A/N: For those who are triggered by mentions of eating disorders, drug use and rape, please be warned that this chapter does contain mentions of these subjects. Thank you very much for the reviews so far and please read and review to let me know what you think! Apologies in advance if this is awful, or not what people wanted/expected but I promise so much Haleb in the next chapter to make up for it.
casket4mytears - thank you very much for your kind review! Chevy Stevens is one of my favourite authors at the moment so I'm a little obsessed with using her, she is amazing.
"Wired up, mind all over the place, looking for answers, reasons, something solid to cling to, something real, but just when I think I've got it all figured out and neatly filed under fixed instead of fucked, turns out I'm still shattered, scattered and battered. But you probably already knew that, didn't you? You might not be able to help me. That makes me sad, but not for me. It makes me sad for you." - Chevy Stevens
From the moment her eyes opened, Hanna knew exactly where she was. The grey, old walls, the bars over the windows, the smell, there was no mistake that she was in Radley Sanitarium. Spencer had been the only one of them to spend any time there, so when she had woken up just a few moments after, Hanna could tell by the look on her face that she recognised the place instantly. Whilst Hanna sat there with her arms wrapped around her knees, huddled in the corner of the old bed with her back to the wall, Spencer screamed and slammed her hands against the door until they bled.
For a while, they sat there, the only sound in the room was their heavy breathing and broken sobs. Before the familiar voice they had only ever heard in the dollhouse caused them both to tense up and stare at each other, for the first time realising that Charlotte was not alone in that place, she was not the only person who spent years torturing them. "I thought it was about time you know how Charlotte felt, locked in this room for years and years with nobody. How long will you last before you break?" Her entire body trembled and she shook her head, closing her eyes as tightly as she possibly could, trying to hide further into the corner before she let out a sob.
A – or Charlotte – had consumed their lives for way too long, primarily for the past three years and now, this was how it was going to end. It had come full circle; Charlotte wanted dolls, and so, she created them into those broken dolls she had so craved when she had nothing throughout her childhood. She had abused them for years, tortured them, bent them in half, ruined them, only for Hanna and Spencer to finally get the upper hand and put an end to it all. And now, the consequence of that had resulted in her being locked in a room with her best friend for what was probably going to be their final days.
At the sound of Spencer crying, Hanna opened her mouth to speak but the words died in her throat. Not only could she not speak, but honestly, Hanna didn't know if there was anything she could possibly say in that moment to make the brunette feel any better about how it was all going to end. Instead, she took in the surroundings – the room was small, with a single bed in the corner that she was sitting on, an empty desk on the other side of the room, without a chair. Everything seemed normal for the rooms she had imagined for a mental hospital, except for the large television in the corner of the room, covered with a large, plastic box to stop them from grabbing it and using it as a weapon, she supposed. There was one window in the room, covered with bars, meaning their own means of escape was immediately gone. Was there even any point?
"Hanna?" Spencer finally spoke, as she moved over to her best friend and sat next to her, resting her head on her shoulder as her eyes closed. She felt Hanna shift beside her, meaning she was listening, "Don't give up, not yet." She whispered, "If I can find a way to get us out of this, I will... and don't forget, Caleb, Toby, our friends... our parents, they'll be looking for us." Slowly, her fingers moved through blonde hair and Hanna only pulled back a little to give her a small smile before her hand moved to touch her cheek gently, grazing along there to wipe gently at the tears that were starting to dry on Spencer's pale cheeks.
There was a silence that followed, one she had become accustomed to when she was alone with Hanna. Sometimes, Aria would just speak to fill it, Emily would mumble here and there but with Hanna, there was no uncomfortable small talk that had to be forced in an attempt to make themselves feel better. Instead, they could hold each other, silent tears falling down their face as Spencer watched the moon rising through the bars. When the morning light appeared, she would make a mark on the wall to indicate another countdown – something she thought was behind her when she had left that awful bunker she had been forced into three years previously. When the brunette finally closed her eyes, she tried to remember what Hanna's voice sounded like, but the memory wouldn't come to her. She had forgotten, it seemed as though the beautiful sound of her best friends voice was something else Charlotte had stolen from them.
Caleb had no idea if this plan was going to work but it was all he had, it was all he could cling to because he couldn't imagine going another three years without knowing what had happened to his girlfriend. Alison was all he had, and that was something he never thought would happen – he had made it no secret that he didn't like or trust the girl that seemed to be the link between Charlotte and the girls, but she was his only way in. Charlotte was her sister, and if she could just, for even a second, convince the person behind this that she was on their side. Alison was a good actress, that much she knew but maybe she had done too much for whoever was behind this to believe her. Maybe he was destined to live a life looking for the woman he loved so much, without ever knowing what she was going through or if she was even okay. If she was alive.
He rubbed his tired eyes, before he looked down at his shaking hands; he had no idea what was happening to her right then but he knew, if she was still alive, then she was terrified. She had already been through hell and back and now, she was there once again and he was on the outside, feeling as helpless as he had for three years. The plan was simple – Alison would convince them that she was on their side, they would trust her, he would follow them. Perhaps it was too simple, he reminded himself, for a moment as he shook his head and let out a frustrated sigh.
For now, he had to wait and that was the part that was frustrating him the most because for every minute, and every hour it took for Alison to convince this dangerous person that she was on their side, was another hour Spencer and Hanna were in danger. He closed his eyes for a second, terrified that the two women that would be returned to them even worse than they had been before. To think of his girlfriend even more shattered than she already was, tore him apart inside. He had already caught her looking at institutes on the internet, it seemed as though she knew the talks her therapist was having behind her back to her mother, she knew where the recommended place she was supposed to be was. A part of him believed that she would have preferred to be there – it was safer, he supposed without the pressure of having loved ones around her willing her to talk. Without the knowledge of what she was like before, there was no chance for the doctors, or the nurses or other patients to feel saddened by the loss of the old Hanna Marin.
His fingers ran through his hair and his eyes glanced up at Alison stepping out of her car when another car pulled over – this was it, this had to be it. At this point, it had already been three days, and two of them had been spent with Alison trying to convince A.D that she was, indeed, on their side and as a consequence, she wanted revenge on the two people who had murdered her long lost sister. She had described the anger she felt, how they had never even given Charlotte a chance to explain her side, how the DiLaurentis girl hadn't been given a chance her entire life. Each word was taken in by the unknown person, or persons, and eventually, there had been a settled time to meet and talk. Ali and Caleb knew this wasn't it though, this would be a test, to see how angry she truly was at the two women and if it meant she could join the A team. Caleb had no idea what was going to happen but he knew it was their only chance at finding the two women before it was too late.
When Spencer made a mark on the wall behind her to signify the beginning of the third day, she wondered if this was the plan. To make them rot, starve and dehydrate in the room Charlotte DiLaurentis had once stayed in. They had yet to see the person who had taken them and since, not a single glass of water, or any food had been left in the room for them. It terrified her, the thought of dying slowly and painfully; she knew what was going to happen to their bodies, how organs were going to start to shut down. She figured they had around four days left – it took seven to ten days before the point of death but she and Hanna were skin and bones. Even leaning against the other was uncomfortable, Hanna's collarbones jutted out, Spencer's cheekbones protruded, their ribs seemed to clash against each other's when they snuggled into the other for some form of comfort. Perhaps if they had more body mass between them, they could have lasted longer, perhaps long enough for someone to rescue them from this new hell.
Somehow, the anticipation of new torture was worse than many of the things Charlotte had put them through. Every so often, her eyes would glance at the door and she would wait for someone to just walk in and do their very worst to them. Right then, with each day that passed, they were getting sicker, exhaustion was kicking in and whilst Spencer was on high alert, Hanna seemed to spend most of the day sleeping. Despite her silence promise that she wouldn't give up, it appeared as though she already had, but Spencer suspected the blonde had given up long before they were stolen from the lives in which they were attempting to heal and move on.
Alison DiLaurentis found herself sitting in the back seat of a car, next to Noel Kahn, her eyes staring at the laptop screen in front of her. There was a proud smirk on his face but all she felt was nauseated by the images he was showing her on the screen – this was the test, the true test to see how loyal she was to the cause and she knew she had to pass because if she didn't, she had no idea what was going to happen to her or her friends. She glanced at the man next to her and remembered that she had once read, if a kidnapper showed his face, the less likely the chance the victim had of getting out of it alive. And whilst she wasn't being kidnapped, it was no secret that Noel would much rather keep his identity hidden from her friends, especially now that she had learned he was much more involved with Charlotte and her plans than anyone knew.
The crazy thing was, she supposed, was that he would have gotten away with it if he hadn't been so obsessed with Charlotte.
So, she kept silent as she watched him pouring blood over Spencer and over the floor, a smirk and a dangerous glint in his eyes when he looked up at the camera. It was her first look at the room Spencer had spent much of her time in when she was locked down there, and she was forced to watch Spencer screaming, panic, as she wondered what the hell she had done and who she had hurt with no idea that it was the blood of a dead animal. She could see the look in her eyes, Spencer truly thought she had hurt someone, that she had murdered someone...
Noel watched her face carefully, and Ali was sure to show little to no emotion, watching instead as he flicked over onto another file within the folder named Spencer. It was the brunette, sitting at a table in a room with pills in front of her. Her hands were over her ears, and she was rocking herself back and forth as a voice repeated itself over and over again – 'take the pills and the screaming will stop, take the pills and the screaming will stop'. Ali knew that Spencer had struggled with addiction, and she had no doubt that the medication in front of her at that moment was the same she had previously had issues with. She watched for five more minutes until Spencer gave in and grabbed the pills, before Noel smirked and shut it off, "She took those pills every single day, multiple times a day until..." The cursor flashed over another file before he clicked on it and there Spencer was; sweating, thinner than she had been before, her arms wrapped around herself as she laid on the floor of her 'bedroom', "It was fun to watch her squirm."
Ali just let out a small laugh, but didn't say anything as she watched him move towards the folder entitled Hanna. "You helped us with Hanna, it was so easy to make her stick her fingers down her throat again." He laughed, and Alison looked at him, trying to stop the urge to punch him in the face when she was reminded of the things she had done and the things she had said before everything had gone so horribly wrong. Instead, she matched his smirk and just shrugged her shoulders, "Glad to be of service."
When the new video started up, she swallowed a lump of bile that rose in her throat, but just watched, telling herself over and over again that she couldn't burst into tears right then, not if she ever wanted to see her best friends again. Hanna was what looked to be like her bedroom but Ali knew otherwise, she was unconscious, and Noel was there with that smirk she wanted to permanently remove from his face. He looked up at the camera, winked and then his fingers grazed along the inside of Hanna's thigh; when she didn't move, Alison watched as he unzipped his pants before she looked away and let out a nervous laugh, "I don't need to see the rest," She told him, "As satisfying as it is knowing they deserved it in the end, I don't really want to see that..." He nodded in understanding and shut down the laptop as he observed her reactions.
Had she passed the test? When he smiled, she was certain she had, until he asked, "Do you want to be there when I show them these tapes? They don't have long left..." He trailed off, and she nodded her head, "I'd love to see their faces when those bitches find out everything that happened to them."
Her reply seemed to satisfy him, and he climbed out of the car, "We'll have to go now, I always knew you would be on the right side Ali but I can't risk you blabbing to any of your friends about this not until I've done what needs to be done." She nodded her head and climbed out after him, before she moved to climb into the front seat of the car along with Noel, hoping Caleb was close enough to know what was going on. He was going to follow but not until it wasn't suspicious, thanks to the GPS on her phone. Somehow, the guilt eased that she hadn't been able to find them three years ago, because for once, she knew she had done something good, something that would put an end to this before it was too late. She wouldn't let it be three years again.
When the television started up for the first time since they had been there, Spencer sat up quickly and stared at the screen, immediately recognising herself as she already felt her heart facing. The memories of those three years came rushing back to her, how she had been kept hooked on drugs for almost a year before it wad decided she should go cold turkey. It was hell, the kind of hell that kept her from going back to the drugs the moment she had gotten out because she couldn't stand to go through withdrawals again.
Her entire body shook as she watched herself on the screen, before the worst she had ever felt appeared and she watched herself covered in blood, screaming, wondering who she had hurt. Blacking out when she was on something was something she had grown accustomed to, the fear she had hurt someone as a result was also something she had experienced before. Living with that thought since had been the cause of so many of her nightmares – now, knowing it was Noel Kahn pouring animal blood over her and the room, she felt sick. She had been tricked, she had been forced to be an addict again and then tricked to break her. And it had worked.
When it stopped, and instead, their eyes met with an unconscious Hanna laying in the bed of the room that had been so carefully made to look like the one she had pre-kidnapping, those thoughts were pushed to the back of her mind when she watched Noel Kahn move onto the bed where Hanna laid, unmoving. She could feel her best friend shaking beside her as it continued, and out of respect, she looked away and focused on the pale face of the blonde who didn't make a move, or say a word until the video ended and the images were replaced with footage of them at the beginning. Hanna's voice echoed through the empty room, the sassiness Spencer had forgotten almost made her smile until she remembered, for a second, what had happened to her friend, to all of them in that place. There was video proof, evidence of everything that they had gone through, things she had forgotten, things she hadn't been allowed to remember and the same for each of her friends. She could tell by the look on Hanna's face that she had no idea that anything had happened to her whilst they were in that place, not like that – why would they? Charlotte was the only suspect they had.
It took an hour for the video to finally stop, reminders of their three years there echoing through their minds whilst neither of them broke the silence. Spencer never expected her to speak, she had long since given up on the fact that her friend still had a voice hidden deep inside of her but now she found herself unable to find any words, nothing she could say would be right. Hanna's hand finally moved to her own and she looked at the blonde, brushing her hair from her face, watching the internal struggle before, after so long, she heard the voice she never thought she would hear again. It was soft, raspy, her throat raw from years of not saying a word, the voice sounding foreign to both of them, "I never knew." Was all she was able to get out before the tears fell, and she shook her head, "I never knew." She repeated, a little louder this time as she was trying to get used to the words that fell from her lips.
"There's so much we don't know, Hanna." She mumbled in response, pressing her lips to her forehead as her eyes closed and her arms wrapped around her best friend to pull her as close as she could. Only a few moments passed before, for the first time since they had gotten there, the door swung open and she was met with the dark eyes of Noel Kahn, a dangerous smirk on his face as he looked at the two, "Did you enjoy the show?"
He watched with amusement when they both scrambled to their feet, Hanna hiding slightly behind Spencer as she just shook her head. He took a step towards them, they stepped back and then Hanna stopped. Her entire body tensed and she grabbed Spencer's arm to pull her back, "Tell Caleb I love him." She whispered in her ear, leaving a moment of confusion for the brunette before Hanna lunged forward with a scream and punched the man in the face as hard as her tiny, exhausted body could. She didn't stop though, her hands got in as many punches as she could whilst Noel fumbled for his weapon and Spencer hesitated. Her eyes glanced towards the open door and she considered running for help, but she knew in that time, it could all be over for Hanna or, she could help her. Only, by the time her brain registered this, Noel's clenched fist made contact with the blonde's face, and she fell to the floor, her eyes closed and her body unmoving and his attention turned to the brunette who had missed the opportunity to get help whilst she could.
Her head shook and her eyes watered, and Noel stepped towards her, "Don't you want to know more about what we did to you in there? Don't you want to remember more?" She quickly shook her head and took a deep breath, her back making contact with the wall behind her, watching his hand move towards the knife he had kept contained in his pocket, "Maybe it would be kinder to end it for the two of you now."
Neither of them heard the sound of someone walking down the hallway, towards the open door, not until it was too late. The knife was pressed to her throat, digging into the skin there until she could feel a drop of blood and her eyes had been closed, willing death to come and take her into it's arms so she could finally move on with her life. Her momentary pause had cost both hers and Hanna's life, and she would never be able to relay the message of Hanna's last words to the person who deserved to hear them; those were her regrets but there was no fear. Death seemed easier, better, simpler.
The sound of a gun cocking brought her back to reality though and when her eyes snapped open, she was met with the dark eyes of Caleb Rivers, Alison at his side as she stared at the three people in the room with a mixture of shock, fear and guilt in her eyes. She had no idea how they had been found, and she struggled with the emotions that immediately ran through her mind – the first one being the wish that they had shown up a few minutes later, when it was too late for her but just in time for Hanna who deserved to live a life away from Rosewood. She took a deep, trembling breath and watched as Noel turned around, the knife dropping when he held his hands up, meeting Caleb's cold, hard stare. The way he looked terrified Spencer in that moment, Caleb was her friend, she had seen him upset, she had heard Hanna talk about him being angry, but this was something else. There was nothing but hatred in his eyes and the youngest Hastings knew that he would murder Noel Kahn right there and then if he was given the chance, she just wasn't sure if it would be the right thing to do.
"I-is she dead?" Caleb stuttered, looking down at his girlfriend on the floor, keeping the gun trained on the other man as Alison stepped towards Hanna and pressed her fingers against her neck, shaking her head, "She's alive, just knocked out. She's going to be okay." There were tears threatening to make their way down Caleb's face, and his hand shook slightly but he kept the gun aimed at his intended target.
"She's never going to be okay again," He quickly said, before he stepped forward and pressed the gun against Noel's forehead with such bruising force, Spencer could see the pain on the suddenly silent man's face. She supposed having a gun aimed at him was enough to keep him silent. "You disgust me," Caleb spat, "You don't deserve to breathe, even jail would be too good for you!" Spencer moved forward, a gentle hand placed on his arm as she shook her head, silently begging for him not to do this.
His finger pressed against the trigger, the hatred in his eyes overtaking everything right then, the sound of the gun going off, along with the scream that came from Spencer seemed to echo around the room before the eventual thud of a body landing on the floor seemed to bring Caleb back to reality and the gun dropped to his feet, his eyes staring down at the blood, his breathing heavy and panicked as he shook his head, "W-what have I done?" He mumbled, mostly to himself as he took a step back and gulped, staring at the scene in front of him, before his eyes settled on the blonde who was slowly opening her eyes, "What did I do?" He asked again, this time desperately seeking an answer from Alison who shook her head and let out a sob.
"You ended it."