The rain had let up long enough for the remaining burials to take place before it cut loose from the sky with demanding fervor. For nine days straight the world was awash in grey while ash and soot was washed away and the stench that had been in the land was but a memory; vivid and intense and horrid in its ramification, but still only a memory.
But the day after the last day of official mourning for the kingdom the sun broke out in a blaze of glory, drying the land in its warm gladness. And the Elves were thankful.
Nothing could replace those lives that were lost in the assault; for centuries to come the Elves of Mirkwood would feel the loss of their loved ones. But for all their grief, seeing the sun again seemed to be a herald of better times to come.
With the advent of this new day also began one of the most ambitious building projects that Mirkwood had ever had in the recollection of all but the oldest of Elves. Despite his deep grief for those lives lost, including those of several dear friends, Legolas took his role of acting king seriously during the week of mourning. Every day he met with both his father's advisors and Mithrandir, laying the groundwork for rebuilding so that when the sun came out, the Elves suddenly found themselves with something new to occupy their time and energy.
They began with the perimeter, strengthening the wall that surrounded their keep against the attacks of those creatures that lived in the forest. Powerful spells were cast by Mithrandir to fortify the surround and while the rebuilding would end up taking several years to complete, the kingdom immediately began to feel more secure and they praised Legolas highly for his leadership in the face of such monumental challenges to his reign.
Even Legolas, the hesitant king, found new energy in the project he himself had created. Still unaccustomed to the weight of responsibility that his father had fielded all these centuries he nevertheless began to feel more comfortable in the role than he ever had before. Perhaps having the support of friends like Revion and Gondien, the advice of a wise wizard, and the love of a wonderful Elf like Haldir helped bolster him, but even so, the prince began to feel less guilty and became more determined than ever to return his father's kingdom to its former strength with every passing day.
"There was nothing more you could have done," Haldir had told him on more than one occasion, "You did your father's bidding to aid the Dwarves, and it was a valiant thing to do. You cannot continue to beat yourself up over the fact that you are still only one Elf and there is no possible way for you to have been in two places at once. Even if you had not left, this attack could still have happened."
Legolas did not know when he started to believe Haldir's words, but by the time the plans were ready for laying the new foundation for the kingdom, he had taken them to heart.
"Why do you love me?" he asked Haldir after the first day of rebuilding, wanting to feel the comfort that he found in his words. He was lying in his arms, content for the moment.
Haldir looked up in surprise. "I think you're beautiful, Legolas, both inside and out. The world has been recently cruel to you and yet you still manage to persevere and stand firm in the face of such adversity."
"I hardly think I've stood firm," Legolas observed almost sarcastically. "I've fought so hard against the responsibilities that come with being royalty and when the role of king is suddenly thrust upon my shoulders, I've done nothing but waffle between one decision and the next."
"Well, I'd hardly expect you to be the perfect king in your first few weeks," Haldir answered.
Legolas shrugged, saying nothing. He still had his personal beliefs on this matter, no matter what Haldir thought. But that Haldir thought such things warmed him in a way he could not quite understand. Then, thinking back to Haldir's answer to his question, he changed the subject.
"So is that really why you love me?" he asked slyly, "It has nothing whatsoever to do with your dreams the river gave you?"
He felt Haldir stiffen beneath him. "How do you know about those?" he asked tensely.
"You talk in your sleep, meleth," Legolas answered, chuckling.
Haldir's eyes went wide and he groaned. "So you've known all this time?"
"Yes!" answered Legolas, grinning and feeling quite self-satisfied. "It's been fun watching you try to cover up your feelings whenever I came in the room…"
"You're cruel, meleth-nin," said Haldir feeling slightly disgruntled.
Legolas twisted to look into Haldir's unhappy face. He smiled and quickly leaned in to peck Haldir on the lips. "Relax, meleth," he said, "I loved you, too."
Haldir still felt like holding on to his perturbation but despite himself he could feel some of the tension drain. "I feel better then, thinking of you equally uncomfortable with your thoughts that you couldn't do anything about those feelings," he answered somewhat satisfied.
"That I did, Haldir, that I did," Legolas answered, pulling Haldir into his embrace. Burying his head into the mane of Haldir's hair he kissed his neck before leaving a lingering kiss on his beloved's mouth. "Thank the Valar I got over myself," he murmured.
Haldir smiled, his discontentment leaving him entirely. "Thank the Valar indeed," he answered, capturing his prince's lips in his own once more.
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"Legolas! Come quick! Your father is awake!"
The cry reached his ears before the messenger did. He looked up from the plans he was working on, startled. Meeting his eyes was a young ellon he knew from the palace running towards him, his eyes wild. The boy reached him slightly breathless and stared at Legolas intently. "Your father!" he urged, tugging Legolas's sleeve.
A light came to the prince's eyes. "When?" he asked, abandoning his work to follow the youth.
"Just now! Your friend Gondien was with him and the king suddenly stirred and opened his eyes. Gondien called out and grabbed me as I was passing the room and told me to come get you."
"I'm glad you did!" cried Legolas, running towards the palace. "Thank you ever so much!"
"Your welcome!" the ellon answered, excited to see his prince seem glad for the first time in many months. "Tell the king I am glad for his return!"
"I will!" Legolas promised. The boy smiled and waved and fell behind, his original chore forgotten in his enthusiasm.
Legolas reached his father's room in record speed. He scarcely dared to hope…
But sure enough when he looked into the room, Thranduil was sitting up, awake and alert.
"Ada!" Legolas cried gladly, throwing himself onto his father's lap and pulling his father into an enormous hug.
"Legolas, child," answered Thranduil, surprised at his son's reaction and unsure how to respond.
"Ada, I'm so glad to have you back!" Legolas said, joyful tears streaming down his face.
"Gondien tells me I have been asleep for over three months," Thranduil told him, hardly able to believe such news.
"Closer to four months, actually," Legolas answered.
"Four months!" the king exclaimed. "I scarcely can believe it!" He fell silent for a moment. "So you have been king in my absence," he said finally, his face unreadable.
Before Legolas could respond, however, a voice interrupted from the hallway. "Legolas! I heard the good news! King Thranduil! It is wonderful to see you awake, sir!"
"Haldir!" Thranduil answered, amazement in his voice. "What are you still doing here?"
"Ah," Haldir stalled, unsure how to respond.
"Ada," Legolas interjected, "a lot has happened during these months. We need to talk."
"We do indeed, Legolas," Thranduil answered. "It's time you brought me up to date."
"That can come later, Ada," Legolas said firmly. "Right now is not the time."
"Now is always a good time," Thranduil stressed, "I need to know what has happened since I fell asleep."
Haldir, Gondien, and Legolas all exchanged glances.
Seeing this silent exchange, Thranduil prompted his son. "Legolas?" he asked.
"Ada, perhaps you should get dressed and take a turn about the palace. You haven't walked in a long time and you should try to regain your strength."
"You're stalling, Legolas," Thranduil answered, brushing off Legolas's excuse. "Why don't you start by telling me, ah yes, I remember, what happened with the Dwarves? It's all so hazy now, I can hardly remember what my dreams were and what reality was, but as I recall, the last thing that happened was that I was sitting down with a contingency from Erabor. What happened then?"
Legolas sighed, resigned. "Haldir, Gondien, could you give us some privacy?" he asked.
The two Elves nodded and took their leave, closing the door behind them.
"I'm glad I'm not in Legolas's shoes," Gondien commented as they walked away.
Haldir nodded. "Me too, mellon-nin, me too." But in his heart he wished he was by Legolas's side, supporting him through what was sure to be a difficult conversation.
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All in all, Legolas did not know what to make of his conversation with his father. It could have been worse. But it could have been better. Mostly, however, it left him feeling slightly confused and above all, he honestly could not begin to fathom what his father was thinking. He was so non-committal, so stoic and calm that Legolas might have doubted that he heard his son at all, but for the look of concern etched in his face.
A knock sounded on the door.
"It's open, Haldir," Legolas called, not stirring from his seat in the open window.
The door opened and Haldir stepped in, carefully closing it behind him. "How did it go?" he asked, avoiding asking Legolas how he knew it was him knocking.
Legolas shrugged distractedly. "I'm not sure."
"What do you mean?" Haldir asked, settling himself in the chair opposite Legolas.
"Well, he did not shout or scold," Legolas answered, then paused. "In fact he did not say much at all."
Haldir arched his eyebrow thoughtfully. "Well, it is rather a lot to take in all at once," he commented, "and take it from someone who knows; emerging from dreams such as the river can provide is a very disorienting thing. I was only asleep for three days. Your father is dealing with nearly a third of a year's worth. I would imagine it is hard for him to emerge to what is reality, what his life is and what it means for him to be king after existing in a world limited only by the expanse of imagination."
"I suppose you're right," Legolas answered.
"Did he speak of what he dreamt?" Haldir asked, suddenly curious.
Legolas threw back his head and laughed shortly. "No! And I suspect he never will."
"Why do you say that?" Haldir asked. "It would seem that as this has been his entire life these past months he would be bound to mention something at least once in a while, even if it's in a moment of disorientation."
Legolas looked at Haldir with an odd look on his face.
Haldir felt a nervous smile touch his lips at Legolas's scrutiny. "What?" he asked.
"You really don't know my father at all," Legolas answered, smiling.
"I'd commend your powers of observation," retorted Haldir, "if that wasn't such an obvious statement."
"My father is never confused or disoriented," Legolas explained. "Or at least he will never appear so. He is so in control, always in command of his thoughts and feelings. And to reveal his dreams would be too personal, like giving away some great part of himself that he's just unable to give."
"That makes sense somehow," Haldir commented. "From what little I do know of him he does seem like the sort to keep that sort of thing to himself. But even to his son? Will he not even stop being the king in your presence and let his own family in?"
Legolas gave him a wry look. "He will keep me at arm's length especially. I don't really know him all that well; I don't know if he has anyone he turns to, if he has anyone he calls a true friend."
"Surely he must," argued Haldir, "No one can be so isolated, so alone in the world as to not have anyone to love."
"I can't argue that," said Legolas warmly, a look of fondness coming to his eyes as he looked at the Elf who had captured his heart. "But I do know that since my mother died my father has been a different person. I was very young when she died; I barely remember her. But I do remember that after she died my father and I just stopped being able to communicate. And when I finally realized that I preferred males, well, it pretty much effectively stopped any real relationship that we might have had. Basically I don't ask questions about his life and he doesn't ask about mine."
Haldir looked at Legolas aghast. "I cannot imagine what that would be like," he said quietly. "I've always been closed to my family."
"Count yourself fortunate, then, meleth."
"I do," said Haldir, taking Legolas's hand in his own and kissing his fingers while looking up into his eyes lovingly. "I do."
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"How are you doing, mellon-nin?" Legolas asked Revion.
Revion looked back at his long-time friend with a haunted look in his eyes. He looked worn and tired and seemed only a shell of the Elf he had been only a fortnight ago. How deeply can one moment affect the rest of one's life! Legolas's heart ached for Revion, but he knew no words that could help heal the wounds to his soul.
"I don't know how to live without her," Revion said, his voice rasping and void of all the lightness Legolas had always known whenever he spoke.
Legolas clasped his friend's shoulder in a friendly gesture then gathered his friend in his arms in deep compassion. Revion stood limp and unresponsive to his touch. Legolas was glad Revion could not see the look of concern bordering on despair that was certain to be on his face.
"Oh my friend," Legolas said, trying to comfort him, "you will find joy again."
Revion shook his head hopelessly. "No," he answered. "Raina was my joy. Without her, I cannot live."
Suddenly Revion pulled out of Legolas's embrace and looked deeply into his eyes. "If you ever find the one you love, Legolas, run, run, to her and never ever let her go."
Legolas nodded, his throat dry.
"Promise me, Legolas," Revion insisted, the first look of the old passion coming to his eyes since they had returned to Mirkwood.
"I promise," Legolas whispered. "I promise."
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Days began to merge together and the weeks sped by as Mirkwood slowly began to recover from the scourge upon their kingdom. Soon a month had passed and the weak areas in the wall surrounding the Elves' domain had been patched. A new gate hung from the hinges, one that was double in thickness as the old one and fortified with strong magic.
"You have done well," Thranduil told his son one day during their morning meeting.
Legolas looked up in surprise from the plans they were looking over. "How so, Ada?" he asked.
"These plans that you drew are exceptional. I know you had help from the board and Mithrandir in particular, but having talked with them, they informed me how much of this project was really created by you."
Legolas flushed, unaccustomed to any form of praise from his usually stoic father. "They're right. I had a lot of help."
Thranduil shook his head. "Don't start pretending to be modest now, Legolas. Not when you actually have a reason to be proud. This gate you designed, for example. I have never seen its equal. In the dark times that we anticipate coming, our kingdom will be more secure than ever before. The improvements you have made to our defenses assure me that Mirkwood will be a stronghold for the free peoples of Middle-earth and will not fall easily to the Necromancer.
"Additionally, I love the addition you made to the underground river. Not only will that help increase trade with our neighbors to the south but it will also double our defense system. First by allowing us to keep our gates closed against any unwelcome visitors, but more importantly it is a way out of the kingdom that is undetectable from the surface. It will also allow us to attack those who would attack us from behind. Or it can offer us a safe mode of escape, should we ever need to flee."
Legolas did not know how to respond. While he had spent many hours in council with Mithrandir on the subject of improving Mirkwood's defenses, he did not expect his ideas to be so well met from his father. For the first time they actually agreed on something.
Was this the result of having assumed the role of king while his father was ill? Did he suddenly understand more of his father because of it? Or perhaps did he actually do some maturing during these months; maturing his father always insisted he needed but he never understood? Maybe it was a little bit of all of it.
"In fact," Thranduil was continuing, "I would like you to assume responsibility for this project in its entirety."
Legolas started, his father's words jolting out of his contemplation. "W-what?" he stammered.
"You have proven yourself capable of handling this assignment. They are your ideas, your plans that are being implemented. You should be in charge of it."
"But Ada, this is your kingdom, your crown. Your people put their faith in you, and now that you're back, they expect you to lead them as their king," Legolas protested.
"And that also means they trust my decisions about who is best for what roles," Thranduil insisted. "They have also learned to trust you while I was gone."
Thranduil raised his hand to ward off any comment from Legolas. "I have done my own checking about the things that have transpired here and the stories all agree. Whatever you may or may not have done right these past months, the people have learned to love you and I think I would be doing wrong by them to rob them of the opportunity for them to know their prince as a capable leader.
"Besides," he added with a slight smile, "I still have other matters to attend to; as you've pointed out, I am still their king and there is much work to be done outside of this reconstruction project you have created."
Legolas was astounded. While his father had always piled on duties in the past, it was always to try to teach him something about being responsible. This was the first time Thranduil had ever given him something because he believed in him.
Tears threatened to come to his eyes. "Thank you, Ada," he said softly, "I will try to make you proud."
An odd look came to Thranduil's face. "Legolas," he said, "you have already made me proud."
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"It's been nearly two months since we've become engaged," Haldir reminded Legolas one evening as they took a walk through the newly planted gardens of the palace. He was resisting the urge to take Legolas's hand in his own; it would be very unfortunate if someone were to observe this and Haldir had promised to keep their relationship a secret, but sometimes it would just be nice, just once, to show some outward sign of affection to the outside world.
"Yes it has," agreed Legolas, wondering where Haldir was going with this.
"I think it's time we made it official," Haldir said, sounding both casual and yet somehow firm at the same time.
"What do you have in mind?" Legolas asked.
"I know we have been avoiding the issue of your father," Haldir responded carefully. He could sense Legolas tense next to him. "and we don't have to talk about it right now. But I still want the blessings of our families for this marriage and you have to know that."
Legolas remained silent for a moment, thinking. "I have already told you that there is no one left in my family except my father, and I –"
"I know!" Haldir cut him off, "And I promised that he should never find out about our relationship. But surely there is someone near to you who can give us his blessing in your father's stead."
Legolas immediately thought back to his conversation with Revion a few weeks ago. He had made a promise then, but Revion could not have known he had already found that person he wanted to share his life with.
"Revion," Legolas whispered. "We could tell Revion."
"Revion?" Haldir echoed, slightly surprised. "But I thought he knew nothing of your… preferences."
"He doesn't," Legolas answered, his mouth feeling suddenly dry, "but he is the one who would give us his blessing."
Haldir was silent for a moment. "Are you sure you want to ask him, Legolas? Every day when I look at him I see almost nothing of the same Elf I met when I first came to Mirkwood. I may not know him as well as you, but he's fading. I fear for him. Are you sure you'd want to put this burden on him?"
Legolas thought back to the haunted look Revion had given him when he begged Legolas to find the one he loved. If there was anyone who could understand, who could forgive him for keeping this secret for so long, it would be Revion. If there was anyone who he could call 'brother', it was him.
"Yes, I'm sure," Legolas answered. "I think more than anything Revion needs some sense that there's still love left in the world, and I need for him to know that I've found it."
Haldir looked at Legolas with happiness dancing in his eyes. In the moonlight Legolas looked somehow more beautiful than he did in the daylight, but it was not the moon that made him truly beautiful. It was his spirit.
"I love you, meleth-nin," he whispered, taking Legolas's hand in his own.
"And I you," Legolas answered equally softly.
"Shall we go inform my brothers?" Haldir asked.
"Yes, let's," Legolas agreed.
"And when shall we tell Revion?" Haldir asked cautiously.
Legolas sighed, thinking. "I need to tell him alone, I think," he said. "I hope this doesn't bother you, but before we can tell him of our engagement, he needs to hear the truth about me that I've been hiding from him all these centuries. Please tell me you don't mind."
"Of course not, meleth," Haldir answered, "I understand. And when you're ready, we can tell him together."
Legolas nodded. "Thank you," he whispered. "I don't know what I've done to deserve you, but I thank Elbereth every day for you."
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"That's terrific!" whooped Rúmil excitedly after Haldir and Legolas told them their news.
"Wonderful!" Orophin announced equally glad. "I trust we're invited?"
Haldir grinned and punched his brother lightly on the shoulder. "Of course you are, you big dope!" he answered, a joy-filled grin filling his face. "Who else do I have in the world but you?"
"Me, I hope!" exclaimed Legolas, feigning being insulted.
Haldir grabbed his betrothed around the waist and landed a wet kiss on his lips. Oh the feeling of joy at being able to share this with others! He was in love with the most incredible Elf! And more astonishing than that, that same Elf loved him too and agreed to marry him!
"Of course I have you!" exclaimed Haldir, after releasing the prince's lips.
A mischievious grin came to Legolas's face. Suddenly he grabbed Haldir, dipped him, and left a long, lingering kiss on his betrothed's lips.
"You certainly do!" Legolas answered, grinning as the sounds of Haldir's brothers' hoots of approval became clear in his ears. "Now and forever more," he added.
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The next day Legolas found Revion as he was emerging from the forest where he had just been visiting Raina's grave.
"I need to talk to you," Legolas told him.
"What about?" asked Revion.
"Walk with me?" Legolas asked.
Revion nodded and they headed back into the seclusion of the trees.
"Do you remember when you told me if I ever found the one I loved that I should never let her go?"
Revion nodded.
"Well, I've found someone."
Revion looked at his friend, a ghost of the old smile Legolas once knew gracing his face. "Why Legolas, that's terrific! Who is the lucky elleth?"
Legolas was silent for a moment, commanding his stomach to stop its flipping. This was so hard…
"Actually, Revion, before I say anything further, there's something I need to tell you. Something I've kept hidden for a long time and I hope you will learn to forgive me for not sharing with you sooner."
Revion looked at his friend in concern. "What is it, mellon?" he asked.
Legolas took a deep breath. "I'm not exactly who you think I am…"
To be continued…