Co-writing with Nephewsnixx.
Make sure you don't take any breaks while reading this one!
Part II
Santana left rather quickly, reason? Oblivious to Rachel, throughout the day she would text Santana to see how she was doing, but Santana didn't respond, and when she and Dani would talk, Santana would hang up the phone before it got to Rachel.'What did I do wrong?' She thought while getting ready to leave for Santana's place, and Rachel was hoping to get some answers from the Latina, or at least acknowledgement. Hiram and LeRoy left before the girls to prepare the food for the dinner; Marley was watching TV with Rachel while Dani got showered and dressed, the one good thing outside spending time with the girls, was the marathon of FRIENDS Thanksgiving specials. When Dani was ready, Rachel got up, turned off the TV, then took her and the girls out of the house and over to her car. Ironically, her car is a minivan.
Santana spent the day helping her mom in the kitchen and cleaning the house, she even managed to squeeze a short work out in. Anything to distract her. She had a long shower and took her time getting ready. She put on a red dress with matching heels and some jewelries, then did her makeup and straightened her hair, pulling half of it up. When she placed back the perfume on the table, Santana heard the doorbell and got nervous. She took a deep breath and walked to open the door.
"Hey, girls." Santana says with a smile.
"Hey, Santana." Dani gives her a quick hug, "I decided to wear the last outfit we talked about. What do you think?" She asks nervously. It's time to meet Santana's mother and she wants to make a good impression.
"You look great, honey." Santana holds Dani hand and looks at the girl next to her, "My mom is going to love you even more!" She turns to look at Marley and leaves Dani's hand, "You look beautiful, Marley."
Dani blushes and tightens her hold and Marley's hand, mumbling a thank you towards Santana.
Rachel kept her distance from the group; as much as she wanted to know what she did wrong, she didn't want to make Santana hate her. Now Rachel was feeling almost similar to how she felt back in high school, she looked over at the kitchen to see her dads checking the food to make sure it was made right, she chuckled softly at the various comments they made towards each other.
"Rachel!" Maribel called out happily which startled the brunette. "It's great to see you." She said.
Rachel turned to the older woman, smiling at her in the process. "Hi Mrs. Lopez, you look lovely today." Rachel complimented as she bowed in respect.
Santana walks the girls to the where her mother stands, "Momma, I'd like you to meet Dani, the amazing girl that lives with us, and Marley." She says proudly and looks between them, then glance at Rachel for a second.
Dani gulps and reaches her hand, "H-Hello Mrs. Lopez." Her other hand doesn't leave Marley's.
Maribel took a close look at both the young girls, but focused a bit more on Dani; she gently cupped the pink haired girl's face. "They said you were adorable, but never said how adorable." She chuckled. "Hello Dani, I'm Maribel, or you can call me Nana." she let go of Dani's face then looked at Marley. "How old are you, hon?" She asked.
"I...I turn 15 in a week." Marley answered, now feeling very nervous around the other women. "Why do you ask, Mrs. Lopez?"
Maribel raised an eyebrow, "You're tall for a teen girl." she pointed out, and then looked at Santana, "Seriously, she has to be at least 6 feet." Maribel jokes, but only slightly.
"I am only 5'8, I may not even grow past this size.." Marley backed away a few steps.
"Honey, she was kidding, I promise." Rachel pats Marley's shoulder, comfortingly. "But you are tall for your age, I have to admit that."
"Mom, let them be." Santana giggles and puts her arm around Marley's shoulder, "Don't worry, Marls, I got you. We, tall people, need to stay together." She winks.
Dani feels a little more relaxed, but she knows Marley isn't, so she grazes her thumb on her girlfriend's and smile.
"Ok, before mom is going to start with the embarrassing stories," She knows the woman too well, "You can go watch TV and we'll call you when it's time to eat." She tells them and walks over to give Dani a kiss on the cheek.
Rachel looked over at Santana, "Hey.." She gently waved in Santana's direction; she then let her hand down and kept her eyes focused on the floor.
"Rachel, vuestros padres y yo necesito ayuda resolviendo lo que estás dispuesto a comer." Maribel called out, and then she began to assume Rachel didn't understand her, "Rachel, we nee-"
"Ahora, la señora Lopez." Rachel turned towards the kitchen and started to walk towards that direction.
Hiram gave Maribel a look of derision "I told you she knew Spanish." He gave a smirk towards the older Latina.
Santana's head snaps at Rachel's direction and she blushes; it appears to be that Rachel does remember the language and that she understood the things Santana said in the last few days. The young Latina made sure the girls are set in the living room and made her way to the kitchen; a small smile appears on her face when her eyes catch Rachel's. She ignores the pain in her chest and moves to lean on the wall.
"What can I do?" Santana asks and scratch her arm, her eyes fixed on her mother.
"Check the turkey for me, dear?" Maribel asks while chopping carrots "Also see if the little and tall girl are thirsty, I made sure to pick up a couple varieties of soda just in case." She explained as she slides the chopped carrots from the cutting board, to the pot of boiling water.
Rachel gave a slight glance at Santana, her face lit up quite a bit, 'God.. She looks amazing..' She bit her lower lip as she changes her focus back on the food.
"One of those girls is like your grandchild and the other will, in the distant future, will join the family too. Try to call them by their names, you're not senile yet." Santana rolls her eyes and chuckles as she walks to the oven. She sees that the turkey is fine and moves to grab a few glasses and soda from the fridge.
"So when did you and Rachel tie the knot?" Maribel asks sarcastically.
Rachel nearly fell after that comment, "N-No, no. We aren't married or together in that sense, as much as everyone wants that, they can't have it." Rachel walked out of the kitchen as fast as she could.
Santana nods, "You heard her." She says and goes to the living room. The pain spreads to her stomach and her whole body tense up. She gets to the living room and sees Dani and Marley cuddling on the couch and that's causing her to warm up a bit. "Hey, love birds. Brought you something to drink." She place the bottles and glasses on the table, "Just a warning, you might think I'm strict when it comes to you, two, locking lips, but my mother is even worse." Santana gives them a serious look and tries not to laugh at their scared faces. She leaves them when she hears a knock on the door. With a confused look, Santana goes to open it.
"Oh Dios mío! Leo!" Santana yells, her body fills with happiness. She jumps on her brother and hugs him as tightly as she can.
"Hola, sis. Missed me much?" He laughs, drops his bags and pulls his sister closer.
Santana runs her hands on his body to make sure he's there and he's alright. "What are you doing here? How.."
"I wanted to surprise you." Leo simply states.
Santana pushes him, then hugs him again, "You don't look so bad with that beard." She tries to act like they normally act around each other, but she hasn't seen Leo in a long time and she missed him like crazy.
Leo chuckles, "Shut up, everyone knows I got the good genes." He pats his little sister's hair, "Now, I've heard we have company, can I meet them?"
Santana blushes and nods. They enter the house and Santana close the door, then takes her brother to the living room. "Hey, girls, I want you to meet my older broth, Leo." She smiles and turns to look at her brother while pointing at the girls, "Leo, these are Dani and Marley."
"'Sup, girls?" He smiles and the similarity between the Lopez siblings is so clear at the moment. "As you can see, I got the all the beauty and I got all the coolness."
"Ugh, shut up, idiot." Santana giggles and nudge his side.
Dani watches the interaction between the two and relax. She wasn't expecting to meet Santana's brother, but she's happy to; Santana told her so many funny and heroic stories about him. And for some reason, she feels comfortable in his present. "Hi, nice to meet you." She smiles at him.
"You too, kiddo."
Marley raised a brow towards the older sibling, "If my brother Elliot was here, I am sure he would gush over you." She pointed out while she takes her jacket off. "Also, it's almost like we are looking at a parallel, only because you two look so similar."
"Oh, mi niño!" Maribel called out as she quickly ran to Leo, holding onto her first born. "Te extrañé tanto!" She says happily. "How was the plane ride?"
Rachel slowly moved out of the kitchen, she walked over to where Dani and Marley were sitting at. She kept her eyes away from Santana as much as she could.
"Mama!" Leo wraps his arms around his mother, "It was fine and I missed you too." They were always a close family and after their father died, they only grew closer. Leo let go of his mother and looks back at the soft, "Young lady, you need to take it back. I look nothing like this thing next to me." He jokes and gets a smack on the head.
"This thing gets more girls than you can dream of. You wish to be hot as me." Santana place her hand on her hip and sticks her tongue out.
Leo turns to her with a smirk on his face, "I've heard you've settled down." He then looks at Rachel, "Is it Mrs. Lopez now or still Rachel?" He steps closer and reach his hand.
Santana's face heats up and her heart beats so fast, she's sure it's going to jump of chest. "Leo!" She doesn't know who to look at. That's the last thing she needs right now.
Rachel pursed her lips, then patted Leo's shoulder gently, "No." She raised a brow then smiled. "It's nice to see you too Leo, are you going to come to New York this Christmas?" Rachel gave a hug to Leo.
"Hey, all the kids gather round the table, din-din is ready!" Hiram called out towards the rest of the party.
Maribel walked to Hiram and patted his shoulder, "Don't charm me yet, Berry." She said with all the confidence she had in her body and then some.
Hiram raised a brow "I can tell where Santana gets it from." He turned to grab the pot of corn that was currently boiling, placed it on an oven coil that wasn't on.
If Dani thought Leo is kinda cool, now she loves him. That comment was the second best thing that happened to her this trip, after her and Marley's kissing session, of course. She smiles at Marley and walks with her to the table.
"Is that an invitation? Because I have a few months at home, I'd love to spend some time with my sister and her family." He speaks in a playful tone.
"Leo, I swear I'll shave your legs again!" Santana glares at him from her seat at the table. Things are bad enough, she doesn't need her brother to make it worse.
"Shut it." He tell Santana and looks at Rachel, "I know you have a small apartment, I can afford a hotel room; that way you can, also, come there and enjoy it." He offers with a warm smile and pulls the chair for Rachel.
Rachel bit her lip to try and contain the laughter, "Uhm, we usually celebrate it at our friend Kurt's, Santana and I maybe awesome cooks when we get the chance, but Kurt and Blaine top us with their bakery skills." She scooted the chair right under her, then sat down. "But if Santana is cool with it, I don't see a problem with you spending Christmas with us." She shrugged as her dad sets the vegetarian plate, of which Rachel picked what goes on it, in front of her.
"Mijo, you know how Santana gets when she has weapons in her hands, I don't want anything to happen to you." Maribel ruffles Leo's hair before taking her seat.
"Like a Drill Sargent being mutilated from a tactical fork and knife assault." Hiram joked as he sat down at the table with everyone else.
Rachel was drinking water when he said that, she grabbed a napkin to prevent much of her drink to go through her nose. "D-Dad!" She glared over at Hiram.
"Honey!" LeRoy holds back his giggles. "Not near the kids.." He glances at Dani and Marley and relax when he sees that they have no idea what's going on.
"He's right, you know. Be careful, brother." Santana smirks as she places food on her plate. "And you can come, but we're going to spend all the time in the hotel, I hope you know that. I'm your little sister, you need to spoil me."
Leo pours himself something to drink and downed it, "Your wife is so nice. What is she doing with you, I don't know." He shakes his head at his sister and continue to talk to Rachel, "It'd be fun; I have some stories that the kids would, maybe, like to hear. Don't worry, nothing graphic or sad." He takes a few bites from his food, "And you, all, can show me the city."
Rachel clenched her silverware tightly as the consistent comments about her and Santana being together continues, she shakes her head, "On second thought, I think I may have a class or two on Christmas, and I can't cancel it." She says in as polite of a voice as she could do.
"I'm sure we can find an evening or two when you'd be available." Leo grabs the napkin and clean his mouth, "I'll buy you all dinner. Come on, you can't let a soldier down." His smile looks almost exactly like Santana's.
"I can if he acts sexist.." Rachel mumbles under her breath as she took a bite of her food, her eyes on occasion glare at Leo, then over at Santana. "I don't think so, Leo.. Holidays are one of the busiest times of the year, and families come in out of nowhere wanting some quick lessons here and there."
Santana knows Rachel far too well and if she won't shut her brother, it'd end up badly. "Just eat your food, Leo! We'll talk about it later." She glares at him, then soften her look when she moves her eyes to Rachel, "He's an idiot, don't mind him." She tells her with a smile. She really doesn't want to see Rachel upset, even with what she feels now.
Leo frowns, but nods, "I'm sorry." He tells Rachel and glance at his sister, then continues to eat.
Rachel slammed her silverware on the table, then stood up. "No, honey, I am sorry. I am sorry for expecting myself to have my own kid, that lives with me and my best friend and not having people ask questions." She walked away from the table, carefully taking her jacket off the coat rack. "Or maybe I should be sorry because I lost my appetite, and suddenly don't feel hungry anymore." She stormed over to the kitchen to grab her purse, then she walked back. "Maybe, Santana I should be sorry for being like everyone else that wants us together, an idiot! Because lately I have been feeling like a jackass, you up and leave in the morning, you don't even say Happy Thanksgiving to me, and I see your glares in my direction!"
Dani drops her fork and starts at Rachel, her lips starts to quiver; she had it too good, the fighting had to come at some point. She clutches Marley's hand tightly and tries to not shiver and drags attention to herself. She never saw Rachel likes this and she's scared.
Santana's first reaction is to look at Dani's direction, she catch just the beginning of a, what can turn to, panic attack. But Rachel's tone and words cut deep and cause her emotional mess to get more complicated. She really doesn't want to do it in front of their families, or at all for that matter, and she doesn't want everyone to know their business. But it's a little late for that. Santana gets up, looks quickly around the table, then settle on Rachel, "It's neither the time nor the place, Rachel."
"It's never the time or place with you, and I am honestly getting tired of it." Rachel crossed her arms, giving a glare towards Santana's direction, "I have, for nearly a decade sat around you and took what you said, then when we lived together, I helped took care of you both times Brittany dumped you, then when Kurt moved out, I stayed for you, because I knew I needed you and you need me.. Now tell me.. When are you gonna fess up and admit that you do feel for me Santana? We have had a lot of special encounters, and it's killing me more and more, that I have to tell people that you and I aren't you and I.."
The dominate emotion Santana is feeling is anger, lots of anger. "Did I or didn't I tell you how it's going to be? What we are going to be? I was very clear about it." She clenches her jaw, then takes a deep breath, "You want to let it all out? Fine, let's go outside." She backs from the table and her chair falls, "Mom, cuidar de los niños." She says. Santana takes a few steps towards the door, then looks at Rachel, waiting for her to make a move.
Rachel took a few steps to the door, she continued her glare at Santana as she opens the door and walks out with her arms crossed. "What?"
"You're asking me?! You were the one listing everything you did for me and you seem to have a better knowledge of my feelings." Santana tries to control her tone and to keep her emotional walls steady. "I told you there won't be anything else!"
"Tell me why! I deserve an answer.. You know I would love you, cherish you, and give you all of that romantic bullshit that over half of our DVDs' explain to us!" Rachel's eyes forming tears.
Santana does have her walls up and she wasn't going to let anything in or out, but she also wasn't going to hurt Rachel more by telling her that she already knows how Rachel feels; she well aware that she wasn't supposed to hear what Rachel said last night. "I don't do relationships and I don't want or need any of this shit!" Her body feels like it's on fire. There's a part of her that want to comfort Rachel, but it's nothing compares to how determined she is about not open up again.
"Why?!" Rachel took a deep breath, her fists clench and her muscles tense up. "When can I be good enough for Santana 'Lima Heights Adjacent' Lopez?" She asks as her body shakes quite a bit.
"Why?! Because last time I fell in love, I was all in, I put my heart on the line.." Santana didn't think before speaking, because if she did, she'd never tell Rachel that piece if information that only Kurt knows, "I was ready to propose. And what happened?! Yeah, my heart was crushed into dust. And I don't give a shit about her now, but it scarred me and I've learned my lesson." Her plan to let Rachel get everything out, then leave, was a fail. With one on her stomach and the other pointing around, Santana loses control and acts like she did before the move to NYC, "And you? You need to find someone that can give you what you want. Cause you can't fix me!"
In a swift movement, Rachel took the necklace that Santana bought for her, then threw it in her direction. "Give that to someone who is willing to be your idiot whore.. I'm done trying anymore, I'm going back to my old way of living, and Dani and I will move out of your life.." She walked back inside, tears going down "D-Dani.. Marley.. Get your coats on.. We're going home tonight.."
Santana wanted to stop Rachel, to tell her she can't leave, that she can't take Dani from her. Instead, Santana just stares at the broken necklace on the ground with her palms clenched. That's what was doomed from the beginning and Santana was just stupid to succumb to Rachel's pleading and to her need. What just happened between them was everything Santana was scared of; from losing more people she cares for to another heart break. Santana went inside, as well, "You know what?! I don't give a fuck! And you're being unfair," She lowers a tone a little and grabs Rachel's wrist, "You.." She had so much to say, but only had enough strength for one issue, "I won't leave her. I won't let you take her out of my life." The tears burn Santana's eyes, but she won't cry there. "Have a good life!" She let go of Rachel's hand. Santana gives Dani a long look before taking her car keys and leaving.
Dani heard the yelling from outside, but couldn't understand what they were saying due to everyone trying to distract her. But then Rachel walked in crying, telling them they need to go. When Santana came, looking as hurt, Dani was shaking. She held on Marley so tight and gave in to her tears. She watches Santana leave and could only say one word, "Mom?" With that, she asks everything and begs Rachel for answers and comfort.
Rachel was instantly broken, her heart was nearly nonexistent at this point. "B-Baby.. We need to leave.. I can't be here..." She said as she slid down against the wall, hugging her knees as tight as she could.
LeRoy looks at his husband and they both nod, "Maribel, thank you for having us, the food was great." He tells her, knowing look on their faces, "Let's go kids. You're going to have the old folks." He smiles at Dani and Marley and walks to Rachel, "Honey, I know it hurts, but stay strong just a little longer." He hugs her tightly and kisses her head.
Dani looks around at everyone's faces, then at her mom and how broken she looks. It hurts Dani and she just wants to cry and hug Rachel. She wishes to go back in time, to be back home when everything was good. She and Marley stands and she nods towards Rachel and sniffs.
Hiram gently moved Dani and Marley towards the door "Let's go to the cinema, I hear the Wicked movie got good reviews." he suggested as he and LeRoy took the girls out of the Lopez household.
Maribel looked over at Leo, "Leo, a buscar una bebida fría para Rachel. Ahora." She calmly demanded as she walked over to Rachel, kneeling before her. "Honey, I am.." She gulps and frowns, "I'm lost for words.." Maribel gently grazed Rachel's knee. "I know this is the last thing you want to hear but, please don't quit on Santana, te ama más de lo que está dispuesta a admitir." The older Latina explains.
Rachel sniffed once "What should I do about this, hm?" She asked while looking towards Maribel. "What should I do about the shards Santana left in my chest?"
"Hon, you know why Santana can't.."
"I'm not Brittany, I can return any feeling she wants." Rachel's lips quiver as more tears form on her face.
Leo comes back with soda and hand it to Rachel, along with some tissues. He put the soda next to Rachel and her the tissues. He's not sure what he can do, but it's too heartbreaking and he feels like he needs to say something. "We don't know each other well, or at all, but I've heard my sister talk about you and how her face lit up every time." He crouches, but keeps his distance, "She's my sister and I love her, but she's screwed up when it comes to relationships; she's scared of loosing people, to be vulnerable, to open up again. With you she can be happy, what just happened here was her getting so fucking scared that she lashed out." He speaks softly, not wanting to cause more damage, "She thinks she's protecting both of you by pushing you away. I'm not telling you what to do, because I can't even imagine how hard it is for you, but think about it."
"I'm damaged too.." Rachel grabbed the soda, takes a sip of it. "But I really.. I love her, like legitimate love, not the sisterly love, or the B.F.F love.. She's the only person I felt this passionate about." She tries to explain but she shakes her head. "I feel stupid, but part of me loved her for a long time.. I first met her back in high school, and the first thing that played in my head was how beautiful she was.." Rachel's voice was soft, broken, but confident at the same time.
"So don't give up just yet." He places his hand on her knees for a second, "You had a huge fight, if she'd see that after that you're not giving up on her, maybe she'll feel safer to try. But you're hurt as well, so I'm not expecting you to find her and talk to her, just be there and let her come to you." He sits down and pulls his legs to his chest, "I'm not good at relationship advices, sorry if it suck. But if it's worth something, I'm rooting for you and I think you can get through it and be happy."
"I just.. I don't know.." Rachel rubbed her eyes. "I don't think I will move, I can't do that to my daughter, she loves her Mama and would be devastated if I took her away." She sniffled once. "Yeah.. But I still.. I don't.."
"Rachel, go back to your dads, relax, and take time to sleep. If you need us, you know where we live." Maribel gently rubbed Rachel's head. "Leo, come help me clean up." She requested before standing up to leave to the kitchen.
Rachel slowly got up, picking up her soda in the process. "Thank you Leo.. And Uh.. Sorry about.. You know.." She nervously bit her lip.
"You'll be fine, I'm sure." He gets up, "And like mom said, we're here for you. You're good driving home?"
"Yeah, thank god my car has an iPod hook up or else I'd be doomed." The brunette joked as she turned to walk to the door. "Happy Thanksgiving, by the way."
"Happy Thanksgiving.." He says after her and close the door, then walks to help his mother.
How Santana got to the pub without running anyone over or crash into a tree, is a mystery. She sat in the her car for about fifteen minutes, sobbing and hitting the wheel. Then she wiped her face, fixed her makeup and got out of the vehicle. Santana went into the pub and sat in the empty seat on the right end of the bar. She ordered shot after shot after shot. No one dared to get close to her, the expression on her face was enough to scare those who thought they had a chance. Santana hoped if she'd fill her body with alcohol she'll forget Rachel and how she made her feel, how she makes her body warm up just by being in the room, how she can't stop thinking about her. She wanted to forget there is a young girl in the picture that needs her and that she loves so much. She wanted to erase those moments when they were like a family, when she felt loved and protected with Rachel sleeping in her arms. And she wanted to get that picture of Rachel face when they were fighting, out of her mind, together with everything that was said. Hours passed by and Santana kept drinking and ignoring calls. At some point Santana unlocks her phone and dial a number.
"Dad I am telling you, there is nothing wrong with wearing a little make up to remove the age wrinkles on your face for your campaign." Kurt explained to his dad when his phone started to ring. "Just a sec, dad." He walked over to his phone and saw the listing of'Satan' calling him. He picked his phone up and answered it "Hey Satan, I almost forgot your number wasn't 666.. So what's up?"
"I tore her number, I tore a blonde chick's number and I'm stuck in fucking Lima!" Santana hiccups and takes another shot, "And I don't even wanna call her! But what am I suppose to do, huh?! And it's kinda funny you're the only one I can call." She starts to giggle and lays her head on the bar.
"You know, I never understood your obsession with blondes, it's kinda.. Weird." Kurt pointed out as he walks into his old room, then sits down on his bed. "Ms. Santana Lopez, are you drunk?"
"I love blondes! Well, I used to love a blonde.. But now, because of her, I don't know what my type is anymore." Santana frowns, "I'm j-just t-tipsy, a tiny, little, bit. Not drunk." She makes circles on the bar with her index finger.
"Let me guess, you and Rachel are on bad terms? Again?" Kurt asks in a sarcastic tone. "Where are you?"
"Fuck you, Kurt! Why did you have to say it?!" She glares at her phone and calls for the barman to bring her another shot, "It's nice here, I think I'll stay here for a little longer; nowhere to go to anyway, she left and took my kid with her."
"Wait, are you serious?" His eyes widened the second he heard that. "Santana, where are you." Kurt stood up and started to walk out of his room, and to the front door. "Dad, Blaine, I'm going out real quick, shouldn't be too long." He grabbed his keys then left the house. "There are only like 4 bars in this town, make it easy on me, Lopez."
"Dunno.. It's dark." Santana shrugs, "I left home, drove like a minute and got here."
"I think I know where you're at then.." Kurt got in his car, placed his phone on the dock, started the car then hit a button on his phone to make it hands-free. "I'm gonna pick you up, as much as I want to convince my dad to use a bit of make up on his face, you're more important than that. Well, not more than my dad, but more than my wants.. I think you get it." He said as he started to drive.
"I don't understand half of what you say when I'm sober, so I'm sure have no clue what you want now, Lady lips." She rolls her eyes, not sure why she even called him in the first place, "And I'm good, I think I'll move here. This seat is comfy."
Kurt gave out a sigh as he took a turn "I don't care if you think you're good, I don't want anything bad to happen to you." His voice lowered a bit when he said that. Deep down he has a lot of love for Santana, despite the consistent jabs they send each other's way, he wouldn't want to live in a world without making and taking jabs with his best friend. "Is that understood?"
"Whatevs.. You could buy me a drink for not seeing me for a couple of days."
A soft chuckle escaped "It's not like you made attempts to see me either, honey." Kurt pulled into a parking lot, seeing an empty spot near Santana's car. "I am here, surprisingly, it didn't take long.. I'll see you inside." He said before hanging up. Kurt got out of the car, taking his phone with him. He walked into the bar and looked around for a familiar Latina. 'Where are you Satan..'
Santana stares at her phone, her eyes begin to tear up. She puts the device on the bar and waits for another shot.
Kurt looks over at the bar and sees Santana, he quickly walks to her, then sits in the seat next to her. "Howdy, Lopez." He greeted as he turned to look at her. "You okay?"
"Kurt!" She brushes some tears away and hugs him tightly, "I thought you hung up on me." She frowns at him. Santana lets him go and sits back on her stool, "I'm just having some drinks , you know.." She hiccups and smiles at the barman as he brings her a shot.
Kurt takes the shot and pours it on the floor. "You're good." He said in a stern voice. "Talk to me, why is Rachel taking Dani away?" Kurt grabbed Santana's hand, grazing the back of her hand with his thumb.
With hearing her name, Santana feels a pinch in her chest and slightly pushes Kurt, "Why do you have to bring her up?! She left, after she made me fall for the kid! So fuck her!" She yells at his face.
"Because I fell for the kid too!" Kurt snapped back at Santana "If Rachel leaves with Dani, you won't be the only one affected.." His voice was slightly shaky. "What in the fuck happened?" It was rare that Kurt would drop the f bomb for anything, unless it was something serious.
"She snapped at dinner and we had a fight. She said she'd take D and get out of my life. Who she thinks she is?! I always knew she'll leave, but I won't let her take Dani." Santana doesn't care anymore about the tear streaming down her face, she hurts too much.
Kurt frowned, "Santana.. I want you to answer honestly.. Did.. Are.. You and Rachel... What were you?" He felt reluctant to ask but he needed to know for sure. "Over the past couple months Dani and I saw the looks you two would exchange.."
"We.. We had something. I told her it's not a good idea, I told her!" Santana hit her fist on the bar, "But no, I had to get addicted.. And she had to have feelings."
"And then you.. Had the same feelings." Kurt saw the pain in Santana's eyes as she explained this to him. "But because of what happened with you and Britt.. You can't force yourself to try again, you're scared that Rachel will do what Brittany did." He bit his lower lip and frowned some more.
Santana looks at Kurt with sad eyes, "She said I love you, Kurt. I don't know if she thought I was asleep or didn't mean to say it aloud, but I heard it." She puts her hands on the bar and rest her hand on them, "I can't do it again."
Kurt held back a few tears, he has yet to feel this sad since he took care of Santana during her last break up. "Then don't." He traced his hand against the Latina's back. "Don't go back into what you had with Brittany, with Rachel.. Instead, make what you have with Rachel, better."
"Are you freaking serious?! We have nothing; the little we had is over." She glares at him, then back down, "I had it good before she..She was my best friend, I think it's time for me to understand I need to stick with gay males as friends.."
"I think it's time for your head to be removed from your ass." Kurt gave Santana a look of derision. "You two have a kid, who wants you two together, probably as much as you both want to be together.. If not, more." He crossed his arms and kept his eyes on Santana. "What happened with Britt sucked, but that was also a while ago." He pointed out. "You're not getting younger Satan, soon we'll be in our 30's then our 40's. and you will question your reasoning behind pushing probably the best thing in your life away." Kurt pressed on. "That big nosed bitch that you had a fight with, just wants you. Not your tits, or ass, or sex, she just wants Santana fucking Lopez.."
"No," Santana gets up and holds the bar because she's dizzy, "She wants love, she wants a family and she needs someone to give it to her. I'm not that person." She corrects Kurt, "I used to torment her for years, we still have arguments and when we fight it's always big and harsh. Now she's in love with me? Until when?" Santana chuckles and shakes her head, making her way pass Kurt.
"Since the first day of high school.." Kurt said out loud so Santana could hear it. "Rachel never wanted me to say this to you.." He gulped a bit. "But, uh.. She was always into you, but you were the popular chick, she wasn't." He walked in front of Santana.
Santana freeze in her place and her eyes locks with Kurt's. His words replaying in her head over and over again. Her lips start to quiver and she doesn't know what to do or think. She feels like the little strength she had to hold her walls up is gone and now she's lost. "I d-don't know what to do." She admits.
Kurt sighs "Come on, you're gonna crash at my place. I don't trust you alone." He wrapped his arm around Santana's shoulder. "I'll make you some tea and.." Kurt rolled his eyes, "I'll tell Blaine to sleep in the guest room, because I know how you like my beds." He looked at Santana with a slight smile.
"Don't make me say that it's not the bed that I like." She wraps her arms around him and feels a little better.
Kurt chuckles softly, "Don't worry sweetie, Auntie Porcelain will take care of you." He joked as they left the bar.
The next morning, Kurt sat against his bed, dialing Rachel's number, then he presses the phone up to his ear. 'Please, Berry.. Answer.' He gulped.
"Hello?" Rachel answered sleepily.
"Hey, Rachel. Did I wake you?" Kurt asked with a smile on his face. "I hope I didn't, I am just happy to hear your voice right now." He expressed.
"N-No, I actually haven't slept much.. I made my dads go with me to do some Christmas shopping. I got Dani, Marley, Elliot, and Santana some cool things." Rachel explained before taking a sip of her coffee.
"That's great, how are the kids by the way?" Kurt asked as he crossed his legs.
"Marley and Dani are fine, they woke up a couple hours ago, and they are getting last minute play time with my dads." She explained some more
Kurt chuckled, "Wow, that's pretty cool.. Say, about San.." He was nervous for what he was getting himself into, "I need to know what happened with you two.. I found Santana at a bar last night, drunk out of her mind." Kurt in a way lied, but it wasn't like it was a bad lie, it was just something that he figured it'd be safer to go that route so he can hear Rachel's side of this whole ordeal.
Silence surrounded the conversation for a few moments, "I fucked up, Kurt.." She confesses, "I told Santana that I loved her, two nights ago." Rachel continued followed by a sigh. "I've been in a weird.. Relationship with her, not girlfriends.. But Master and Pet kind of relationship." Rachel's voice was a tad shaky. "She said no, she told me I couldn't handle it. I told myself I could, and for awhile I did.. But the more I thought about it, the more I felt.. Dead.."
"D-Dead?"
"The relationship that Santana and I had was going to die out.. So I figured that maybe before it does.. I would fight for something that I knew she wanted but never got." Rachel sniffled some. "Santana deserves happiness and I took it away from her because.. Like typical Rachel Berry, I'm selfish.."
"Rachel.. That does not make you selfish.. That makes you passionate for the one you love." Kurt in an attempt to comfort his friend. "W-What else happened, honey?"
".. I told Santana I was taking Dani and that we were leaving.." Rachel didn't want to relive that statement, but she didn't want to lie to Kurt, not anymore.
Kurt wished that he didn't hear that, he wished so much that Santana was exaggerating. "Were you serious..?" He was worried, and rightfully so. It's been awhile since Kurt connected with anyone on a sibling like level that he had with Dani, even if he was considered the aunt, he had that special bond with her that he doesn't normally have with others.
"..No, I wouldn't do that to Santana or Dani.. Even if my heart is damn near gone." Rachel held her chest for a few moments, thinking about the various times that she and Santana would cuddle after the sessions, all the times they complimented each other, and it was something Rachel loved more than anything. "I promise, I won't go anywhere.. Well, except for back home, which by the way, what time do we need to meet up in Cleveland?" She asks.
"Around 5:30 due to the holiday reservations.. Which, sorta, sucks, we won't be home 'til almost 2 in the morning." He got up from the floor then stretched for a few seconds. "Rachel, I hope you know that no matter what, Blaine, Dani, Marley, pretty much everyone still loves you. Even Santana, despite her not always acting it."
Rachel nearly broke down, "Y-Yea.. Hey, I'm gonna go.. I need to make sure everything got packed.." She said as she walked towards the door to her guest room. "I'll see you at the station.. Bye."
"Bye." Kurt hung up and sighed to himself. 'Mr. Hummel-Anderson... What in the hell are you going to do?'
Santana is sitting on the Hummel's porch, drinking a big mug of coffee with her eyes closed. It's pretty cold outside and Santana hates it, but she needs some air. The previous day was rough and cuddling with Kurt wasn't like cuddling with Rachel, but it was comforting and helped her sleep for a few hours. She feels lucky that she and Kurt became so closed; he's an amazing person and like a second brother to her. Now, on the porch, Santana wishes the drunkenness would've stayed a little longer because she still feel hurt and confused. And today they're going home, that means 8 hours with Rachel and she has no idea how she's going to survive it.
Kurt took a couple deep breaths as he approached the back porch, he saw one of his best friends so confused and broken, and this hurt him quite a bit to see someone he loved like a sister so hurt. He opened the slider door, walked out then closed it behind him. "Hey, Satan." He sat beside Santana, wrapping an arm around her shoulder "You didn't sleep well did you? I ask because you didn't kick me in your sleep for once." Kurt joked in hopes to lighten the atmosphere.
The Latina shakes her head and rest it on Kurt's shoulder. "You know, I only kick you and Leo when I sleep. I'm guessing it's like a sibling thing." She let out a soft chuckle.
"I guess so, because I still allow you on my bed." he chuckled as he rested his head against Santana's. "We got a little while before we need to get ready, is there any last minute things you want to get done? Maybe some Black Friday shopping on new shoes?"
She shakes her head again, "I rather stay in and I still need to pack.." Santana takes a sip from her coffee and rest her hands back on her lap, "I.. I'm thinking to maybe go on a different train." She tells him nervously.
"I.. I don't think the tickets are exchangeable, I get you don't want to be on the same train, but.. I dunno, do it for Dani. Don't pay Rachel any mind right now, what you should focus on is getting home." Kurt suggested, he scratched the back of his head due to him feeling a bit on edge. "I sorta talked to Rachel too.." he looked at Santana with furrowed eyebrows. "She's devastated as well."
She lifts her head and looks at the ground, she hates that the first thing that comes to her mind is that she needs to take care of her. Santana is now looking at Kurt, "I wish I could hate her; it'd make everything easier." She admits and lower her eyes and sighs, "Can I crash at yours until I'll decide what to do? I don't want to be far from Dani before I have to, but I can't.. Be there." Her voice quiet and dripping with insecurity.
"I'll see if Blaine is cool with it, but you're sleeping on the couch.. Is that fine by you?" Kurt gently grazed Santana's shoulder, he was feeling so conflicted at this rate. He could tell the love they had for each other, but due to the fight, it caused his two friends to be stubborn towards each other. "Also.. Rachel isn't taking Dani away from you.. In fact, she actually wants you involved in Dani's life no matter how hurt Rachel is."
"Very nice of her and consistent." Santana says sarcastically, "You see, one moment she's saying that and the next she regrets it.." She feels the anger coming back and her body tenses up. Santana knows it's unfair to put Kurt in the middle, but he's the only person she can talk to. She tries to tone it down for him and besides, she still cares about Rachel, no matter how much she wanted to stop, "But she can't take back what she said last night." She ends up saying only that and taking another sip from her coffee.
Kurt moved back a bit, "You know.. I really question your actions, how about the fact that Rachel threw aside everything that made her, her. Just for you, and you don't realize that." He leaned against the wall to his dad's house. "First of all, the fact that she is still willing to be with you after everything that went on, and that she was crying on the phone saying how horrible of a person she was." He continued. "In fact she didn't blame you at all, she took responsibility for her actions, but what about you? You are pissed at her for calling you out on things you contributed to, and for what? For your own pride?" He stood up and shook his head some more. "You also fail to realize.. She can't take back the fact that she said those three words that you scolded her for."
Santana quickly puts the glass down, she knew she's getting mad and she would throw it otherwise. "You question me?! I told her it's not a good idea to start this thing between us, I always made sure she wants it and told her we can stop. She chose it!" Santana stands up, but far from Kurt, "So she didn't enjoy it? She was suffering all this time, for me? I call bullshit!" Her heart beats fast, "I gave her something that meant a lot to me, I took some step in our weird whatever it was, and what she did? She broke it. She disrespected my work and what we had." Her eyes and throat hurt from pushing down the crying, "What did I do? I'm fucked, ok? Happy?! I can't let myself feel anything, no matter how much I wanted more of her." The pain in her chest stating to be too much so she stops and breath, "But it doesn't matter, right? Cause she loves me and I'm the asshole who can't say it back." She shakes her head and moves to enter back in to take her things and go home.
Kurt quickly followed Santana, "She enjoyed it because it was with you, only you Santana." He yelled towards his friend. "Santana, you can't run from your problems when shit happens, you know how many people try that? How often does it work out?" Kurt stood in front of Santana, his arms crossed and he was sporting an angered look. "I have sat by you two, for a decade now, I have dealt with you two bitching each other out for a decade, but one thing I know for sure, is that for the longest time, you were never truly afraid of anything until after Britt dumped you, which I don't know how many times it needs to be said. Rachel is not Brittany!" He continued. "You know damn well that deep in your fucked up head that you love Rachel back, and you're too much of a wuss to say it.." Kurt's voice was shaky. "A-And I am tired, of this.. I am tired of seeing two people I love dearly be in so much fucking pain, Santana." Few tears start to drip from Kurt's face. "You think that this conversation is one I wanted to have? No. But I know neither one of you will ever get your heads out of your asses, not until it's too late and you both will end up more damaged in the end from it... I.. I don't want you two to have to be in pain anymore, Dani doesn't want you two hurt, no one wants you two hurt.. But yourselves." He gulped then turned to leave the room.
"Why did I, for even a second, thought you'd be on my side and see me. Maybe we haven't changed that much since high school." She walks after him, "Have it your way; I'm the bad guy who can fuck her best friend and cuddle with her and help her with her kid, but can't return the feelings. I got it right?" She stands in front of him and push him slightly, "And you want to talk about Brittany?! She was my best friend, I loved her more than anything in this world, and I never pictured my life without her. I wanted to marry her, Kurt, and she.." Santana gulps and tries to control her shaken body, "And you expect me to just go and do the exact thing all over again?! I really don't give a shit about her, but it doesn't mean I'm as new, like nothing happened." She folds her arms to her chest, "Maybe I do feel something for her, but.. I don't know how to live with those feelings anymore and I'm scared. So, yeah, running away sounds much more fun." The words just go out of her mind and she feels tired and defeated. She turns to go find her phone and keys.
Kurt couldn't help but look back at Santana, "The same thing wouldn't happen, I get you're scared.. Also I wasn't taking sides with anyone, I am telling you exactly what I think on the matter since both of you in a way came to me about this." He pointed out as he leaned against the door. "I also never said you were the bad guy, I just said you're stubborn as fuck, hell Rachel is worse. It took her nearly 9 years to try for you after dealing with years of her self-hatred, and you helped her love herself again.. At least you did until that fight, she can try to lie to me about going early Christmas shopping, but I know her.. You know her.." His voice was calm, he was still rubbing some tears from his eyes. "I expect you to know what the right thing is, instead of me having to guide you to the light like I have some long ass beard and a staff." Kurt rolled his eyes and walked over to Santana. "Just.. Think about it for a bit Santana, think about your feelings, then hers, then yours some more.. Remember when you took care of me during my break up with Blaine? What did you say to help me?"
No, she's supposed to be angry at her, to hate her, but Santana is frustrated with everything, she's worried about Rachel and she misses her. "Whatever crazy shit you do, your heart will win you over in the end." Santana sighs and look him in the eyes, "I'm scared, but now I'm scared for her." She mumbles, feeling so small.
Kurt wrapped his arms around Santana, holding her as tight as he could without hurting her. "I know, honey.. I know." He gently rocked their bodies, now feeling guilty for being so mean to Santana about the situation. "I'm sorry.."
Santana presses her body to Kurt's and clings to him, afraid she'd completely break down. "I'm sorry, too." She says quietly and buries her face in the crook of his neck, "Everything was so good and now it's ruined. What if she'd stop eating again?" She asks and the tears just keep coming down.
"I don't know.. But if I were you, I wouldn't want to not be around.. She needs you, despite the fight, despite everything that happened.." He looked down at his friend. "I really hate seeing a pretty face like that being sad, we got hours before we have to get ready, so get your coat, I wanna take you window shopping." Kurt smiling a bit at Santana "Please?"
Santana nods and gives him a tiny smile. She has a lot to think about and even more feelings to understand and set straight, but they have an 8 hours train ride for that. She's tightens the hug for a few second and goes to get ready.
The time until their train ride back home passed fast. Santana did some shopping, then Kurt took her to her car and she drove home to spend some time with her family. It was hard to say goodbye, but Santana promised her mother to come more often and told her brother they'll talk more about his visit to New York city when she'll get home. Santana made sure to text Dani through the day and made sure to tell her she loves her and that the fight had nothing to do with her, nor it'll affect their relationship. When she got to the train station and saw the group, Santana gulp and told herself to stay strong. She walked over there and gave Dani a tight hug. Dani was so happy to see Santana and she wanted to let go; she had her doubts about the Latina arrival, but Santana told her she will and she did. Dani wanted to pull Santana and Rachel together and makes them good again, but she knew it's not a good idea. She glanced between them with a sad expression and went back to Marley's warm embrace. Not too long after, the train came and everyone took their places; Santana sat on the opposite side of Rachel, trying not to make eye contact. The train was still in place when Santana's eyes closed and she fell asleep.
".. Okay Blaine, try to get a decent table, please?" Kurt asked as he looked back over at Rachel. "Rach, want anything? I can get a to-go order." He quietly asked in order to not disrupt Santana's sleeping.
Rachel kicked her legs up on the seat, "No thanks, Kurt. I actually had a big lunch with my dads, as in they wouldn't let me leave to get ready unless I ate the plate they made for me." She smiled a bit before changing her focus to her DS.
Kurt nodded, "Okay, we'll be back." He said before closing the door.
Rachel was focused on trying to beat her Mario game, and normally Rachel wouldn't play video games, but it was going to be a long ride and she had that thing lying around in her dad's house being unused. "Come on.." She softly said to herself. The brunette quietly growled at the game, then she died in the game. "Fucking red shirt, plumber ass, red hat wearing piece of shit." Rachel forgot that Santana was sleeping across from her, and she spoke out considerably loud.
Santana woke up from her dream and giggles as she heard Rachel's cursing. She slowly opens her eyes and remembers where she is and what happened between her and the woman. She clears her throat and checks the side of her mouth to make sure she didn't drool. Santana's eyes a bit swollen from the sleep and not completely focused on anything.
Rachel jumped a bit, "Oh shit.. I'm sorry.. I didn't.. Uh.." She gulped nervously, and then quickly put the DS away. "Hi.." Rachel said as she sat up, resting her hands on her knees. "Did.. Did I disturb you?" She asked.
Santana blushes and adjusts herself on her seat, "N-No, it's fine. What happened that caused you to swear like a sailor?" Santana asks. 'So much for avoiding her by sleeping the whole ride.' She thinks, but parts of her happy to talk to Rachel again.
"Oh, I was sorta playing a video game.. I died and it ticked me off." Rachel nervously moved some hair behind her shoulder. "Kurt and the others went to the diner." She felt like Santana needed to know that.
"Oh.." Santana looks away, but snaps her eyes back to Rachel, "Are they bringing you something?" Her worried overcomes their fight; she won't let Rachel go back to destroying her body.
Rachel shook her head, "My dads made me eat quite a bit before I was allowed to pack my things, so I am full." She held her stomach. "I mean it, Santana.. In case you had doubts." Rachel smiled at the Latina. "Also.. I'm sorry.."
Santana smiles; happy that Rachel clarified it and is ok, at least in that aspect. Her smile falls when Rachel apologized, a sad expression replacing it. She has so many emotions going through her body and so much things that need to be said, but she's not prepared for this conversation. "I'm sorry too." Santana settles with that and grips hard on the edge of her pillow.
"But.. I'm only sorry about the fight.. It wasn't fair to you that I caused such a commotion and in your family home.." Rachel got up, slowly walked towards Santana, gently sits at the edge of the seat that Santana was also on. "I'm not sorry for saying.. I love you.." She looked over at the other woman. "Because.." Rachel gulps a bit. "I-I do, and I have for a very long time.."
Santana fight the instinct to tell Rachel to stop or change the subject, they're way past it. "I can't say it back; I'm still dealing with the emotions caused by our fight a-and I n-need to figure this out. I don't know if I'd be able to say it in the future, I don't know anything." She still feels the anger and wants to yell at Rachel and run, but she just can't; being so close to her again, smelling her favorite perfume and hearing her voice making Santana feel complete.
As hurt as Rachel was, she knew she did more damage to Santana than she even think Brittany did. This was something that Rachel was willing to deal with if it meant that whatever went on, was at least behind them for now. Rachel reached to grab Santana's hand, holding it tight, but not too tight. "I understand, and whatever it takes.. Even if I have to wait another decade to get another chance to hopefully have something close.. I'll wait." She looked into Santana's eyes.
"I don't know what I did to deserve this.." Santana's fingers starting to graze Rachel's on their own. She wanted to tell Rachel everything is ok now and just holds her like before, but nothing comes easy. This road led her to another heartbreak, so things need to change and Santana must figure it out first. Right now, Santana just feels like a crazy person; she wants slap Rachel for what she said and done, but wants to kiss her so badly at the same time. "I thought to go to Kurt's for awhile, until I'll know what I feel and give us space.." She tells Rachel, never looking away.
Rachel let go of Santana's hand, then reached in her coat pocket, "Uhm.. Before I left your family home.. I picked up the necklace, I looked around for as many of the pieces as I could, then this morning I took it to someone who could get it fixed.." She explained as she pulled out the necklace she used to wear. "It cost me a pretty penny, but it's fixed." She smiled a bit before putting on the necklace, making sure her hair didn't get caught in it. "I hope you don't mind me wearing it again, I grew a tad attached to it." She smiled a bit before getting up to walk back to the side she was sitting at.
Santana is shocked and can't speak; she did not expect that to happen and she's not sure how she feels about it. It doesn't make what Rachel said go away, but it brings her some comfort. She nods at Rachel and force herself to look away. Santana takes her phone out and checks her emails, though she can't care less about it right now. She's thankful for Kurt because if she hadn't talked to him about it some, this short conversation would ended up with tears. Santana glance at Rachel again, taking in how beautiful she is, and goes back to try and do something useful.
Kurt walked into the booth with a to-go box in hand, and almost jumps at the sight of Santana being awake. "Santana, you're up." He smiled as he walked over to her. "Here, I got you a BLT sandwich and a side of fries, which by the way are to die for." He explains but suddenly, something in the air changed. "How come the atmosphere here seems less dark?" Asked Kurt as he looked towards Rachel, eyeballing the necklace. "Okay.. Not going to go into this, I am just glad things are at least somewhat sane right now."
Did you tear up? Cause I lost a few tears when we wrote it. What do you think of everything that happened?
Translate:
Vuestros padres y yo necesito ayuda resolviendo lo que estás dispuesto a comer = your parents and I need help solving what you're willing to eat.
Ahora, la señora Lopez = now, Mrs. Lopez.
Oh Dios mío = oh my God.
Oh, mi niño = oh, my child.
Te extrañé tanto = I missed you so much.
Cuidar de los niños = Take care of the children.
'till next time.