Chapter Eleven
Zak woke up to bright lights and hushed voices. He knew those voices but his head throbbed so hard he couldn't determine their owners. His eyes would not adjust to his surroundings but he could feel the bandages wrapped around his body and a cast on his right arm. Was there gauze over his face? His skin burned underneath the bandages. Zak could feel someone on his left side. A hand gripped his tightly so he squeezed it, causing the owner to squeak slightly. "He's awake!" Ok that was Aaron. One person accounted for.
The voices stopped whispering at Aaron's outburst. He felt more than saw people crowd around the bed. Someone came over and was shining an even brighter light in his eyes. "Mr. Bagans, can you hear me?"
Ugh, it was a doctor. "Where…?" he croaked out. Squinting at his hoarseness, he swallowed a few times, but his throat was raw no matter what he did. Had he been screaming?
"You're in the hospital. You had a nasty crash."
Zak just nodded the best he could. He remembered driving far too fast on that road and coming up to the rocks. After that… well apparently he crashed, as the doctor said. Aaron left his side as someone else came up. "Zak…."
"Nick," he mumbled. His voice wasn't working with him, but he could reach out for the man that he thought had left him.
Nick took his groping hand, clutching it tightly between both of his. "Hey, I'm here. You're ok."
Zak sighed, feeling relieved. Nick had come for him. God, how long had he been out? "How long?" he asked.
"Six hours at least. Aaron found you and he called 911, then me. I flew out here as soon as I could."
"Josh?"
Nick shook his head, tears stinging his eyes as Zak's other hand not enclosed in Nick's groped over his stomach. Closing his eyes, he fought back the emotion welling up in his chest.
"Zak?"
Zak's eyes flew open. Veronique stood in the doorway, her hands clutching her purse nervously in front of her. Nick leaned down to him, quickly whispering, "I called her… I had to tell her that I was coming here. She insisted… I'm sorry."
Veronique stepped farther into the room, her footsteps still unsure. He thought back to the last conversation he had with her, where he tried to convince her to start a fight between her and Nick. That plan probably wasn't going to matter now. She probably came here to collect him after Zak was released from the hospital.
"Where's my baby?" he asked instead of dealing with the new problem at hand. Silence was his answer.
"He's… you're not pregnant anymore, Zak," Aaron finally said from across the room. Nick let out a small sob next to him but quickly composed himself.
His hands roamed his stomach. He felt the stitches and the tape covering them just below his belly button. They had taken him. "Where is he?!" Zak screeched, a moment of panic rushing through his veins.
"He's in the morgue, Zak."
"iV/i, really?" Nick chastised her. She shrugged back her response at him but kept quiet.
"I killed him… I killed our baby," Zak whispered.
"It's my fault. I put you under stress. It's my fault," Nick said quietly next to him. "I knew what you did every time I left. I knew you got in the car, but I didn't think… I thought you wouldn't because of him. I should have known better. I'm sorry, Zak. I'm sorry."
Slowly, Zak turned to look at Veronique. "No, this is your fault," he said, allowing the anger and hatred to take over his body, channeling his grief. "This is iyour/i fault. Everything was fine until you made him choose! Everything would have worked out fine! Get iout/i of my room! iGet out!/i"
A look of horror came over her features, looking over at Nick for backup but he just shook his head. With a frustrated hmph she turned and left the room.
An hour later, Zak had sucked on a whole cup full of ice chips and was starting to sit up more. Dr. Zune walked in the room, sorrow in his eyes. "Mr. Bagans, Mr. Groff," he nodded at them in greeting. Aaron left the room, leaving them to talk with the doctor alone. "I'm sorry about your loss. You've suffered some major damage, Mr. Bagans, but your internal organs are still in good shape. You bruised a kidney in the accident so your lower back is going to hurt for a bit. We're going to keep you here for a few days just to make sure you are well enough to go home. After that, I'd like to see you in two weeks to inspect your stitches and your kidney. Please call me if you have any questions or concerns about anything. And should you decide to have any more children… I would of course keep everything confidential."
Zak smiled sadly. "I don't expect to be pregnant again, but thank you. I'll make an appointment."
Quietly, Dr. Zune left the hospital room, leaving the two men alone. "I'm sorry, Nick. I know how excited you were about this baby."
"I'm happier that you're alive and okay. What were you thinking, Zak? You could have died!"
"I was trying to get you out of my blood. I hated your plan. I hated that you were in Chicago. I hated that you left. I always hate it when you leave. You know I do this every time you leave. I've never crashed before."
Nick sighed. "Well the plan is moot now anyways. What's the point in splitting time now?"
Zak winced. "So now you don't even want to give me two weeks? Are you just going to go back to your wife with your tail between your legs now that you don't have any responsibility to me?"
"No, that's not what I'm saying."
"Well that's what I'm hearing."
"Fuck, Zak, do you want me to leave? Everything is going to go back to the way that it was."
Zak sulked into the bedsheets, trying to cross his arms over his chest but failing because of the cast. "No, it can't go back to the way it was because now she knows everything. It's not going to be the same and you know it."
Nick sighed, sitting back in the chair, running his hands down his legs to his knees. "What do you want me to do? You know I can't leave my wife for the same reason I couldn't leave you."
"Yeah… when I was pregnant. So now what, Nick?"
"I don't know, you tell me."
"Well, you can't leave your wife and I'm not pregnant anymore so where does that leave us in this equation?"
"Are you going to make this decision for me?"
"Do you want to be with me?"
Nick sighed. This was not going the way he thought it was going to. This wasn't a conversation he wanted to have in the hospital, Zak all banged up and aching from the loss of a child. "You're bitter and angry and hurting right now. We can talk about this when they discharge you."
"No, I want to talk about it now," Zak said, defiantly.
"You always have been a bastard. Yes, I want to be with you. You know I love you, but I love my wife too and our daughter. They depend on me."
"And I'm independent."
Nick nodded, "And you're independent. So I'm with you because I want to be with you. I want to be with my wife and daughter too, but it's a little different with them."
Zak nodded as a soft knock came at the door. Aaron peeked his head in. "How are you guys holding up?"
Zak smiled at him sadly. "I think we're ok."
Nick looked down at his hands and nodded. This conversation was going to go drastically different with his wife, but at this point he really didn't care. When Aaron called him to tell him he had found Zak, his heart fell out of his chest. He paid a mint to get on the next flight out to Vegas to be there as soon as he could. Joshua Alexander, their tiny growing baby was the second person on his mind. Zak's safety was his first thought. Nothing would stop him from loving this man, not even a marriage and another child. So yeah, they're ok. When Aaron closed the door, he looked up at Zak. "Would you leave me after this?"
Zak shook his head. "I don't think I could ever leave you. I'm addicted to you."
Nick smiled, taking Zak's left hand. "I think I'm addicted to you too."
"How's Veronique going to take this?"
Nick shrugged. "I don't care. This is what she's going to have to deal with to continue to live the comfortable life she has been living."
"She could always divorce you and take you for everything."
"She wouldn't. She has too much at stake. Otherwise, she would have left me when she found out I had been sleeping with you. That was how I got her to agree to my plan of the two weeks on and two weeks off."
Zak nodded, squeezing Nick's hand in his, settling back into the pillows and closing his eyes. "So back to the same."
"Back to the same. Love you."
"Love you more."