Acquired Madness Chapter 11: Self-Realization?, a pretty little liars fanfic

CHAPTER #11: Self-Realization?

Italics means thoughts, emphasized word or action. Bolded is a flashback. (….) is an indication that time has passed

"Are you angry?"

"About what?"

"Anything."

"I'm not."

"Are you sure?"

"Yep."

Dr. Sullivan watches over Emily's front up as she places her notepad in her lap, "I think you're lying to me."

"Now why would you think that?" Emily tilts her head to the side as she challenges the therapist.

In the beginning of the sessions, Emily was extremely standoffish and was the most difficult out of the other four girls. After the habitual routine of seeing her every week, Emily has expanded from vocabulary from silence to actual conversations. Although, the conversations didn't get to the root or even past the soil of some issues, Dr. Sullivan was happy she was at least talking.

"When we had the group session, you seemed pretty angry."

"You had a challenge and I did it." Emily shrugs, deflecting the accusation, "You can hardly diagnose that as aggression."

"You know…" Dr. Sullivan rests her notebook on the table on the right side of her, "Denial is a powerful defense that we use to try to hide anger." Emily shakes her head as she rolls her eyes at Dr. Sullivan, crossing her arms and turning her sights on something else. "And if I had to take an educated guess….I would say that most of your anger is pitted onto one person."

Emily raises a curious brow, "And who would that one person be, Dr. Sullivan?"

The therapist leans forward observing thoroughly at Emily's demeanor and closed off body language, "I think that person is Spencer Hastings."

Completely amused, Emily blurts out a laugh as Dr. Sullivan smirks to herself. "Yeah." Emily nods her head with laughter still sounding, "That's exactly it. That's who I put all my aggression on."

"So you admit that you have ill feelings?" Dr. Sullivan asks in the midst of Emily's sarcasm.

"Towards Spencer?" Emily's laughter begins to die down as she leans comfortably to the side, "Yeah. Totally."

"Towards Alison DiLaurents."

The humor in Emily's smile slowly begins to fade as she pushes out her jaw in a mouth hanging motion. She silently gazes at the doctor who wears back an expect smile back.

"Am I warm?" Dr. Sullivan nods as she leans back into her chair.

…

Leaving Dr. Sullivan's office, Emily hops into the passenger side of her father's car as he waited for her to get out.

"How was it today?" Wayne asks as he puts his car in drive and makes his way out the parking lot.

"It was dull…" Emily looks out her window, looking at the building growing smaller behind her in the side rearview mirror. "Just like the other days."

Wayne takes a glance at Emily shrugged behavior and takes a breath in, "Normally your mom & I would tag team this but I think this is more my field. I know we've never had this talk before but…I feel like it's better late than never."

Emily ears immediately perk up as she twists her head in the direction of her father, "Dad please. If this conversation is going where I think it's going-"

Wayne laughs as he waves Emily down with a hand, "Trust me, Emmy. That's one talk I think we can avoid for a lifetime." Her father cringes as he puts on his turn signal reaching a red light, "But no. This is on a whole different topic line."

Mentally relieving herself from a random awkward sex talk, Emily visibly relaxes as she waits for her dad to continue.

"Don't tell your mom this but….back in the day, I was the man." Emily confusedly laughs with a squint in her eye and tilt in her head. Trying to understand why and how this conversation is starting. "I mean, I had the nice wavy cut, smoking goatee, and a nice body. I had girls flocking all over me."

Emily chuckles as she looks back out her window, "Sure you did," she mocks.

"What?" Wayne's voice pitch heightens as he snaps his head to look at Emily in disbelief. "You think you got your charm from your mother? You might have gotten your looks and your sense of nurturing from your mother," Wayne looks back at the road as the light turns green, "But your height, athleticism, killer smile….you got that me." Wayne smiles slyly to himself with a roll of his neck, "You got Wayne's ol' razzle dazzle."

Emily bursts out laughing as she turns to look at her father, "Please," She begs shaking her head, "Don't ever use those words in a sentence again."

"Razzle dazzle." Wayne rolls his neck again with an exaggerated southern accent imitation. "Let me tell you, it isn't our milkshakes that brings all the girls to the yard."

"Okaaaaaaay, this conversation is now over." Emily cracks up at her father's sense of humor, "It finished right before it started. First razzle dazzle and now milkshakes? You failed horrible, dad." Emily and Wayne both giggle as Wayne decides to take the longer route home.

"But in all seriousness, I was the man." Wayne continues on, "I had all the girls. If I said I was hungry, they would pull out money just to offer me something to eat. After a while, I got used to living like a prince. That is…..until she came along."

"Mom?"

"Oh, no." Wayne shakes his head as he drops on hand off the steering wheel and rests it on his leg, "Your mom came later in the story. The she I'm referring to is Wendy. Wendy Patterson. Now, what made Wendy so different from the other girls? Wendy didn't care who I was. I had to chase her. And being the hotshot I was, I did. Biggest mistake because that girl broke my heart." Seriousness takes over Emily as she listens to her father story tell about his dating life as a teen. Secretly wondering in the back of her mind as to why her father would share this with her now is a mystery but she was willing to find out. "The same guys I would call a wuss for being hung over a girl, I became that guy. I would stand outside her window to get her attention, try to talk to her after school whenever there was a chance. See, you guys have texts. If you want to spill your feelings, you would text your little paragraphs, send it and they'll get it immediately. Back then we had notes. Probably something foreign to you guys," Wayne chuckles, "I had to get a pencil and paper and fill that bad boy up with my all feelings and emotions, fold it up and stick it in her locker hoping that she'll see it and respond to it."

"Did she ever write you back?"

"Nope." Wayne shakes his head as he taps the steering wheel with his thumb, "And because I was so invested in her in the past, I just couldn't get over her. She was literally the focus of my thoughts all the time. I would get sad, angry, confused, all at the same time. And this was for a quite a while. We never dated but I really liked her." Wayne glances over at Emily and catches her eyes, "Sometimes the feeling of wanting someone comes and you feel completely helpless. And….it's okay to go through those feelings. But the moment you let those feelings become you, that's when it's not okay."

Emily's eyes drift down as they become veiled in thought. Does he know about Alison…? No…No he can't know. I haven't told anyone. He barely knows anything between us…Well, if mom hadn't said anything. Which she probably did.

"Now, I'm not trying to imply anything or try to snoop into your personal life but, I think it's just words of wisdom everyone needs to hear. It doesn't always have to pertain to relationships, just with life in general. You are allowed to feel things, just don't let those things become you." Wayne repeats, soaking his words into Emily's head. "But then I met your mom, kicked Wendy to the side, and made a great life for myself." He turns to glance at Emily with a smile, "I would say things turned out pretty damn good."

…

Aubrey emerges from her room wearing a black tank top and black shorts, walking into the living room with a large with thin case with some kind of red and black design in the center. Lying down on her couch, on her phone, Emily looks up and sees the backside of Aubrey as she tends to something at her entertainment center. "What do you got over there?"

"I've been looking for this for like ever and I just found it in my closet, deep within my things." She turns around and shows Emily the cover she held, "Only Be the Night. Kings of Leon," She deviously smiles as she examines the cover herself.

"Woah, is that a vinyl record?" Emily curiously asks as she sits up straight.

"Yep." Aubrey carefully slides out the fragile 12 inch black record out of its case, "One of the many that I like to collect." She opens the turntable player case and places the record in its placeholder.

"What made you get a record player instead of a regular Bluetooth speakers?" Emily curiously questions as Aubrey configures her system.

"I love the participation that comes with it, I guess." Aubrey shrugs still with her back to Emily. She extends her hand to her Sound Bar System that allows the music to be played through external speakers, "Now, I still have a music player to play music from my phone but this….this is where it's at." Grabbing the system remote, Aubrey turns around to face Emily sitting on her couch, looking up at her, "There's something to be said about taking your time, searching through your records. Finding that one you were looking for. Holding it, feeling it, taking it out of its protective cover. Putting it on the player and placing the needle, watching it spin as you listen." Aubrey rubs her left arm with her right hand as she looks up at her ceiling, the fan quietly spinning above them. "It's like going to a movie theater to watch a movie instead of renting it. Or going to a restaurant to eat dinner instead of making dinner at home. It's just the experience that comes with it."

Emily nods as she glances at the player behind Aubrey, "I've never actually seen a modern day version of one. I know my grandfather has one but it's very old, you know?"

"Right. Besides!" Aubrey turns around and crouches down to a compartment underneath her player inside of her entertainment center, pulling out a basket and grabbing a record case. "Look at the album art on these covers. It's just offers so much more than what you can get on a CD case." She hops into a space right besides Emily on the couch and hands her the case, "It's so vivid. It's like actual art for you to look at and get lost in." Aubrey pulls her knees up to her chest as she watches Emily observe the album cover. Holding the 12 inch dark grey album in her hands, the art consists of a woman, possibly a model who possess the feel of the 50's with her curled shoulder length hair, in black in white with a red partially see through square edited ono her face. With such crisp and clear quality, it is definitely an interesting album art cover to find yourself trying to decipher.

"I dunno…." Aubrey sucks in her bottom lip as she leans back into the couch, "I just love it."

"No, yeah you're right." Emily flips the cover to see the track listing on the back, "I could see why you like it. It certainly brings back a nostalgia feel. I can only imagine how my parents felt when they had their favorite records."

"Yeah…."

Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!

Aubrey jumps off the couch and waltz towards her kitchen to stop the beeping. Placing the vinyl on her living room table in front of her, Emily rises to her feet as well. "What are you cooking?"

The brunette takes out the bowl of dough from her fridge and places it on the kitchen bar behind her, "I was in the mood for some cookies but I didn't feel like going to get store bought."

"What kind of cookies?"

"Chocolate chip because I'm basic." Aubrey chuckles as she pulls out a cookie sheet pan, "And because I don't trust myself to make anything else elaborate."

"Oooh. Chocolate chip." Emily slides over to the cookie dough in the bowl with a grin, "Don't mind if I do."

"Um?!" Aubrey swats Emily's hand away causing Emily to retreat her hand back as if she just escaped a death trap. "No eating the cookie dough."

"Why not?" Emily rubs her battered hand, giving Aubrey the puppy eyes.

"Because, I need it. Obviously."

"Obviously, it wouldn't hurt if I take a piece." Emily reaches her hand back into the bowl, ignoring Aubrey's warning.

Smacking her hand away again, Aubrey takes the bowl away from Emily to resist the temptation, "Are you deaf or do you just choose not to listen?"

"Or maybe you're just being selfish." Emily walks from behind the bar to the kitchen towards Aubrey, "You're taking all the cookie dough for yourself!"

Emily reaches for the bowl but Aubrey quickly swoops it out of her direction, hugging it tight against her chest as she defends it as if it was her child. "Back away, woman!"

Emily pushes up behind her as she tries to nab the delicate treats, "Just one scoop is all I want!" Not letting up, Emily continues to push, forcing Aubrey in one direction as Emily traps her into a corner of her kitchen, "Looks like you have nowhere left to run," The brunette mumbles into Aubrey's ear, still pressed against her. "Now give up the goods and nobody gets hurt."

Aubrey turns around to face Emily as she switches the bowl to behind her, placed between her back and the wall, she tilts her head up with a conniving smile, "Looks like you're going to have to fight me for it…"

Squinting her eyes with a slight smirk faintly on her lips, Emily stares into Aubrey's hazel inviting eyes, "I don't think you want to do that…"

"Oh, I think I do."

…

Before ending her trip by going back home, Emily decided to stop for a quick store shop. Scanning the aisles for something particular, she finds exactly what she needs. Understanding that school is coming to an end and that the things that have happened to her in the past, sometimes you have to let go and move forward. Unfortunately, that saying is normally easier said than done. Emily knows she still has unsettling emotions still left inside her but….the last thing she wants to do is look back at this time, 5-10 years from now and see the struggle and madness that had happened all around her. If anything, she wants to bury everything from this time period that could warrant any unwanted feelings in the future. Almost like burning every picture of today so tomorrow, along with the blocked out memories, there would be no physical evidence.

And in order to do that, she has to take care of something first.

…

"Ok, you're doing good. Just breathe….and relax. As long as you don't tense up, there won't be any problems."

Alison slowly brings the vehicle to a halt, looking left then right for any in-coming cars.

"Ok, nobody is coming. You can go now." Lorenzo directs the rookie motorist in the driver's seat of his grey 2012 Chevy Camaro ZL1. Taking her foot off the break and easing it slowly onto the gas pedal, Alison continues onto the straight road ahead of her.

"Ok, so you're going to be making a left here so what do you do?"

"Get into the left lane and turn on my left blinker." Alison replies as she tightly grips the steering wheel on both sides, constantly looking in rearview mirror to make sure nobody is behind her.

"Good, good." Lorenzo pleasantly nods. "So after you make that left, I want you to pull into the parking lot and we're going to park the car nice and easy, okay?"

"Okay." Alison breathes out a nervous breath as she starts to wring the leather of the wheel. After being taunted by a mysterious figure, buried by your mother, on the run for two years, and being locked up, who would have known Alison's biggest obstacle right now would be driving a car? Making the said left on the practically empty street, Alison makes another left into privately owned parking lot with cars parked just about everywhere.

"Right there." Lorenzo points ahead at an open parking space, "There's an available spot on your right. Now all you have to do is just slowly and carefully drive into it."

Looking at where his finger leads, Alison notice an open spot, indeed. However, being neighbored by a pickup truck and a light pole doesn't make Alison the most confident person in the world.

"I-I-I don't think I can do this." Alison turns to face Lorenzo with her hands still clutching the wheel.

"Alison," Lorenzo shifts his body in his seat to face the anxious blonde, "It's ok. All you have to do is follow the yellow lines." He points back to the parking space before turning back to Alison with an assuring smile, "This is a small car, you're alright."

Hearing the small words of encouragement, Alison stares at Lorenzo with uncertain eyes still before she looks back at the parking lot in front of her. She sucks in a deep breath as she releases her foot off the brake and gradually inches toward the parking spot.

"Ok, so you want to start cutting the wheel now." Lorenzo gently directs her as he leans against his window, looking at the side of his car to make sure he can see everything. Following his order, Alison begins to slowly turn the wheel but not fast enough as she should be.

"Turn more, Alison. Keep turning."

"Put just a little gas to move in."

"Ok, watch the- slow down. Watch the truck."

"Straighten the wheel, Ali, You're going to hit the truck."

"Alison, straighten the wheel."

"Alison-Alison! The truck! STOP!"

Alison immediately slams her foot on the brakes causing her and Lorenzo to jerk forward. Coming just inches away from hitting the parked truck, Ali lets out hastily breaths as Lorenzo closes his eyes and clutches the seatbelt around his chest as if he just saw his life flash before his eyes.

"I'm not doing this again. I don't like it. I-I can't do this. I can't do this." Alison rapidly stammers out of her mouth as her whole body starts to tremor at the mixture of anxiety and Lorenzo's yelling.

"Alison…" Lorenzo reaches out for her hand, putting his hand on top of hers.

"Nonono. I'm done-I'm done with this. I can't do this. I can't-"

"Alison, look at me." Lorenzo lightly grabs the blonde's stuttering face and turns it to face him, "Look at me." Her darting eyes find his calming brown eyes, "Breathe, okay?" He mocks the motions of taking a deep breath in and slowly exhaling it out several times until Alison actually imitates him.

"Breathe in….and out. In….and out." Alison does the calming technique until she feels a relief of those tense nerves that were going out of control, her eyes locked into Lorenzo's the whole time. "Everything is ok. You're ok. All you need is some practice and you'll get better."

"Please don't make me do it again, Lorenzo." Alison quietly begs as her eyes widen up with uneasiness.

"I won't." He unclicks his seatbelt and unlocks his door, "I'm going to do it this time." Leaving the passenger side with Alison following his lead, the two exchange seats with Lorenzo taking the back reins of his vehicle.

…..

"You've never really explained why you've decided to take me over here." Alison remarks as she stands idly in Lorenzo's living room, looking at his décor in the process.

"You're always cooped up in your house. The only time you leave is if you have your sessions or anything else mandatory." Lorenzo walks over from his fridge with a bottle of water, "I just wanted to get you out of that."

"And into your apartment?"

Lorenzo shrugs, "I had to take you somewhere. You won't stand for anything else." Alison looks at him with an arched eyebrow before Lorenzo looks down at the refreshment in his hand, "Here, you're probably thirsty after all of that we just went through."

"Thanks…" Alison appreciatively takes the handed drink. Keeping her eyes low for a moment's ponder, Alison raises them up to catch Lorenzo's gaze. "Why are you doing all of this?"

"Doing all of what?"

"This." Alison lifts her arms as she looks around Lorenzo's place, "Why couldn't you be like the other law enforcement officers and take this as a job and not allow it into your personal life? Why are you wasting your time on me?"

"My time…You're not a waste, Alison." Lorenzo places his hands down his front pockets, "I…I just want to protect you. When I'm not around you, I worry. I worry that something might happen and I won't be there. When I go to bed, I pray that you're safe for the night and that I won't have to frantically jump out of bed to go searching for you when I get that call."

Alison shakes her head as she lets out a small chuckle with her eyes and mouth not correlating humor but more in amused disbelief.

"What?" Lorenzo furs his brows at Alison's minor reaction, not knowing what to take from it.

"It's nothing." She dismisses him. "Uhm-do you have anything I could munch on, in the mean time? I haven't really ate yet."

Lorenzo nods and walks back to his kitchen, seeing what he could put together as a quick snack for the both of them.

Out of earshot, Alison shakes her head with minor hindrance building within her. Alison mumbles a few words under her breath as she turns the opposite direction of Lorenzo.

…

Sitting at the kitchen bar across from Aubrey as she slides a knife out of her Paula Deen's knives set –dancing to the music playing from her phone- Emily goes between watching her prep her watermelon to get ready to slice and looking down at her phone, scrolling through her social media.

"I must say…" Aubrey turns into Emily's direction with a bit of a sway to get the bowl needed to put the watermelon in, "I'm loving this rich brunette look. Makes you look so tamed compared to the badass look you had."

"Hey," Emily smiles with a laugh as she points her phone at her, "I'm still a badass."

Feeling the music that's surrounded the girls, Aubrey wavers from side to side as she sings along with the song, putting on a small performance for Emily as she uses the chef's knife as a microphone,

"Take me by the tongue and I'll know you.
Kiss me 'til you're drunk and I'll show you all the moves like Jagger.
I've got the moves like Jagger.
I've got the mooooves like Jagger."

Watching Aubrey become a replica Adam Levine in his new recent hit, Emily clicks her camera icon and turns her phone sideways to be able to capture Aubrey in the moment. Instead of lunging for the phone like Emily would expect her to do, Aubrey kicked up the performance level as she focuses on the camera for the second part of the chorus.

"I don't need to try to control you.
Look into my eyes and I'll own you with them moves like Jagger.
I've got the moves like Jagger.
I've got the mooooves like Jagger."

"You are a natural," Emily calls over the music as she presses the stop button on her screen, "You should audition for America's Got Talent."

"So they can give me all three X's in the first 10 seconds? I rather not get bashed by Simon." Aubrey walks around the bar to Emily as she went to her gallery to see the playback. Watching herself lip sync and dance to the music causes her and Emily to laugh before Aubrey walks herself back into the kitchen. "Ok, now delete it."

"Delete it? No way!" Emily eyebrows shoot up in chuckles as she exits out of her gallery, "Nothing is more hotter than watching you sing a song with a huge knife dangerously close to your face as a mic. All of that knife play and dancing without you managing to stab yourself? You need to go on television asap because that's raw, untapped talent."

"Oh, hush." Aubrey playfully silences Emily as she drives the knife into the watermelon to start her first cut. With the song fading and a new song soon to begin in the background, Emily's phone buzzes in her hands.

Today 6:17pm

Mom: How long are you staying over Hanna's when you two get back from the movies? Dinner should be ready in about an hour.

"Oh my gosh! I haven't heard this song in forever!" Aubrey excitedly squeals as she higher up the volume on her phone to as loud as it can go.

Emily: Not too long. I'll make it in

The melody of the new song waves its way into Emily's mind causing her to stop typing mid-sentence. The overwhelming feeling of dread. That unadulterated awfulness sinking right to her gut as she begins to feel a sense of terror. The sudden, horrible knowledge just strikes home and for an instant, all she can feel is this awful certainty of tragedy.

"Can you…can you turn that off…" Her words barely makes a sound to the other occupied brunette in the room as Emily can feel the sweat pores on her face open up.

"Reaching for something in the distance. So close you can almost taste it. Release your inhibitions!" Aubrey vocals adds with the loud music as she cuts the fresh fruit into the bowl.

"Am I the only one that has goosebumps?"

"No..."

With the sounds of voices echoing in her head, competing with the loud music, Emily begins clenching her teeth as her breathing became shallow. With the phone still in her grasp, the brunette's hands start to tremble as the wave of unescapable fear kicks in.

"Feel the rain on your skin! No one else can feel it for you! Only you can let it in!" Aubrey continues on with her karaoke session.

And just like that.

Autopilot.

"Am I the only one that has goosebumps?" Aria's asks the three other girls behind her as she looks out into the crowd of dressed up mannequins.

"No..." Emily, Spencer and Hanna reply back in a hushed whisper as their eyes also feast on the oddly planted prom goers.

Hanna looks around for any sign of life on the floor, "Where's Mona?"

"I don't think she's here yet." Spencer softly replies

"No one else! No one else!
Can speak the words on your lips!"

"Drench yourself in words unspoken!
Live your life with arms wide open!"

"Today is where your book begins,"

"Feel the rain on your skin!
No one else can feel it for you!
Only you can let it in!
No one else! No one else!
Can speak the words on your lips!"

"Ladies and gentlemen! Please welcome your prom queen, Alison DiLaurentis!"

"Charles! We have something for you!"

"RUN!"

"We can climb it!"

"STOP!"

"Do you want a-" Aubrey turns around to see a frightened image that she certainly didn't expect to see. Emily sitting in the chair with the looks of all the blood draining out of her face along with sweat building instead, her hands shaky and her eyes widen in fear as her body sat stiff as a board. Aubrey immediately drops the knife and turns off the music before she rushes to Emily's side. "Emily! Emily! What's wrong?!"

"Nonono!" Spencer yells out behind her slammed door.

"No! Stop!" Hanna screams echoes down the hallways of the bunker.

With the doors slamming shut behind Emily, she immediately jumps and turns around to see a hooded figure waiting in the far corner in her room. Emily heart jumps into her throat as she feels her throat tightening and legs weaken. Without another second, the figure charges towards the brunette.

"No, please don't do this!"

The intense fear in Emily's eyes causes Aubrey to get scared as she bends down to Emily's level. She cautiously puts her hand reassuringly on Emily unstable hands, "Emily-"

"NO!" Emily uses her left hand with her phone tightly gripping it to strike Aubrey's face with such force, causing her to twist her body to the side, giving Emily the opportunity to get away. Aubrey stumbling back holding her nose with both hands, Emily kicks out of the chair and quickly staggers backwards, hitting her back on the wall. "Why are you doing this?!" She shakenly yells out, unable to catch her breath as her legs weaken underneath her. Feeling her heart about to rip out of her chest, Emily slides down to the floor with her whole body trembling in distress.

Pulling her hand away, Aubrey looks down at her fingers and sees the fresh coat of blood soaking into her hands from the bloody nose she got from Emily's attack. Standing there blindsided trying to understand what just happened, Aubrey watches Emily sit on the floor startled with her chest heaving up and down. She sits there for a couple more seconds until she blinks a couple of times back into reality, looking around at the floor around her. Her eyes quickly drift upwards to see Aubrey about 10 feet away with a bloody nose.

"Wha…" She shakes her head, wondering why she's on the floor. Wondering why there's bloodshed. Wondering why Aubrey looks alarmed. "W-what happened?"

Not saying word, Aubrey stands there still in shock, staring down at Emily as the blood from her nose begins to leak down to her lips with a couple drips landing onto her hardwood floor.

Emily attempts to desperately scramble to her feet, "Aubrey what hap-"

"Nono!" Aubrey eyes widen, immediately stopping Emily with the extension of her bloody hand as she backs a few steps away.

Emily's face crumples into a rueful grimace as her body slinks back down to the floor. Trying to understand the strange phenomenon that has never happened to her before, Emily keeps her eyes trained on Aubrey as her mouthed worked on producing words. Only to no prevail with merely noises came out. However, the sight of the blood coming down Aubrey's nose and putting two and two together, Emily sits on the floor feeling the wave of regret and nausea knowing that she most likely caused the blunt trauma.

But how…?

W-why…?

"I-I-It's okay." Aubrey finally stammers out with a quivering breath, her eyes drifting down, leaving Emily gaze before she slowly walks over to her kitchen side. She gets to the sink and lifts up the faucet handle to the left for hot water. Leaving a bloody imprint of her fingers on things she touches, Aubrey grabs the dishwashing soap and begins to lather her hands. "It's okay…"

…

Making her family dinner like she intended to, Emily sat in silence for the majority of the dinner as she forked around with her food, eating some but leaving the rest. After what she just went through, the thought of chowing down her mother's special of spaghetti and meatballs wasn't the most thrilling. After everyone was beginning to wrap up dinner and turn it in for the night, Emily puts her plate in the fridge as her mother rinses off her plate.

"I'm going for a quick walk, if you don't mind…" Emily asks in more of a statement than a question.

"A walk right now?" Pam dries off her plate as she turns towards Emily, looking over her overall shrug demeanor, "It's pretty late to go venturing outside."

"I…I…" Emily runs her hands through her full dark brown hair, looking down at the ground rather at her mother, "I just need some fresh air. It's something that Dr. Sullivan recommended me to do whenever I feel….stuffed."

Putting her plate away and crossing her arms as she ponders, Mrs. Fields gives in fairly quickly to her daughter's feelings over her safety, "Okay. I'm only giving you 15 minutes. After that, I want you inside, do you understand?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"And only on this street, I don't want you any farther. Walk up and down if you have to but you're not leaving this area."

"Yes, Ma'am."

…

Walking out in the still night air, Emily deviates from her mother's orders and steps off the sidewalk onto a dirt path leading to the wooded area towards the back of her house. With so many things trapped in her mind, warping her at now full speed, she needed a place to get away.

Even if she only had 15 minutes to do so.

Even if those 15 minutes were consumed by nothing but flashbacks.

"Aubrey…" Emily slowly gets up from the floor, trying not to make any sudden, sharp movements, "did…did I do that to you?"

"…..You know…I don't get in many fights." Aubrey rips a paper towel sheet nearby and wets it to make it damp enough to wipe her nose and the blood on her mouth, "Only a few when I was younger. But never have I ever had someone hit me that hard." Aubrey lets out a nervous chuckle, trying to lighten the mood although she's still shaken up, "You-you have a mean right hook..."

"Aubrey, I am so sorry." Emily makes her way over to kitchen by the sink Aubrey stands at with deep regret and sorrow ruminating her voice, "I…I'm not a violent person." Emily hangs her head as she tries to find her words, "Y-y-you have to believe me. This….This-I-I don't know what came over me."

Turning off her sink facet, Aubrey throws away the bloody paper towel and throws it in the trash, ripping out another sheet and places it over her still leaking nose. "Emily, look at me." Aubrey insists causing Emily to raise her head in shame at the sight of Aubrey still bleeding. "It's okay. I'm okay." Aubrey gives an encouraging smile, "Lucky for you, I can take a hit." She laughs as she removes the paper from her nose, looking at the bloodshed. "See, it's not that bad. Now I have an actual excuse to get a Hollywood nose-job."

Seeing how calm Aubrey was after the incident relieved Emily just a little enough to give a faint smile at her attempt to cheer her up. However, she knows deep down inside, she probably just terrified her in a way she wished she hadn't.

"Ok!" Hanna throws her hands in the air, "Quit the bullshit, Emily. You're gonna tell me everything right now. You were standing patiently still while we were up there. Spencer mentions Alison and you tense up? You allow her inside and the next thing I know, I'm being dragged back here within that same second. You only drink when you're heartbroken. So, if Alison has you sneaking out and buying liquor off of creeps off the street, we're going to fucking talk about it."

Eyeing the living room table with a silver plate of four shot glasses, a small ice container and a glass of bourbon, Emily swiftly walks towards the beverage to get herself contented. "Absolute honesty?" Emily asks looking down as she twists the cap of the glass and pours herself a small amount of alcohol into her glass.

Watching Emily help herself, Alison furrows her eyebrows, "Since when did you become a drinker?"

"I've always been. Since you left, or I mean died, I've always had a thing for alcohol." Emily raises the glass at eye level as if she inspecting the drink, "Although, I do say my tastes have definitely matured over the years."

Emily uses her last bullet as a headshot, hitting the bandit square between the eyes. She continues to pull back the trigger, although it spits nothing out in return, she keeps squeezing.

Click

She keeps squeezing.

Click

Keeps squeezing.

Click

Squeezing.

Click. Click. Click. Click. Click.

"Tell me what's going on! I'm worried about you."

"Why is everyone so worried about me?!" Emily throws her hands up defensively as her voice rises. "Why can't I have time to myself without everyone on my dick?!"

"Because we fucking are!" Hanna returns the loud tone.

Emily breathes out with a low and demanding voice, "Get the fuck off my street."

"You don't own shit." Alison furs her brows in bewilderment at Emily's command. "This street, this sidewalk, none of it belongs to you." She steps in face to face with the visibly heated/hurt redhead, "I can walk anywhere I want, whenever I damn well please."

"FUCK YOU." Emily loses control as she shoves Alison out of her face, roaring loud enough to get her attention. Completely stunned, Alison staggers back at the force Emily used against her. "Fuck you!" Emily fails her arm at Alison's existence as the skin around her eyes drew tight in pent up aggression.

"Excuse me?"A deep crease appeared on Emily's forehead as she narrowed her eyes at Alison standing in front of her.

"You're fucking excused." Alison spits out with bitterness roughening her words, "Matter of fact, find the door and excuse yourself out of my damn house."

Spencer pushes on. "When was the last time you slept?"

"Last night." Emily crosses her arms as she narrows her eyes at Spencer.

"You're lying."

"How would you know?"

"Because I once had your face." Spencer leans forward towards Emily, "It looks like you're not only sleeping but not eating neither. Your face looks sunken and-"

Emily scrambles to grab her bag, books and rises to her feet, "Ok, I didn't come here to be interrogated by Inspector gadget and her trusty sidekicks." She annoyingly spits out.

Emily gasps herself out of her sleep drenched in sweat. Grabbing her chest as she tries to catch her breath, she frantically looks around her room, thrashing her sheets around.

BEEP...BEEP...BEEP!

Emily desperately tries to jump out of her bed but gets tangled within her sheets around her legs and falls hands first to the floor. "N-n-nonon-n-nonono…" She fearfully mumbles to herself as she overturns to her back, kicking the intertwined sheets off her. She hurriedly slides backwards on her back before she changes to a stomach crawl as the piercing beeping sounds become louder and louder. She scuttles up to her window and wildly pulls apart her curtains just to see a work truck on her street beeping as the workers operate on some kind of minor construction. Taking a few moments to realize her reality, Emily's breathing becomes less shallow and a bit more orderly as she incessantly blinks at the sudden amount of sunlight. She pulls the curtains back together and places her hands on her face as she continues to get her breathing under control.

Wayne glances over at Emily and catches her eyes, "Sometimes the feeling of wanting someone comes and you feel completely helpless. And….it's okay to go through those feelings. But the moment you let those feelings become you, that's when it's not okay."

With her heart breaking inside from hearing such words from her daughter, Pam walks over to Emily and places her hand in her hair, gently rubbing as Emily buries her face into the counter. "I understand, Em. I just wish you would talk to us. Anything you need help with we can help. I don't want you doing anything reckless to endanger yourself."

"Oh-Hi!" The guy quickly greets Emily out of surprise. He offers his hand out for a handshake, "Miley, right?"

"Yeah," Emily nods as she returns the firm handshake.

"Good, good." He wipes his hands on his pants as he grabs the small case out of his lap, "I don't have a lot of time because I'm on break but here is everything I listed on the ad." He discreetly unzips the black casing and turns it to face Emily as he points to all of its amenities, "Sig Sauer P238 Nitron .380 ACP with two standard mags, 20 Sig Sauer Elite Performance Self Defense Rounds, 100 95 gr Remington UMC target rounds aaaaand…" He unzips another compartment of the case, "a Crossbreed style hybrid IWB holster."

Completely amused, Emily blurts out a laugh as Dr. Sullivan smirks to herself. "Yeah." Emily nods her head with laughter still sounding, "That's exactly it. That's who I put all my aggression on."

You feel so fucking good, Alison…" Emily voice drops to a husk, dripping in hunger with every word that escapes her mouth.

Moving from on top to the side of her, Emily pulls Alison as close as she can, draping her right leg over Alison's body. As they deepen the kiss, letting their tongues slide together in unison, Emily runs her hands up to Alison's hair, gripping at the roots.

"So you admit that you have ill feelings?" Dr. Sullivan asks in the midst of Emily's sarcasm.

Starting off slow, Emily nuzzles her face into Alison's neck as she moves her left hand from the blonde's neck to her leg, running her fingers up and down to induce shivers flowing up Alison's spine. Without warning, Emily lifts up Alison's left leg at the back of her knee, getting a good angle with her building stroke speed.

"Towards Spencer?" Emily's laughter begins to die down as she leans comfortably to the side, "Yeah. Totally."

With Emily on top, pushing into her with Alison's legs still wrapped around her, Emily's hands frantically roams Alison's warm to the touch skin, caressing her sides and hips until she glides her way to Alison's thighs. She felt out of control. Out of control of controlling her temptations but very much of controlling how she wants Alison at that exact moment.

"Towards Alison DiLaurents."

"Don't call me anymore, don't come by for unexpected visits..." Not wanting to hear what Emily has to say, Alison walks out of the living to the direction of the front door, unlocks it and holds it open for Emily. "Just leave."

"Are you fucking serious?" Emily rises up from the couch, beginning to approach the blonde.

"I am fucking serious. If you can't see the problem with this then you need to realize that you are the problem and that you need to leave. I already have enough issues on my plate, I don't need another one."

Making two black vertical lines between her eyes, Emily stands to Alison, looking down upon her.

"Go." Alison impatiently extends her hand out the door, motioning Emily to her vehicle. "Get out and go find some help because you trying to dump your world of problems on me isn't happening."

Hearing the sound of a snapped piece of wood behind her instantly pulls Emily out of her recollections. Immediately turning around, Emily's eyes frantically dart around her surroundings, trying to make out any silhouette of a human figure. Completely frozen in the darkness of the night, Emily strains her eyes as she slowly slides her hand to the side of her hip, feeling the metal she brought along with her just in case.

Show yourself, Charles.

I dare you.

Hearing a round of footsteps over crunchy leaves, twigs, and other wood floor substances, Emily heart races as she rapidly reaches into her hip, pulls out her gun, takes off the safety, and aims at a direction in front of her, finger on the trigger. Ready to pull.

Stepping into her line of sight, the mysterious person on the receiving end unnoticeably walks right into Emily's path and instantly gasps, putting their hands up.

"…..Em…Emily?!"

Emily sighs out a long breath as she lowers her gun, her entire body shaking at the thought of her about to shoot someone. "Alison…" She huffs out as she bends over, putting her hands on her knees, "What the hell are you doing out here?"

"What the hell?!" Alison surrenders as she walks towards the shaken up brunette with an upset hushed voice. "You….you were about to shoot me?! When did you get a gun?!"

Emily straightens up, taking deep breathes to calm her erratic heartbeat, "It's for protection. I..." She pushes the safety lock on the gun, lifts up the end of her white tee and slides the weapon into the hostel on her hip. "I thought you were Charles."

"So that's your game plan, huh?" Alison flicks her hand at Emily's hip at the indication of her gun, "Walk around trigger happy, ready to murder a person in cold blood?"

"Can you please just stop?!" Emily voice breaks as she raises her trembling hand to her hair, running through it as she looked around to make sure they were the only two in the woods, "I-I-I almost had to use that thing and-and I would appreciate it if y-you didn't...you didn't grill me right now. I'm having the worst fucking night, okay?"

"Where did you get it?" Alison narrows her eyes with her interrogation, insensitive to Emily's heightened anxiety.

"Just…don't..." Emily swallows down hard, catching her labored breathes, "Don't tell anyone about this. Please." The brunette replies with more of a command than a plea.

"Don't worry. Your precious little secret won't get to your parents or the cops because honestly...I don't care what you do." Alison mocks as she makes her way past Emily onto her own set path. Sighing out a shaky sigh, Emily checks her phone to see that she's about to go over the time limit her mother had set for her if she doesn't start walking back right now. Without looking back at Alison, Emily starts walking in the direction of her house.

"You know what Spencer told me?" Alison turns around causing her sudden call out to make Emily stop in her steps, "After our SOS meeting when you took off?"

"Alison..." Emily huffs out with a tired tone.

"Do you know what she told me?" The amount of demand coming from Alison makes Emily give up, bracing for whatever Alison is about to relinquish out at her.

"What did she tell you?" Emily defeatedly asks.

Alison takes a slow step in her direction as she tries to find calmness in her words, "She told me that she's proud of me. With everything I've been through, she's the first person to tell me how strong I am and how proud she is of me." Alison shakes her head as she takes another step towards Emily, "That's something I haven't heard from anyone since I've been back. Not including Dr. Sullivan because being paid about $200 every session, you'll say just about anything to boost your patient's morale. But that's what she told me. Spencer!" Alison lets out a chuckle of disbelief as she raises her arms, "Of all people, Spencer. Even with all the shit we've been through with one another, she spoke on my behalf. And what about your favorite Rosewood member, Lorenzo? Yeah, he's said some things too."

Emily pinches her eyebrows together at Alison's last words as she starts not liking what direction it's going and chooses to end it before it starts. "I-"

"He told me that he worries about me whenever he has to leave my side. That he prays every night that he doesn't get a call from the precinct at 3am that I went missing and that he has to go out looking for me." Alison bites her bottom lip as she peers deep into Emily's eyes out of frustration, "You know what Spencer and Lorenzo have in common? Their words?" Alison leans into Emily's space, "They weren't your words. You know what your words are to me? Hmm! Let me think!" Alison taps her lips with her finger as she tilts her head up to the night sky, pondering. "Oh, I got it! Fuck you, Alison! You are the sole reason all of my life has gone to shit!" Alison recalls making Emily cross her arms uncomfortably. Being in the moment, saying things to someone, you don't realize how you sound until someone repeats it to you. "Yeah, that's what comes out of your mouth when you speak to me. See the difference? And because of that right there -Exactly right there- is why I cut you off. And I hate you for that." Alison tightens her hands into fists beside her as she shook her head, "I hate you for making me do that. You bitch and moan about how you want a relationship but your words cut deeper than any text from A."

With the final knockout punch, Emily feels winded with Alison's last words. She clenches her teeth as she upheld eye contact with the blonde, wanting desperately to pull away but couldn't.

"I felt like you should know since I decided that I never want to see you again." Alison softly remarks, staring at Emily before she begins to walk away back onto the path she was walking on prior. Prior to fully disappearing, Alison turns around once more and gives her last remarks. "What colleges have you been accepted to?"

Confused at the change up on conversation, Emily weakly responds, "Wha-why does that matter?"

"What colleges?"

"A few of them: Berkeley, Stanford, Texas A&M…" Emily lists off a couple colleges on her plate.

"Do yourself a favor and take the farthest one away from here." Emily stands her ground speechless. She parts her lips to say something but ends up saying nothing out of shame. Alison looks over her one last time before she turns back around and walks out of Emily's sight for good, leaving her with more issues than she left the house with.

So much for clearing my head.