Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.
XI
'I'm not gay,' Puck thinks as soon as Kurt is out of his room. The jock is still on his bed exactly where Kurt left him.
'I can't be gay. I like girls and I like boobs. I'm not gay. No way in hell. The Puckasaurus can't be gay.' He's starting to panic. 'I just happen to like kissing Kurt. That doesn't mean I'm gay.'
Puck gets out of the bed and slowly he starts pacing the bedroom.
Why in the hell did he kiss Kurt? Sure he's thought about it before, about Kurt's lips on his own, about how he would feel pressed against him but… he never really had any intention of actually doing it, thinking it was okay. He was just daydreaming; it was just a totally innocent daydream. Like when he was thinking about the huge mouth on Evans and the things he could fill that mouth with. No it's not the same; Puck knows it because this, this issomething else.
This is him, consciously kissing another guy. This wasn't like kissing Kurt for Tina's dare. Even if he really enjoyed that little kiss, he can blame it on the alcohol. But now? He can't blame anything or anyone for what just happened.
'Oh God, I'm gay!'
What would he say to his mom? Sure she's okay with Kurt and he never heard her say anything homophobic because 'gay people were just next to our people in the concentration camp' but, this time it's her own son.
What if she's not really that open-minded?
What if the guys in school found out? They would certainly beat him up...or worse, as Kurt said, they would beat Kurt up for turning him gay. He can't be gay for Kurt if that means Kurt would be hurt. Come on; he lived all his life liking and fucking girls, he can keep it that way. Right. He and Kurt are just staying friends. No more alcohol when they are together, no more Truth or Dare with Tina there. No more cuddles, no more kisses, no more making out on the bed. Nothing. He can't be gay because if he is, Kurt is going to get hurt.
Puck has just decided on his plan to keep Kurt safe when he hears his mom calling for him, screaming. He has no idea what's going on but his ma's voice isn't coming from her room. Her voice is coming from downstairs, where Kurt went.
Ruth is in her room. She heard the boys fighting through the thin wall but she's not able to understand what they are fighting about. No, she's not eavesdropping. Really, she's not, and even if she is... no one can prove it. Anyway, the boys have stopped their fight; good. She can go to bed now.
Ruth is almost asleep when she hears Noah's door being opened and someone walking down the stairs.
Well, she's suddenly really thirsty, she should go downstairs to the kitchen for some water and if she, casually, finds one of the boys there, she would ask how he's doing... just because she's very polite. It's not at all because she's curious. And she's not being nosy, like Noah always says; she's a mom, it's her duty to be informed about her children's life.
She walks downstairs, avoiding the steps that creak. Once in the living room, she notices right away the pillow on the couch, but no one is lying there. Ruth hears the noise of something hitting the floor coming from the kitchen. 'Perfect,' she thinks, 'I can keep going with my plan.'
When Ruth enters the kitchen what she sees is not what she was expecting. Kurt is sitting on a chair; he's staring at his hands, his bloody hands and his left leg is bleeding. On the floor next to the boy, Ruth can see a knife; that must be the noise she'd heard a few seconds ago.
Kurt is in her kitchen, bleeding, a knife next to him. In her kitchen. With one of her knives. He's bleeding.
She stares for a minute, not fully realizing what's going on. She's a nurse, she's not scared about the blood, what scares her is that someone is bleeding, in her house and she's terrified because he's done this to himself.
She came back to herself, slowly taking the knife to put it away; she can't even look at it.
"Kurt," she says softly, touching the boy's back.
Kurt is not answering. He just looks at her, scared.
"Kurt, honey, it's going to be okay. You are bleeding but not so much, we just have to take you to the hospital. They'll give you stitches and then we'll be back. Is that okay?"
"I had to do it," Kurt says, looking at her. He looks desperate to let her understand. "I had to. Don't be mad at me. I'm sorry; I'm sorry I did this to Puck."
Kurt starts sobbing.
Ruth has absolutely no freaking idea what he's talking about. What happened to Noah?
She hugs the boy tightly as soon as he starts sobbing.
"It's okay, Kurt; I'm not mad. Now I really need to take you to the hospital, though. You are bleeding, you need stitches."
"No, please, no hospital, please!"
Ruth noticed before that the wound on the leg is not that serious. Maybe she can just take her time to calm him down before talking him into going to the hospital. Then she notices that the wounds on the leg looks like letters. Letters that form a word.
That's when she really realizes how bad the situation is. Sure, self-harm is not a joke but that word proves this is not the first time he's done this; this is not going to be the last. There's no time to calm him down even if it means bringing him to the hospital against his will.
"Kurt, come on, we have to go."
"No, please, please. I'll be good, I promise!" Kurt keeps sobbing, trying to pull away from her.
"Kurt, we are going to the hospital. That's it," she says with the 'I'm a mother, I know better' tone before calling for help; she can't carry him all by herself. "NOAH!"
When Kurt sees Puck running into the kitchen still half naked, he tries harder to pull away.
Puck knows better than anyone that Kurt cuts himself. He'd promised him that he would stop, but he hadn't. Now Puck would feel guilty because he hadn't said anything before. He would feel bad, he would feel hurt and he'd promised Kurt he would keep him safe.
"No! Stay away," Kurt yells at Puck when he comes closer to him.
Puck stops, just for a few seconds and then decides he had never listened to anyone in his life, what's the point starting now?
"Not a chance, Princess," Puck says, talking calmly and easing Kurt from his Ma's embrace.
After Puck came in the room, Ruth calmed Sarah down and sent her to the neighbors. Then she took some clothes for the boys; they were almost naked but she was not going there. After 30 minutes of her driving, while Noah is in the back seat wrestling with Kurt who keeps trying to sneak away or jump from the moving car, they arrive at the hospital.
Kurt at this point sees no reason to keep fighting the inevitable. He just hopes he can convince everyone he feels better. He doesn't need a hospital, or doctor, or stupid jock mohawked boy.
He let the nurses lead him to his room. He let them clean his leg. He let the doctor check his leg and monitor his weight. He doesn't even try to answer their stupid questions. He just doesn't care.
The only thing he's happy about now is that he is in a hospital room where only family can have access and that means Puck can't come in. Maybe the hospital is the best solution to keep the jock away, to let him be normal again.
"Princess?" The door opens after 40 minutes and Puck enters.
Kurt decides he's not going to break the silence marathon he'd started with the doctor. After a while, the man had given up. Maybe Puck will give up, too.
"You know, my Ma talked to the doctor. He says you refuse to talk… It seems you are using the same trick with me, right, Princess? Guess what? It won't work," Puck says, sitting down on a chair next to Kurt's bed.
Of course not. Kurt should have thought about it. Puck stole an ATM driving (drunk) his mom's car. Privacy, morals and hospital policy have no power on him.
"Since you are not talking, I'll do it. You are an asshole. What the hell made you think it was okay to do something like that? You told me you were done with that cutting shit. And now you cut your fucking leg in my fucking kitchen? Did you even think what would happen if – instead of my mom – Sarah was the one to find you?" Puck is beyond angry he's furious and his voice keeps getting louder and he's almost screaming at the end.
Kurt winces at that. No, he hadn't thought about it.
"Of course, you didn't think about her... What about my mom? Did you think about how she felt when she found your sorry ass bleeding in her house? What about your dad? How do you think he's reacting right now that the hospital is calling him? What about Tina? She'll be a clinging, crying mess!"
Puck takes a second to breathe while Kurt fights back the tears.
"What about me," the jock asks with a lower, but still too-angry voice. "What about me? What about how I feel, knowing you did it because of me? Knowing that this is, at least, the second time you've hurt yourself because of me?"
"This is not your fault," Kurt tries to say with a whisper.
"Fuck you!" Puck is yelling now and he stands up. "You did that after what happened between us! We did what we did and then you took off to fucking mutilate your leg!"
"I had to_"
"Why?" Puck was now screaming in Kurt's face. "'Cause you fucking think you turned me gay? Are you that stupid? You can't do that! No matter what Finn or your idiot dad made you think, you can't do that! That's not how it works! You didn't turn me gay! I'm not gay just 'cause we kissed! I'm not gay!"
Puck finishes his rant, kicks the chair and exits the room, just to come back three seconds later to kick the chair next to the door and sit in the other chair on the other side of the bed.
He sits there in silence, glaring at the wall.
They are like this: Kurt staring at Puck who's staring at the wall.
They stay like this for God knows how long. The dynamic changes only when Burt enters the room, running, with Carole and Finn on his heels.
"Kurt!" Burt jumps onto the bed to hug his son who quickly shifts away.
"Kurt, what happened?" Burt deliberately ignores his son cringing from him. "Is this about what you told me earlier?"
"No, genius, it's about the other big news Kurt told you about in the last 24 hours," Puck says sarcastically.
Burt, Carole and Finn ignore him. Kurt just looks at his father like he's stupid.
"Did he do something to you," Burt asks, referring to Puck.
Kurt really wants to talk, to defend the other boy but he's sure if he speaks now, if he opens his mouth he's just going to cry.
"I did nothing to him!"
"Shut up!" Burt glares at Puck.
"Dude, he was fine and after being at your house he cut his leg... It's kinda your fault."
"Don't fucking blame me! I'm willing to take my responsibility but this is not all my fault. Did you know what he cut in his leg? 'Fag'... Ring a bell, Finny?" Puck gets right up in Finn's face.
"What bell?" Finn asks, confused.
"That's not Finn's fault; he already apologized for that!" Carole steps in now to defend her son.
"What the hell are you even doing in his room," Burt asks angrily. He's really not in the mood for more drama. His son is in a hospital bed, refusing to be touched by him or even to talk. "Just get out, Puckerman; Kurt needs his family now."
Puck ignores him and looks at Kurt. "I'm going to call Tina. I'll need like two hours to calm her down but when I'm done, I'll be right outside the door. So, if you need your post-cut-cuddle, let me know," he says seriously. "That doesn't mean I'm not pissed anymore" he adds before leaving.
A/N: New chapter, yay!...sorry if it take this long but I had flu and I wasn't able to function, at all.
Anyway...GayforKurt is always my super-amazing-beta. = )
If you had...comment about this chapter or where this story is going...let me know!
Ciao!
Franky