Hola, patient readers! I'm starting to feel like I'm getting my mojo back, so hopefully this will be the beginning of regular updates. Love you guys.
Also, this is the point in the story where it's going to start taking a decided slant towards Sam's POV, but no worries. Dean and Cas are still the focus. There will just be a lot more Sam. He's got a lot to deal with.
Dean stood well out of the way while doctors and nurses fussed over Sam. He could see his brother's eyes, still open, but unmoving. Blue-green irises stared at the ceiling, not reacting to the beam of a penlight the doctor was using.
Lisa looked up, caught Dean's eyes. Her expression was apologetic, and Dean's heart sank. They'd warned him about this. Coma patients often opened their eyes without actually waking up.
The staff around Sam's bed gradually dispersed, and Dean moved closer, picking up Sam's right hand, and staring down into his blank expression.
"Sammy?"
Sam blinked, but his expression didn't change. Dean sighed.
"I'm so sorry, Dean. Sometimes this happens. I know it's difficult to see him like this. God, I'm so sorry." Lisa rested her hand on his back. "You should go home, try and get some sleep. Ok?"
He nodded, eyes still fixed on Sam. "Ok," Dean whispered.
Lisa patted his back once more before leaving the room.
"C'mon, Sammy," Dean pleaded softly. "Blink, twitch, something. Wake up. Please. Please wake up."
Nothing changed and Dean gently laid his brother's hand back on the bed. "Ok. Guess I'll see you tomorrow."
Dean picked his coat up and slid it back on. He turned to go, and froze.
Sam was looking right at him.
Rushing back over to the bed, he picked Sam's hand up again. "Sammy?"
Sam blinked, and a tear rolled down his face.
"Fuck, Sammy, if you can hear me, blink twice, ok?"
Slowly, deliberately, Sam blinked twice.
"Oh my god. Oh my god. Ok. Ok. Hold on, ok? Ok!" Dean grabbed the call button and mashed it frantically.
The beeping of the heart monitor was starting to pick up the pace, and by the time Lisa joined them, followed by Dr. Vinton, Sam was clearly panicking, eyes wide and terrified.
"Sam, it's ok. You've been in an accident, and I know you're freaking out because you can't move. There's a tube down your throat helping you breathe, and I know it's making you feel like you're choking. Everything's going to be ok, I swear." Lisa rubbed his other hand soothingly. "Dean's here, the doctor is checking you over, everything will be ok."
Sam's eyes moved from Lisa's face back to Dean's, still wide and frantic, his pulse racing on the monitor.
"Right here, Sammy. Not going anywhere. I swear."
His eyes rolled from Dean, to Lisa, to the doctor, and around the room. Sam seemed to be looking for someone, and Dean's heart climbed into his throat when he realized his baby brother was looking for his wife - he was looking for Jess.
Fuck, he thought.
Sam's eyelids fluttered and slipped shut. His hand went lax in Dean's.
"It's ok," Dr. Vinton assured Dean. "He's definitely awake, but he'll likely be in and out quite a bit for a while yet. But this is very good. Sam was conscious, and he clearly recognized you. This is very good, Dean."
Lisa wrapped an arm around his waist. "He probably won't wake again until morning, and we're going to be checking on him a lot tonight. You should go home and rest. You know I'll call you the minute something changes, if something changes."
Even though his first instinct was to fight, to argue, insist that he was ok to stay, exhaustion washed over Dean so completely that all he could do was give her a weak nod.
"Ok, good. Go on home. We'll see you tomorrow."
Snagging his jacket off of a chair, Dean sighed and left the room.
He was halfway home before he realized he hadn't said goodbye or goodnight to Sam. Pulling into the driveway, Dean ran a hand over his face. He was so tired, he briefly entertained sleeping right there, in the front seat of his baby.
Eventually, Dean pulled himself from the car and trudged tiredly up the back steps. Missouri was inside, rocking A.J. and feeding him. Dean let himself in, and she looked up and smiled. "Hello, sugar. So here's what Ellen and I worked out. I'm going to spend tomorrow with you, and Ellen will cover Wednesday and part of Thursday, then Andrea will stay with you until Cas gets home on Friday? Sound good?"
Dean dropped onto the couch, burying his face in his hands.
"Dean? Is something wrong? Is Sam ok?"
"I dunno. He woke up. Woke up and looked right at me, then went under again."
"Oh. Well, that's progress, right?"
"I don't know, Missouri. I don't know anything anymore." He leaned his head back against the couch, turning his head to stare at A.J.
His son was blinking his eyes tiredly, fingers in his mouth as he lay against Missouri's chest. He stared at Dean, and Dean stared back.
"Damn, he's cute," Dean murmured, reaching over to smooth his son's downy soft hair. "I think he's starting to look like Cas. Bet his eyes'll turn blue soon."
"Mmm, I see plenty of you in there too, honey." Missouri shifted. "You want him? He's just about to drop off."
Dean nodded, holding out his arms for the baby. He held A.J. close to his chest, pressing soft kisses along his brow. "He smells good."
"Just had a bath. Tell me about Sam. Is this a good thing?"
"It's possible he's coming out of the coma. They're not sure. But he definitely knew I was there. He looked right at me. I think he's trying." He ran his hand over A.J.'s back, smiling when the baby burped. "That's my boy."
"Well, the ladies are in bed and hopefully you won't hear from them again tonight. I'll be back tomorrow, and Benny said to tell you not to worry about work. He's got everything well in hand. Sleep well, sweetie," Missouri said, kissing his forehead.
"Thank you," he replied, unable to keep the emotion out of his voice. "Felt like I was losing my mind earlier and -"
"We're family. Remember that." She let herself out the back door, leaving Dean alone with A.J.
Dean wrapped the little blue blanket around his son, holding him tight as he shut off the lights and made sure all the doors were locked.
He stopped in the girls' room and checked that the monitor was on and carefully dragged the blanket back over Mari. The little girl was sprawled in the middle of her toddler bed, arms and legs akimbo. Felicity was snuggled in A.J.'s crib, tiny butt in the air. He pulled a small blanket over her as well.
Dean stood in the doorway for a moment, watching both of them sleep. He was so tired. It was difficult, to say the least, having three children under three to watch over, but he couldn't love those little girls more if they were his own children.
Besides, he owed Sam.
Trudging up the stairs, Dean pushed open the door to his room and sighed. His room was wrecked. The hamper was overflowing, and the diaper pail was definitely overripe. Ignoring the desperate need to lay down and go to sleep, he carefully placed A.J. in his bassinet and took care of the diapers and the hamper.
By the time he'd done all of that, started a load of laundry, and fixed himself a sandwich, A.J. was fussing for a bottle and it was well after midnight. Dean made a bottle downstairs and took it up to his son. He changed A.J.'s diaper, shucked his jeans for a pair of sweats, and crawled into bed with the baby.
Taking the pillows from Cas's side of the bed, he made a wall along the edge. Dean was fading. He thought he'd be able to stay up just long enough to feed the baby, and that was it. Thankfully, A.J. didn't waste any time with the bottle, sucking it down fairly quickly, and giving Dean two lovely loud burps. Dean set the bottle on the nightstand, made sure his phone was plugged in, laid down beside A.J., and passed out.
Cas got back to his hotel around nine. He'd gone out to dinner again with John and been had invited back to his place for drinks, but Cas wanted to go back and sleep. They parted ways in Tribeca, and Cas went to his hotel alone. Once there, he took a shower and threw on a pair of sweats.
He texted Dean and got an I'll call you later in response, but by eleven, when he still hadn't heard from him, Cas just assumed Dean was busy with the girls and A.J. He fell asleep not long after that.
The next morning was very busy, and it was lunchtime before he was able to check his phone. He scrolled through the messages from Dean quickly and found a quiet place to call him.
"Cas?"
"He's awake? How is he? Has he said anything? Does he know about Jess?"
"One thing at a time," Dean replied, exhaustion in his voice. "He's awake, but he's still on a ventilator, so no, he hasn't said anything and I can't tell him about Jess until he's a little aware. He's running a fever and they're trying to bring that under control, so even though he's awake, he's not really with it. Drugs and all."
"Ok. How are you holding up?"
Dean made a sad little sound, and Cas's heart clenched. "I'm hanging in there as much as I can. It's been hard. Mari has been testing my limits and she wants her mom. It's been hard, Cas."
"Is anyone helping you?"
"Yeah. Missouri's staying with the girls today and is going to help me get some chores done, and then Ellen has tomorrow and Thursday. Andrea will be helping Friday until you get home. Benny said he can come and get you from the airport."
"Not necessary," Cas said quickly. "It's almost an hour's drive. I'll rent a car, and then you won't have to worry about getting me back up there Sunday night. Just think, Dean, this is the last time. Next week is the last week of filming and then I'll be home all the time."
"Fuck, Cas, I can't even tell you how amazing that sounds. I think I'm handling this ok at the moment, but once Sam is fully conscious and finds out Jess is gone - and they're still not sure about his back. The swelling has them pretty concerned that he's going to have some kind of serious numbness, if not actual paralysis, not to even mention that he lost his leg -" Dean's voice cracked.
"It's going to be ok. We'll move him into our house; turn Ben's room into a hospital room. The girls can continue to use the baby's room, and A.J. can bunk with us indefinitely."
"And Sam's house, Cas, fuck, I have to get it sold. I can't support his mortgage and ours. Sam's is three times what ours is! And I don't know how much of his medical bills Jess's health insurance will cover, oh crap, Cas, I don't even -"
"Dean. Calm down. Ok? Can you do that for me?" Cas listened to Dean's shallow, panicked breathing. "You can handle this. We'll deal with the financial stuff later. Deep breaths, ok?"
"Ok," Dean murmured, his voice small and defeated. Cas could hear the anguish in his words, and pictured his husband, alone in some hospital corridor with tears streaming down his face. It nearly broke his heart to know he couldn't comfort him.
"Just a few more days, baby, and I'll be there. Balth said he's going to push for an early day on Friday. I'll be on the first flight out as soon as we're done. I promise."
"Ok," Dean said again.
"I love you."
"Love you too, Cas, I'm just -" There was a slight ruckus on Dean's end of the line. "Fuck."
"Dean?"
"Sorry. Code Blue on one of the other patients and I thought they were going in Sam's room. The bottom just dropped out from under me. But it wasn't Sam. Jesus," Dean laughed bitterly, "how fucked up am I that I'm glad it was the other guy and not Sammy?"
"That's not fucked up, Dean. I promise you."
"Yeah, well -"
"Dean. It's going to be ok. I'll be home soon. I want you to try and get some really good sleep tonight. I can hear how tired you are."
"I'll try."
Balthazar bustled around the corner of the studio wall and pointed to his watch.
"I'm sorry," Cas sighed, "I have to go."
"It's ok. Call me later?"
"Yes. I love you, Dean."
But there was only silence. Dean had already hung up. Cas stared at his phone for a minute, then slid it in his pocket. When he looked up again, Naomi was standing there, brushing at a nonexistent piece of lint on her crisp aubergine suit.
"Is everything ok at home?" she asked softly.
"Uh, yes, I uh, my husband's brother has regained consciousness."
"Oh. That's good news, then."
"Yes, but he has a very long road ahead."
"I can imagine." Naomi pursed her lips, and tapped her chin with a manicured finger.
Cas waited silently, wondering what she wanted. They didn't exactly get along, or even communicate outside of necessary conversations for the show.
"Castiel," she began, "I know we haven't been friends and are barely tolerant of each other - but I see the love you have for your husband, and I find I can't be quiet any longer. Please, be careful around John Bartholomew. I don't believe his intentions are pure, and he wants more from you than friendship. What you and Dean have is a rare and wonderful thing, and I don't want to see you lose it. John is the type of person that will get you in the tabloids." She held up a hand to silence Cas's protestations. "No, you don't have to believe me, of course not. But when you get home tonight - Google John Bartholomew. And be careful."
She spun on one elegant heel and strode away from him, leaving Cas to stare after her in bewilderment. When he rejoined his fellow chefs on set, he did notice, for the first time, that the grin John gave him was maybe a little too wide, a little too warm.
Cas felt wrong-footed. He'd never noticed that John was being entirely too attentive until now, and it made his skin crawl. Naomi had never gone out of her way to talk to him before. The fact that even she found it necessary to warn him, and with Balthazar's obvious dislike of the man, made him reconsider what he thought was the beginnings of a deep friendship.
Did John want him as more than a friend?
Cas couldn't figure out why John would have thought he even had a chance with him at all. Every time they were together, all Cas talked about was Dean and A.J. and how much he missed them. What could have ever given John the impression that Cas was offering more?
Unanswered questions poked and prodded at him the rest of the day, and by that evening, Cas was so distracted and uncertain, he felt nauseous, and was pretty sure he was getting a migraine. He didn't care for the extremely disappointed look on John's face when he begged off dinner, either.
Maybe Naomi was right. If she was, Cas was going to have to put a stop to that right away.
Back in his room, the things he found on Google were compelling - and disturbing. John seemed to like seeing himself in the gossip rags, out with a new boy toy every chance he got - but there also seemed to be a discomforting trend towards married or attached men.
After the near miss in LA that had ultimately landed him on Dean's doorstep for the contest, Cas was more aware of the downside of fame. He was more aware of the people waiting in the shadows who seemingly enjoyed destroying reputations.
He didn't want to see his own face on TMZ, thank you very much.
Cas's heart sank. Naomi was right. And this was a friendship he was going to have to nip in the bud.
After all, Dean was it for him. John couldn't even hope to compare.
It was like being miles underwater and slowly, painfully surfacing.
The first trickles of awareness were vague; shadows and muted colors just outside his field of vision. The antiseptic smell trickled in next, plucking at memories buried somewhere in his head. Next, the warmth of skin against his own, holding him tight and anchoring him.
Then the pressure in his throat. Pressure, and tightness, triggering the urge to cough and the urge to gag all at the same time.
Sam tried to turn his head away, tried to escape whatever was pushing on his throat - before realizing that the thing was in his throat. There was a beeping noise in the background, and the more he fought the thing in his throat, the louder and more rapid the beeping got. It added to his agitation and Sam felt the panic turn to anger.
Who the hell thought they had the right to chain him up and hold him down?!
"Sammy! Sammy, calm down!" Dean's voice filtered in from somewhere, the grip on his hand squeezing reassuringly. "Open your eyes. C'mon, just like you did before. Open your eyes and look at me!"
Sam told his eyelids to open, demanding obedience until they finally complied.
The first thing he saw was white - a long stretch of never ending white. Then green, as Dean stared down at him with wide eyes.
"There you are," his brother said softly.
Ok, if Dean was there, nothing could be that wrong. The pressure in his throat must be necessary, and he worked hard to calm down, relax, and stop fighting the soft whooshes of air being forced into his lungs. The incessant beeping in the background calmed as he did.
Another face swam into view. This one was pretty, with long dark hair pulled into a ponytail, and soft pink scrubs that complimented her warm skin nicely.
Lisa. Hospital then. I'm in a hospital.
The whooshing and the pressure in his throat made sense - if he was in the hospital, that was probably a ventilator tube in his throat. Which raised yet another question - what the hell had happened to him?
"Hi Sam," Lisa said with sweet smile. "We've all missed your pretty eyes. I'm going to check a few things, like your temperature and blood pressure, and Dr. Vinton's going to come look you over as well. We'd love to take that tube out of your throat, but your lungs aren't cooperating, so it may need to stay in a bit yet, ok? Just blink once if you understand."
Sam made his lids perform one deliberate blink.
"Ok, great." Lisa read the display on the thermometer and frowned. "You're still a little warm buddy, but your blood pressure looks much better." Sam could hear velcro separating as she removed the cuff. Lisa raised her head and smiled across the bed. "I'll give you guys a bit before I send Doc in."
"Thanks," Dean murmured. With a surprising amount of effort, Sam rolled his head just enough to see Dean. "Hey. Nice to see you. You've been giving me pretty regular heart attacks here lately," he smiled.
There were deep shadows under Dean's eyes, a pretty clear sign he hadn't been getting enough sleep. Sam wanted to ask him why. He didn't know how to communicate that question with just his eyes.
"Think I can call you Sleeping Beauty now?" Dean smiled again, but it was so forced, Sam could see right through it.
Something was wrong. Something he couldn't quite grab onto with his brain.
Dean raised his other hand and ran his fingers through Sam's hair, pushing a few strands out of his face. "Sure got the hair for it," he said softly.
With an absolutely monumental effort, Sam attempted to raise his left arm to flip Dean the bird. Something was holding it down against the mattress, and he struggled to see what it was, causing the stupid beeping to accelerate again.
"Hey, hey, hey, no. Calm down. Don't get worked up. Whatever it was, it can wait. Ok? It can wait."
The frustration of being chained to the bed with no clue why was building in Sam, and he felt his eyes fill with tears. A few slowly rolled down his cheek.
"Hey, it's ok. Sammy, I know you're upset and you don't know what's going on, but it's ok. You were hurt. An accident. You're doing so much better now, but you're not there yet. Your lungs are still healing. You've got a big cast on your left arm. Your ribs are taped. You've had a couple of surgeries. There's a reason you can't move. You need to stay still and let your body heal. Ok? Can you blink for me, let me know you understand?"
Again, Sam forced his eyelids to deliberately blink, and Dean's whole body seemed to relax.
"Ok, that's good. That's very good." Dean sat on the edge of the bed, pulling Sam's IV-laden hand into his. "You scared me this week. I thought I was going to lose you."
Greyness was starting to creep into the edges of his vision, and Sam was aware he was beginning to lose consciousness again - but he didn't care. His thoughts started to tumble in his head, detaching and creating odd little threads of thought that didn't make much sense.
Dean was rambling in the background, talking about people he didn't know; people named Cas, and A.J, Mari, and Felicity. None of those names made sense to him. He was drifting, but trying very hard to stay awake. Dean was telling him important things, and it would be rude not to pay attention.
"It's ok, Sammy," Dean said soothingly. "You can go to sleep. I'll be here when you wake." His fingers were brushing over Sam's hand in soothing patterns, and the hypnotic sensation was heightened by Dean's rough voice singing.
"Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better. Remember to let her into your heart, then you can start to make it better."
Sam let his eyes slip shut.
"Hey Jude, don't be afraid. You were made to go out and get her. The minute you let her under your skin, then you begin to make it better."
He slipped back under the waves, Dean's voice carrying through the water, and he knew when he resurfaced, Dean would be there to pull him back up. As Sam drifted off, one last thought slipped through his mind like a strand of delicate gossamer.
Where's Jess?
It was Friday before Dr. Vinton declared that Sam could be weaned slightly off the mild sedatives and taken off the ventilator. Dean was sitting quietly in his ICU room, waiting for him to wake. A shuffle of footsteps in the hall, a flash of tan trenchcoat, and Dean found himself wrapped tightly in Cas's arms.
"Balth is a pushy diva and got us done by nine. So here I am, baby."
"Oh shit, Cas," Dean sagged into his embrace. "Oh shit. You're here." He sniffled loudly.
"Yes, I am."
"Shit, Cas," Dean muttered into his neck. "Couldn't have picked a better time. They're decreasing his sedative and as soon as he wakes up, they're going to pull the vent tube. Been silently freaking out because I know what his first question is going to be, and I don't know how's he's going to handle it. I'm worried."
"I know, but I'm here, and we'll handle this. Ok?"
Dean nodded, letting his arms slip down to rest around Cas's waist. His husband felt so good, strong and sure, and Dean never felt safer than the times he was in Cas's arms.
"Anything new at home?" Cas asked, pulling Dean down to sit beside him.
"No, not really. It's been a long week." Dean took Cas's hand, weaving their fingers together. "Mari is a challenge. She's aware that Jess is gone and not happy about it. She's struggling with the loss and is acting out. Sometimes, it's really hard to be patient with her."
"Where are the kids now?"
"A.J. is with Missouri, Andrea has Mari and Felicity."
Cas nodded before sitting up straighter. "I think Sam's waking up."
Dean followed Cas's eyes to Sam's still form, and sure enough, he was blinking slowly, staring at the ceiling above.
"Sammy?" Dean stood and crossed the room, reaching for Sam's right hand. "Hey there. You waking up?" Dean reached for the call button with his other hand, smiling when Sam's eyes found his. "Good morning, Sleeping Beauty."
"Late afternoon, actually," Cas chuckled, resting his hand on Dean's shoulder. "Good to see you awake, Sam."
Sam stared blankly at Cas, almost as if he didn't recognize him. That concerned Dean, but before he could get too worked up, Lisa and Dr. Vinton were joining them.
Lisa gave Cas a hug. "Good to see you, buddy."
"Good to be here, believe me."
"Ok, Sam, the ventilator is telling me that you're breathing on your own, so we're going to get this tube out. Does that sound good?"
Sam made a movement that might have been a nod, and Dr. Vinton took it as an affirmative. "Good. Now, when I tell you to, I want you to try and cough. It will help me get the tube out of your throat. This isn't going to be comfortable, but it should be over quickly."
Lisa helped the doctor disconnect all of the tubes and shut off the machine. She carefully peeled away the medical tape surrounding the short tube in Sam's mouth. "Ok, honey, we're going to pull this out. Blink twice for me if you're ready." Sam blinked. "Alright. On the count of the three, take a deep breath and cough. One, two, three."
Sam coughed, and Dr. Vinton pulled the tube in one smooth motion.
"There you go, Sammy. Nice to see you," Dean smiled down at his brother.
"Ummgghh."
"Nope. Don't you dare try to talk. Give it an hour or so, let your throat chill out. I'm going to get Dean some ice chips to give you. Ok?" Lisa patted Sam's shoulder.
Sam sighed loudly.
"Ah, there's the Sam we all know and love," Cas chuckled.
"Ok, looking good, boys. Slow and steady, Sam. Take the ice Dean gives you, and I'll come back in a while and check on you. Rest up, buddy. You did good."
Dean watched Dr. Vinton walk out of the room, barely resisting the urge to scream I told you so to his back. Thank whoever the hell was listening upstairs that he hadn't listened when the doc told him to shut Sam's machines off.
His brother's eyes were searching the room, rolling from one wall to the other, looking for something - or someone. Dean's heart sank.
Sam wanted Jess. That much was obvious. The way that he was staring at Cas while he talked to Lisa was bothering him, too. It was clear, painfully clear, that Sam didn't recognize Cas. His eyes were narrowed suspiciously, an expression that would have been comical if not for the implication.
If Sam didn't remember Cas, then he likely wouldn't remember his own daughters.
Lisa left the room to get Sam's ice, and Cas leaned over to kiss Dean's cheek. "Going to go get you a coffee and a sandwich. Ham and cheese ok?"
"Yeah, and some Cheetos. Pie if they have it."
"Of course. Back in a minute." Cas tossed his trench over a chair and left the room.
Dean looked back down at Sam's wide eyes. "What?"
Sam silently said "who?"
"Cas? That's my husband. We've been married for a while now. Two years. You should remember. You were my best man, after all. Don't worry," Dean soothed, seeing Sam's upset expression, "probably just the drugs. You're on a lot of them." He hoped to hell that's all it was.
"Not gay," was the next silent statement.
"Nope. Bisexual. You and Adam helped me figure that out. And Cas, of course."
Sam rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out at Dean.
"Happy?"
"Like you wouldn't believe, Sammy."
Sam smiled at that.
Lisa bustled back in, a large cup in hand. She handed Dean the cup and a spoon. "A little at a time please. Sam, you need to let them melt in your mouth. Don't try to chew them, or swallow them whole. Ok?" Sam nodded. "Let's sit you up a bit." The bed creaked as she pushed the button to lift the head to a slight angle. "Not too much, ok?" she smiled.
"Alright, bro, how 'bout some tasty Grade A ice chips?" Dean scooped a few onto the spoon and held it to Sam's mouth.
He rolled his eyes, but accepted them obediently. Sam sucked down ice chips and Dean kept them coming. Dean was handing him another spoonful when he noticed Sam's face had lost what little color it had left.
"Sam?"
Dean followed his brother's eyes, heart dropping to his toes when he realized Sam was staring at the blank space where his left leg should be. He looked back at Dean, eyes wide and terrified. The beeping monitor behind them started accelerating rapidly.
"Leg?" Sam asked silently, his lips forming the voiceless words. "Where is my leg? What happened?"
Setting the ice down, Dean almost jumped out of his skin when Sam's right hand grabbed his arm in a surprisingly strong grip.
"Sammy, calm down. I need you to calm down."
"Where is my leg?!" he asked again.
"You were in an accident. Your leg was - damaged. They tried, Sam, they really did."
"Where's Jess?" Sam asked hoarsely. "Where's my wife?"
Dean froze.
"No. No, you don't. No, Dean. Where's my wife?"
"Sammy, you gotta stop talking."
"Where's my wife?!" Sam yelled, the monitor beeping madly in the background.
"God, Sam." Dean shook his head, staring down at his hands. "I'm sorry, Sammy. I'm so sorry."
"No. No. Dean," Sam was back to whispers, his chin trembling, "no. Anything but that. Tell me - tell me you're kidding. It's not a nice joke, but I'll forgive you. Just - tell me you're kidding, Dean. Please. Please."
"I wish I was, Sam."
Sam stared, shocked into silence.
"God, no!" he wailed, "No. Not Jess! No, fuck, oh god!" Sam's face crumpled, tears flooded his cheeks, and the heart monitor took off at a ridiculously rapid pace. Cas, Dr. Vinton, and Lisa all seemed to appear at the same time.
Several other nurses joined them, and as they tended to Sam, Cas pulled Dean out of the chair and out of the room, dragging him down the hall to the waiting room.
Dean wondered when he'd starting sobbing.
"It's ok, Dean, it's ok," Cas soothed, rocking him in his arms. "I'm here. We can handle this. It's going to be ok."
He wanted to believe Cas. He wanted to believe that in time, everything would be ok. But it wouldn't be ok, not for Sam, not for Mari, not for Felicity. Jess was gone, and no one could bring her back.
It wasn't going to be ok.