see it again.
Some prayers never know
We're holding on and letting go.
Austin walked into the middle of the field he found after he had driven off. He looked around in a circle. This is where he wanted to be. The center of the world. Where he didn't need to worry about anything. Where people needed only to worry about him.
He sat down and put his head down. Anyone driving by wouldn't be able to see him due to the tall grass and that's how he had wanted it.
(Line break)
Austin stood back up. He had been laying down in the bug infested grass for hours upon hours, sobbing and feeling emptier than he ever had before.
He had been curled up in a little ball on the ground, sobs shaking his entire body. He had never felt like this before. Ever.
He made his way back to the car in which he had found the keys in the ignition. He thanked whichever doctor had forgotten their keys.
He climbed into the driver's side and turned on the radio to try and drown out his pain. It didn't work.
Every song out there today was about heartbreak.
Only, none of them seemed to really be able to capture what he was really feeling.
So, he turned it off.
(Line break)
He walked into Amelia's room, where the little girl was already asleep. He had come back here to say goodbye to her. He wasn't thinking about his promise to Ally. He couldn't. He wanted to leave. He wanted to walk out the doors and never look back.
He knelt down next to her. She looked so peaceful sleeping. She didn't show all of the stress that haunted her when she was awake.
If only he could be like that too. He hadn't slept in several days. He hadn't had so much as a nap.
And he still didn't think he was ready for one yet.
He kissed her forehead and then stood up. He looked around at the six little girls this room housed. When he got back to his home, he would be sure to donate more to this place. He would donate all of it. He just couldn't take it here anymore, but he could still help in the financial way.
He turned on his heal and walked out, but when he reached the doorway, he heard Amelia's voice ring out, loud and clear, and most certainly awake.
"I don't blame you for leaving. I would too, but… you know." He stayed in the same position. He couldn't look at her in fear that it would make him change his mind. And he couldn't do that. Sometimes, you have to quit with the biggest head start you can get.
"She knew she was going to go while you were here." He stiffened but still didn't move. Why would they have told Amelia about that already?
"The doctors usually don't give her anymore time. They usually just tell her, 'You can't be alive right now. This is impossible.' So, the day you got here, when the told her she had a week left, she just kind of… knew. She knew that you were here for a reason. She knew."
"I'm sorry Amelia. But I can't so this."
"Did she ever tell you?"
"Huh?"
"The fifteen day deadline. Did she ever tell you what that was?"
Had she been trying to tell him she was going to die? It didn't feel right though, because she had known a few hours ago that she was about to die, so why would she not tell him then? "No."
And so he turned around. He met the dark brown eyes of the little girl.
And he broke.
He took the three stride towards her and picked her up into his arms.
"Well, I don't think you're going to like what it was. Leave tomorrow. Just do it. It's time." He nearly dropped her in surprise.
"What do you mean?"
"You'll see."
Austin groaned in frustration. He was sick of this. He held her as he sat down on her bed. He cradled her in his arms as he tried to decode what she had said. Leave tomorrow. What was tomorrow?
Day 14 was tomorrow. His last day. He didn't have to leave….
He narrowed his eyes at the little girl already sleeping in his arms. She couldn't know this much… could she?
He set her down when he was sure she was asleep. He sat in the chair next to her bed. He was hoping to finally sleep, but the images were haunting him to no end. Every time he closed his eyes, he hand falling limp would show itself. Every time he opened them back up, he saw her heart monitor stop.
He couldn't win.
If only he had realized that before he had decided to visit a cancer ward.
How stupid.
Okay. I figured that the people who are still reading after... that.. will read this. I didn't actually give you any hints as to what is going on in this chapter... Well, maybe a few, but they aren't as obvious. I literally cried writing this. I am soooo sorry.
This chapter felt really short... there are two more chapters. Just two. This story is obviously coming to a close. I, once again, am sorry. I know you guys didn't want me to kill Ally, but, that is how this story goes. I even put a little note at the top stating this. I think, if yall are one for cheesy love stories that have a predictable ending, that you guys will actually like this story. Just finish it out.
Trust me.
You won't regret it.
Review.
I want three or i won't update.
Thanks guys!
Sorry.