Hello All! Thank you for all the amazing feedback! I am truly grateful for people taking the time to give me their comments and critics, he does help in improving the story and getting me inspired to write more, so THANK YOU!
Anywho, the title pretty much says it all. Hope you enjoy!
"Hi" Fitz breathed into the phone when he saw Olivia was calling him, relief washing over him.
Even though they were okay when he had left her house the night before, he was still afraid that she would be mad at him. He had been scared all night that she had, like him, relived their conversation a thousand times and had decided that he hurt her too badly to give him a chance. He had spent the night tossing and turning in his bed. He was no longer worried that she would sleep with another guy but he was now anxious that she would leave him. He had barely slept more than an hour and had been holding his breath up until the moment he saw her name on his phone.
"Hi." She breathed back. "Did I wake you?"
"No. I've been up for a while. I didn't expect you to be awake at 9am, though. I thought you would sleep a good part of the afternoon with the way you young guys and girls party these days!" He teased.
She giggled into the phone, warming his heart, before answering. "We didn't finish that late. Most people had a 1am permission so everyone left around 12.30. Abby, Huck and Harrison stayed to help me clean up and I went to bed soon after that. And now I'm all fresh and rested! Voila!" She laughed. "Now, I know you're like at LEAST in your forties but you don't look that old Fitz!" She teased
Fitz laughed at her antics and faked a choke. "In my forties? I'll get you for that comment Ms. Pope!" he warned, earning another chuckle from her. "So, did everybody have fun?"
"Yeah, I think everybody was pretty happy. You know, nothing too wild but good music and a few drinks. Plus, most people don't go to unsupervised parties so everyone enjoyed that."
"Good, good! So…" Fitz started, not sure how to bring the subject. "Hmm… Will I… Huh… Can we see each other today?" He asked in a small voice.
"That was the plan…" She answered, equally unsure. "I can be at your apartment in 30 minutes, does that work for you?"
"It's perfect. I'll see you then, Livvie."
"OK, see you in a bit, Fitz" She hung up the phone and started getting ready. She was really nervous about seeing him. She knew they needed to talk but she wasn't sure she was ready for it. She was still new to the whole relationship thing and hadn't meant to say everything she said last night. Sure, she meant every word of them but what if it was too much. Snap out of it, Olivia! She scolded herself. That's why you need to talk. She made her way to her car and drove to Fitz's place.
She got there early as usual and knocked on his door. He must have been waiting for her because the door opened almost immediately and she found herself face to face with him, all 6'2 of him and his charming smile. Even though he looked happy to see her, she couldn't help but notice the circles under his eyes and the paleness of his face. She was immediately worried.
"Fitz, are you okay?" She asked as he grabbed her hand and guided her inside his place before taking her coat.
"I'm great, why do you ask?"
"Well… No offence, but… You kind of look like shit…" She answered embarrassed, looking at her hands.
Fitz chuckled and wrapped his arms around her. "I'm fine, Olivia. I just didn't sleep as much as I should have, but now that you're here, I'm great!" He said looking in her eyes before kissing her softly. She quickly responded by wrapping her arms around his neck and holding him snugly to her. They finally broke away to breathe some air into their lungs and just stared at each other in silence with smiles plastered on their faces.
Fitz finally moved away. He took her hand in his and started moving them to the living room when he felt her holding back. He turned toward her with cocked eyebrows and asked her if she was alright.
"Huh, yeah… I'm fine. It's just… If we're going to discuss, I would feel more comfortable in the kitchen…" She confessed.
Fitz let go of her hand and looked at her with furrowed brows. What difference did it make if they were on the couch or at the kitchen table? He waited for her to explain her train of thoughts.
She took a deep breath and continued. "It's just that if we are on the couch, I know that at one point in the conversation, I'm going to want to touch you… And if you put on some of your swag, I just know that it's not gonna end there. And before we know it, we'll be going at it on the couch or the coffee table or God knows where and we won't be able to finish our conversation. So I think it's best if we sit at the table with some space between us…" She finished as soon as possible, avoiding his gaze.
Fitz stood still for a minute, shocked by her confession before he burst into laughter, not believing how cutely honest she was. Olivia looked at him slightly upset and waited for him to calm down. He wiped the tears that were falling from his eyes and tried to catch his breath while she looked at him, arms crossed on her chest.
"I'm sorry…" He managed to get out between chuckles. "It's just the cutest thing anyone has ever said to me!"
"It's not funny, Fitz! You're distracting!" She exclaimed.
Fitz raised his hands in surrender. "You're right, I'm sorry! Let's go to the kitchen, where my swag won't distract you." He teased, wiggling his eyebrows playfully.
Olivia turned and headed to the kitchen with a huff and muttered something under her breath. Fitz only caught the words "shouldn't be legal", "sexy goodness" and "body of a God". He smirked to himself and tried to regain his composure before walking in the kitchen and sitting down opposite her, readying himself for the conversation that was to come. They both took a deep breath and smiled weakly.
"Can I start?" Olivia asked and Fitz simply nodded. "Okay, I… I don't really know where to start. As you know, I've never been in a relationship, not even for just a week, so I don't really know how it is supposed to be, what I am supposed to do or what to expect, I'm kind of discovering things as it happens. Now, in addition to that, there's our whole under-the-radar situation that makes everything more difficult. I'm scared that I will out us or that we'll get discovered. I want to tell my friends about you and show you to the world, tell everyone I'm yours but I know it's not possible."
"And that's another problem, not the hiding but the fact that you're risking your job, you're risking your career right now and I just wonder if it's worth it for you. I'm afraid that you'll wake up soon and realize that dating me is not worth losing your job and being publicly humiliated. I mean if we ever get outed, people will be nice to me, say I am the victim and they'll blame everything on you and say that you forced me into this when I'm actually as responsible for this relationship as you. And I'm afraid that you'll hate me if that happens."
"I'm also scared because of our age difference. I mean, I'm only 18 and you're 26. I'm young and inexperienced and I'm scared you'll become bored of a relationship with a silly school girl. I'm afraid you'll look for something more, for someone who is as mature as you, who can challenge you intellectually, more than a high school senior…"
"You are a handsome, smart, kind and brilliant man. You're always putting my needs before yours. You're incredibly patient with me. You taught me so much both in and out of this relationship. You make me feel like the most important person in the world. You make me feel like I'm enough. You're perfect and I'm scared that you'll see that I'm not and you'll leave me…" She finished in a strangled voice.
Fitz had listened to her whole tirade without saying a word. He had wanted to interrupt her a thousand times, scream that she was crazy for thinking such things but he knew she needed to get it all out of her chest. She needed him to know so he could act accordingly. And he needed to know everything she felt if they wanted this relationship to work. He now looked at her, her head bowed, her hands in her lap, tears gathered in her eyes and his heart broke at the sight of her so vulnerable.
"Olivia…" He called softly. "Olivia, look at me." But she just shook her head, refusing to meet his gaze. "Olivia, please!" He begged. "I need you to look at me, to make sure you hear what I'm saying." She raised her head and met his eyes, taking in a deep breath to prepare herself for his answers. He smiled at her before starting.
"I feel I need to start by addressing your fears before I can explain mine. First of all, I know this is your first relationship but you need to know I'm as new at this as you are. Sure, I am older than you, but I've never been in a serious relationship. I've dated, I've been with women but this is the closest to a real boyfriend/girlfriend relationship that I've ever been. So just like you, I'm kind of walking on egg shells, I'm never sure if I'm going to say or do something wrong or scare you away. I'm just as lost as you are on how to behave. I think we should do what feels natural and make sure we talk."
"Regarding my career, I don't want you to ever worry about that. It is my job and my life, I made the decision to start a relationship with you knowing the risks if someone were to find out. I'm in this with open eyes and even though I don't feel like we're doing something wrong, I'm prepared to face the consequences. You are not a victim but I'm the adult here, I should be the one putting a stop to this. The thing is, I don't want to… The only problem I find to our situation is that I'm forcing YOU to hide, I'm reducing you to a dirty little secret, obliging you to live of stolen moments and you deserve so much better. You deserve someone who can take you out and show you off to the world, someone you can talk about to your friends, not someone you have to feel ashamed of."
"About our age difference, I am actually afraid of the same thing. You're young and you have a lot of things to experience, graduation, college, your first job… I'm afraid that along the way, you'll meet someone your age who will give you everything I can't. I'm afraid that you will then comprehend that you can do so much better than the old man that I am. Now, about me, I have dated women my age and it has never worked. And believe me when I say that none of them were as smart, mature and brilliant as you are. No woman, or man for that matter, has challenged me as much as you have. You are so much smarter than you realize!"
"And I'm not perfect, Olivia! Far from it. I have a lot of flaws, you just don't see them or don't want to see them. I mean you saw what happened yesterday, I was judgmental and quick to anger and insensitive. You are a beautiful, smart, compassionate person and you are really easy to fall for. And that's what scares me so much, how fast I'm falling for you. I mean, we've been together less than 2 weeks and I'm already more attached to you than I've been to anyone before. And that scares the shit out of me because it makes me act like a moron. Yesterday was only one example of it…"
"Actually, while we are on the subject of yesterday, I feel I need to explain myself… I apologize again and will keep apologizing for what I did and said but maybe if I tell you how I reasoned it will help you understand. I am a possessive man, I've always been that way, I just never found someone to be possessive of. I am also incredibly insecure and that was alright when I didn't have feelings for anyone. The problem is, now I have you and I am so afraid of losing you to someone else that it reduces me to a crazy caveman. I'm really trying to change but I just like you so much that the thought of you leaving makes me physically sick. I know I can trust you, my head knows, but there's this irrational part of me that just goes nuts when it comes to you. So again, I am truly sorry for my words yesterday and I hope you can forgive me and you can give me a chance to prove that I'm worth the headache." He finished with a half-hearted chuckle.
It was Olivia's turn to be stunned silent. She hadn't realized she had started crying until he finished talking but she could now feel the trails of tears on her cheeks and she quickly wiped them before setting her gaze on him once again. He looked like a scared kid but there was also an impression of relief in his posture. His shoulders were not as slumped as they were in the beginning of their conversation and there was a glimmer of hope in his eyes.
She moved her hand on the table, palm up, waiting for him to grab it. It only took him a second to comply and he squeezed it immediately welcoming the contact with her soft skin. She used her thumb to caress his knuckles before talking again.
"So we're both new to this, both scared that the other will leave, both feeling like we're not enough and both afraid that the other will realize that?" She summed up with a small laugh.
Fitz couldn't help but join her in her laugh. "Well, when you put it like that, it does sound kind of silly… Do you think it will help to know that?" He asked.
"I'm sure it will. We just need to talk more when we are unsure, not be afraid of sounding needy or dorky and if we take this one step at a time, I think we have a chance of actually making this work." She stated with a reassuring smile. Fitz said nothing but brought her hand to his lips and kissed it softly. Olivia shivered at the contact and suddenly felt really tired. She was emotionally drained from their discussion.
Fitz looked at her, seeing her exhausted expression and suddenly stood up, pulling on her hand and silently guiding her through the apartment only stopping once they were in the bathroom. He turned to face her and wrapped his arms around her once again, engulfing her in the warmth of his embrace.
"Take a bath with me?" He asked.
She looked up at him with a big smile and nodded before clutching his head and kissing him with unrestrained passion.
And that was THE talk! I know they had a few little talks but that was the big one. I'm a little nervous about this chapter, I'm not completely comfortable with long conversations and I hope I didn't make it too complicated or corny. Let me know what you think!
I'll probably write a short chapter on the bath to give you a little light-hearted sweetness after this chapter before diving back in the story and progressing further. No idea where I'm going to go from here, if anyone has any idea, feel free to suggest anything! Otherwise, I'll just see when inspiration strikes.
Thank you for reading!
Cheers,
C.