Maura wasn't a drinker; in fact, besides her nightly wine or an occasionally glass of champagne, the young medical examiner would hardly consider herself an alcohol lover. No, Maura loved being in control – she loved knowing exactly what she was doing at exactly the right time in exactly the right way, whether it be scientifically or otherwise. She needed that consistency, that reassurance; ultimately, Maura hated the unexpected. And drinking? Well, Maura Isles had never been one to hold her liquor very well. She opted only to drink socially, and never would she find herself so incapacitated by an exorbitant amount of alcohol that she forgot her name or was completely unable to control her actions.
So how she ended up in the Dirty Robber at three in the afternoon, she couldn't tell herself. Or rather, Maura didn't want to acknowledge it. She let herself fall into the farthest booth from the bar, slinking into the shadows of the dimly lit pub. Her only company was the bar tender, someone who Maura had never seen before. This didn't surprise her. The only time she went to the Dirty Robber was late at night with Jane and their coworkers, during the hustle and bustle of the evening after work crowd. This man was not as young or fresh looking as the well chiseled, grinning young college men who tended the bar in the late evenings; no, Pete, as he introduced himself, was older and grayer, his chin covered in prickly white hairs. He had nodded to her when he entered, took her order (a margarita, and then another, and then another) and let Maura be, which was exactly what the blonde wanted. She wanted to be alone. No guards, no Jane, no dead bodies – alone. Thoroughly, unreservedly alone.
It hadn't been easy. It wouldn't be any easier later, either, Maura knew. She took another long sip of her margarita. Jane would come find her. She always did. Sooner or later the tall, havoc ridden detective would come bursting through that door and ask Maura what the hell she was thinking. Maura wouldn't have an answer for her, though. She didn't know what she was thinking. There was someone out there trying to kill her and there Maura was, sitting in a bar, sipping a margarita like she were lounging on a beach. And Jane – oh, Maura thought regretfully. Poor Jane. She knew Jane would be angry. Furious, even, that Maura had left her security detail on a mere whim to indulge in such a ridiculous beverage. Maura cared about that, she did. She cared about Jane. She cared about Jane's feelings, emotions, problems.
She tipped the drink back and drained the last bit out. The glass knocked against the other two empty ones and she signaled Pete for another. It wasn't that Maura wasn't comfortable with her sexuality. If there was one thing Maura was comfortable about, it was sex. But that this time it was Jane – her Jane – her best friend in the world, Jane... it made it different. It made everything harder. As Pete slid her drink across the table, Maura coddled the glass between her two hands, staring mindlessly at the cool green lime wedged onto the rim. The nausea building in the pit of her stomach screamed for her to stop. Her blood ran hot in her veins. She could feel the woozy after-effects of alcohol messing with her head. The sensible side of Maura slid the full drink away from her, letting her body rest against the faux leather of the table booth. "What am I doing?" she whispered, one hand swiping at her warm brow. The phone call with her half-sibling had shaken her. There was no doubt about that. She could fool herself into thinking that this outrageous binge had only to do with her feelings with Jane, but even sober Maura felt herself spiraling out of control, faster than she ever had before. She had a family. She had a sister. She talked to her sister.
Her hands crept forward and she took a small sip of the margarita. It was a small sip, just enough to wet her lips before she crashed back down in the booth, overcome with her emotions. Always the weepy drunk, Maura thought bitterly. Across the room the bar door slid open and familiar, heavy footsteps met Maura's ears. She could hear her name being called, feel Jane's hands gripping roughly onto her own bare shoulders. Her tears masked Jane's voice and, seemingly admitting defeat, Jane quit speaking and only held Maura against her own body, letting the waves of tears rock heavily from Maura's heart and crash into Jane's. Maura wasn't sure how long they had sat there, Jane rocking Maura rhythmically against the beat of her own cries. "Maura," she said hoarsely. Maura felt Jane's body pull away – the warmth was gone, the security was gone. It was only replaced, albeit mildly, when Jane gripped her hand tightly, squeezing reassuringly. "What happened?" Maura let one eye pop open; this, she considered, was incredibly brave in herself. She didn't know what she would see when she looked at Jane in the eye. Would Jane be angry at her for taking off? But instead of finding the Rizzoli fire behind those dark brown eyes, Maura found only worry. Compassion. Genuine concern.
"She didn't want me." answered Maura. "But she had three other kids."
Jane frowned. "Maur," she stretched across the table and grabbed a fist full of napkins, holding them out to Maura so she could wipe her eyes. Muttering a thank you, Maura dabbed daintily, knowing that it was a hopeless cause to try and not smear her makeup. She was sure it all came off on Jane's shoulder anyway. "She had her other children later in life. She was eighteen when she had you. She wasn't ready,"
"She could have c-come back," explained Maura, dropping the stack of napkins on the table. Pete looked over with rapt attention to the two ladies, but he said nothing, merely taking interest in organizing a sea of glasses. "In the," she swallowed hard. "-the letter, she," she paused again. "-she said she wasn't a mother. She couldn't be a mother. That it didn't interest her," She ripped another napkin in half, the feel of it ripping through her fingers giving her some sense of control that she desperately grasped at. "So why did she go and have three kids?"
"People change. They want different things."
There was a long silence between the two. The only noise was the clinking of glasses behind them at the bar. When Maura finally drudged up the words from somewhere in the vast pits of her mind, she spoke softly, almost so quietly that Jane wanted to ask her to repeat it. "Why didn't anyone want me?"
"How could you ever think that nobody wanted you, Maura?" Jane asked emphatically.
"Hope didn't want me," said Maura aggressively, flinging her arm in one direction. "Constance didn't want me," she said, flinging her other arm.
"Alright," Jane stood up, grabbing Maura by the wrist and pulling. "I'm taking you home. You're drunk, you're emotional, you look like hell-" This made Maura look up. "Let me take you home and we will talk about all of this when you're sober." Maura barely fought. Her arms were tired and legs wobbly; she could feel her heavy eyes already drooping with exhaustion. Jane wrapped her long arms around her friend, guiding her out of the bar with a careful eye around them, an eye always looking for any trouble. She waved senselessly at the bar tender, flashing the badge hooked on her belt, a way of telling him that she would be back to pay for Maura's drinks another time. He didn't say anything, just watched the two girls go and continued rubbing the spots from the bar glasses.
Maura slumped into Jane's car fairly easily. Her head rested against the cold glass window pain, her eyes sliding open and shut. Ever so often she would mumble something entirely too incoherent for Jane to understand. It was an easy and effortless drive back to Jane's apartment. They encountered little traffic, and with the exception of a few bumps in the road, at which Maura jumped wildly awake, looking around rather startled, before slinking back down into her sleepy position, the ride was uneventful. Jane hooked her arm under Maura's and pulled, helping the broken doctor into the apartment.
It surprised Jane when, once inside, Maura perked up considerably. The tears began to fall again and Maura slunk down onto the couch and curled into a small ball, her hair masking her face.
"Maur," muttered Jane, nudging Maura and sitting down beside her. "C'mon, let's get you into bed. You just need to sleep this off. Come on..."
"I just don't understand." Maura lifted her head and looked at Jane, brown eyes meeting brown eyes. "I really don't. I can understand a dead body, but I can't understand the decision of living, breathing human being. There are two hundred and six bones in an adult human body, Jane. Cranial consists of eight bones; frontal, parietal, temporal, occipital, sphenoid, and e-ethmoid." she sniffled and continued, her voice rough and raspy from all the crying. "And our brain... we make decisions." Maura stopped, looking confused for a moment. "I can tell you exactly where in the brain someone bled out. I can tell you how long someone's brain was deprived of oxygen. All of that, I can do. But I can't tell you, Jane. I can't tell you..." she began shaking her head, turning away from Jane and staring at the door. "I can't tell you why people make the decisions they make. In life, in love, in anything. I can't do that."
"No one expects you too." said Jane. "Hey, look at me. Maura," Jane glowered, bringing a hand up and guiding Maura's face back to her own. "You are brilliant. And yeah, maybe you don't know about the feelings or the emotions or any of the crap, but who the hell cares? You wouldn't be Maura if you did," she smiled, swiping at a tear still resting on Maura's cheek. "Besides, you got me to teach you that stuff. You gotta leave me somethin', Maur. You know everything else." Maura looked down at the floor. "Come on. Bed. Now."
"No," mumbled Maura. "I just want to stay here." she pouted sleepily.
"Maur, this couch is a piece of crap. I got it at the salvation army for 50 bucks, and the pull out bed isn't made. Just get into my bed-"
"You know," she muttered. "I wonder if my mother ever really wanted me. Constance, not Hope. Did she just not have the heart to send me someplace else? Is that why she was so... so..." Jane sighed and leaned down, pulling at Maura's arm, hoping the drunken girl would give in. Maura stood, but she didn't move.
Resembling a strong-willed toddler, Maura ripped her arm back from Jane and stood defiantly in place. "We can do this the easy way," smirked Jane. "Or the hard way." Maura hated when Jane used her own words against her. Still, she stood firmly in place, not moving and barely batting an eyelash. "Maura," a defeated Jane sighed. "I wish I could tell you that I know how you feel. I wish I could say that I had some advice for you, or I could help you in some way, but I can't. I don't know how this feels. I know you feel hurt, I know you feel abandoned – hell, you've probably felt that way your entire life. I know none of this is what you want to here. The only thing I can do take care of you, the same you would do for me. That's the only thing I know how to do." she held her hand out once more. "Let me help you in the one way I know how." It didn't take many steps for Maura to fall into Jane's arms. It knocked the detective back a little, Maura's body weight throwing her off balance. And before Jane knew what Maura was doing, and before Maura knew what Maura was doing, their lips met; it was brief, chaste, almost unrecognizable as a kiss – and when the shorter of the two pulled away, her cheeks still tear streaked and eyes still a swollen, puffy red, she brushed past Jane and walked straight towards the bedroom. She was lying on the bed asleep by the time Jane had regained use of her legs. Tugging the covers back and over Maura's body, Jane flicked the light off and went back to the couch, falling backwards and running a hand over her exhausted features.
"What was that?" her voice asked the darkness.
A big thanks to Laoise Potter (go check her FanFics!) for reading a portion of this chapter before hand and giving me a little feed back. I try and stay as true to the characters as possible and I was a little nervous about having Maura drunk, but I think it ended up being okay. :) I hope you agree! This chapter is probably my favorite thus far. Another chapter will probably be up next Saturday.
Remember: reviews are saving innocent children from child eating monkey thieve robot ninja warriors. Or something like that. Just tell me what you think ;D haha