Who wants to go to work that depressed, Theresa? But there's no way: The job doesn't care and you just have to. At least you're still blessed with a fine person that cares. But what does it take to help you? We know you and very probably, it won't be easy for you to take an

Advice for a Stubborn Head

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For Theresa, that day after her return from Chicago was one of the worst working days she ever had to stand. She had a very bad sleep and woke up with a feeling of weariness that rarely came upon her. Then she was late at the office, had to go through a lot of boring mail and had the greatest trouble to concentrate. And she was upset.

Deanna noted her angriness right away and at lunch break, she could make Theresa tell her about Kevin's running away to Garrett. Thank God she wasn't the person that could be impressed by such a grumpy mood. In her charming fashion she offered: "You know what? Come to me to dinner tonight. Brian is out for golf and we can talk undisturbedly. Maybe I can push some fresh wind around your nose."

Theresa accepted gladly, for she didn't have to spend the evening sitting alone in her apartment.

Deanna was not a fan of cooking. She liked a good dinner in a good restaurant, which mirrored a bit in her chubby figure, but at home, she mostly did it the easy way. If she hadn't invited Theresa this evening, she'd simply have put some fast food in the microwave. But for her somehow unexpected guest, she did her best to have an acceptable dinner prepared. She brought out two good steaks, some vegetables, pasta and opened a bottle of wine.

So Theresa opened her heart and let it all flow. Although trying to present her emotional confusion in a mannerly way she didn't really succeed. But Deanna, the good soul understood just the same. Being almost the age of Theresa's mother, she had seen her share of human nature. She knew what she had to do: Resting her chin on her hand, she listened to her guest's grievance without interrupting even once. Plain frustration filled Theresa's voice when she concluded: "God, What have I done to deserve this?"

Deanna faced Theresa for a few wordless moments before she finally began to talk:

"One thing's for sure: With all that happened, the last days were way too much for you. Given your situation, it would have been too much for me as well.

However we shouldn't it all with the same brush. Tell me, why are you so angry with Kevin?" she asked "I agree he shouldn't have run away. But you didn't even want to talk to him. You showed me his letter and I really can't imagine that he was happy with what he did. Don't you think you were a bit too harsh on him?"

Theresa was angry indeed: "Isn't this a flaming offense what he did? As much as I cared for him all those years, I tried to do my best to get along without having a man to be his father. I really sacrificed a lot. But now that he spent just a few days with Garrett, does this really mean so much more to him that he rushes right down to Wilmington? And Garrett plays on the game. It's just not fair."

Deanna didn't answer right away. She kept cool and finally started speaking softly: "Theresa, we've known each other for quite a long time now and hopefully you believe me that I do care for you. I always was honest to you in my opinions. And to be honest, I cannot easily agree to your statement. Will you listen to me anyway?"

Fighting back her tears, Theresa nodded desperately, without saying a word and Deanna continued.

"When I look back at all those years, the time right after your husband left you must have certainly been the worst in your life. Your heart was broken, you were full of doubts. Even worse, you lost your self-esteem and were only asking 'why?' You had only one reason to go on: Kevin!

It's true you did your best for the sake of your son, but then, even as the expert in parenting that you are, you can't deny that there is no replacement for a good husband and father that cares for wife and kids. Period.

It's not your fault but even with all your efforts, as a single mother you can't change that. If a single father would miss a good wife and mother, it would be all the same just the other way round. Again for the expert in you, I'm sure I'm not telling you something new.

However, for the strong and sometimes stubborn woman that you are, there came the day when you recovered from that misery enough to rearrange your life. You got the job on our magazine and I think you went along not so bad. Yet I know you've always been trying to find a true love. The love of an honest man. You haven't been happy all those years, God knows. But tell me, how many times have you tried to date someone and what turned all those dates before Garrett out to be? Yes, ma'am you scored 100 points plus bonus. The correct answer is: Flops and flops again!"

Deanna got almost a bit loud. "Most of those fellers just wanted to hop into bed with a cute woman for a one-night-stand. And the few men you could imagine turned you down, either because of your son or they would have taken you only to continue their egoistic life with a humble and devoted help-me-do-me-give-me-girl! No fun either, is it? Of course not!

And through all those years, the whole damned situation never changed!"

At last, Deanna cooled down again. "But then a good year ago, something very strange happened to you, to you of all people! You know what I mean, don't you?"

This was a statement rather than a question and Theresa nodded: "I assume you refer to the day I found the message in a bottle"

"Yep! You have been so enthusiastic about everything from the beginning. Never have I seen you jumping in a matter so head over heel. Not even my biggest concerns could make you change your mind. So what else was left for me than supporting you? Unbelievable, but one by one, it turned out to be right. Apart perhaps from the fact that Garrett was still struggling with the loss of his wife. But you knew that in advance and you wanted to face that challenge. And by now, I really think you're on the way to make it.

But don't you see what all this probably means to Kevin? He would have to be blind if he didn't see that Garrett completely fell in love with you too. Even more important, I really think that for the first time in his life, Kevin felt honestly accepted by a man. Obviously, Garrett was the one that would not turn you down because of him.

You raised your son well, Theresa, teaching him a fine sense of family. But if we really judge it by that, isn't this his only hope that he might get a mom and a dad again, someday before it's too late? He's going to turn 15 this year and his interests might soon be set in another direction. All the more I'm astonished that he's still dreaming of what I think is really admiring: It's that dream of you three, united as a family, being nothing less than happy together. Much the same, obviously, as it is with these Barringtons you always leave him with.

From my point of view, Kevin wants nothing less and nothing more than you be happy again. He would never just exchange his single mother for a single father. After all, what he did, it seems to me, was nothing but a desperate cry for help.

And please don't blame Garrett for all that too. If you didn't tell me a lie you said something like the times you shared together were the best you ever had in the last decade. You introduced Garrett to Brian and me when he was here in Boston some time ago and to be honest, Theresa, I was deeply impressed. If I was on your place, I'd simply be proud to know a man like him! He cares for you and for Kevin although you don't even live together. Wasn't it only yesterday when you told me you couldn't let him go?

Say, won't you give it a try and think about it this way?"

Theresa couldn't say a word for a long time. It was like anger and insight would hopelessly fight inside her mind. In the end, Deanna just expressed what she could never really admit to herself.

Suddenly, she felt as a complete failure. With all of her so-called expert knowledge, she was not able to put her personal situation the right way let alone to find a solution for it. So she finally stated, abashed and with a low voice, full of despair:

"What I think about it? I'll tell you what I think about it: I think that I'm nothing but a hen. A silly, stupid, headless hen. I wonder why I haven't done what I should have but said what I shouldn't have. I longed for a good love, for a future for Kevin and me that's worth living again. And now that I'm on the edge to get it, what is our inconvincible Theresa going to do? She's going to ruin it all with her stupidity and ignorance."

Theresa buried her face in her hands, trying to hold back her tears. "Deanna, why do I have such a stubborn head? Can someone like me be helped at all?"

Deanna's answer was straight. "No, you can't be helped! No one else can, it's you and you alone that can. Beside that, it's neither stupidity nor ignorance that keeps you from going on. It's rather your head and your heart just don't want to do the same. That's why you feel so torn apart and that's why I'd like to offer you something."

For the first time this evening, there was amazement in Theresa's face: "What do you mean?"

Deanna smiled: "The weather will be fine the next days and you have way too much overtime. I suggest you compensate tomorrow Friday and next Monday. I'll excuse you in the meeting tomorrow. So you have a long weekend and since Kevin isn't here, it's all for yourself. Go places, cool down, enjoy yourself as good as you can and most important, let your thoughts flow.

Theresa, I just think it's time for you to decide. This uncertainty must come to an end! You must decide if you want Garrett or not. No one else can do that for you. Of course you don't have to come to a conclusion this weekend, but it would be a good time to start thinking about it.

It's the only way to get out of this stalemate. And I ask you for the sake of your future, for the sake of your life that still lies ahead, don't let your stubborn head be the only decision-maker. Listen to your heart and soul as well and if you have reached a decision, don't question it any longer but follow it with all your power. May it be this way or another, it will certainly be better than what you're going through right now.

I know sometimes it's hard to see, but if you don't finally decide, life will pass you by, for it will go on, with you or without you. And whatever way you choose, I assure you I will accept it and support you as good as I possibly can."

Theresa felt truly a wave of comfort: "Oh Deanna, to me you are indeed a ruby in a mountain of rocks!" Deanna blushed: "Don't exaggerate it. And there's one last thing you should remember: You told me you turned Garrett down very unfriendly last night. If you really want to hold on, tell him before it's too late and his heart brakes."

Theresa couldn't remember that she ever felt more ashamed in her whole life than she did in this very moment.

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Thank you, Deanna, even an expert needs a little help on and off. But now, we're curious about something else: Garrett, what was that before? Could we eventually learn about a secret that wasn't?

To be continued.