Chapter 10 - Hysterical Ponyville

Well, ticket pricing here is pretty cheap unlike in France. That is, if I can convert ten bits to francs. Probably around fifty francs or at least.

Anyway, I learned so many things about this "imaginary" place. I learned that this place is actually a monarchy with two princesses ruling this kingdom [or empire (or whatever)]. Why princess? I mean, they could be old by now. Why not queen? Or grand duchess at least. And why are there two rulers? Then it's a diarchy, not a monarchy. Are diarchies even a thing? Aside from the government, it seems that everything is steam powered, so I guess industrialisation just came here.

"Ah, yes. The train has arrived" I said as I heard an incoming hoot from the east.

The moment the train stopped, I went inside, looked for a seat near the window, and waited for the train to take me to this place called "Ponyville". Basing from the name, it's a village full of ponies. To distract my mind from the frenetic surrounding, I decided to contemplate about everything again, just like I always do.

"By the way, where did all these money came from?" I said as I reached out for my purse inside my top hat. "And where did I get this top hat? I thought I left mine at the floating house where I seemingly appeared to existence in this world? Oh wait, I had it along with me. Eh, I'll just sleep."

I covered my face with the hat and started temporarily escaping reality.

I guess I'm here at my destination. I can tell because the train abruptly halted, causing me to fall to the floor.

"Well, that's one way of waking an ill man up" I said, fixing myself and my top hat as I walk to the station.

"Here we go" I breathed nervously. "The clairvoyant village awaits."

Minutes of walking and moments of thinking passed by and I still haven't reached the village. It's been like fifteen minutes since I left the train station and still no sign of houses or ponies or any mind-boggling things. Am I lost? Or am I just being fooled upon?

"If I don't find any place to stay for the night" I said. "I'll be forced to bury myself alive. But the sun is still up high. Why am I such a restless person (or stallion)?"

I was about to literally bury myself alive after the next three hoofsteps (I'm getting a bit familiar with all these horse vocabulary) until some rubber ball hit the back of my head.

"Why does it always have to be the back of my head?" I said as I turned around to see three little ponies playing at each other.

"Oi!" I shouted. "If you're going to play around, try not to hurt anyone, okay?"

"Sorry, sir" said the little three.

"Now, go find someplace safe or I'll rip all your heads off like what Henry VIII did."

"Henry the wha?" said the little yellow one with a red bow on her hair.

"You know. Henry VIII of England, he made his own religion just so he can divorce his wife and…bah, forget it! Just go someplace else before I put all of you into a guillotine."

"What's a jelly-teen?" said the white one with curly hair.

"Just…go!"

So the three fillies went off to wreck another place.

"That's great!" I said, trying to compensate what just happened while continuing my walk. "An orange pony with wings riding some sort of board with wheels (what do you call those? Why do I tend to forget things these days? I'm still 29 years old!), a yellow pony with a bow larger than her head, and a white one with a horn and curls all over her hair. What's next!? A talking dragon?"

Two seconds after I released the last sentence, out of bloody nowhere, a talking dragon riding a purple pony with a horn AND two wings just passed by, which made me drop my jaw, rub my two eyes together, and question my entire existence.

"I have got to be careful with my expectations around here" I said as I looked around to see more hysterical things.

Okay, so I presume I'm in Ponyville because I'm surrounded by houses that looked like French, Italian, and Germanic all at the same time, and then there's ponies that did nothing except walk and stare at me. What wrong have I done against this—?

"Look out!"

I heard someone shout behind me. I turned around to see…Mon Dieu! A flying talking light blue rock about to hit me!

And it did hit me. (And apparently, it was no rock. It's just another pony interacting with me.)

"Sorry about that" she said, helping me to get up. "I…I didn't mean to. I was going too fast and then—"

"'Didn't mean to!?" I said, trying to comfort the bruised spot on my arm. "Clearly you saw me walking down the alleyway, did you?"

"What?" she raised an eyebrow at me. "Well…uh…of course I saw you walk down but."

"And you are aware that there are ponies around here who might get hit by your ignorance, are you?"

"Yeah, but listen—"

"And I believe you are also aware that you have the capacity to over-speed. Therefore, why did you decide to fly quickly at a low altitude when you can just fly up high wherein you won't hurt anyone?"

"Look, it's called 'stunt' okay? It would be too boring if I'd just stay in the sky all day. So, why not take it low to increase the awesomeness?"

"Pffft, 'awesomeness'. Like your flying would be worth the awe."

"Well, I'd like to see you race me to see who's more awesomer?"

"*Awesome. Just 'more awesome' because I didn't cram all night for the finals just for me to see people use English incorrectly."

"People? What's that?"

"People…ponies…gah! Forget it. I'll be off."

I quickly walked past her just to get away from that agitated flying crab, but she managed to catch up with me.

"Hey" she said, flying low again. "The name's Rainbow Dash. Also, nice hat."

And then she finally flew off.

"'Rainbow Dash', ha! What an ugly name." I scoffed.

"Excuse me?" the flying crab said as she suddenly descended from the sky.

"I said what a beautiful day to be alone and away from you" I mocked in front of her face and went off.

"Meh, what a killjoy" she said as she flew off again.

"Finally, that crab disappeared into existence. Now, where to go?"

I was about to think of going back to my house until some dork placed a sack on me and tied me up.