I awoke in the dark. My throat felt so dry. I was desperate for water. "Please give me water." I begged.
"Shhh. Bella, try to sleep it off. That will make it easier." Edward voice comforted me in the dark.
"Please. Give me some water." I pleaded. "It burns. I am on fire!" I could feel a pinch in my arm where he administered more morphine. Edward began to hum my lullaby. So long since I had heard it. It was beautiful. The burning began to ease. My head began to swirl again and darkness enveloped me.
Hours later coming out of the fog, I could still feel the intense thirst. The only thought in my head was that I needed water. Esme was sitting beside me in the darkness. "Hello dear. Are you feeling any better?" She enclosed my hand in hers. Funny how it didn't seem quite as cold as I imagined it would, but the coolness soothed my burning hand.
I swallowed hard. "Esme." I began. "I am so very thirsty. I need a drink of water. Can you please get me some water?"
"That's normal, Bella dear." She patted my hand in sympathy. "You really don't need or want water. That is your thirst. It will be better over time." Her voice was sympathetic.
All was perfectly still and quiet in my room. But the thirst was overpowering. The fire in me was increasing with intensity as the pain medication wore off and I became more aware. "Esme. Please help me." I said frantically. "The pain is everywhere." I began to sob. "It hurts. It hurts." Edward was at my side before I could utter another word. I felt the familiar pinch in my arm and the pain began to subside. I smiled my thanks as I drifted off into unconsciousness.
The next time I awoke, the pain was so intense I felt hundreds of needles sticking me all over my body. Edward was there and he caressed my cheek. He whispered quietly soothing words in my ear. He climbed into the bed, pulled me into his arms, and cradled me.
"Edward. Please. I can't stand it any longer." The pain was indescribable. It could not have hurt more if I were being burned alive. Edward gently rocked me as I screamed and writhed in pain. "Why aren't you giving me something for the pain?" I screamed at him.
"I did Bella, love. It isn't working this time." He whispered sadly. "Try to endure it. I will be here with you until it is over. I am so sorry. This would have been easier for you if I had done it myself, ten years ago." I was past hearing him anymore; the pain was so piercing I passed out.
Alice was there when I next resurfaced. I was sweating profusely. She dipped a towel in a pan of cold water and bathed my face and neck. The cool towel felt so good on my burning flesh. "How much longer, Alice?' I asked weakly.
"Not much longer Bella. You only have to endure a few more hours. It is almost over." She smiled at me. My thoughts were preoccupied with the all encompassing burning of my flesh from my bones. I was only lucid for a few moments before the intensity of the fire had to be drowned with morphine. During those few moments I had before the fire became unendurable, my thoughts turned to my children and my husband. "Alice. How are my children? How is Jake?"
"They are fine." She told me. "Of course, you know the rules. Your family and friends think a bear mauled you. Your closed-casket funeral is today. I am sorry, Bella."
If I could have cried, I would have. I had so much more to give up now. I had a life to give up. There was an ache in my heart more unbearable than the gaping hole that Edward had left. I had to give up my own children. They were not safe with me anymore. It was then that my physical needs overpowered my heartache and the fire consuming my body intensified. "Water." I begged. "Please. Put out the fire." No sooner said than done, Edward had reappeared and injected me with pain mediation. A wave of nausea hit and it pulled me under, back to oblivion where my heart and body could heal-by turning to stone.
I awoke alone in a dark, unfamiliar room. The fire had mercifully subsided. I had a terrible thirst.
I rose up from the bed and swung my feet to the floor. I stood cautiously, my head still swimming from the pain medication. I walked to the closet and opened it. My clothes hanging inside barely made a dent on the space in the closet. I pulled out a blouse and a pair of jeans. Stacked in the corner of the closet were several boxes containing my photo albums, scrapbooks, my well-worn copy of Wuthering Heights and other miscellaneous things. I walked over to the dresser and found more of my things there. I took out a pair of underwear and a bra and walked into the adjacent bathroom. I checked in the cabinets and found my cosmetics, shampoo and other toiletries.
I looked in the mirror and my reflection startled me. My eyes were the same burgundy color I remember other non-vegan vampires. My skin was paler than normal with purplish rings under my eyes. The most startling change was how beautiful I looked. My natural looks seemed more refined and enhanced. I couldn't believe my reflection. Everything seemed fuller, more rounded, more feminine.
I turned on the water and leaned in to drink from the faucet. The water, which normally would have quenched my raging thirst was disgusting and I immediately began to vomit. The waves of nausea soon subsided and I dried my face.
I got in the shower and stood under the scalding hot water. The heat of the water relaxed my tight, cold muscles. I stood in the shower for what seemed like hours and washed the clammy sweat of the last three days from my body. Mercifully I couldn't remember much of my changing, except the unending pain. I remember Edward and Carlisle alternately coming in and giving me injections. It helped some, but I could still feel the burning fire shooting through my veins at times.
I got out of the shower and dried off. I was dressed quicker than I thought I was capable of and walked back to my bedroom taking my dirty things to the clothes hamper. I gazed out at the river through the glass wall that enclosed the back of the house.
I was aware of voices that I wouldn't have been able to hear normally. Whispers. Rosalie talking to Emmett about car repairs. Alice and Jasper quietly whispering about a vision she had just had. Esme and Carlisle discussing a patient Carlisle had taken care of today at the hospital. I didn't hear Edward's voice. Outside my door there was a presence. I don't know how I knew it, but I did. I took a deep breath and smelled the most intoxicatingly sweet smell. I knew that scent anywhere. It was Edward. Now in my enhanced state it was more overpowering than it used to be. The hole ached. I wrapped my arms around myself and then dropped them. I was determined that my life continued on my terms.
"Edward." I spoke his name softly. He was at my side almost before the last syllable left my lips. "Thank you for helping me." I addressed him without turning. "Was anything decided about my future between you and Jacob while I was out?" I asked pointedly.
"I take it he told you about our agreement." He looked ashamed.
"Yes." I replied sharply. It became perfectly still, as if a house full of vampires held their breath. "Let me make one thing perfectly clear, Edward. I am an adult and I am capable of making decisions for my life. Regardless of what you think is right or wrong for me. I should have been able to make informed choices about my future instead of being herded into a future that you and Jacob felt was best for me."
"I am sorry. I realize now that was wrong." He admitted. "After all I did to protect your soul, here we stand. You are a vampire."
"Yes, I am a vampire." I stated angrily. "It should have happened ten years ago, not now."
"You are right." He agreed. "Ten years ago, I should have changed you. I would have inflicted fewer bites and it would have been less painful for you."
"That isn't the only reason it should have happened ten years ago." I said. "But we'll have that conversation later."
I need to ask two things of you. First, I need you to take a message to Jake. And then we need to have a long overdue talk."
For the sake of my family, I needed to keep them safe. I really don't know what the future holds for me.