Shawn was much better at this than he was. Shawn had wasted no time, he had attached A to B and got the colour codes in the right order without as much as a sweat. Paul more held up the material than attached it, Shawn was the camping man and Paul was the hotel man. Ying and Yang. The tent, because of Shawn, was up and ready for use before Paul could even figure out where the large nails were.
"I can't get over how fast you are at putting up tents," Paul said after Shawn had nailed the last hook into the ground. Shawn got up from his knees and wiped down his jeans. "How do you cope when it snows?"
Shawn did not reply. He unzipped the tent, turned and picked up his sleeping bag and then threw it into the two man tent. He could see the gentle wisps of cold condensation coming out of his lovers mouth when he turned, picked up the second bag and threw it in alongside the other. He zipped up the tent in one fluid motion.
"Shawn, can you please talk to me? I said I was sorry…"
He watched the muscles tense in Shawn's neck and cheek from where he was crouched on the ground near the tent. He said nothing, he stood up to his full height and turned to face Paul. That was an improvement even if it was a glare of death. Paul slipped his hands into the pockets of his shorts.
"I know you're angry, I am too. But I don't want this fight to be the end of us. I don't mind if you go to yours mothers. Stay as long as you need to stay and think about things. If you need me, I'll pick you up. I get it."
"No, you don't get it. You don't get it at all." Shawn muttered.
"We were onto something last night, Shawn. About loneliness and trust… we've never spoken like that before. We're so close."
"You said it all perfectly clear this afternoon," Shawn glared at Paul. "You don't need to bother with me anymore. Its fine, it's done."
"I was angry when I said that. I didn't mean it, you don't bother me. You're my husband."
"I don't want to talk about this anymore. I don't want to bother you."
Paul felt his muscles tense. "Shawn, I was angry. I'm sorry. You don't bother me, I love you. I'm trying so hard to save our marriage but at every turn it feels like you're pushing me away and then crying because I'm not trying. You might think this vacation is stupid but I honestly thought it would help. You think I'm selfish? I'm looking out for you. I don't want you getting hurt."
Shawn scoffed. "Getting hurt? What the hell are you talking about? If you don't want me getting hurt, why didn't you book a weekend in Florida or something?"
"Because you like adventure. Besides, it's not the river I'm afraid of."
Shawn's anger faded and a look of confusion framed his lean face. He looked over his shoulder at their four companions who were assisting Kate with her own tent. Beth, Gaz and Riley. Shawn furrowed his brow and then looked back at Paul. From the look of Paul's face when he turned back round, it was obvious to Shawn what Paul felt he had to protect him from.
"You're insane. They're just people who need help and we happened to be the first group of people to pass by."
"They don't need us, they needed our radio which I offered." Paul whispered, hoping Shawn would get the hint and lower his voice as they were talking about the individuals who were not too far away. Shawn, being Shawn, spoke in his usual loud way.
"They need a bit of company as they're spooked. You don't turn people away who need help, Paul. Besides, I heard you were getting off early."
Paul's eyes widened. "How did you know about that?"
Shawn crossed his arms. "So it is true? You stand here and tell me you want to talk out our issues but as soon as we hit a riverbank attached to civilisation, you're gone. Without me. This is what I'm talking about. I might overreact but you run. You run away."
"Oh, so you do want me to stay? Because I thought you hated me and our marriage was over. Was that not what you said? Oh no wait… because it then turned into us 'being on a break'. Get off your high horse and think before you speak for once in your life."
"You're the one who said you were going back to work as soon as we hit land. That was your threat and you're going to follow through it. Fine, that's how it is. You don't want a break? Fine, we'll call it what it is."
"Don't you fucking dare," Paul rumbled. "What are you trying to prove? Tell me what the hell you want and think carefully about this Shawn, because I won't put it down to your motor mouth this time."
Paul's attempt to get close to Shawn had turned into yet another fine example of how not to do things. Shawn looked flustered, anger and sadness blending his features as he hopped on his spot not sure how to answer this question. Paul on the other hand, stood rigid with his arms crossed and his face in a scowl. Paul added,
"I love you. I mean that, it's not a word I use lightly despite how many times I've thrown it around today. I love you. But I can't make you happy until you actually think and tell me what you want. More importantly, I can't do anything until you look me in the eye and tell me what you said was out of anger."
Shawn blinked. "I meant what I said earlier, it-"
"You said you hated me. I'm hoping that was out of anger so I need you to take that back."
"That's it?"
"No, of course that's not it. You need to take that back and then tell me what the hell you expect from me. After that, I can tell you if I can follow through. If not, maybe I'll let you 'call this what it is'."
"What… what if I don't take back what I said?" Shawn asked carefully, his voice laden with worry. Paul wanted to reach out and place his hand on his husband's shoulder but held himself back. He had to hear it from the horses' mouth first.
"Then… then this is what it is. I won't expect a call from your mother's down the road. I'll go back to New Hampshire."
"Paul…." Shawn looked away and it took all the strength Paul had within him not to cup Shawn under his chin and gently lift his head so their eyes met. Shawn probably expected it by now, it's how most of their awkward moments were savoured. A kiss might have persuaded Shawn, a gentle nuzzle to his neck or maybe a hand in his own. It would have made it easier but the decision would not have been his. Not completely.
"I don't want to forgive you so soon after our argument… I'm mad." Was Shawn's painfully low answer.
"I didn't ask you to forgive me. Think about my question and try again."
"Okay… Paul-"
"Tents are up, bellies are full which means our beer can come out!" Riley exclaimed happily suddenly near the two other men and with his arm around Shawn's shoulder. He pushed the beer into Shawn's chest but Shawn nervously shook his head. It went straight into Paul's, bumping into the puffed out torso.
"We're in the middle of something." Paul growled.
"And we're in the middle of a party starting. C'mon you two, crack open a beer and leave your worries in the river. This is a once in a lifetime offer! How many more times in the future will you get the chance to drink with us?" Riley waggled the beer can in front of Paul. "Take it big guy, you need to let a load off."
"I said-"
"We can talk about it later, right Paul?
Paul wanted to argue but the distant look on Shawn's face made him not want to push him too hard. Paul nodded his head, slow and deliberately as he took the beer from the idiot's hand. At some point Shawn would make a decision, at least he would have time to think about a well-founded answer if Paul was not bugging him for one instantly. Paul cracked open the beer. Riley grinned.
"That's the spirit, Lurch! Do you fancy one?" He nudged Shawn. "Be a devil."
"I don't drink."
"One won't hurt."
"I'd rather not."
"C'mon, what's the worst that could happen from one measly can of beer? It's not like you're gonna get off your face and choke on your own vomit."
Paul stepped forward. "He said he doesn't want one. Back off."
Riley raised his hands in the air in mock surrender before he took a few steps back and then turned and run to his friends. Paul and Shawn exchanged looks, Shawn's thankful and Paul's still the same stern expression he had worn earlier. Regardless of Shawn's answer, he would have the man all to himself tonight in the tent. Perhaps there, with nobody to bother them, Paul would have his answer once and for all.
It amazed Paul.
Their boat had sunk and yet the three stooges had managed to save two bags and one happened to be full of beer. He sat back against a tree on the lush grass and sipped on his beer. Beside him, Kate had sat not wanting to get too close to the three who were already beginning to get rowdy from their drink. Even Shawn looked slightly uncomfortable as he sat in-between Gaz and Beth.
"I used to be sweet on a girl from there once," Gaz said after he let out a huge belch. He threw down his empty can of beer, leaned over and into the open duffle bag in the centre of the group and then sat back. He cracked open the can and took another gulp. "Texas, fucking Texas… deep in the heart of Texas… all that shit."
Beth raised her can of beer and took a more ladylike drink of hers. She was on her fourth and from the way her eyes struggled to remain open, Paul knew she had reached her limit. Paul was on his second and he had only just started. After two hours of drinking and talking nonsense, he knew if Gaz had wanted trouble he would have more chance against him if he could stand.
"I miss Texas. Sure, it's dusty and full of disgusting men… no offense, Shawnie, but there's more there than meets the eye. It has a hidden beauty…" Beth took another sip of her beer and relaxed into Shawn's side. Shawn eyed her for a moment and then glanced at Paul. Considering they were on a break, apparently, it made Paul slightly happy inside to see how awkward and uncomfortable Shawn looked.
"Do you miss Texas? Hang on… you said you lived in Texas… living in Texas with a man," She scoffed, laughing seeping out with her slurred words. "I'm surprised. You hide it well though, I had no idea you were a cock muncher before Lurch said."
"I… well, I'd prefer it if you didn't refer to our relationship like that." Shawn stammered.
"So you don't suck Lurch's cock?" Gaz asked Shawn who instantly paled at the words. Paul remained quiet, sipping on his beer without too much care. Shawn could suffer a little, it was the least he deserved seeing as they were on a break.
"No wonder you guys are constantly fighting," Riley said with a snort. "If my bitch wasn't giving me blow… I'd lose it."
"That explains an awful lot." Gaz gruffed which caused himself and Beth to cackle with laughter. Riley sat there, his face meshed with alcohol and his eyes stabbing into Gaz furiously. For a second, Paul was convinced Riley may have stood up.
"Fuck you. I can get any bitch on me whenever the hell I like." The red haired fumed, he took a long swig of his beer and then violently threw the metal can into the trees. Beside him, Paul saw Kate flinch from the corner of his eye. Paul furrowed his brow, he understood now why Kate may have found that comment unacceptable.
"I think you three should get some sleep," said Paul. He stood up. "C'mon, I'll help you make somewhere comfortable and you can lie down."
"Fuck you old man, we're fine here." Riley blasted with a finger out-reached and pointed directly at Paul. Paul felt his nose twitch in anger but regardless, he stepped past the group and over to the bag of supplies.
"Shawn, did you bring extra blankets?" he shouted over his shoulder.
"Yeah… and towels, at the bottom." He looked at Beth who seemed transfix on him. He smiled awkwardly, backing away slightly as the woman leaned over. "Hey eh…. You okay?"
"Have you ever touched a woman before?" She purred.
"I eh… I don't exactly swing that way," Shawn hated to lie but the last thing he wanted to do was tell this woman he was bi and give her more hope. "Paul will make you a bed and you can sleep."
"Do we look five?" Gaz bellowed. "If you guys want to go in there and make up fuck, go for it. Just don't expect us to bend over for you."
Paul could hear the commotion over his shoulder. He thought back to his conversation with Kate, about Shawn being able to look after them both. As he dug through their bag, he began to doubt himself. Shawn was great in-ring but he never faired too well in real fights. Paul began to dig deeper, desperate to find those towels and blankets so he could get back to the group.
"I don't think you look five… I just think you should maybe stop drinking and get some sleep. We're up early…" Shawn spluttered. Paul looked back to ensure Gaz was not standing over Shawn after that faltered speech. Satisfied, as much as he could be, he turned back to what he was doing.
"What about you princess? How about I join you in the tent?" Riley purred at Kate who had been keeping out of it.
"I think you need to sleep this off." Kate said firmly, her usual authoritarian tone faltering.
"I think you need to work out some of those tensions, babe. I think a night with me might help."
"The woman said no," Shawn growled. "Back off."
"Oooo he's got some bite in him!" Beth cooed.
"What are you going to do about it? It's not like you're gonna get anything off her and it's a waste."
Shawn stood up to his full height and on cue, so did Riley. They squared each other up, Shawn's chin lifted as he glared at the younger man. Riley wavered, the alcohol singing a merry tune in his veins. He pointed at Shawn, stumbling as he did.
Paul was working faster now. Damn, where the hell were the towels? He threw their bag aside and moved onto the next one. Not thinking or looking who it actually belonged to, he zipped it open with one fell swoop. What was inside made his eyes widen, his breath get stuck in his throat and a cold fear wash over his body.
"He's in the bag!" Beth screamed.
Everything from that moment on went in slow motion. Paul had turned from the bag and faced the group. Shawn, who stood eye-to-eye with Riley, was taken aback by Beth's sudden scream and turned his back on his opponent to see what the yelling was about. Gaz then stood up, his hand going into his waist pants. Paul could not speak, not act fast enough. Not when a very drunken and unreasonable Riley grabbed Shawn from behind and stuck a switch blade against his bopping Adam's apple.