A/N- I'm really not too pleased with this chapter. It's mostly just filler. Nothing much changes with Rage (with one notable exception that I'm sure you'll pick up on by the end), because it's not an episode tied in to the intimate structure of the season as a whole. Therefore I'm left just covering rewrites of scenes we've already seen, a lot of retained dialogue, but only a little that's interesting. It feels forced. If I had a beta maybe I wouldn't have this problem, but what can I say? Fifteen years of my mother trying to edit my sentence structure without my permission (and without any legitimate cause, I might add) has made me a little gun-shy when it comes to anyone touching my work once it's written.
I guess part of the reason I'm so sketchy on this chapter is that even though we're making progress, we haven't entirely left the past behind, and even if we had, there are still some birthing pains to suffer, and that's really what this chapter is about. Also a lot of it was written at four a.m. after consuming twelve cups of coffee, so... sorry? Expect a run-on or two. But then again, I always did have a Dickensian tendency to cram as many words into a sentence as I possibly could. MODIFIERS ARE NECESSARY, DAMMIT!
10. Treadmills or Progress?
"And it's the same sad love song,
And then it's all right, all wrong,
And then we're too weak, too strong,
To cut the cord."
-Charlotte Martin
A week and a half flew by before Clark even realized it. It had been a busy time, what with getting Raya settled. Not wanting to impose upon himself and his mother much longer, but also not interested in being too far away from Clark, she had decided to begin the search for an apartment somewhere in Lowell County. The going was slow, especially as she hadn't yet figured out how to best apply her variety of talents in the form of gainful employment, and no landlord wanted to sign over an apartment to an unemployed single woman.
The process of establishing Raya as a bona fide Earthling was somewhat hampered by the fact that she'd done some pretty extensive traveling, sometimes accompanied by Clark and sometimes alone. She'd been taking advantage of her flight and super-speed to see a lot more of her new adopted world. Ostensibly she was just enjoying herself and exploring, but based on the locations she was frequenting, Clark had suspected she was trying to track down more Zoners. When he confronted her about it, she didn't deny it. He'd tried to protest that that was supposed to be his job, as he was the one who'd let them escape in the first place, but she'd brushed that aside. The way she saw it, she was as responsible for the release of the prisoners as he was, and with her greater knowledge of their powers and access to the flight that still eluded him, she was better equipped to face them. Clark hadn't been able to argue with her logic, but after that he still insisted on accompanying her every time she left the state.
Quite aside from the ongoing quest to stop Zoners, however, Raya was also reveling in getting to know her new home better. Watching her watch the world gave Clark a new appreciation for just how lucky he was to have grown up on Earth. His newfound appreciation for Krypton notwithstanding, he loved his adopted world, and watching Raya become acquainted with both its natural and cultural wonders was a reminder of why.
His mother had welcomed this newcomer into their home with all the grace one might have expected of Martha Kent. At first Raya had been a little wary of her. Clark wasn't sure why, but he suspected it had something to do with having been so close with his biological parents that she felt unsure of his adoptive ones. Regardless of the cause, his mom's warmth and customary open attitude had won Raya over extremely quickly. He was sure that before long, Raya would be as much a part of the family as Lois and Chloe.
As for Clark himself... well, he wasn't actually sure how he was doing. He went about his his daily life, but ever since that enchanted afternoon in the Andes, it seemed as though he was wandering around in a daze. He didn't feel like talking to Chloe, or putting any effort into nurturing his budding friendships with Jimmy or Oliver, or... anything, really. Even his love for Lana, even the ache he constantly felt at knowing she was sharing her bed with a man Clark knew to be evil or well on his way to it, had faded into the background of his thoughts. It somehow didn't feel right to sit and stew over a lost love when he finally understood just how much he really had lost? The revelation upon revelation that Raya had heaped on him had put him somehow out of sync with the rest of the world and he didn't know quite how to get back to the reality of his life. His chores were completed with all the enthusiasm of an automaton, but his head and his heart were all wrapped up in a home long gone and a family long dead.
He hated it. The bittersweet feeling of truly belonging to Krypton in a way he hadn't before was suffocating him. He had always feared that if he truly embraced his Kryptonian heritage he would lose his humanity somehow, and it looked as though that just might be coming true. Rather than meeting Chloe for coffee when she returned from a shift at the Planet, over the past week and a half he found himself instead running up north to the newly restored Fortress. He wasn't there to start his training, not yet, but he spent hours wandering the immense halls of the crystal structure. He ignored Jor-El.
Fumblingly, he managed to navigate the mainframe with his limited knowledge of Kryptonian technology; he discovered holographic images of members of the House of El which he projected through the columns. The hours spent in the Fortress were mostly wiled away on gazing at these pictures, memorizing the faces of the family he would never know. His aunt Zara who, but for the lack of laugh lines around her eyes, was the spitting image of his mother, her twin. The austere and dark-eyed Zor-El. Most fascinating to him was the cousin Raya had spoken of: Kara. She had been pretty, with a tangle of wild blonde curls and huge blue eyes and an impish smile. He wondered if she would have been like an older sister to him had she lived, the way Lois was to Chloe. He liked to think she would have been. Even as a static image she seemed to exude bright energy, and he felt certain that they would have been as close as cousins could be.
His behavior was probably not healthy, and he knew it, but he couldn't help it. For the first time, he was truly beginning to comprehend what it was he had lost, and he needed time to assimilate that, intellectually and emotionally. He needed to grieve. That was a process he ought to have been familiar with by now, but how did you grieve for people you'd never even met? And so he went through life as if in a dream. He worked hard to make his interactions with people as normal as possible, but he was distracted all the same. He felt as if he were watching his life from the outside. Chloe and his mother had surely guessed that something was wrong, but they didn't press him. As for Raya, she made it obvious that she understood just what he was wrestling with, and left him to sort it out on his own. He suspected it was a tactic she had employed over the years with his father, and that knowledge didn't help any.
Clark had just returned from yet another trip to the Fortress and was preparing to start the afternoon chores when he heard the laughing voices. His mother and Raya entered the kitchen, both carrying bulging grocery sacks. Force of habit compelled Clark to rush to his mother's side and take the bags from her hands and placing them on the counter. A quick peek inside the bags revealed them to be full of all the trappings of a Thanksgiving feast. A large Thanksgiving feast.
"You've got enough food here to feed a small army!" he remarked.
"I thought it'd be a good idea to invite a few people over for Thanksgiving this year," his mother said.
"Actually, I was hoping we could keep it low-key," Clark protested. "I'm not feeling all that thankful this year."
Martha's expression sagged a little in sympathy. "I know it's been a hard year for you, with your dad gone and everything that's happened with Lex and Lana, but maybe company will help."
Raya's expression grew ever so faintly distressed. "Besides," she piped up. "I think I'd very much enjoy it. I would like to meet the friends you've told me about, Kal-El."
Seeing he was outmatched, he choked back the observation that this had been his dad's holiday and simply nodded. It would make both his mother and Raya happy, and he just didn't have the energy to protest.
Raya smiled at his acquiescence. "I'm going to take these things upstairs," she said, lifting a pair of bags from the outlet mall in Topeka. "Martha has been giving me a thorough instruction in Earth fashion."
With a whoosh, she disappeared upstairs, and not a moment too soon because only seconds after she vanished from sight, footsteps could be heard on the back porch and Lois appeared in the doorway. Clark's eyes were immediately drawn to her. He hadn't seen her since rescuing her and Oliver from Baern, as she had been tied up in his mother's Topeka office for almost all the intervening time.
"Hey," she said glumly. "So you can scratch Oliver's name off the Thanksgiving guest list, or any other guest list, for that matter. I'm solo."
Clark stared at her. Something had stirred in him at the implications of Lois's statement, and he wasn't totally sure what. He had never really been sure how he was supposed to feel about Lois's relationship with the billionaire-cum-vigilante (not that she knew about that last part), but his instinctive pleased reaction to hearing that it was over clued him in. He didn't dislike Oliver- in fact, he was pretty sure they could call each other friends- but Clark didn't feel that he was right for Lois. He couldn't explain why, because on paper the two of them were perfect for each other. There was just something about it that didn't sit well with Clark.
"Well, that's too bad," Martha said sympathetically. "What happened?"
"Last night he pulled another one of his trademark disappearing acts- smack in the middle of a date."
"Well, I'm sorry, Lois," Martha replied.
"Oh, don't be! I mean, who's kidding who here? We had no future. He's a world renowned billionaire, and I am a nail-biting, talon-dwelling freelance reporter." Her tone was meant to be lighthearted, but Clark was almost positive that it was yet another example of Lois's infamous emotional deflector shield. Well, she could pretend all she wanted to, but he could see that she wasn't fine.
"Lois, I'm sure you'll find someone who's better suited for you," he hurried to assure her.
"Yeah, I know, I know. Life goes on," she said with a roll of her eyes. "At least for some people. Have you heard the news? The Green Arrow was shot last night. It's in today's Planet. A man found him bleeding and ran for help, but when the cops finally got there, all that was left was a bloodstain."
That was news to Clark, but it definitely explained Oliver's disappearance. He made a mental note to go to his friend's apartment as quickly as he could get away to check on Oliver. "Where did this happen?"
Lois shrugged. "I dunno, about five or six blocks from Olli- Oliver's apartment? A witness said it was a carjacking gone wrong."
Clark hadn't missed her slip with her erstwhile paramour's nickname, but elected not to bring it up. "A carjacking in that part of town?" he asked by way of deflection. "Seems like a pretty upscale neighborhood for that."
"Oh don't tell me you're that naive, Smallville," she said.
"What do you mean by that?" he shot back.
"Please, with the way the numbers have been changing in the last few years- not to mention the number of meteor-infected psychos running around- Metropolis has the highest crime rate in the country! Well, except for Gotham, but that goes without saying. At this point, there isn't really anyplace in town that's safe after nightfall."
It was an uncomfortable thought to realize that Oliver was very right in one respect. Clark had always used his powers to protect his friends, his family, the people of Smallville, and on a sparse handful of occasions, even the world. But practically in his backyard there was a whole city, eaten alive by crime and corruption, and although he'd stopped trouble when it showed up at his door, he could do more with his gifts. It was what his dad would have wanted. It was what Lara would have wanted.
"I didn't know it was so bad," he remarked, trying to conceal just how much her relatively offhand comment had affected him.
Lois shrugged. "It's gotten worse since Dark Thursday, not that that's surprising, with the rebuilding still going on."
Clark nodded, guilt now added to the potent mixture of emotions he was being assuaged by. So much for the strange stretch of emotional detachment he'd been suffering from the last week and a half!
"What I want to know is, what's Green Arrow doing tangled up in a carjacking?" she added. "Last I checked, he was a vigilante with a Robin Hood complex, not the savior of Metropolis."
"Maybe you misjudged him," Clark suggested. "It wouldn't be the first time."
Lois gave him a look that made him almost regret antagonizing her when she was in an emotionally delicate state- well, as emotionally delicate as Lois was likely to get. "And what is that supposed to mean, exactly?" she asked in an exceptionally prickly tone.
If it had been anyone else, Clark would have been backpedaling like crazy in a desperate attempt not to hurt anybody's feelings. But this wasn't anyone else. This was Lois. Besides, he was actually enjoying the immediacy of their verbal sparring. He might be able to get away with getting lost in thoughts of Krypton while running the farm or making small talk with other Smallville citizens, but with Lois, he had to be right on top of things or she would have the upper hand before he knew what hit him. It was very grounding, and for the first time in awhile, Clark felt solid and real and normal.
"Oh, you mean you hadn't noticed your tendency to jump to conclusions about people?" he pointed out, wearing a smug smirk in the face of her glare.
She rolled her eyes. "Don't start with me, Smallville," she fired back. "I'm the one who figured out Green Arrow was actually doing some good in the world, aren't I? He might want to help, but he's still a criminal! Even if he's well-intentioned, he's no Kal-El."
And just like that, Clark was utterly out of his depth. Skirting the edges of his friend's secret identity was one thing. And a month ago, discussing his Kryptonian identity hadn't seemed too dangerous, as long as he was careful. But Raya's account had changed things. He no longer had the luxury of putting emotional distance between Kal-El and Clark Kent.
Finding himself eager to extract himself from the suddenly stifling atmosphere in the kitchen in favor of going to see what he could discover about Oliver's misadventure from the previous night, Clark cast around for a way to escape. He shot his mother a desperate look, but she merely looked amused.
"I, um... I should get going," he said abruptly. "I have to pick something up from the hardware store."
Without waiting for a reply from either woman, he made a beeline for the door and headed out into the yard.
In the kitchen, Lois glanced at Martha, her eyebrows raised in utter bafflement. "Was it something I said?" she asked in confusion.
Martha just shrugged, trying to hide her grin.
Clark intended to switch into super-speed as soon as he was sure of being out of Lois's sight. Before he could switch over, however, a whispered voice sang out his Kryptonian name. He glanced up and spotted Raya leaning out one of the second floor windows.
She tipped forward and fell gracefully, completing an aerobatic flip in slow motion before she touched down on the ground. Clark felt a smile tug at the corners of his lips; someone was enjoying her powers.
"Who was that?" she asked upon landing.
"You were listening?"
She shrugged. "Your friend has a loud voice. I admit was curious."
Clark grinned. Loud was definitely the right word. "That's Lois."
"The one you mentioned when we were searching for Baern? The warrior girl?" Raya asked.
He nodded. "Lois's father is a general, yeah," he confirmed.
She smiled. "She certainly has the manner of someone with a military heritage. And-" she added in an apparent non-sequitur, "I haven't heard you sound that animated in over a week."
"What do you mean?"
"Nothing at all," she replied with a knowing look that suggested exactly the opposite.
Clark fervently wished he didn't know exactly what she was talking about. The truth of the matter was that he did know. And her description of how his parents' relationship had begun was running in circles in his head and he really didn't like the implications of that. Just because Lois tended to have an... an effect on him, just because Lara and Jor-El used to argue the way they did, that didn't have to mean anything. Sometimes a friend was just a friend, and sometimes verbal sparring was just a symptom of chemistry, and friends could have chemistry without it meaning... stuff.
"Listen, I've gotta run to Metropolis to check on a friend who may have been hurt," Clark told her, deciding to put Raya's subtle but disturbing implications about Lois aside for the time being. "Would you like to come with me and explore the city a little?"
She nodded. "I'd love to. Lead the way."
Within moments, they were just two colorful blurs streaking their way across the Great Plains.
The next afternoon, Lois was sitting in the Talon apartment, up to her ears in both roses and paper. The first was because Oliver had decided that the best way to apologize for his vanishing act was to buy out the Smallville florist shop. The second had a much more practical purpose.
Ever since her encounter with Kal-El at the nuclear plant almost two weeks ago, Lois had been even more determined than before to learn everything she could about the obscure protector from Krypton, even find him if she could. The long hours Mrs. Kent's current political efforts had lately required her to put in at the office in Topeka (not to mention her continuing forays into journalism, all which could be found gracing the pages of the Planet) had prevented her from doing much work on her personal pet project. However, the state senate had taken a week-long recess around Thanksgiving, leaving Lois free to continue her research.
Lois had been fascinated by the mystery that Kal-El presented, but in a split second that had changed. Prior to the moment she opened her eyes thinking she was about to see some pearly gates and instead found herself facing the back of the tall man who had thrown herself between her and certain death, he had been an investigation, albeit a fascinating one. Now, however, he had become more than an abstract concept and a distant hero to be admired. Now he was a living man, whose hand she had touched and whose pulse she had felt jump beneath her fingertips. He wasn't just a silent protector, he was her hero. And that made her all the more determined to find him.
On a hunch, she had pulled county records about the recovered debris in the aftermath of the first meteor shower. It seemed unlikely that a spaceship would have been reported in public records- assuming that anyone had even found Kal-El's ship that day- but you never knew what might turn up. She was currently scanning the lists of random detritus item-by-item, hoping for anything that might give her a fresh clue in her investigation.
She was interrupted by a knock at her door. "Come in," she called out.
To be honest, she had kind of been expecting Oliver. It wouldn't be surprising if he decided to follow up the floral carpet-bombing with a personal apology. She was surprised, therefore, when a very different young man entered.
"Wow," Clark said, eyebrows burying themselves in his hairline at the sight of Oliver's tribute to 'I'm sorry.' "Since when did you turn the apartment into a florist shop?"
"They're from Oliver," she said tiredly, studying a vase of calla lilies that graced an end table.
Clark's expression turned unexpectedly stormy. "Wait a second. The guy smothers you with flowers, and you forget everything he's done?" he asked.
Lois rolled her eyes, actively offended. She wasn't the kind of girl who fell at the feet of a guy all over, just because he'd promised it would never happen again, and frankly she was surprised that Clark would think it of her. "Please. I'm not that gullible. The whole botanical overkill is just a lame attempt to beg forgiveness."
Clark informed her, to her unending horror, that he had gone to Oliver on her behalf in an attempt to "look out for her," and when he informed her of the syringes he had found in the penthouse, a lot of puzzle pieces clicked into place. The heart she had resolved to harden against her currently-undefined leading man was suddenly much more receptive to the sentiment behind the huge bouquets he had sent to her.
She exchanged some kind of verbal daggers with Clark (to be honest, she wasn't really sure what she said, too busy chastising herself for her insensitivity toward what Oliver had been going through) and hurried out the door, just barely remembering to grab her phone as she went.
The Daily Planet basement was a hive of activity, as it had been every single time Lana had met Chloe there. Lana wasn't the type of person to be intimidated by a crowd, but she would never understand how her friends could work in this kind of atmosphere. Well, maybe she could see how Lois would thrive here, but she had always been surprised that Chloe, who so valued her privacy (or perhaps it was secrecy), could stand to work in such a crowded environment.
As she descended the stairs, she reflected that it was a huge relief to be able to go down stairs again at all. Dr. Bethany had finally given her the go-ahead on abandoning the wheelchair, and though she still wore a heavy wrapping of bandages around her torso to reinforce her healing ribs, it was just nice to be able to stand on her own two feet again.
The distraction brought on by relief, however, was not enough to prevent her from hearing a familiar voice say, "Are you trying to get rid of me?"
Chloe responded with an extremely false-sounding, "No! Why would I want to do that?" just as she rounded the corner.
Clark and Chloe stood by the elevators.
"Lana," he said in that same pained-yet-warm tone he always had, wearing a familiar stunned expression at the sight of her. It was almost enough to make her think maybe he still loved her, even though she knew that to be impossible.
"Hi," she forced out around a suddenly pounding heart.
Chloe's looked between them apologetically. "Us girls were just gonna get some lunch," she said into the awkward tension.
"That's great," Clark said in an obvious attempt at civility. "Uh, have a good time." He escaped into the elevator.
"Well, that wasn't awkward at all," Chloe said, touching Lana's shoulder sympathetically. "I tried to keep the heavenly bodies from colliding, but there's only so much I can do."
Lana summoned up a smile to let her friend know that her efforts were appreciated. "I want you to check something out for me before we go," she requested.
Chloe gave her an surprised look. "Yeah, okay. My Google is your Google. What do you need?"
As she marshaled her resolve, her thoughts drifted back to that morning, when she had explained to Lex her desire to focus her charitable efforts on the Second Chance Halfway House. His response had surprised her. She could understand his reluctance to see her working with convicted criminals, but the flat-out refusal was a surprise. He had shut her down firmly and almost coldly, and Lana didn't like it. Lex had always treated her as an adult before, capable of making her own decisions, and this sudden deviation from the pattern smelled funny to her.
She had thought about going to Lois with her worries, especially considering Lois was now as much in the business of ferreting out buried secrets as her cousin, but she'd decided against it. Lois might be the supportive ear she needed while sorting out her relationship with Lex and her feelings for Clark, but Chloe, she knew, had a far greater ability to dig up information via the internet.
"I'm curious about this halfway house that Luthorcorp Foundation supports. I offered to get involved, but Lex won't let me anywhere near it. He says it isn't safe," she explained.
"Well, most halfway houses aren't exactly amusement parks, Lana."
"I don't think that's it," she said slowly. "Lex swears that he's honest with me, but lately he's- he's been a little secretive. I don't know. Maybe I'm reading into it."
Chloe shook her head as she sank into her desk chair, her fingers flying over the keyboard. "No, I think you're just being cautious, which is smart," she said. "Don't worry. We'll figure things out."
Lana nodded, walking around the desk to peer over Chloe's shoulder. "Find anything yet?"
Chloe scanned the pages she'd brought up, then leaned back in her chair with a shrug. "No, just your usual generic bio of the place... nothing out of the ordinary."
"There must be something. Lex wouldn't have just shut me down like that if there wasn't a reason for it," Lana insisted.
"Tell you what, let's go to lunch," Chloe said. "I'll keep looking this afternoon, see if there's anything I can dig up. It's not that unusual for getting this type of information to take a little bit of cyber-gymnastics; if you're anywhere near as starving as I am, there's no way we can put off eating long enough for that kind of hacking!"
Lana grinned despite herself. "Alright," she agreed amicably. "Let's go."
Clark and Raya had spent the morning in New Brunswick and he was explaining the finer points of lobster trapping to her when the call came through on his cell.
"Hi Mom," he answered blithely.
"Clark, honey, Lois is in the hospital."
He instantly felt his stomach ice over. "What happened?"
"I don't know, she just called to tell me that she wasn't going to be able to meet me today to help make the pies for tomorrow..."
"Which hospital is she at?"
"MetGen."
"I'll be there as soon as I can," he said tersely before hanging up the phone. Turning to Raya, he said, "I have to go. Can you find your way home?"
She nodded, and he was gone.
Clark hated it when Lois got hurt. He honestly didn't know why the news that Lois was in the emergency room (again) always made him feel panicky and terrified, but it always had. Maybe because Lois always projected such a strong image of herself to the world, it was startling to see her brought low like that. Whatever the cause, the knowledge that Lois had at least been well enough to personally make a phone call to his mother didn't assuage his worry in the slightest. Clark poured on the speed in his race back to Metropolis, making the journey in record time.
He paused only long enough to read a patient list carried by a nurse in pink scrubs, and then he was off through the hospital corridors, hurrying as fast as he could at human speed to reach the third floor room to which Lois had been assigned.
"Lois, what happened?" he asked, bursting through the door.
Lois rolled her eyes and that was some reassurance, at least. The fact that she didn't look pale and bruised the way Lana had only a few scant weeks prior, the way she had in his imaginings as he'd raced back from Canada, did a lot of good for his heart rate as well.
"Well, lucky for me, I walked in on Green Arrow pulling a reverse Santa Claus on Oliver's apartment," she informed him.
Clark gaped at her. "The Green Arrow did this to you?" he asked. Oliver might have been a little odd in his behavior lately (caused, no doubt, by whatever he was shooting up with), but he couldn't believe that the older man would ever deliberately hurt Lois any more than Clark would. He cared about her too much for that.
She shrugged, then winced, and glanced awkwardly over her shoulder at the bandages Clark could see adorning a large swathe of her upper back. "I'm surprised he would hit up Ollie's place, actually. I mean, I know he's got the whole rob-from-the-rich thing going, but I really thought he was only targeting billionaires with black market goods to their name," she said, frowning. "Needless to say, he wasn't too happy to be caught in the act. Luckily, I was able to get in a few solid licks of my own. He'll be nursing a couple broken ribs, for sure."
Clark was even more concerned than before about what was happening with his friend. "Have you talked to Oliver yet? Has he visited you here in the hospital?" he asked urgently.
"No. I tried him on all his numbers, and he was nowhere to be found. Clark, I'm nervous," Lois confessed, and Clark felt his heart go out to her. He knew what it was like to watch someone you cared about spiral out of control. "Either he's on some kind of crazy drug bender or Green Arrow has gone beyond petty robbery."
Impulsively, he grabbed her hand reassuringly. "Lois, don't worry. I promise I'll do everything I can to track him down," he promised.
Lois's eyes widened. "I, uh..." Her eyes darted down to where his fingers grasped hers, then back up to his face. It might as well have been three months ago in a crowded hospital ward on Dark Thursday, but this time, Clark wasn't letting go. He was worried about her.
With a visible effort, Lois managed to complete the sentence she'd tried to start. "I don't know how much help that'll be, Smallville," she said.
"Trust me," he said.
What did it mean, Lana wondered, that this was the first place she thought of coming, even now?
She had waited on tenterhooks all of yesterday and most of today, constantly checking her phone in case Chloe called, waiting to hear what she'd found out about the Second Chance Halfway House. Finally, she had given up on waiting and just driven to the Talon to see her friend.
Chloe had indeed had information about the halfway house, but it hadn't been the relieving kind Lana had been hoping for. The story Chloe had uncovered of the research a young professor named Dr. Black was conducting on the ex-cons with a highly experimental healing drug was pretty ugly to begin with. The doctor's grisly murder made it even more so. The fact that LuthorCorp had been funding the research was just the icing on the cake.
Lana didn't know what to believe anymore. Chloe hadn't been able to find any conclusive proof linking Lex personally to the dangerous RL-65 drug and its consequences, but she didn't need it. Lana could connect the dots herself. Between Lex's standoffish attitude regarding the halfway house a few days previously and the information Chloe had uncovered, it was pretty clear that even if he hadn't been directly involved, he had at least known what was going on. And he hadn't been honest with her about it.
Her heart was conflicted, and all the doubts she thought she'd been well on her way to putting to bed were rising up to pull her under again.
She should have talked to Chloe, but she didn't want to talk to Chloe. She should have talked to Lois, but Lois had enough on her plate with her wayward boyfriend and her visit to the hospital after a run-in with Green Arrow.
Instead, she was standing here, staring at the bottom step of a set of stairs that would lead her up to the loft where she was sure to find Clark.
It had been a very weird few days, Clark reflected. Not that that was really so unusual, but Oliver's actions in the past forty-eight hours had given him a lot to think about. The dangers of the RL-65 which had almost resulted in Lex's death at Oliver's hands had shaken him. It had surprised him to realize that despite all the bad blood between himself and Lex, he still cared enough about his ex-friend to be furious when he thought Oliver had killed him, and not purely from a moral standpoint either.
It had also been a surprise to realize that he himself was a big part of Oliver's motivation in taking the RL-65. He had known on some level that Oliver was jealous of his powers, but to hear him flat-out say it like that was unexpected. And it affirmed something in Clark's mind that he had been slowly coming to realize for awhile now. Once all the Zoners were dealt with, he was going to follow in the other man's footsteps. Maybe not with the whole costumed hero/secret identity aspect of it all (Clark honestly wasn't sure if he'd be able to pull that off as smoothly as Oliver did), but he wanted to start using his gifts to benefit the world at large, not just the people closest to him. That was what all four of his parents had believed in, and he intended to be the kind of son his parents could be proud of.
The resolution was kind of a relief, actually. It felt like a step towards putting a solid definition on the vague idea of destiny that had been laid at his feet. It felt like weight off his shoulders rather than something else to worry about, for once.
More troublesome, however, was Lois's role in all this. Part of him was startlingly, frighteningly pleased to think that this disaster might have proved to be the end of her fledgling relationship with Oliver, and he simply didn't understand why.
Actually, he thought he might have an inkling. Raya's story was getting to him in more ways than one, that was all. Her description of his parents' early encounters just happened to parallel his relationship with Lois in some respects. But, he reminded himself, that was different. The bickering that had characterized Jor-El and Lara's first acquaintance had only lasted a few months, not several years! Okay, so maybe he actually really enjoyed sparring with Lois, and maybe on his end their more heated encounters were charged with some weird kind of sexual tension, and yeah, sure, he was attracted to her. So maybe in another lifetime, he and Lois would have been something besides friends. But in this lifetime? Even if he'd actually wanted to pursue something with her, Lois wasn't even remotely interested in him so even bothering to think about it too hard was pointless.
Not that it seemed to be stopping him right now, unfortunately.
Come on, Kent, there's no way you're seriously going there...
"Clark?"
The whisper-soft voice from the top of the stairs pulled him from his thoughts. He looked up, and for a split-second he was sixteen again and the girl next door had decided to grace his barn with a visit. He had hardly thought about Lana in weeks, but seeing her again made it feel like nothing had changed.
Part of him rebelled, because this Lana standing before him was not that Lana. Her eyes were darker now, weighed down with shadows he'd had a hand in creating; the girl who used to dress in pinks and whites and soft baby blues was garbed in black suede that matched her hair and made her appear one long strand of shadows with a ghostly face peering out. This wasn't the girl he had fallen in love with when he was barely into adolescence. This was some cold, hard stranger wearing her face.
Despite all that, thoughts of Lois receded to the back of his mind, leaving him just time to decide he would invite Oliver to Thanksgiving dinner to give him a chance to repair his damaged relationship, before Lana consumed his entire consciousness as she always had.
"Lana?" he choked out. "What are you doing here?"
She gave him a look like a frightened doe and wrapped her arms tightly around herself. "You know, I'm not completely sure," she replied solemnly. She turned away from him, crossing to the window.
It was something they'd always done, and the part of his mind that wasn't dedicated to drinking in the sight of her standing in his loft like she'd never left recognized that. They always turned away from each other when they were talking about important things. They never could look each other in the eye when they were talking about anything important. It was different with Lois...
Lois?
"Honestly," Lana continued, gazing out at the cloudy night sky, "I really don't know why I came here. I shouldn't, I know. We ended things between us, and I keep telling myself that I don't have any right, anymore, but..."
"Lana, whatever's happened between us, you know you're always welcome if you ever need anything," he promised her.
He was pretty sure she was smiling, but with her back to him, he didn't know.
"Even after everything that's happened, I guess I still feel safe here," she confided.
"I'm glad," he said.
Her shoulders went stiff, and he couldn't fathom why. "It's funny, you know. I've been going along, thinking I was basing my choices on one thing, but I'm starting to wonder if maybe I haven't been fooling myself," she said, so quietly he didn't think he would have picked up on it if it weren't for his super-hearing.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"It's just... do you ever look back on your life- on things you've done- and wonder if you should have done things differently?" she asked.
Her whole visit had been puzzling thus far. The fact that she was here at all was strange, for a start, but he hadn't thought to question that even when she'd brought it up herself. Her body language was screaming that she felt lost and afraid and all alone again and it had always been that part of her that had called out to him most strongly. And now her words were starting to sound strange. Regret, uncertainty... they were ideas he had always associated with Lana, but usually on his end of their relationship, not on hers.
"Lana, what's going on?" he asked.
At last, she turned around and faced him, and there was a fearful look in her eye. "I don't even know," she said, sounding very tired. "I shouldn't have come here, Clark. I'm sorry."
She hurried past him. If she had been Chloe or Lois or Raya, he might have reached out and caught her by the elbow and made her tell him what was wrong, but he'd never allowed himself to behave that way toward Lana, even when they were friends and only friends. And so she got away, descending the stairs with a clatter of high-heeled boots on the wooden slats. Clark gaped after her.
What had that been about?
The next day was Thanksgiving, and Clark was extremely grateful that he didn't need as much sleep as most people. He had been awake most of the night, staring at the ceiling and trying to figure out what had prompted Lana's extremely strange visit and subsequent flight. The only conclusion he could reach was that she must be beginning to see Lex's darker side just as he eventually had. Was she repulsed by it? He didn't wish any more heartache on her than he'd already inflicted, but he kind of hoped so. He would feel so much better about not being with her if he only knew she wasn't involved with a man like Lex Luthor.
Fortunately, preparations for the Kent family (and friends) Thanksgiving feast had begun early, and he had more or less been able to force Lana to a back corner of his mind for most of the morning.
"Hi, Mrs. Kent!" Lois sang out from the doorway. She bore a tinfoil-wrapped package under one arm. "Hey, Smallville!"
"Hi Lois," he replied, greeting her with a smile.
"I brought pie!" she said proudly.
He had known she was practicing, but somehow he was still surprised that she'd actually managed to produce a pie for the day. "Really?" he asked skeptically.
She shot him a look. "Yes, really," she said, and proceeded to unwrap the pie plate with all the flair of a master chef revealing her prize souffle. "There," she pronounced, setting the contents on the counter.
Clark stared at her so-called pie, which looked rather more like charcoal than crumb crust. "Did you cook that on the barbecue?" he asked sarcastically.
She shot him an annoyed look. "It's a little crispy on the outside, but it's what's on the inside that counts," she said.
"I'm sure it's delicious," a voice said from behind them.
Clark and Lois both turned to look. At the top of the stairs stood Raya, wearing a new green dress that brought out matching tones in her eyes. She smiled at them and made a hasty descent to join them in the kitchen. "I'm sorry I kept you waiting so long K- Clark," she said, only stumbling very slightly over his human name.
If Clark had been looking at Lois in that moment, he would have seen her eyes widen and a very strange look pass over her features. But he wasn't looking and so he was all smiles as he said, "Lois, this is my friend Raya. Raya, this is-"
"Lois Lane," Raya preempted him, smiling at the younger woman. "Clark has told me about you."
Lois let out a slightly uncomfortable laugh. "Well, I wouldn't believe everything you hear," she said.
"I don't know, he's had only good things to say about you," Raya replied.
Lois's eyebrows rose. "Smallville? Say something nice about me? Hardly!"
Clark felt abruptly annoyed at the continued pretense that they hated each other. Everybody could see through it anyway, so why even bother with some stupid unspoken pact they'd made when they were teenagers? "Come on, Lois. Is it really that surprising? We are friends," he pointed out, his tone a little more peevish than he'd intended it to be.
She gave him a surprised look. "Sure we are," she agreed. "I thought the whole fake-loathing thing was our shtick."
He couldn't help but relax at her sincerity. "Whatever you say, Lois," he said with an amused eye-roll. At that moment, the doorbell rang, and Clark could tell without even using his X-ray vision that it was Oliver. "I think that's for you," he said.
She gave him a look, but didn't question it and made for the front door.
Raya looked at Martha, who had been observing the three of them from near the stove. "Is it just me, or was it like we weren't even in the room?" she asked.
After dinner, when the dishes had been cleared away to be dealt with later and idle conversation was the order of the day, Clark retreated to the loft to clear his head. It had been a good Thanksgiving. Strange, but good. If you had asked him five years ago how he had envisioned spending Thanksgiving, 2006, his answer would not have included Lionel Luthor, a Kryptonian woman, Lois Lane, and a billionaire vigilante.
The whole meal had borne a very strong couples theme. Lois and Oliver's reunion had seemed to go pretty smoothly, if their couple-y behavior throughout the meal was any indication. Chloe had trod on the toes of courtesy by surreptitiously texting Jimmy at various times. Even if the thought made him sick to his stomach, he had to admit that there had been a certain vibe coming from his mother and Lionel- not that he was surprised, he'd always known that Lionel had a certain appreciation for his mother, but the thought was still too painful to contemplate not even a year after his father's passing. One way or another, the whole meal had been all about the pairs theme.
And even with Raya there, he had still felt left out in the cold.
It helped, certainly, to have a fellow Kryptonian sitting next to him, but being less alone didn't mitigate the fact that he wasn't in love.
Was he?
He didn't even know anymore. He had honestly thought he was on his way to getting over Lana. Actually, he'd thought that the weird pseudo-feelings (which were totally different from real feelings) he'd been experiencing toward Lois in recent weeks might be a symptom of being done at last with his first love, sort of like a muscle spasm in a formerly paralyzed limb. And then she had come to see him last night and now he wasn't sure what he felt.
Before he sat down on the couch he had picked up a framed picture of Lana he still kept on his desk and was studying it intently.
When he actually had Lana right there in the room, he thought he must still love her because that impatient little buzzing somewhere in his mind was still driving him towards her. When he was actively thinking about her, he felt it, too. But if you loved someone, really loved them, shouldn't it be harder to forget about them for weeks at a time, and harder to barely think about them when they weren't right there?
"So, I never figured you for the type to go for an older woman."
Lois's voice yanked him out of his speculation and he sat upright, dropping Lana's photograph onto the table in front of him. "W-what?" he sputtered out, surprised by her unexpected presence and confused by her statement.
She climbed the last few steps to the loft level. "Raya?" she prompted, as though he were a slow child.
"Raya? Older-" Realization dawned a little belatedly. "What? No, we're not... that is, I wouldn't- She's an old friend of my family."
Lois's lips turned upward a little but that was all her expression gave away as she plopped down next to her on the couch and said, "Really? I've never heard your parents mention her before."
Clark shook his head. "No, I mean my biological family."
Her eyes widened. "Wow, I didn't know you were in touch with your biological family."
He leaned forward tiredly. "I'm not, really. I mean, the reason I was given up for adoption was because my parents- most of my family, actually- died."
The gently teasing tone she'd been using had mostly faded away the moment he mentioned his biological parents, but at that, all the joking went out of her. She laid a gentle hand on his forearm. "Wow, I'm really sorry, Clark," she said. "Are you just finding this out, or-?"
He shook his head. "No, I knew that before, but it's just that Raya's been filling in a lot of details."
"No wonder Chloe said you've been distracted for a week! I can't imagine what that must be like," she said.
Clark smiled, warmed by her unspoken concern. He wasn't sure why he was being so honest- circumspect, but honest- with her. It just felt very natural to confide in her. She didn't know about Krypton or his complicated history with Jor-El or any of it. She was just a welcoming ear. The thought occurred to him, very briefly, that Lois probably wouldn't be any different even if she did know the whole story. Not much could change her without her permission.
"Actually, it's kind of nice," he told her. "I mean, I've known the facts for awhile, but Raya knew my parents when she was... younger. She can actually tell me things about them, things I would never have gotten to know otherwise."
"Like they're real people instead of just names on a birth certificate," Lois said.
He looked at her, awestruck. "Exactly," he agreed.
She gave him an unusually gentle smile. "Our parents are where we come from," she said with a shrug. "If you don't know where exactly that is, it can weigh on you."
Something about her tone gave her away. "It sounds like you speak from experience."
"The General never talks about Mom," she explained. "Most of what I know about her- about them- I had to piece together from people who knew her."
"What was she like?" he asked. He wasn't sure if he'd ever wondered before.
She smiled wistfully. "Smart. Like, genius-level smart. And funny. And she never took no for an answer."
"She sounds a lot like her daughter," Clark said almost without thinking, and he was amazed to see Lois blush.
In what was clearly an attempt to deflect attention away from her visible embarrassment, Lois asked, "So what were your parents like?"
He leaned forward, wondering how to tell the truth without telling her the whole truth. Finally, he settled on an abbreviated version. "My father... well, he was a lot more like me than I used to think."
"And your mother?" she prompted.
"She was..." He smiled, imagining the vivid portrait of his mother that Raya had created. "She was the bravest woman in the world. Her name was Lara."
"That's pretty," she commented.
He nodded. They lapsed into silence for awhile, both lost in their own thoughts. Clark, for his part, marveled for the hundredth time at how easy it was to talk to Lois. Even after knowing Chloe for years, he'd never been as comfortable with her as he was with Lois until after she discovered his secret. It was only once she had that puzzle pieces that Chloe had really seemed to accept or understand him. Lois, however, always had possessed a knack for getting right to the heart of things. It had only been in the last few months, however, that he had realized that she also had a surprising amount of empathy to accompany it. Empathy wasn't a concept most people would probably associate with Lois. But then, most people got too stuck on the surface layers of her personality to pay any attention to the softer side of Lois Lane, and he was pretty sure that was intentional on her part.
Eventually, Clark felt compelled to break the companionable silence- so rare in Lois's company- by asking, "So, if Oliver's inside, what are you doing out here?"
She rolled off a shrug, a mischievous grin on her lips. "Well, he's busy terrorizing Lionel with his radical views on economic theory, and I saw you sneak out here to come brood for awhile, so I thought I'd come bother you, since I don't have much of an opinion on Adam Smith."
"You have an opinion on everything," he shot back.
"Irrelevant." She paused briefly, then continued, "And speaking of significant others, seeing as Raya's not yours, I guess that explains why I caught you staring at a picture of Lana?"
He let out a heavy sigh and dropped against the couch cushions, eyes closed. "You ever been so confused about what you feel that you just want to kick something?"
Lois laughed. "Yeah, I think I'm familiar with the feeling."
"That's right about where I am right now."
Even with his eyes closed, he could practically hear her sympathetic grimace. "Rough stuff, isn't it?"
"Sometimes I think I'm just about done with it, but then all of a sudden it's like we broke up yesterday. What is that?"
"Life, apparently," she said dryly.
"Maybe I'm just meant to be alone," he muttered.
"Hey!" Her tone was sharp as a gunshot and he opened his eyes instinctively to look at her. "You're a great guy, Smallville. You're not gonna end up alone."
He looked at her skeptically. "Oh yeah? How do you know that?"
She raised an eyebrow. "Clark, you've dated two and a half girls in your entire life- which, might I remind you, is all of twenty years long at this point."
"Two and a half?"
"You took Chloe to a dance once, that only counts as a half."
"Oh."
"Anyway, the point I'm making is that you've spent years pining over Lana and you've never really given yourself a chance to get over it!" she said forcefully. His confusion must have been obvious on his face because she settled down more comfortably on the couch cushions and continued, "Look, the only times you've ever dated, it's been Big Serious Commitment type stuff. And that's great, you know? I applaud your efforts not to be a typical guy who plays with girls' feelings. But it's also gotten you stuck in this rut where I think you honestly believe Lana's the only non-friendzone girl in the world."
Clark opened his mouth to protest, but she held up a hand to stop him.
"No, Clark, you know it's true," she said. "You've got this wall built between you and every other available girl on the planet because you keep waiting on this relationship that you've never been able to make work!"
"Hey, Lana and I worked!" he interjected.
Lois rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I guess, for like two months. And then I start getting the phone calls from Chloe complaining about how she's constantly being put in the middle of your drama."
Clark hated that she was kind of right. "What's your point?" he asked.
"My point is that maybe the reason you've never been able to get over her isn't because she's your One True Love or anything, it's because you haven't given yourself a chance to move on."
"I'm trying!" he protested. "You think I want to be stuck in limbo, not really knowing how I feel? Lana and I have been broken up since March-"
"It's not about not being with the person you love- or used to love, or whatever," Lois explained. "It's about making a conscious decision to move on and stop waiting on them. And seeing as you were the one to break up with her in the first place, I'd think that would be easier to do."
Something about her phrasing rang a bell in his memory, and he flashed back to what Raya had said to him two weeks previously about her active attempt to put her feelings for Jor-El behind her. "So you're saying that I haven't been able to move on because... part of me doesn't really want to?"
"I don't know, I'm not your therapist," Lois replied dryly. "But I do think that maybe you should think about it. Maybe step outside your wheelhouse a little."
"What does that even mean?" he asked.
"It means, instead of dating some pretty damsel-in-distress you've been pining after for years, why not ask out some funny girl who catches your eye in a coffee shop or something? Doesn't have to be high stakes or anything," Lois suggested. "Just get out of your comfort zone a little. If nothing else, you might gain a little perspective."
Clark couldn't help but laugh out loud at that. "Who needs the coffee shop girl for perspective when I've got you around to smack me in the face with it?" he asked.
She smirked. "Whole different thing, Smallville," she said. "Whole different thing."
At the bottom of the stairs, Oliver Queen stood listening as his girlfriend talked and joked with her employer's son with an ease and familiarity that amazed him. He'd come out to offer them both a slice of pie- thankfully Martha Kent's pecan rather than Lois's failed attempt at apple- but at their laughing voices as the conversation carried on had made him pause before announcing his presence.
Lois had insisted that Clark was only a friend. Clark had insisted that Lois had a personality only a mother could love. And yet...
Oliver was pretty sure, in that moment, that his relationship with Lois was doomed to fail one way or another. It wouldn't stop him from trying, because Queens were infamous for dueling with Fate and winning, but he had a sinking feeling that this was one battle where Fate wasn't going to let him come out on top.
After a few moments quiet reflection, he plastered on a grin and jogged up the stairs.
"Anybody want pie?"
A/N- Review, pretty please?