Later that day, little Eric walked into his house with his hands in his pockets. He went inside and went into his room, and sat down. Suddenly, some 6th graders pulled up at his house and began egging his house
6th grader: hey Cartman!
Eric: what the- how?
Eric pulled up his window and saw what they were doing; he then took off his hat
Eric: STAY AWAY FROM MY HOUSE!
The 6th graders recoil
6th grader 2: holy shit! Is that a guy up there?
6th grader 3: nah! Fuck this dude, I'm leaving
6th grader 2: yeah me too!
6th grader: wait! Where the hell are you guys going?!
The main 6th grader looks at Eric
Eric: Dafuq you looking at?
The 6th grader screams, then leaves with them
Eric: yeah! That's what I thought! [To himself] dickhats
Eric walks up to his fridge and finally breaks it open, a very very cold breeze hits Eric in the face
Eric: AAAAAAHH! FUUUUUUCK!
Eric gasps for air, and then notices a single old red bull can in the fridge; but he suspects something
Eric: I… probably shouldn't drink that
Eric takes a plier and grabs the red bull, then puts it outside and puts a sign over it saying "FREE RED BULL"
The boys come up to his house and see the red bull, Kyle decides to "why the hell not" but Rick stops him
Rick: dude!
Kyle: (what?)
Rick: look at the model… look at the fucking model of that can!
TJ: I don't understand, what's wrong?
Rick: that can is about 100 years old! There's probably some nasty shit going on in there!
Carl: Come on you guys! Let's just break it to him!
Carl knocks on his door. Eric opens the door
Eric: oh hey guys
Carl: Eric, we need to talk to you about something
Eric: …what?
TJ: it's an explanation for why everyone knows so little about 2014
Eric: oh really? Why?
The boys enter Eric's house and sit down at the table
Rick: you see, we noticed how you freaked out at school today
Eric: yeah?
Carl: look, you see… there was a time when most of the data everyone had had been destroyed
Eric looks shocked
Eric: what?
Carl: you see, there was a virus called ACFH, which was hidden in an alien probe
Eric: oooooh, I see where this is going
TJ: well yeah, the virus sent aliens to attack the earth and practically killed a lot of people
Eric: and I suppose the probe was hidden in someone's asshole?
The boys look confused
TJ: what? No! The probe was hidden in someone's stomach, the virus put accidentally put an unvivid memory into his brain of him being operated on at the time, convincing him it was a dream and completely denying it was real
Eric: Really? And I was responsible for it?
The boys: No
Eric: oh… then who had the probe?
TJ was about to reply when three Asian agents suddenly broke in to the house
Agent 3: there he his! There is the time child!
Agent 1: get him!
The agents pull out guns
Eric: Oh shit!
The boys jumped out of the peets, Carl grabs Eric's arm and runs with him upstairs, and the other boys follow him into Eric's room. Eric grabs a key and locks it, then pulls a shelf over in front of the door.
TJ: quick! What do we do?!
Carl: there's a train to Las Vegas!
Eric: a train ride? Las Vegas? Dude the technology here in this mountain city is sweet, but Las Vegas?
The door doesn't hold up very long, in just 3 blows, the door is knocked down. Carl opens the window and all five boys jump out; Eric hurts his leg slightly, but is okay
Eric: ow! Fuck!
The boys run down the road, the agents run outside and chase them
Agent 1: no! Do not let that time child escape!
The boys see a Ute to jump into
Eric: [gasps] is that a Ute?
Carl: yeah! Quick! Jump on!
First Carl jumps on, then Kyle, then TJ, then Rick, and then finally Eric jumped on.
Agent 1: No!
The boys: Yeah! Awesome!
Eric puts his hand on his cheek
Eric: weak