The bunny has spoken!
Chapter Ten
"As Bobby would say: balls," pronounced Sam.
"Not the news you wanted, then?" asked Kaz, as the Winchesters sat down to their lunch.
"Well, the bad news is, the lady who in all likelihood cast the spell died yesterday," explained Dean. "The good news is, Bobby is spending the afternoon surrounded by ladies who want to feed him up, and 'take care of him', so he might not be home tonight..."
"Dean!" snapped Sam.
"I'm just sayin'," Dean defended himself. "Just because a man's a widower, doesn't mean he has to live like a monk. Should I reach his age, I certainly intend to continue to dance the mattress mambo, the horizontal hula, the frisky funtimes fandango with suitably agreeable women..."
"Dean!" yelped Sam.
"And if one of 'em happens to be up for some informed consenting Special Cuddles, then I say he should go for it. Provided her beard isn't any longer than his, of course..."
"DEAN!" shouted Sam, with a searing Bitchface #3™ (I Wish You'd Let Your Upstairs Brain Drive More Often). "Shut! Up!"
"Just because you're happy to let yours shrivel up and drop off as you get older," muttered Dean, turning back to his lunch.
"We'll see what he has to say when he gets back," Sam glared at his brother, "He's gonna ask around, see if any of her friends might be able to help, but he doubts it."
"Don't worry, Kaz," Dean reassured her, "We'll figure something out. And in the meantime, you are spectacularly wonderful just as you are." He sank his teeth into his grilled ham and cheese. "Mmmmmmm, this is good. Are there any of those little apple pastries left?" he added plaintively.
"I have every faith in you," she told them when she headed back to the kitchen with their dishes.
"And I have every faith in your appetite," sniped Sam. "You are definitely getting better."
...oooooOOOOOooooo... ...oooooOOOOOooooo... ...oooooOOOOOooooo... ...oooooOOOOOooooo... ...oooooOOOOOooooo...
When Bobby returned late that night, the news wasn't good. Alexandra's friends and sisters had been sympathetic, but confirmed that it wasn't something any of them could undo.
"Seems like she did pull the Pygmalion trick," Bobby consulted his notes, "Not something your average magissa could pull off. She was good at what she did, and good with what she did."
"So, does that mean we have to petition Aphrodite to undo it?" asked Sam.
"Ha! Good luck with that," Bobby snorted humourlessly. "How often do you think gods and goddesses do what humans ask them to, even humans who are their devout worshippers? It was only Alexandra's power and standing in the Craft that let her pull this off. If we tried it, it would just be like so much background white noise. It would be like tryin' to shout to someone across town in a hurricane."
"It's late. Everybody should be in bed," announced Kaz firmly, eyeing Dean. "Dean especially. He's still sick, and very tired, but insisted on waiting up for you, Bobby."
"I'm not tired!" protested Dean with a huge yawn.
"Yes you are," Bobby chuckled, "And so am I. I call bedtime. We can't do anything tonight – we get some rest, then start again fresh tomorrow."
The household retired, with Kaz bringing them hot chocolate as a nightcap. Sam marvelled at how compliant Dean was as she dosed him with his evening meds, then tucked the bedclothes around him as she wished them both goodnight. Dean was snoring gently as she turned out the light.
Bobby finished his chocolate, but couldn't sleep. He tossed, turned, and pounded his pillow into submission, but his brain refused to shut off. It was always like that when something was affecting his boys; his mind just wouldn't stop worrying at the problem, like a Rottweiler with a particularly delicious burglar.
A goddess. They'd only gone and got their car... animated? Humanified? He didn't even know what the correct word was. But they'd had it done to their car by a damned goddess. How could humans tackle that sort of intervention?
They couldn't, he realised. As Dean would say, they were going to need a bigger boat.
He hauled himself back out of bed, and stiffly sank to his knees, putting his hands together.
"Now I lay me down to sleep,
The boys out cold without a peep,
I pray for help to Castiel
To help undo a potent spell
That has transformed Dean's much loved car,
Cast by a dear old magissa.
Instead of panels, engine, wheels,
She now has twin-set, and low heels.
Dean's beloved Chevrolet
Is walkin' round on legs all day,
Transformed by that well-meaning mage
To lady of a certain age.
It hasn't been a nasty trick –
She's looking after Dean. He's sick,
He has a cold, but she's been there
To soothe his fever, stroke his hair
And general'y fuss over him.
She even took Sam for a trim,
Which was a most impressive feat,
To get the Sasquatch lookin' neat.
It now transpires this spellcast mess
Was worked by asking a goddess,
She asked the help of Aphrodite –
Too much power for us, allrighty,
So I hope that you can aid
Our quest to undo this upgrade
To human form, 'cause Sam and Dean
Need transport from their old machine,
She is their wheels, she is their home,
Their family made of steel and chrome,
And through the Hunt and all mayhem
I know she'll still look after them."
He paused briefly.
"And if before it's done I die,
Tell Kaz I said she makes great pie.
Amen."
He shuffled back into bed, and managed to nod off.
...oooooOOOOOooooo... ...oooooOOOOOooooo... ...oooooOOOOOooooo... ...oooooOOOOOooooo... ...oooooOOOOOooooo...
Long after Sam had bounced out of bed and headed downstairs, Dean was still huddled under the covers. Kaz sat next to him, a hand on his shoulder.
"How are you feeling, Dean?" she asked solicitously.
"Nrrrrrrrg," went Dean.
"I told you, you should've gone to bed earlier last night," she chided gently, feeling his forehead. "You got yourself overtired. Do you feel sick?"
"Headache," he moaned, his face screwing up in discomfort.
"Well, why don't you stay here in bed for a while," she told him, stroking his hair, "Get a little more sleep, and I'll bring you a lemon drink when you wake up."
Gradually, the moaning subsided, and his face relaxed. If Sam had been there, he probably would've made some comment about cats, and waiting to see if Dean would start purring.
"Is that better?" Kaz asked.
"Mmmhmmmm," replied Dean with a small smile, not even opening his eyes.
He must've dozed off for a bit, because he gradually became aware that he was awake again, warm and comfortable, and his headache was backing off. The reassuring presence sitting behind him was still there, and it gave him a warm, fuzzy feeling that he'd never admit to, to know that she was there, wanting to make him feel better.
"Mom used to do that," he told her in a quiet voice, "The hair stroking thing. When I was sick."
The weight behind him shifted slightly, and the hand began gently carding through his hair again. He let out a small sigh.
"I think it was just the fact that she was there," he sighed, letting his eyes close, "And cared about me, and wanted me to feel better." There was comfortable silence as he let himself relax into the touch, sliding gently back towards sleep. "I think it worked," he mumbled with a little smile, as warm darkness reached out to enfold him, "My headache's gone..."
"I am gratified that I was able to do something effective to help alleviate the symptoms of your illness, Dean," said a serious, gravelly voice behind him.
...oooooOOOOOooooo... ...oooooOOOOOooooo... ...oooooOOOOOooooo... ...oooooOOOOOooooo... ...oooooOOOOOooooo...
They heard the outraged shrieking from the kitchen.
"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" came the strangled, screeching cry, interrupted by coughing, then followed by a solid thumping sound. "CAAAAS! PERSONAL! SPACE!"
Exchanging bewildered looks, Bobby and Sam headed upstairs, Kaz behind them.
Dean was a bug-eyed, panting, shrieking bundle of tangled bedclothes and thrashing limbs on the floor. Castiel stood with his head cocked, gazing mildly at the outraged man on, who tried to cover himself with his pink bunny blankie.
"My apologies," intoned the angel, as Kaz tutted and moved forward with Sam to help Dean up.
Dean was having none of it. "Gaaaaaaaah!" he went again, clutching his pink blankie around himself.
"God's tits!" yapped Bobby, "What the hell is goin' on here?"
"Creepy angel!" gibbered Dean, glaring at Castiel, "Creepy angel creeping! Creepy, pervy, creepy angel! Pervy creepy angel! Creeping!"
"Dean, honey, calm down," soothed Kaz, seating him on Sam's bed, while Sam wrestled the bedclothes into submission and began to remake Dean's bed, "It's just Castiel, he's come to visit you."
"He's come to violate me!' shrieked Dean, flapping a hand at Castiel in agitation, "Bad touch! Bad touch! Creeeeeeepyyyyyyy!" He subsided into another coughing fit, as Kaz patted him on the back.
"Hello Bobby, hello Sam," said Castiel. "I am sorry, Dean," he turned back to the older Winchester, "It was not my intention to startle you."
"Er, Cas," began Sam, "What did you do?"
"He touched my hair," muttered Dean, glaring daggers at the Angel of the Lord.
"He touched your hair?" echoed Sam.
"I touched his hair," confirmed Castiel.
Bobby fixed Dean with a look of disbelief. "So, you're screamin' like the Prom Queen who feels a hand up her dress, and we come runnin' up here and find you screaming violation, because he touched your hair?"
Dean squirmed a bit. "He did it in a really creepy way," he pouted.
"Again, I offer my apologies," said Castiel, "But you intimated that you enjoyed the sensation, and because you were feeling unwell, I only wished to..."
"Gaaaaaaaah!" Dean wailed, clutching at Kaz, "He's creeeeeepyyyyyyy!"
"Dean, calm down, sweetie," she told him gently but firmly, putting an arm around him. Dean let out another distressed noise, and buried his face in her shoulder. She tutted at him, and began to stroke his hair again.
Castiel looked confused. "I thought that such an action was deemed 'creepy'," he queried.
"Not when she does it," came the grumpy, muffled reply.
"Just ignore Miss Melodrama there," Bobby rolled his eyes, "He's been a burr under the saddle since he got sick..." Dean extended on arm, and flipped him off. "Thank you for coming, Castiel. As you can see, we got ourselves a problem." He jerked a thumb at Kaz. "She has fewer wheels and more limbs than usual."
Castiel stared at Kaz with his Patented Eye-Sex Stare Of Doom briefly, while she shushed Dean. "You are correct in your surmise," he told Bobby, "This is the work of Aphrodite. Deities as a rule rarely grant requests made to them by mortals, but occasionally, a powerful and moving request may capture their attention. Aphrodite does have a bit of what I suspect you would call 'a soft spot' for altruistic requests."
"Well, can you undo it?" asked Bobby. "It's not that we don't like her like this, she's been just wonderful, lookin' after Dean, doin' the laundry and the cookin'..."
"Dragging unwilling victims to their doom in the hairdresser's lair," muttered Sam.
"...But it aint proper," Bobby finished, with a quick glare at Sam. "She's their car. The boys need their transport, and their home."
Castiel did his Diagnostic MRI Stare thing again. "No," he announced finally, "I cannot undo this. I may be Sheriff of Heaven," he added with a small smile, "But I am not God, and I am not a god."
"Balls," humphed Bobby, deflating visibly.
Sam sank down onto the bed he was making. "We're screwed," he sighed plaintively. "No offence, Kaz," he added quickly, and she smiled at him, "But... well, it looks as though we may have to start looking for another car. One that can accommodate three people." He smiled briefly. "We've never been on the road for long with a, uh, female relative. It could take a little bit of adjustment to get used to life with Auntie Kaz looking after us. For a start, we'll have to book two rooms..."
"Nonsense," smiled Kaz, "I am perfectly at home being your home, remember. I actually like to listen to your arguing, because I know that it's how you express your affection for each other."
Castiel nodded. "I have noticed them do that," he told her, "And while I can recognise the context, I have never gained a good understanding about how being rude to each other somehow demonstrates brotherly love."
"Understanding it isn't important, so long as you recognise it," she said, helping Dean sit up and holding a tissue for him to blow his nose into. "Some of my fondest memories are of nights spent on the road, in the middle of nowhere, having these two inside me, bickering away about who gets the front and who gets the back..."
Sam suddenly wheezed and coughed. "Oh, Sam, honey," Kaz asked in a concerned voice, leaning over to feel his forehead, "You're not getting it too, are you?"
Bobby shook his head. "First thing we gotta do," he muttered, "Is teach you to stop thinkin' like a passenger vehicle..."
"Alternatively, you could ask Aphrodite to undo this enchantment," suggested Castiel.
"Considered that," Bobby told him, "But we can't generate the juice. That would take a powerful spell to get her attention, then convince her to do it. We just don't have the know-how, the background, or the power to do that."
"Not from here, no," Castiel conceded. "But I was thinking more of a personal visit."
Three pairs of eyes bugged at him. "You mean...:" breathed Sam.
"Yes," Castiel confirmed. "If you wish it, I can make arrangements for us to visit Aphrodite."
After the idea sank in, Bobby nodded. "Okay," he agreed, "It sounds like it's our only option. If you could tee that up, Castiel, we would be very grateful.
"Then I shall do so, and return when arrangements are in place." He turned back to Dean. "Dean, I am truly sorry to have startled you when I arrived," he intoned seriously.
"It's okay," Dean told him, "Just don't do it again."
"But now that I am here, I can heal you of the viral infection that is causing your current illness," the angel went on.
Dean looked from Cas, to Kaz, then back again, and thought about soup, lemon drinks, fluffy blankies and bedtime magazine readings. "It's okay, Cas," he assured the angel, "I'm nearly better, and Kaz has it under control."
If you're going to leave a review without logging in, don't forget to put your name in the top bit where the default is 'Guest', so I know who's out there...
Reviews are the Fun of Sneaking Up On The Winchester Of Your Choice And Touching His Hair In The Bedroom Of Life!