Koryandrs: Thank you! I'm glad you're enjoying it so far! Hope you all enjoy this chapter!
Natasha sat staring at the wall. It was tan, plain, and textured. She wanted to move, get up, but the shock had hit her, and all she could do was stare. Her son- her baby, for that matter, had told her he'd met Jesus. What on earth was she supposed to say to that? She herself wasn't particularly religious, and considered herself an agnostic. She didn't object to the idea of a God, (and with Thor walking around, she knew they existed) she just didn't practice religion. But the way Steve was talking had rocked her to her core. The sincerity of what he said was so great that she couldn't ignore it. She kept staring at the wall.
Then there was the issue of his Mother.
Hearing him not recognize his birth mother twisted something deep inside. The woman he had once called "Momma" was now forgotten, and it just didn't set right with her. She knew she wanted to be Steve's mother- she had to be at this point, but could she live with the burden that she chose not to tell him about a mother who had once been his entire world? Could she, as a mother, lie to him? The thought made her heart lurch. She wondered what Sarah Rogers thought of her. Would she be saddened by her son's need for such treatment? Would she feel as though he wasn't being "raised" properly? A dozen questions like these flitted through her mind in an instant, and she closed her eyes to try and block them out. She had heard a bit of Bruce's conversation with Thor, Tony, and Clint, and the bit she'd heard really stuck with her:
"...He doesn't need to lose his parents- not twice."
Now the words rang clear and true as they circled through her mind, and she realized Bruce was right. No matter what had come before, she and Bruce had become Steve's parents. They loved him and he loved them, and there was nothing wrong with that. In a strange way this false memory had been a blessing to him- because he had two less people to hurt over. If God existed and really did have a plan for Steve, this would prove an interesting plot twist. She finally moved her eyes from the tan wall and looked around. There were only two chairs outside of Steve's room, and the other was occupied by Clint, who, she noticed, would occasionally glance at her worriedly. Thor and Tony stood by him. Tony looked fine, but the smaller hallway made Thor seem like a giant. She knew at some point they'd all been staring at her. When she had gotten out of the room, she'd been white as a sheet and her eyes had glimmered with unshed, guilt-ridden tears. That's why staring at the wall had been crucial- she had to have a fixed point to focus on to try and get her emotions under control. She'd never admit that a tear had welled up in her right eye and she'd let it slide down her cheek where the others couldn't see.
Motherhood had really jacked up her emotions.
Part of her job as an assassin was to control her emotions- be a wall of steel. Her emotions were in a dam- walled up and safely contained. But with Steve she couldn't have that luxury. The wall of steel was melted. the dam broke and let her emotions out. In a strange way, she found it to be a blessing. Whenever someone hurt Steve (or tried to), it made her every sense go on high alert. Everything was sharpened to it's finest point, and she felt adrenaline course through her every time. She saw red every time, and felt the anger and adrenaline increase her strength so much that she thought she could lift a car if she had a mind to. She knew that the emotion behind what she was fighting for made her stronger.
Because in her eyes, it was her job to be his protection from this world.
Every single thing he'd seen in his life- the bullying, the poor health, the death of his mother, the crash, the ice, and waking up seventy years in the future had left invisible scars. Not everyone saw them- most weren't that privileged to, but she saw them the easiest. Each event had been an emotional, mental, or physical wound. They had all led him to this. This need for safety and security in a world that he didn't understand and kept changing by the minute. She had the honor of being that constant, and she saw it as her job to protect him. She knew, mentally, that he could take care of himself, but her heart spoke differently. Because she had to be the Mother that had been taken from him too soon, and Bruce had to be the father he'd never known.
He needed them in a way that she didn't think he himself could explain.
Sighing, Natasha turned to the door, hand on her hip. She wanted to go and see Bruce and Steve, but there was an invisible signal that flashed through Bruce's eyes when he told her to go take a break that stopped her. Steve had wanted Bruce alone, she knew that much. Struggling within herself, she finally decided to go in, and shot Clint a look that got him and the others behind her. When she got inside, she saw Steve cradled in Bruce's lap, sucking on a bottle, and it made her heart melt in her chest. She knew it was a sign- she was doing the right thing. She heard Steve murmur something to Bruce, and saw Bruce look down at him with more compassion and care than she had ever seen. Steve, she thought, had an effect on all of them that she doubted he was aware of. He made everything so much brighter. He had worked his way into all of their hearts, and had brought out sides of all of them that they hadn't known were there. It was as if he was gifted with lighting up all of their lives. Now, watching Bruce hold a sleeping Steve, she knew that she had made the right decision when she chose to be his mother and brought them all in on Steve's secret. It made them all stronger, she realized, and gave them something to fight for. Walking over to Steve, she planted a kiss on his head and shared a look with Bruce.
Yes, she knew she had made the right choice.
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