Blissey: Awww! That is SO nice! Thank you! (And sorry for acting so mean last time, forgive me? Hm?)

Snuffsnuff: Yay! You started reviewing for my fic! A little late, but better late then never.

KISSAFREEDOMNESS: Sorry, Felldoh isn't in this chapter, BUT, he MIGHT be in the next one!

I am sorry to announce, but this is the SECOND-TO-LAST chapter of this stupid and pointless and UN-funny fic. After the next chapter, the fic will be done.

Or it will be. . . .

. . . unless all of you rack your brains to come with new ideas to keep me goin'. (grins evilly)

Chapter 11: When's It Going To End?!

The entire mansion was streaming with toilet paper. Long strips of white fluttered in the slight gusts of wind that came in through the cracks in walls, giving off a very eerie aura.

Everything was damp with cleaner and other such cleaning fluids.

Anyone would have thought that the mansion now looked like Shelob's Lair, and the fact that there was a giggling Marlfox sitting in the middle of it all with his eyes rolling about in his sockets, well. . . .

"Heeheehee!" said Gelltor as he admired his fancy work. "Nobeast makes mansions look like Shelob's lair better than Gelltor the Gorgeous! Heeheehee!"

(Hm, there's a hedgehog in the "Mistmantle Chronicles" called "Gorsen the Gorgeous." So, maybe I better say that I don't own that title.)

Now . . . what to do?

Gelltor paused in his giggling and put his jaw in his paw and pondered what else he could do. . . .

Then another light bulb appeared above his head.

Switching it off, Gelltor reached behind him and pulled out a long whip and a certain hat that resembled the one that a certain tomb raider owns, and put it on his head.

"Heeheehee!" Gelltor was goin' Indiana Jones style.

"I would like to point out," said Martin, all superior-like, "that in the last chapter, Cornflower was in it."

Everybeast stared at him.

"So?" said Vannan.

"Cornflower had left the room to eat cake in the chapter before, so therefore it's impossible for her to have been in this room in the last chapter."

"What happened in the last chapter, Martin?" growled the author.

"Huh?"

"Cornflower was in this room in the last chapter."

"But it was impossible for her to be there!"

"And yet she was."

Martin stopped, confused.

"Is she still in here?" Rose wanted to know.

"Is she?" asked the author.

Rose looked around. "No."

"Give the lady a cigar."

Meanwhile Bluefen was talking to Romsca.

"I must say, Romsca," said Bluefen nervously. "It seems a bit . . . surprising that a female of your . . .maturity should attract someone like . . . my son."

Romsca smiled. "Oh yes, they grow up so fast, don't they?"

Bluefen cocked her head. "Pardon?"

"Oh, just talking about how fast our kids really grow up, huh?"

Bluefen's eyes widened. "You have a baby?"

Romsca nodded, grinning. "Oh yeah, I'm a widow. In fact, my babys' expecting a baby."

Bluefen's eyes widened all the more. "Your babys' expecting a baby?"

She then came to the conclusion: "If my baby got married to you, he'd be a GRANDPA to your baby's baby?!"

Romsca nodded, grinning all the more.

A little thinking bubble appeared above Bluefen's head: "AUGH!!! DELETE DELETE DELETE!!!"

(Let me just say, I do NOT own the Cathy Comics.)

Meanwhile, downstairs. . . . a certain sugar-crazed fox was planning on playing more practical jokes.

"Heeheehee!"

(Cue the Indiana Jones music!)

Gelltor struck a noble pose (wearing the hat), and then went leaping and jumping and cartwheeling and backflipping around all the streaming toilet papers, giggling.

"Heeheehee!"

He then made his way to a small table that had a rather large bowl of cream on it. The Marlfox stood in front of the table, grinning crazily, and then he lifted his whip.

"Heeheehee!"

Whack!

He brought the whip down on the cream hard, sending some of the stuff flying all over the room.

"Heeheehee!"

Whack!

He hit it again.

Whack!

"Heeheehee!"

And again.

Whack!

"Heeheehee!"

And again.

Whack!

"Heeheehee!"

And again.

Whackwhackwhackwhackwhackwhackwhackwhackwhackwhackwhackwhackwhackwhackwhackwhackwhack!!!

"Heeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheehee!!!"

And again and again and again and again and . . . well, yeah.

Finally all the cream in the bowl was now thuroughly whipped. (Sorry for the weak pun, really stupid, but it seems to fit the scenario.) Gelltor then picked up the whipped cream and put it all in a can (one of the kind that sprays the whipped cream out). He then turned around and, holding the can and whip, he struck another pose, giggling.

"Heeheehee!"

He snapped his whip-

Crash!

-and he broke something.

"Gasp!"

It was a valuable purple vase.

The Marlfox looked around, then quickly dusted the purple fragments underneath a rug. He then stood still for a moment. Then:

"Heeheehee!"

Rumblerumblerumblerumblerumblerumblerumblerumblerumblerumblerumblerumblerumblerumblerumblerumble!!!

Gelltor stiffened. What was that rumbling sound?

Then the big gigantic it's-gonna-crush-you-to-death-better-get-outta-hear ball came rolling out.

"Aaaack!" said Gelltor, doing a bit of personation of Scrat (don't own Ice Age). He turned and ran full speed down the hallway, the big boulder chasing him.

"Huhhahuhhahuhhahuhhahuhhahuhhahuhhahuhhahuhhahuhhahuhhahuhhahuhhahuhhhahuhhahuhhahuhhhahuhha!!!" said Gelltor as he ran as fast as he could, his tongue hanging out of his mouth.

"YOU'RE DATING A FEMALE THAT'S EXPECTING HER FIRST GRANDCHILD?!" Bluefen roared into Veil's face.

"Wha-?" said Veil.

"Oh Bluefen, don't get so riled up," said Bryony. "At least this time he's paired up with a female that's the same species as him," she added darkly.

"But-?" began Veil.

"How can you act so calm when Veil is going to become a grandpa before he becomes a dad?!" Bluefen cried. "Ugh! I don't even think that's supposed to be possible! I've got to tell Swartt. NO! I can't tell Swartt! He'll croak! But he needs to know! He's your father! Augh! But I can't!" she went on, running around in circles. "I've got to! But I can't! I have to! No! I can't! Yes, I can't! No! Yes! No! Yes! No! Yes! No! Yes!"

Finally she collapsed on the bed, completely exhausted.

"I don't like how I'm completely out of character in this fic," grumbled Sunflash, tossing his long, golden, OrlandoBloom/Legolas blonde hair (or headfur, which ever seems best).

"It's a random humor fic, Sunflash, every single character is supposed to be out of character!" reminded the author.

Sunflash blinked. "Oh yeah."

C

R

A

S

H

Just then Gelltor came running through the wall, making a Marlfox-shaped hole, still in his sugar high, screeching and yelling random phrases (such as "FROGS IN THE GULLY! FROGS IN THE GULLY!" or "CHEEZE NIPS! CHEEZE NIPS! CHEEZE NIPS!"), all the while waving the can of half-filled whipped cream which he got from earlier, which sprayed everywhere: on the floor, on the walls, on the furniture, and even Sunflash's long blonde Legolas-hair.

"AACK!" screamed Sunflash. "My hair! It'll take me years to get this out!"

"Ha ha!" said Swartt. "Gurgle!" he said when Sunflash grabbed him by the neck.

Quite a lot of shrill, feminine screams filled the air as Gelltor waved about the whipped cream, and while Gelltor was waving around the whipped cream, he sprayed some more, and it landed all over Linwe (and we all know how Sues just hate getting dirty).

"SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!!!" screeched Linwe. "You cursed brat! Look what choove done! I'm melting, MELTING! Oh, what a world, what a world! Who'd've thought a fox like you could distroy my beautiful wickedness. . . . !"

...oh wait, the reviewer didn't want that to happen.

"Oh darn," said the author. "I wanted to use that! (sigh) Oh well. I'll think of something. Eh, let's see, let's start the last five seconds over."

REWIND FIVE SECONDS duh da duh da duh da duh da duh da duh da duh da duh da duh! - and PAUSE!

Hm, so let's see. What else could Gelltor do? . . . okay here's what happens:

So instead while Gelltor is running around screaming, he's followed by the big boulder, who makes a much bigger whole than Gelltor.

Linwe gets caught in Gelltor's arms, and the big boulder rolls right on top of them annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd-

. . . . hm, if I killed the Sue now, I'd have to kill Gelltor, too. And I don't want to do that; he's already scheduled for more stuff.

So the two are crushed beneath the boulder, which goes on crashing thru the walls.

Then Gelltor and Linwe stand up. Indiana Jones style! Chah!

Linwe, still being held in Gelltor's arms, looked up at him, realized he was a Marlfox, and started crying out all dramatic-like: "Dannflor! O Dannflor! Darling! Help! Help me! It's Mokkan!" (the sue couldn't tell one Marlfox from the rest; stupid sue) "He's come to take me away! O Dannflor! Save me!"

(Actually, the Sue did have a reason to freak out: she was in the arms of a Marlfox whose tongue is hanging out of his mouth, who is giggling like a maniac, his pupils are dilated, his breath is overly sweet, and he's really really sweaty, so yeah, Linwe had a good reason to be afraid.)

Dannflor jumped up and swung his sword at Gelltor, his crazy half-glazed look on his face. "Unhand that piteous, beautiful, helpless, delicate, fragile, gorgeously gorgeous squirrel-maiden, you big, fat, foul, ugly, hideous vermin-foxy-boy!"

The "big, fat, foul, ugly, hideous vermin-foxy-boy" yelped, dropped Linwe like a ton of bricks, and ran away with Dannflor at his heels.

"Hmph!" said Linwe as she picked herself up. "I can't believe someone, especially a male would dump me like that! I hope Dannflor beats him up good and hard!"

Every other creature stared at her. The sue-

"Stop calling me 'Sue'!" Linwe shouted, annoyed (in a totally justified manner).

Fine. Linwe was pleased that everybeast's attention was on her.

"Yes, I do enjoy it when people look at me!" Linwe gushed, clapping her dainty little paws.

All the females huddled into a group; Linwe supposed they were too jealous to even look at her.

This is what the females were whispering about:

"How are we going to get rid of the Sue?" whispered Grath.

"Yeah, she's driving me crazy!" said Song.

"We could continue to ignore her," suggested Bryony. "That might work."

"I got an idea!" shouted Martin. Everybeast looked at him. "Garlic. It works on vampires, so why not?"

"YEAH!" shouted Mariel. "Lets' kill the Sue vampire-style!"

"Wha-?" said Linwe, who was so wrapped up in herself that she didn't even consider what other beasts REALLY thought of her.

"Whatever!" said Mariel. "Break out the garlic!"

The garlic didn't work.

"How do you know?" challenged Mariel.

"Is the Sue dead?"

They all looked at Linwe, who was carefully brushing her perfect fur.

". . . .d'uh!" said everybeast.

"I know!" said Martin. "Let's get her to describe her past, then stab her in the back while she's angsting over it. Her Mary-Sue energy will be directed at telling the story and it won't be able to protect her!"

"It's worth a try," said Rose. "Song, you ask her."

"Me?!" cried Song. "Why me?!"

"Because you're her sister! NOW GO!" And with that, everybeast gave the poor squirrelmaid a shove towards the Sue.

"Ah heh," said Song, standing in front of Linwe, who smiled, showing off rows of perfect flawless impeccable even pearl-like snowy-white glistening shining pearly-white teeth.

Song had to shield her eyes. Linwe, however, was quite pleased, thinking that Song was overawed by her wondrous perfect drop-dead gorgeous incredible fantastic beauty.

"Eh, so," said Song. She really didn't want Linwe to go on another tangent of her past (she already got enough of that in the earlier chapters), but then again, if the plan were to work-

"So tell us about what happened to you," said Song very quickly, and braced herself for the tidal wave of overly dramatic angst.

"Oh, it was terrible! Dreadful! Positively ghastly!" the sue wailed, a whole waterfall of tears cascading down her huge sparkling eyes to her soft sleek glossy smooth-furred cheeks. "I was forced to work work work for so many years so many years so many years!"

While the Sue was angsting, Martin snuck up behind the Sue, his sword drawn. He raised the sword and-!

-the Sue was suddenly surrounded by a blaze of pink energy.

Martin blinked. And tried to stab the Sue. The sword bounced back. He blinked. He stared at his companions, who shrugged.

Linwe went on angsting, wailing and complaining.

"Mr. Author," said Rose. "What exactly is going on here?!"

Well, unfortunately, the pink aura you see around Linwe, and keeps any weapons from hurting her.

"So that's why Sues are able to angst for so long!" said Martin.

"I guess that means we're doomed," said Sunflash, borrowing the Sue's comb to brush his long blonde shining hair.

Meanwhile Mokkan was jerked from his sleep.

His arms were pinned behind his back and he was dragged roughly across the floor.

"Heeheehee!"

Gelltor then shoved Mokkan's face into a mirror.

"Look what I did!" Gelltor giggled.

Mokkan stared at himself, completely covered in candy and cream. He quickly became outraged, but Gelltor slammed his fist into his brother's gut, knocking the wind out of him.

Gelltor then slung Mokkan over his shoulder and carried him downstairs to the kitchen.

"Heeheehee!"

Before Mokkan could regan his breath, Gelltor strapped him into a chair; a torture chair that Gelltor built himself out of various household objects.

Mokkan's wrists and ankles are tied to the armrests and legs. A seat belt appears across Mokkan's waist while two plates appeared on either side of his head, making him face forward.

The Marlfox, however, was still able to move his eyes, and he was able to look over and watch his younger brother.

Gelltor stood beside something that looked like a big nasty-looking switch.

"Heeheehee!"

Near the switch were a bunch of levels that one could but the torture chair on: each level had a little face next to it, except for the first level, which had the word "Off" next to it.

The one after that had a little smiley face, and then one after that had another smiley face, only this one's smile wasn't as wide.

The next one had a small smile, and the next had a neutral face.

The next had a small frown, and the next had a deeper frown.

The next had a frown and a slightly sad look, and the one after that was in tears.

The last one had a skull face on it.

It was the last one that Gelltor put the switch.

"Heeheehee!"

The first thing that happened to Mokkan was that a pie was thrown in his face; then his mouth was forced open by little mechanical arms and a candy bar was shoved into his mouth. A little faucet appeared above the Marlfox, and water fell into Mokkan's lap, and eggs slammed into his face.

Gelltor giggled. "Heeheehee!"

"I know!" said Dandin.

Everyone-

"That's everybeast stupid!" snapped Dandin.

Fine. Everybeast stared at him.

"How about we play a game where everyone has a cool whip container," went on Dandin, "and we all have to spray cool whip on the other beasts to get them out?"

"And then Dannflor(or flower) and Dandin get in a big fight scene because they can't stand being referred to as 'the two Dans' anymore," said Mariel sarcastically.

"DON'T CALL ME DANNFLOWER!!!"

And with that, Dannflower came rushing back into the room and leapt at Mariel. Dandin did a dramtic jump into the air, and the two were rolling around on the floor, making leopard sounds.

Mariel and Song circled their boyfriends-

"THEY ARE NOT OUR BOYFRIENDS!!!" the two females roared as they continued circling the two fighting males. "They're just friends." Then they went back to the two Dans.

"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" shouted the two Dans, because they were getting sick and tired of being called "the two Dans." So they lashed out at each other.

Mariel and Song circled them, calling out advice and warnings and encouragement.

"Get 'im from behind Dandin!"

"Show that little mousey what you're made of, Dannflor!"

"Use your tail! Use your tail!"

"Look out for his tail! Use your own!"

"Hit him! Bite him! Bite him! Bark! Bark! Bark!"

"Scratch him! Scratch him! Meow! Meow! Meow!"

The two Dans then sat up and began slapping at each other like ninnies, both of them holding their faces away.

Linwe stamped her Cinderella-tiny foot again. Her beloved Dannflor wasn't paying attention to her! What was going on? She was being driven craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzy! Well, if you wanted something done right, you had to do it yourself!

"So, why did we come here in the first place?" she called out over the two Dans.

"There was a secret treasure hidden somewhere in this place," said the author.

"But we haven't been looking for it!" said Vannan.

"Hey, you're right," said the author, as though he had just realized it. "Why haven't you?"

"You're the author of this stupid story," snapped Mariel, who, along with Song, turned her attention away from the two Dans.

"Hey wait a minute!" said Rose. "What's going on? Where are we?"

Everyone stared at her.

And everyone waited for Dandin to say "That's everybeast, stupid!" But he didn't. Then they realized that Dandin wasn't in the room.

"Hey! Where's Dandin?!" cried Mariel, looking worried.

"Where's Dannflor?!" cried Song, also looking worried.

"Where's Martin?" said Rose suspiciously.

"They were wrestling awhile ago, but then we forgot about them for a second, and then they disappeared into thin air," said Predak, "and the same goes for Martin. Hey, Badrang is gone too!"

"Gee, ya just noticed?" scoffed Vannan.

"Shut up," snarled Predak, pushing her sister.

"CAT FIGHT!" screamed Gonff, waving pom poms.

THIS time, nobeast paid any attention to him.

"WOW!" said everybeast.

Silence.

Then everybeast said, "Um, Mr. Author? Are you going say 'Except Gonff' after 'everybeast'?"

The author rolled his eyes. "You already get the picture!"

"Hey!" said Ziral, looking around. "Mokkan, Ascrod, and Gelltor aren't here either!"

"Fangirls!" screamed Triss. Both she and Kurda hugged each other and cried. "That Mary-sue Fangirl took them! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

Everybeast stared at them. "Okaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy."

"WAIT A MINUTE!" screamed Predak. "Who's left for the author to write about?"

"Well, let's see," said the author. "There's you, Predak. Then there's your sisters, Vannan, Ziral, and beautiful Lantur--"

"SHUT UP!" roared Predak, Vannan, and Ziral.

"NO, YOU SHUT UP!" roared Lantur.

The author continued on as though he hadn't been interrupted. "And there's Veil, Romsca, Swartt, Grath, Bluefen, Bryony, Nightshade, Sunflash, Gonff, Dannflor, Song, Triss, Kurda, Mariel, Blaggut, Cluny, annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd I think that's it."

"Hey wait," said Bryony. "Where'd Slagar go? He just disappeared in puff of smoke! Where'd he go, Mr. Author?"

"That's for me to know and for you to wait till the end of the story."

"Hey wait," said Triss. "My, people really do say that a lot in this chapter, don't they? Where's Deyna? The fangirls got him too?"

Everybeast expected Cornflower to tell Triss to shut up about fangirls when they remembered that Cornflower wasn't there either.

"Oh, wait, that's right," said Rose. "She, Matthias, and Matti went down to the kitchen to eat cake."

"That's what you think," said the author smugly.

"FANGIRLS GOT THEM!" screamed Triss. "THEY'RE MAKING MATTHIAS AND CORNFLOWER ACT OUT BEAUTIFUL ROMANCE SCENES FROM THEIR FAVORITE MOVIES!!!"

"We've got to save them!" screamed Kurda, who was the only one who seemed to agree with Triss on this matter.

Rose grabbed a big, hefty book and knocked Triss upside the head. The squirrelmaid fell on the floor in a heap. Mariel tried to knock Kurda out with her gullwhacker, but the ferret princess proved that her head was too hard for that.

"When'd she prove that?" demanded Mariel irately.

"In chapter 1, remember?"

". . . oh right."

So Vannan offered her service by smacking Kurda with her ax handle. That did the trick.

"You know," said Ziral to Sunflash. "We could've used your help with that."

"What?! I'd NEVER hit a lady!" cried the BFB.

Silence.

"What?" said everybeast.

"BFB," said the author. "Big Friendly Badger. Kinda like BFG, Big Friendly Giant. By the way, I don't own that book."

Silence.

"There's too much silence in this story!" shouted Swartt.

"Hey shut up, polecat!" snapped Sunflash.

"Why don't you, Scumtripe!" retorted Swartt.

"Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" roared the not-so-friendly-anymore-badger as he tackled Swartt into a dresser.

"CAT FIGHT!" screamed Gonff, waving his pom poms.

Swartt and Sunflash stopped fighting long enough to join everybody else in staring at the mousethief. Triss and Kurda regained consciousness to join as well.

Gonff blushed. "Sorry. Habit forming."

"I'd like to point out, Sunflash," said Nightshade. "That you hit me."

"Nightshade, honey," said Sunflash. "Nobody would ever consider you a lady."

Everybody (except Nightshade, who fumed) laughed.

Suddenly everybody found themselves down in the dining room again, where they saw that Gelltor had tied Mokkan to what looked like an electric chair, only Mokkan had his feet tied to what looked like bike pedals and was pedalling very hard and very fast, and a little fountain was pouring water into his lap, sickeningly sweet candy bars were being shoved into his mouth, and headphones were over his ears, playing "The Backstreet Boys."

Well, Mokkan looked as though he would die.

"Never trust a vixen, never trust a vixen," Gelltor chanted to Mokkan.

"But you're not a vixen," said Vannan.

Gelltor stopped. "Oh, yeah, right."

"Hm," said Predak, looking closely at the torture chair that her brother had fixed up. Walking over to her still-sugar-crazed brother, she spoke coaxingly. "That's a lovely chair you have their, brother."

"O yes! Heeheehee!" giggled Gelltor.

"And you know what?" said Predak, as though sharing a Very Big Secret.

"What?! What?!" said Gelltor, all wild-eyed and giggling.

"We've got a Mary-sue with us," Predak murmured in her brothers' ear.

Gelltor immediately became sober. He stopped giggling, became straight, even rigid, and looked up at his sister, who gave a solemn nod.

Gelltor gave his sister a nod and went over to Mokkan, who had lost consciousness, turned off the machine, and untied him, slinging him over his shoulder again.

Predak turned to the others and grinned evilly. "We've got a weapon," she said, nodding at the torture chair. "Heeheehee!"

Everyone stared at her. Then they cheered.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"You know," said Rose. "Without Dandin around the author really can't quite remember the proper use of animal grammar, doesn't he?"

Suddenly Mariel began weeping hysterically.

Bryony put a comforting arm around her. "There there, dear, what's the matter?"

"DANDIN!" Mariel screamed. She began running around the room with Bryony scurrying after her. "Dandin's gone! Dandin's gone!"

For a few hours Mariel continued telling the whole universe that Dandin was gone.

"Dandin's gone! Dandins' gone!"

"WE KNOW!" roared Nightshade, who was testy from earlier.

"Why?" asked Nightshade.

"Shut up," said the author.

Just then, for some reason, Ublaz Mad Eyes waltzed into the room. He smiled at everyone, walked over to Veil (who the closest to him), stuck his paw in his face, and said, in a rather girlish fashion, "Guess what shade my nail polish is!"

Veil looked at the claws that appeared as though they had just been recently painted. Then the young ferret looked down at his own paws which Sister Wythe (hate her), Jodd (hate him), Skipperjo (hate him), Redfarl (hate her), Sumin (hate him), and Abbess Meriam (hate her) had died in beet root juice.

"Is it beet root red?" he asked.

"How did you know?" squealed Ublaz gleefully.

Veil shrugged. "Lucky guess."

"I got mine at Meir & Frank's!" gushed the pine marten. "Where'd you get yours?"

"Wallmart," said Veil smugly.

"Hm," said Ublaz, taking Veil's paw. "I like mine better."

"What?!" cried Veil, outraged. "Mine is made with real, natural ingredients!"

"At least I don't have trouble coloring in between the lines," said Ublaz superiorly.

"Is that a word?" asked Mattemeo, who appeared out of nowhere.

"It is now," said the author.

"What word?" asked Matthias, who also appeared out of nowhere.

"'Superiorly'," said Matti.

"Hey, is that a real word?"

"Yeah, is it?" said Rose, who seemed to be taking it in stride that Matthias and Mattemeo had appeared out of nowhere.

"Why is it that he always gets top billing?" whined Mattemeo, glaring at his father.

The author scowled and decided to just simply distract his characters with something instead of shouting at them.

Just then Jodd the annoying squirrelhare (hate him) came in. Veil punched the squirrelhare in the face, knocking him out.

"Yeah!" said Swartt. "Go you!"

"Now, Veil," said Bluefen, scurrying over and wagging a paw at him.

Just then Abbess Meriam came in.

"What's going on in here?" she demanded, being the cold, distant, stuck up, vain little mouse that she is, being taller than most mice and not really caring at all about the Abbey and thinking that she's so good and how the green-brown habits of the order aren't good enough for her and she needs to wear the light green ones of the novice because they look better on her.

Bluefen's eyes widened at the sight of her. She walked over to the tall mousemaid. "Abbess Meriam?" she asked.

Meriam looked down her nose at Bluefen with a look of the greatest disgust. "Yes, and you are?"

Bam!

Bluefen punched Meriam right in her stupidly serene face, giving her a bloody nose.

"Alright Mom!" Veil cheered.

"CAT FIGHT!" screamed Gonff, waving his pom poms.

"SHUT UP GONFF!" roared everyone else.

"Hey wait a minute!" said Cornflower, who, like her husband and baby ("Hey!" objected Matti), had appeared out of nowhere. "Ublaz just came in! Where was he all this time?"

"YOU'RE SAFE!" screamed Triss, hugging the mousemaid.

"GET OFF MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" roared Cornflower.

Matthias shook his head. "What happened to that quiet little mouse I used to know?"

"You killed her!" Cornflower snarled. She pushed Triss off and scurried over to Matti and began rubbing at his face. "Hold still honey, you've got cake all over your whiskers."

"Mooooooooooooooooooooooooooom," moaned Mattemeo.

"Appreciate you've got a mom, kid," said Grath. "Mine was killed by seascum." She glared at Romsca.

Romsca rolled her eyes. "Are we gonna have to go over this again?"

"WAIT!" shouted Cornflower.

Matthias shook his head. "What happened to that quiet little mouse I used to know?"

"SHUT UP!" roared Cornflower. "Where was Ublaz all this time?"

Everybeast turned to Ublaz (except Jodd, who was unconscious, and Meriam, who was trying to stop her nose from bleeding).

"Well, where were you?" Cornflower demanded.

Ublaz took a deep breath, as though he were about to say, "Have I got a story for you," but he never got to say anything–

"Why not?" asked Ublaz.

"THERE! SEE?" said Swartt. "He said something!"

"Shut up, Swartt," said the author.

Swartt pouted.

–for a creature draped in a raggedy bed sheet snuck up behind Ublaz, put his paw over his mouth and put a blade to his throat.

"Nobody move or this guy gets it!" the creature threatened.

"Aauugghh!" screamed Kurda, dancing up and down. "It's that creepy ghost thingy that was stalking me down the stairs!"

The creature disregarded the Pure ferret as he began to drap Ublaz out of the room.

"Drap?" said Mattemeo.

"What?" said the author.

"Drap. You said that the weird ghost creature was 'drap'-ing Ublaz--"

"He's dragging Ublaz out of the room!" the author snapped.

"Okay, okay," said Mattemeo.

"Aauugghh!" screamed Triss. "It's a fangirl! Caught in the act," she said dramatically, standing forward. "Crime doesn't pay!"

The creature stopped dragging Ublaz to stare at Triss. "Honey, you need help."

"Do not! I've got this!" Triss said, whipping her sword. "Don't worry Ublaz! I'll save you!"

Ublaz, still with the dusty sheets over his mouth, turned around and put his arms around the "ghost", glancing fearfully back at Triss.

Rose rolled her eyes and snatched Triss's sword away from her.

Triss looked her, astonished. Then she grabbed the sword. "Give that back!"

Rose pulled back. "No I won't!"

"Oh yes you will!"

"No I won't!"

"Oh yes you will!"

"No I won't!"

"Oh yes you will!"

"No I won't!"

"Oh yes you will!"

"No I won't!"

"Oh yes you will!"

"No I won't!"

"Oh yes you will!"

"No I won't!"

"Oh yes you--"

"MMMMMMMMRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGFFFFFFFFF!!!!" said Ublaz as the weird creature in the bed sheets dragged him out of the room.

"Oh great. NOW look what you made me do!" Triss yelled.

"I didn't do anything!" Rose retorted.

"CAT--"

Rose rounded on Gonff. "You say that thing one more time. . . ."

"FIGHT!"

Rose stared at the mousethief with wide, hazel eyes.

"Her eyes are hazel, stupid!" said Martin.

"That's what I said," said the author.

Martin looked at the dialogue. "Oh."

"OH MARTIN!" squealed Rose gleefully. "YOU DO KNOW THE COLOR OF MY EYES! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And with that, she proceeded to smother him with kisses.

The creature who was holding Ublaz suddenly ripped the sheets from his face to reveal. . . .

Silence.

"Um, Mr. Author?" asked Swartt.

"HUH? Wha-I-yawn."

"You fell asleep?!"

"Yeah?"

(sigh) "Whatever."

Anyway: the creature who was holding Ublaz suddenly ripped the sheets from his face to reveal-

-Princess Linwe Seregon Maiilaychyah Amethystgem Rayahmyah Yellowgold Shamaiaariah Unicorn Eberoneeaniah Marigoldflower Admatharaiah Roseblossom Yyiurlyah-

"SHUT UP!" roared Mariel.

Alright, alright.

"Ha!" cried Princess Linwe, tightening her grip on Ublaz's throat. "You fools! Did you ever think that you outsmart the Great and Powerful and Beautiful and Gorgeous and Spectacular and Lovely and Absoulutely Perfectly Perfect Princess Linwe Seregon Maiilaychyah Amethystgem-"

"SHUT UP!" roared all the other females in the room.

"Hmph!" said Linwe as she continued to drag the helpless Ublaz out of the room (all of the rabid Ublaz fangirl-reviewers go "Nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! Stop her! Stop her! He's MINE!").

"You'll never win, Sue!" shouted Triss.

"Stop calling me 'Sue'!" shouted Linwe. "My name is Princess Linwe Seregon Maiilaychyah-"

"WHEN'S IT ALL GOING TO END?!" screamed Matthias.

"Maybe the next chapter," said the author.

"WHAT?!" screamed everybeast. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!"

"WHY ARE WE ALL SAYIN' 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO'?!" roared Mattemeo.

"BECAUSE WE WANT IT TO END NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!" shrieked the others.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" responded Mattemeo-

"Hey!" said Matte-

"Hey!" said Matte-

"He-stop!" shouted Matte-

"SHUT U-U-U-U-U-U-P!!!"

"What?" said the author.

"Mr. Author, you've been misspelling my name throughout the entire story!"

The author paused in his typing to look over his story, and found that indeed it was true; the young mouse's name was supposed to be spelled M-A-T-T-I-M-E-O.

"There! So spell my name right!"

"I WILL NOT!" screamed the author, who was more infuriated at himself than the young mouse. The author had always prided himself on not misspelling the names of characters, but now . . . well, misspelling Ferahgo's name was one thing but the author had corrected it before he put out this fic. Misspelling Ascrod's name was another as well. Don't know why, but yeah. But misspelling three names. . . .!

"AND BECAUSE I AM IN SUCH A BAD MOOD, I WILL NOT MENTION YOUR NAME ONCE IN THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!" the author screamed at Matthias's son.

"NOOO!"

"YEEEEEES!"

"NOOOOOOOOO!"

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Yes."

"Hmph!"

A/N: Don't worry. The Sue will be terminated in the next chapter. But PLEASE, do NOT tell me HOW you want the Sue to die; I already have that planned out.

BUT, you may tell me what you WANT TO HAPPEN in the next chapter (it IS the last chapter, you know, so go for gusto, I say! Unless, of course, you all manage to convince me to keep on going with this)

By the way, how many of you were caught off gaurd by Romsca's "My baby is expecting a baby" scene?

And Gelltor torturing Mokkan like that?

And Matti's name being misspelled this whole time? (I said I wouldn't metion his name in the NEXT chapter, so this doesn't count)

Which persons here do you think is the best-looking? (Which vermin-male you think is best-looking, which woodlander-female is best-looking, etc. etc. etc. (like "The King and I"!))

And Meriam and Jodd getting hit?

And all the rest of the random silliness? What did yall think of that? Eh?