Not Alone

As it turned out, Fíli wasn't out of drinking buddies. Dwalin was waiting for him in front of his room with a dark glare.

Fíli let him in. Dwalin stalked in and immediately picked out a bottle and filled a glass.

"What is this crap?" he growled after tasting the drink.

"That's for enemies," Fíli commented, pulling out a bottle of Best Friend from under his desk. "This is for friends!"

Dwalin liked it better.

"Is she alright?" he asked finally.

"She will be, I guess. Amad is with her. She will bring news later." He sat down with an exasperated sigh. "What am I to do with them?"

"Kill them."

For Dwalin, this was not a question. For him, it was easy to decide: wrongdoing deserves punishment. Death is the cleanest punishment. They chose to be criminals, they brought it upon themselves.

Fíli tended to agree with him on these matters: he didn't like to overcomplicate things either. On the other hand, he had learnt the different aspects of decision-making from different people. Thorin and Balin always chided him for being hasty and suggested more caution and less impulse. Their lectures were useful, but still, Fíli learnt the most from Dwalin during that year on the road. Fíli left his home with a broken heart and strong, ambivalent feelings that didn't make much sense back then. At first, he made foolish mistakes, but soon, he had to face the reality where actions always had consequences.

He had to learn to clear his head and keep his priorities straight. Act, instead of talk.

"We're not on the road anymore," Fíli argued.

"So?"

"So we can't just kill them."

"We should've killed them out there," Dwalin stated, and kicked a chair in his frustration.

Fíli was fiddling with his own half-empty glass, pondering if he can voice his own opinion.

Perhaps we should've killed them and make it look like an accident. Perhaps we should've killed them and leave them there to rot and be eaten by orcs. Perhaps we should've just simply killed them, and not care about the consequences.

Dwalin looked at him with his darkest glare, but Fíli wouldn't look away.

"Perhaps," he said.

This silenced Dwalin.

Fíli raised his eyebrows, daring him to say something. Dwalin's beard started shaking, hiding his amusement. Fíli allowed a smile spread on his lips too. They developed an easy camaraderie back then, and they had no trouble finding it again now in a similar situation, when all they could count on was each other.

"We're not on the road anymore, Dwalin," he said slowly, trying to cover his mirth with a warning tone.

Dwalin snorted. "It's hard to tell! You're still the same, annoying, whiny whelp, you know!"

They couldn't hold back their laughter anymore.

Sometimes they looked up at each other, trying to breathe, but their attempts at forming words resulted in laughter with renewed force. They weren't really laughing at specific jokes or stories; it was a laughter born of anger and hopelessness, a laughter to wash the tension out of their bodies and to neutralize the cruelty of what they'd seen.

They couldn't stop it even if they wanted to.

...they didn't want to. Others may say that such cheerfulness was quite inappropriate in the light of the day's events, but they weren't gloating, and they had no malicious intention.

No, they were simply two tired dwarves facing the hard truth that there were bad people out in the world and they could do little against them. Even so, those people weren't even necessarily evil in their intention – Raya's parents acted out of misguided worry, Fíli suspected.

No, there was no other way to release this tension.

"What's going on here?!"

An outraged Dís stood in the open doorway. They tried to calm down, but they couldn't do it fast enough. She strode into the room, and both dwarves got a sobering smack on the head.

"What in Mahal's name are you laughing at after such a disastrous day?!" She stood in front of them, her arms crossed on her chest. "Even you two, too! Don't I have enough trouble without you two grating on my nerves?!"

Her scolding had an immediate effect, as both dwarves were standing now, trying to placate the dwarrowdam.

"Amad, it's not like that. We were just mentioning…" Fíli glanced at Dwalin for help, but he only shrugged. They weren't exactly mentioning anything. "We were just… Remember when I went away with Dwalin?"

"Of course I remember!" Dís answered.

"What happens on the road, stays on the road!" Dwalin interrupted, rudely elbowing Fíli in the ribs to prevent him from telling anything indecent. Of course, Fíli knew that by himself, but Dwalin's comment silenced Dís too.

"Alright, I don't want to know!" she backed off. She had her own journey she'd never talked about.

Fíli shrugged. "How is Raya?"

"Sleeping. She's going to heal eventually, but her injuries are extensive. We have to take measures to make sure this won't happen again."

"Of course, Amad," Fíli said reassuringly.

"We could have foreseen this," she said, burying her face in her hands, trying to hide her tears. Both dwarves knew how rarely she allowed herself to cry; Fíli moved immediately to comfort her, which only made her sob harder. Seeing Raya so broken shook her deeply. She'd seen her own sons beaten up a good couple of times during the years, but at least they were able to defend themselves, and Dís could always be sure that "the other guy looked worse". Raya was totally unprotected from this kind of danger.

"We have to do something," she said on a calmer voice, but still sniffing.

"We can't do much, Amad," Fíli said. "I'm sorry."

They waited until she regained her composure.

"I should go and speak to the dwarrowdams; Vera promised to call off the party and gather them together. What can I say to them?" she asked Fíli on a small voice.

"I'm going with you. I need to clear up a few things," Fíli said, and glared at Dwalin, who tried to sneak away behind Dís' back. "You're coming too!"

"Why would I go there?" he asked, with thinly veiled anxiety.

"To support whatever I say, obviously! And as far as I remember, you used to enjoy your hero-status, didn't you?"

Dwalin awkwardly massaged his neck, and made an even more awkward excuse about being tired. Something weird was going on with him, and it made Fíli curious.

Naturally, the dwarrowdams knew something was amiss. They had to know: Vera called off the party citing fatigue after the Dale excursion, but clearly, the 'dams didn't buy it. They too must have noticed Raya missing.

Fíli fidgeted in the corner. He wasn't wearing his crown, not even his usual regal clothes. He was still dressed for the search, blood smeared on his trousers and his hair dulled by dirt. He had a fleeting thought that he would like to have the Cartographer here too – at least she was a dwarrowdam, she must be better at talking to dwarrowdams, especially about such delicate matters! He realized with shame that he didn't even ask her name.

Dís was talking to Vera on a hushed voice, before clapping her hands to gain their attention. Dwalin seemed to shrink next to Fíli. Weren't he under the scrutiny of several dozens of nervous dwarrowdams, he would surely tease him, but now, he had to step forward and tell them something to ease their worries.

Amad quickly told them how Raya went missing, but his turn came entirely too soon.

"I apologize," he began, praying to Mahal for his voice wouldn't tremble. "It shouldn't have happened in the first place, and if you're worried, your worries are not misplaced. These incidents can happen, and I can't promise you a safer environment or even more guards."

There was unhappy grumbling, but Vera shushed them.

"I can only promise you that if something like this happens ever again, I will do everything to make it right. I can't erase the memories from Raya's mind, but I'm not going to lock her under the mountain for her safety. Erebor is not that kind of place. You are free dwarves, not prisoners. The only thing I can guarantee is your freedom and independence; use it well, use it wisely, and do not fear. I'm offering it to Raya and to all of you. You came here to build a new life, find a new home, and I want to give you that, to all of you. And I can, too."

Fíli heard hushed voices again, but this time, Vera didn't react. He looked over the group, trying to find the most displeased faces – to his surprise, there weren't many.

"As you now live in Erebor, you all belong to me, and I don't take kindly to those who try to hurt what's mine. I went after Raya, and I would do the same for every single inhabitant of Erebor."

Now that he made it clear, he felt a little unsure how to broach his next subject. He remembered the awkward lunch with Kíli, Kasia and their friends. He should've gotten to know them, and his avoidance must have caused an upset. Sigrid's words from the morning echoed in his mind.

"I know that between the walls of the…" he tried hard not to flinch at the words: "Courting Hall, I'm supposed to be a regular dwarf, someone you can be friendly or angry with, but do not, for a moment, forget that I am more. I am your King, and I'm reminding you, because this means I'm responsible for every single one of you. If anything of… of such grievous nature… or even the possibility occurs to you, you can come straight to me, and I will listen regardless of what happens within the boundaries of the Spring Tour. You are under my protection in this Mountain, and I'm not the sort of person to deny help out of malice or for a perceived slight."

Fíli hoped they believed him, and felt relief and surprise at the same time, when he heard murmurs of agreement. He awaited at least a little bit of an uproar, but everyone seemed so… deferential.

"Lady Vera and Lady Dís will bring you news about Raya and the upcoming trial of her attackers. I bid you a good night."

He quickly exited the room.

He knew he could stay and soothe their nerves, answer a few questions and just generally be pleasant, but honestly, he wanted to leave this part to others. Amad had a natural talent with these things, and even Dwalin, too, who always listened patiently to women's woes – Fíli saw from the corner of his eyes that a dwarrowdam already attached herself to his arm. Typical.

No, Fíli wasn't the one who whispered the pretty words into their ears. He told them the hard truth of what he would and couldn't give. He provided for them and did everything in his power to keep them safe.

He caught Nori lurking nearby, and rewarded his eavesdropping with a glare, which he returned. He would deal with him one day, but really, who was he to judge over a secret affair?

Tonight, he wanted to miss Flor as he always did, but thinking of her made him realize how far he would go if something like this happened to her. Today, he had to face how much responsibility truly laid on his shoulders, and seeing it wasn't pretty. He didn't want to imagine Flor in Raya's position, and he didn't want to imagine himself then.

He wasn't sure Flor would be able to support him now. He'd just declared himself to grant home and assistance to thirty-or-so dwarrowdams – Flor only ever wanted him to ensure their own happiness. He wouldn't be able to focus solely on themselves now; maybe she'd already known it and that's why she'd left, to make it easier for him.

Fíli half-wished he could go back in time and give his all to her, but he also knew that he was just being a whiny whelp as Dwalin said. Focusing on her took up so much of his time, despite the fact that she wasn't here, that she left him more than fifteen years ago.

However, the Spring Travelers were here, just like his family, his cousins, his friends, and a lot of dwarves with their kin – all counting on him. He can't chase silly fantasies of the past anymore.

It was time to face reality and grow up.

THE END

A/N: ...and not the end.

Though Fíli made his peace with this new arrangement, there's a lot of question still, I know. Where did Kíli go and what he'll find? What happens with Raya and her parents? Will anyone get married? Will Fíli truly get over his heartbreak? Will he find love eventually?

You can find answers in the sequel: King of Erebor - Justice, which is coming tomorrow! (See, Emrfangirl? Thanks for the review! And leaving out her name for now is intentional - Fíli simply forgot to ask.)

So, before you go over there, can you drop me a few words in the box below? Tell me what you did or didn't like. That would make me very happy.

Thanks for reading!

SV