Chapter Eleven: Of All The Things I Believed In…
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter
A/N: I've had this one written for a while, but my computer went all retarded and nothing was working, turns out there was a virus. And I got the stomach flu and bla bla bla, sorry for the excuses, but they make me feel better. Alright, enjoy your read!
Hermione raced down the stairs two at a time, trying to catch up with Ron's long strides. Draco lagged behind, not even having left the room. "What's going on?" she asked as she grabbed Ron's shoulder; spinning him around.
Ron turned and frowned, "Dunno, but it can't be all that bad, we've already heard the worst. So it must just be a catch-up thing, it's probably nothing" he said with a shrug. Hermione frowned in return; she couldn't read that statement very well. Could this have just been a simple get together? Was this just nothing? But since when were meetings called over nothing?
"This can't be good…we've never had sporadic meetings with the whole Order like this since-"
"Don't even say it" Ron snapped, cutting Hermione off "It will never be as bad as it was back then"
"Oh Ron, don't call it 'back then'. It wasn't more than three months ago! 'Back then' is basically now!" Hermione said heatedly, mostly upset with his abrupt dismissal of her thoughts. She had never been cut off so rudely.
"So what?" Ron asked in a cool hushed tone, cornering Hermione into the banister with a few threatening steps. Hermione could feel his tension and frustration, "Do you want it to be like it was three months ago?"
"That's unfair" Hermione said softly; trying to extinguish the anxiety in the air "you have no grounds for saying such idiotic things".
"Hey mate, lay off" Draco said coming down the last few stairs.
"Do you?" Ron asked relentlessly.
"Of course not!" Hermione yelled making him take a step back, "Of course I don't, but I think it is important for us to be rational Ron! We would be fools to underestimate Voldemort!" she said irately.
"He's dead!" Ron yelled back.
Draco stepped back up a few stairs in confusion to survey the scene from a distance. He couldn't gather where the conversation had started, or why… it must have been something on their minds. Hell, it was on everybody's minds, this whole business. He could understand the pressures rising between allies, but they didn't have to take it out on one another, who else did they have besides each other?
"He may be dead, but he's prepared. Just as he was last time with the horocruxes. Everyone thought he was dead, but he just came back all the same, despite all the wishful thinking we had all been doing to keep him down" Hermione said in a frosty pitch.
"Are you implying he's alive?" Ron asked in disgust and shock.
"I'm saying don't rule it out. You're taking all of this very lightly Ron" Hermione accused.
"I'm not taking anything lightly" he said defensively.
"Yes you are. You think this will all be solved in a few days. There are thousands of deatheaters still out there, lost files, people that have gone missing…I'm trying to be realistic Ron" Hermione explained as calmly as she could "We all knew after Voldemort was gone that the other problems wouldn't just vanish. We had prepared ourselves for the possibility of handling the mess he left behind".
"You're just hoping for the worst, glory chaser" Ron spat.
Hermione stared at him in disbelief; even Draco was stunned in silence.
"Ron, that's enough" Harry said from the kitchen door, "I don't know what's gotten into you mate, but you need to cool it down. Those kinds of accusations, from both sides, are unfair" Harry said, the ever present voice of reason. "And let's keep the name calling to a minimum, you've called me a glory chaser too, and it hurts, so you better apologize to Hermione first" Harry folded his arms and waited.
Ron looked away from everyone, fixing his eyes to the wall "Sorry" he said in an ugly singsong voice.
"I do have to agree with Hermione though, while it's great to hope for the best, you can't turn a blind eye to everything else. Hoping along won't help anybody, you need to accept this is a real problem" Harry said with a sigh.
"It may not be fair that we've had to live through so much, but that's fate, and we got the short straw. In a nutshell, ignoring it won't make it go away Weasley" Draco said with a grimace.
Ron looked around angrily, in betrayal, "I don't understand why you're all against me" he said, hurt.
"Nobody is against you Ron. I just want to stop you from blinding yourself. If you continue to ignore the world as it is…you could miss a sign and get yourself into trouble" Hermione said gently.
Ron still looked upset and confused, "Whatever; fill me in about the meeting later" he said walking past Draco and going back up the steps with giant stomping footfalls.
Harry, Hermione and Draco looked at each other sadly. "I knew people would begin to fall apart, I just never expected it so soon" Harry groaned.
"He'll come around. He's just upset, like the rest of us are…Ron just handles anger differently, we already know this" Hermione said soothingly as she pulled both Harry and Draco into the kitchen.
They entered it to find it completely packed with people. There were even people standing around the walls of the room, unable to find a seat. "Wow, well, this speaks volumes" Draco muttered. Hermione pinched him into silence.
Dumbledore was in his resident seat at the head of the table, "Take your seats please" he said motioning to the two chairs that had appeared at the end of the table. Hermione and Draco sat cautiously. Hermione was scanning the faces crowded into the tiny kitchen; she knew most of them, some she vaguely recalled, and others she had no idea who they were.
"What's the problem now?" Draco asked blatantly.
"You do realize that to walk into the deatheaters home, you will be required to prove your…allegiance" Dumbledore began carefully.
"Yes" Hermione said slowly, she knew where this was leading, they had just discussed this yesterday, she couldn't understand why Dumbledore was bringing it up again. It would cause nothing but a fuss.
"Well, I just wanted to prepare you for the possibility of receiving the mark-"
Again, uproar in the kitchen. Molly Weasley was the main cause, but Hermione was surprised to find so many other people arguing about it. That was not what Dumbledore had to say though…Hermione could feel that there was more. Besides it was unlikely the deatheaters would be foolish enough to brand them immediately…there were other tests to prove their allegiance first.
"Silence" Dumbledore said calmly. The kitchen went into a shameful hush, Molly still looked livid. She was wringing her apron in her hands and glaring daggers at Dumbledore.
"What else may we be require to do?" Hermione asked trying to find Draco's hand under the table. He found her first and clutched her fingers tightly in his own.
"Well, most likely it will first consist of a sacrifice of some sort…" Dumbledore said slowly, the look on his face was terribly grim, and the man seemed very ill and frail. Finally, his years were catching up with him.
"And it will be someone we know" Hermione finished for him… she knew the deatheaters would attempt to pull her and Draco out of their act by presenting them with a hostage who was to be killed, a hostage that they would likely have known well. Suddenly it all sickened her greatly. She didn't think she could do it. How could she kill someone she knew for something that seemed so stupid?
"And besides that…surely there will be other tests to see if you two really agree with the deatheater codes. This is where you must be prepared, and ever so careful. I cannot help you with this though. If this obstacle comes to you…then you must face it as you know best. If you feel you cannot do so, then we must scratch the entire plan and begin anew" Dumbledore said.
Hermione felt ready to throw up, "How sure are we about this threat? Must we go so far?" she asked quietly.
Dumbledore frowned even deeper; the lines in his face were as though etched with a chisel in a trembling hand. "The threat is real, I assure you. And while I apologize to each and every one of you for destroying your newly found peace, we cannot ignore this. Ignored, and this will surely become a disaster" he said.
"But it won't be as bad as it was back then?"
For a moment Hermione had thought Ron had returned and was in the kitchen, but instead, it was an entirely different man standing by the china cupboards who raised the question.
Dumbledore looked almost angry, perhaps frustrated, "It is bad enough as it is. Families are being attacked as we speak. Do you not find this bad?" he asked. The man withered under his steady gaze.
"This is a state of emergency, and anyone who is not willing to take this seriously may leave the premises now and fend themselves alone when the time comes" Dumbledore said smoothly, his eyes scanning around the room slowly, looking to weed out the weak links. Nobody dared move. The case had been closed "Hermione and Draco will need all the support they can get, and a backup team to help them get in and out safely. That is why you are all here. I am proclaiming this headquarters from now on, everybody here will pitch in one way or another. We shall need researchers, potions brewers, charm masters, and attack teams for when it becomes necessary. And those of you who have not been branded with the Order's mark shall have done so today" he paused for a moment "If you so wish, that is". Still, people remained as still as possible.
"Very well, lets begin the delegation of duties" Dumbledore said with a clasp of his hands and a friendly smile.
"This is turning into some secret mission" Hermione muttered as she, Harry and Draco snuck outside after the meeting was over.
"I know; it's a very Interpol-like operation" Harry agreed as he opened the door and allowed Hermione to walk out.
Draco stared at them blankly. Interpol? What the bloody hell was that?
"You know Hermione, I told you before, but I'm telling you again…you don't have to do this is you don't want to. We'll come up with something else" Harry said as he sat down on the porch steps. Hermione sat beside him.
"Yeah, but I don't think there is anyway around this" she sighed.
Draco sat down on Hermione's other side, "If there's a will there's a way" he spouted. Hermione glanced at him in surprise "I heard that on the radio once" he explained shortly.
"I just hate the idea that I won't be doing much" Harry frowned.
"Yeah, well, we can't very well have you prance into the deatheaters headquarters, can we Potter?" Draco asked with a sneer. Draco knew that Potter was dying to be the hero, yet again, well; he wasn't about to hand him that position. It was bad enough he owed Potter his life already.
"We could use polyjuice potion" Harry suggested lamely.
"I'm not even going to go into the number of issues that could arise from that" Hermione said with a puckered brow.
"So, we begin" Lupin said with a clipped smile as he gazed at Hermione and Draco, both of who seemed terribly uninterested already.
"With what?" Draco asked rudely.
"First finalization of the plans, then basic manners" Lupin said. His excitement was sinking by the second as he continued to look at their sollow faces.
Draco snorted in disbelief, Hermione found it all too believable.
"Alright" she said sitting down at the now empty kitchen table. It was near seven and their first lesson, and probably most important, had begun.
Draco still looked skeptical but he sat beside Hermione regardless, Lupin took a seat across from them and enchanted the large board on the other side of the room to float right beside him. There was writing all over it already.
"So, I think the first thing to consider would be how to make your transitions believable" Lupin said, and as he said it, the question wrote itself on the board.
"Simple" Hermione said placing her chin on her palm, "we do a giant public stint where the Order makes a grand appearance as having turned on Draco and I" she said.
"Why though?" Draco asked.
"Why…?" Hermione repeated; she hadn't really considered it that far. "Well, why would the Order turn on us?" She looked to both Draco and Lupin for suggestions. Finding none she continued alone "…Perhaps we aren't seeing eye to eye on policy, or we refuse to do something for them…or we betrayed them in some way?" she suggested with a grimace.
Lupin nodded in agreement, "So which will it be?"
"Betrayal would work best" Draco said, Hermione nodded, encouraging him to continue "Especially since we won't have to go into too much detail with it. We could claim that you cursed us and now we're unable to discuss it. I think that would make it seem like something really big. You really should just curse us with a tongue binder or something, that way we won't be fooled by any of their attempts to trick us into telling the truth"
"Alright, moving on then" Lupin said flicking his wand at the board.
"You're going to have to play the weak girl Hermione" Lupin said pursing his lips.
"They wouldn't believe that, not a chance" Hermione replied tiredly. The clock was nearing twelve and her brain had ceased functioning nearly two hours ago. They have moved through so much in one evening. Everything from entrances, clothing, speaking, actions, stories, had all been discussed to death and set in stone. "They know me Lupin; they know I'm not like that. If I walk in there decked in lace and simpering like a puppy, they'll know I'm phony" Hermione said finally.
She felt uneasy, more so than before. It was like having an out of body experience, Hermione barely felt like herself. She could see herself sitting at the table, almost as though she was floating up above, but she felt so detached from herself. The process had begun. The most important thing for her to do would be to detach from the old Hermione. She would have to leave her old emotions, beliefs, friends, behind in order to make this work. It was a frightening thought…who would she be without those things? Surely not the Hermione Granger she knew herself to be.
Draco was finding himself slowly loosing interest in the werewolf's ideas. His brain had shut down the moment he had walked into the room, and since then all he had to offer were nods and shakes. He felt heavy and tired. And worried, very worried, he had not heard from his mother since he had arrived here; wherever here was… all he wanted now was to go and have a good nights sleep. And then he would think about the rest of this tomorrow. The ideas being thrown out were hard to grasp, well, that was untrue. The werewolf was basically asking Draco to become his father. He had to become cold, and driven, without any possible emotion for others, for the sake of making the mission succeed. Where would that leave him in the end, where his father was now? Practically mad, years of memories lost, senile and unable to live…Draco knew that this would not help his person. He had tried so hard, for so many years to not become like his father, and now to succumb to it…what if it really changed him?
"I think that will conclude this evening, please bear in mind the suggestions I have made, and we will continue this tomorrow evening" Lupin said as he vanished his board. He stood and said "Goodnight", leaving Hermione and Draco nearly asleep on the table.
"What was the last thing he said?" Draco yawned loudly, rubbing his head.
"I'm not going to tell you, you should have been paying attention" Hermione replied nastily, standing herself.
Draco stood as well, "Like you even know, you were more out of it than me" he muttered in annoyance. "Hey, don't you think we're sort of talking in circles, it really seems like we just keep repeating ourselves and we're not getting anywhere-" Draco heard the swish of a cloak and then the swinging kitchen left him all alone in a second flat. He looked around in surprise; Hermione had ignored him and just walked out?
He followed her, "Hermione?" he said just before she could reach the stairs. She turned to look at him, there was a glazed look about her, "You okay?" he asked worriedly. This didn't feel like bickering, she didn't seem too upset with him…this felt like something different altogether.
"Yeah, just fine" she replied evenly "You?"
"Perfect" he muttered in return.
She didn't move though, instead she stood on the first step staring at him for a moment more. There was a hesitation in her, a moment where everything went tense and crackled with electricity, and then she spoke "I have a feeling that we're going to become people we hate because of this" she said sadly, her calm demeanor sliding off of her like a sheet.
Her fears were crystal clear, and uncannily similar to his. "I know what you're saying, but I think as long as don't mean the things we do…it will be okay. Sure, there will be things we'll ultimately regret, I have many of those already, as I'm sure you do…but I think we'll come out okay in the end. It's important to not mix who you are, and who you're pretending to be" he said with a small smile.
"Of all the things I believed in…this destroys them all" she whispered, as though to herself, then she turned and looked pointedly at Draco "You say those things but do you believe them?" she asked in accusation.
The single window along the stairs was illuminating her frame; she looked lost and lonely to Draco. He couldn't figure out where this sudden change it attitude had come from; he couldn't understand what she meant… Then he realized he didn't know. He didn't know Hermione Granger.
He knew her just about as well as others, but he did not know her as well as Potter or Weasley did. There were certain things in her past that were influencing the emotions she felt now, and he didn't understand them.
She was a paradox. For him, nothing more than a short book filled with nice things, but he didn't know the bad. He wanted to, it would be helpful to know some things before they threw themselves into the flame, but how would he ask. How could he bring any of it up? He couldn't just ask her what had happened in that year that she had gone off with Potter and Weasley, not so casually…
"Yeah, me neither" she said with a sigh before turning around and walking up the stairs.
Draco watched her go with a frown, she knew him better than he knew himself.