We'll Always Have Venice

Chapter 11

"Why won't you let me see him when he's awake?" Erik whispered in defeat as he watched Antonio sleep. His son was asleep on his back, his arms stretched above his head and a stuffed toy on his stomach. He smiled softly; he often found himself in that very position. "He's my son."

Now that he realised that Antonio was his child, he was able to pick out his own characteristics in the boy. He never thought that he would care, but he took a strange delight in knowing that his son took after him as much as he did his mother. Everyday he was finding a little bit of himself in his child.

"We have been through this before, Erik," Christine said softly on a sigh. "I don't want him getting attached to you only to find that you never want to see him again. I could not bear to put him through that. He hasn't known a father and it's been very hard for both of us."

Tears made her eyes shine as she took a step closer to her son. "I have had to explain to him why the other children at the parks have a mother and a father and he doesn't. I have tired to be enough for him but it is hard when there are other children with both parents. He knows he's missing something."

Christine kissed Antonio lightly on the forehead, fixed his blankets and then left the room. She turned back to Erik, tears now flowing freely down her face.

"When you're sure that you can accept both of us and be a permanent part of Antonio's life, then I will let him see you."

Erik spent the entire day working on his musical. He decided to do a run-through and played it from beginning to end. He had expected it to take a few hours; instead, thanks to the distraction he felt because of Antonio and Christine, it had taken him the entire day.

He glanced up at the clock, aware, that not for the first time, he had lost track of time. He had to be at Christine's in an hour. He closed his score and went to get ready, eager to see Christine and his son.

"Where are you, Antonio?" Christine called out, unable to hide her laughter as she searched around hedges for her son. She heard a giggle and began to race after him.

She eventually caught up to him, grabbed him around the waist and swung him in her arms, laughing brightly.

Unbeknownst to Christine and Antonio, Erik watched from a distance. He watched the two play, unable to help feeling that he was invading a private moment. He admired the way that Christine was playing with her son and noted the way that it was so very different to his own cold upbringing. Finding their laughter contagious – even from the distance – Erik gave a short laugh.

Erik sat on the couch, watching Christine as she tidied up Antonio's toys. As he had for numerous nights, he had spent an hour or so watching videos and looking at his son. Now, he and Christine were alone.

Once the task was done, Erik saw her uncertainty as she tried to decide which seat to take. Patting the seat beside him, Erik's face relaxed when Christine sat down next to him.

"I'm sorry about the mess," Christine began, embarrassed. "Antonio was over-tired and it took a while to get him down. I didn't have a chance to tidy up before you arrived."

Erik shrugged. "It doesn't matter. It makes it look like a home."

Christine smiled at his reassurance and looked around at Antonio's paintings that hung on the wall, the toy box in the corner and the pile of children's DVDs. He was right; it looked like a home.

She gave a quick laugh. "You clearly haven't seen the house at its worst. It looks as if a cyclone has hit it!"

"That would be preferable," Erik muttered as he thought of his perfectly organised house and how, compared to Christine's, it seemed unwelcoming.

Christine looked as if she wanted him to explain himself, but decided against it. Instead she just shifted closer and burrowed into his side as she had so often done. She could not see, but she suspected that Erik was smiling.

"How's your musical?" Christine asked, changing the subject as she grabbed Erik's hand that had been resting casually along the back of the chair and placed it on her shoulder. "You still haven't played it for me."

"I played it the entire way through only a few days ago," he explained. "I need to make a few changes. When I'm convinced that it's perfect, I'll play it for you. I want to share it with you, Christine."

She smiled but then her face fell. Erik was so eager to share his creation with her that she felt guilty for not sharing her secret with him. One day, she promised herself, she would tell him that she was Imelda Jones. They lapsed into silence as Christine thought about what she would say when the time finally came.

As the silence stretched, Christine looked at Erik. She carefully analysed his face, taking in the changes that had occurred over the years. Sensing her looking up at him, Erik turned his head and, unable to help himself, kissed her. Christine's fingers were immediately buried in his hair as she pulled him close.

Afraid that she was falling in love with him all over again, and things were moving too quickly, Christine pushed away from him and rushed to the kitchen. She stayed there for a few minutes, trying to calm down. She stared at the glasses of wine she had just poured and counted to twenty.

Finally able to return to the family room, she turned and collided with Erik's chest. He pressed her against the wall of his chest as he kissed her deeply and passionately. His hands trapped her in his embrace. Pulling away from her, he stared down into her dark green eyes and then kissed her again. Christine clung to him, scared to let him go.

She gave him a quick, final kiss and then pulled her arms from around his neck. "You should go."

It took a moment for Christine's words to penetrate Erik's hazy mind. When they did he looked at her in a combination of confusion and anger. Most nights he would spend a few hours with Christine only to have her all but push him out the door.

"It's still early," he protested. He glanced around, trying to find a way to stay with Christine a little longer. "Let me stay and help you with the dishes."

She shook her head. "I'll do them in the morning. You should go."

"But why? Why do you push me out of the house every night as if you can't wait for me to go?"

Christine looked guiltily up at him and reached up to touch his cheek. "That's not how it is. I wish you could stay, Erik, but I don't want Antonio waking up in the morning to find a stranger in his home. Please, just leave."

Pulling himself from his world of pity, Erik looked at Christine to see the reluctance in her eyes. Feeling slightly mollified that she was as hesitant as he was to leave, Erik nodded and brushed her hair behind her ear.

Christine watched him leave the apartment. She slid the lock across the door and sank down onto the couch, wishing that Erik did not have to run back to his own home at the end of every night.

How could he have been such a fool as to let such a wonderful, loving and passionate creature such as Christine out of his life? He was an idiot to lose his temper in front of her all those years ago and let her go.

Now, he not only had Christine back in his life, but he had a son. He now had a family of his own.

His desire to have a family with children and grandchildren – and a beautiful woman – might just come true. The thought that he may finally have his greatest wish gave Erik the courage to take the next step.

Erik and Christine sat on the couch while Antonio slept, their fingers entwined as they both stared unseeingly at the TV.

"Christine, I've been thinking."

"Uh huh?"

"I want to be in Antonio's life."

Christine jerked away from him and looked him in the eye.

"I have watched him in his videos and I'm amazed at what a wonderful child you have raised, Christine. You have done such a remarkable job raising him that I cannot help but regret that I haven't been a part of his life." He sighed and took her hand back in his. "I wish I could have been there for his birth, Christine.

"I have no doubt that he is my child, Christine. I want to help you raise him. I want to be with you and Antonio. I don't know how I have survived without either of you for so long."

"Do you mean that?" she asked, unable to hide the hope from her voice.

Erik nodded and wiped a tear from her cheek with his thumb. "I don't want to live without you or Antonio."

"Are you sure, Erik? If I introduce you to Antonio it's forever. You can't decide one day that you don't want either of us in your life."

"I will never leave, Christine. You and Antonio are mine and I'm not letting you go."

She felt sick.

Christine looked at the clock. The hand had not moved since she looked at it only a few seconds earlier. She had debated it, and thought about the best thing to do for her son. Taking Erik's opinions in mind, she decided that Antonio needed to know the truth. Today she had decided to introduce Erik to Antonio as his father.

Erik was expected at the apartment in only a few minutes. She wanted Antonio to have the security of his home when he found out that he had a father. She could not drop such a shocking piece of information on her son without offering him the comfort of a familiar place.

At precisely one o'clock, Erik knocked on the door.

Christine opened the door and stared at him, her eyes dark and her face pale with anxiety. She opened her mouth to say something to him but closed it when she could think of nothing to say. She looked at him, her expression more concerned than ever as she stepped back and allowed in entry into her apartment.

Erik, too, wanted to say something reassuring to Christine; he wanted to ease her anxieties. But, like Christine, he could not find the words that she needed. All he could do was squeeze her hand and wait as she went to collect Antonio.

"Mummy has something very important to tell you," she said nervously to Antonio a few minutes after Erik had arrived.

Antonio looked between the two adults, clearly confused. He sat on Christine's lap and waited for her to continue. "Yes, Mummy?"

"Do you remember that I told you that your daddy didn't live in England? I told you that we loved each other lots and lots but your daddy couldn't come to live in England with Mummy and Antonio."

Antonio nodded. "You and Daddy were angry."

Erik looked at Christine, unable to believe what she had told his son. Had he known he had a son, he would have been there, taking an active part in the child's life. For his son's sake, he would have put aside the anger he felt towards Christine.

"Well, bubby, your daddy and I have been talking a lot lately. We decided that it was time that you met him."

"You finded him?" Antonio asked, his little eyes bright with excitement. He squirmed on Christine's lap. "Can I meet him?"

"This is your daddy."

Antonio frowned at Erik and shook his head. "You're Mummy's old boyfriend."

"I'm also your father," Erik said, unsure what else to say. He stepped forward and held his hands out to Antonio as Christine watched; secretly delighted that Erik was reaching out to his son.

"You're Daddy?"

Erik nodded. He could see the boy's mistrust reflected in his own eyes. It was all just too surreal. He did not know how to respond to being called Daddy for the first time in his life.

Antonio threw himself into Erik's arms and clung tightly to his neck, terrified that he would leave him again.