Chapter Eleven
Esmerelda was currently sat in Ada's office as Hecate and Ada paced the floor looking at her before Ada stopped.
"Esmerelda I am so disappointed in you, I know you are grieving but you are smart enough to know how stupid it is to get that drunk" Ada told the girl shaking her head.
"Not to mention you stole the alcohol from Miss Cackle's safe" Hecate butt in annoyed with the girl. They had found this out when they found the alcohol gone from the safe and put two and two together.
Esmerelda sat there looking at the floor the words not affecting her, she didn't care anymore about what they were saying to her.
"Don't just sit there say something!" Hecate told the girl wanting some response from her.
Esmerelda just sat there staring at the floor sadly before she spoke "I just wanted to forget..." Esmerelda replied explaining why she had done what she did.
Ada's anger instantly fell at that when she realised how the girl had drank just to get through the night, the thought made her really sad and she knew punishing her was not going to do anything.
"Esmerelda...you will find talking to people better" Ada replied not sure what else to say.
"I am sorry" Esmie replied just looking at the floor still sadly. Ada sighed and walked to her putting her arm around her.
"It is okay dear, now why don't you go clear your head?" Ada suggested. Esmerelda nodded and left playing with the locket around her neck now no-one could see it and spent the rest of the afternoon crying and hugging her doll.
Bereavement counsellors had a long waiting list and even though Ada had arranged a counsellor they were not able to visit the sisters for another month, Esmerelda was getting worse by the day so Ada knew they couldn't wait that long which is why she thought a hired counsellor would be better.
"If Mr and Mrs Hallow will pay for it" Hecate said in response after Ada had told her the idea.
"Well if they want to keep their eldest child and not have her with their middle child then that would be very wise for them" Ada replied. She was seriously worried the girl was suicidal.
Mr and Mrs Hallow had agreed to pay a private hired counsellor once they found out just how badly their daughter was still affected and Ada went to greet her one windy morning, opening the door of the castle and smiling.
"Thank you so much for coming I am Ada Cackle, the headmistress" Ada told the woman after she had done the normal welcoming gesture to the woman.
"Gladys Spellcharm" the woman replied with a smile. She was tall with dark hair and dressed in a dark suit, she was the kind of person who just made you feel at ease and Ada smiled hoping she would be able to help Esmerelda.
Esmerelda was the first to see the counsellor as she was the one who needed to see her most. Walking in the room and seeing the young girl's appearance Gladys could tell she was going to be hard to help, she could tell from one look at her this girl was in a bad way.
"Hello Esmerelda, I am Gladys" the women said kindly as Esmerelda sat down not looking focused on the woman. The woman decided to start of slowly.
"So how are you feeling?" Gladys asked. A stupid question to most people but she was a counsellor, some people felt anger, some shock, some numb, she wanted to know exactly what emotions Esmerelda was feeling.
"Oh I am feeling great" Esmerelda replied saracatically "I was thinking of throwing a party tonight I am so happy" Esmerelda told the woman saracatically not understanding why she was asking such a stupid question. Gladys was not fazed by her response she had had similar experiences before.
"I didn't mean it quite like that...I mean are you sad, angry, in shock what are you experiencing?" Gladys asked.
"I am not angry" Esmerelda replied. She had no-one to be angry at it was an accident after all.
"So you are very sad yes? I have heard how close you were to Ethel" the woman replied sympathetically.
At the mention of her late sister's name Gladys saw Esmerelda flinch clearly not able to deal with even hearing it. The counsellor had experienced this many times before, many times in cases like this people stopped saying the name of whoever who had passed away because they didn't want to upset the family but that was part of healing, they had to get used to talking about it without it making them burst into tears and that started with their name.
"It's not fair.." Esmerelda replied after a few seconds something building up she needed to get it off her chest.
"What isn't fair?" Gladys asked gently not understanding.
"I waited for Ethie for so long...I always wanted a sister but I had to wait until I was two, when my mum was pregnant with her I was so impatient, I couldn't physically wait for her to be there it felt a lifetime waiting for her...it's not fair why did Ethie have to go when I waited so long to have her?" Esmerelda asked talking quietly. She was not even really speaking to Gladys but seemed more to be speaking to herself.
"I know it seems unfair, but unfortunately stuff like this happens, you should focus on the time you did get with her, some people don't get even a year with their sister" Gladys told the girl.
"But I can't focus on that, I need Ethie she was my dream, having a little sister was my dream and I know I have Sybil but it is not the same my parents chose to have Sybil I wasn't desperate for another sister" Esmerelda replied trying to explain how she felt.
"Are you not close to Sybil?" Gladys asked not understanding the relationship very well yet as after all she had just met the girl.
"Yes, I am super close to Sybil but not in the same way I am to Ethie, when she was born she became my universe, I was only two but I could sense that my parents and grandparents were waiting for the novelty to wear off, you know what most older siblings are like, they are jealous of the new baby or start to resent them after a while as they liked being an only child but it never did for me, I remember my mother worrying because she said I was obsessed with her and it wasn't normal but she was right I was obsessed with her, I never wanted her out of my sight and would always be picking her up and spinning her around, my parents used to freak out over this afraid I was going to drop her but I never did because I knew to be careful with her, even as we both got a bit older I never wanted to be away from her" Esmerelda replied admitting how she had been with Ethel even as a baby. The girl had pretty much being absolutely obsessed with Ethel since day one.
"So you have never really being away from her?" the counsellor asked her.
"Well I was the first and second year of school" Esmerelda replied "But I remember it took me ages to cope with it, I cried all the time but unlike Sybil I hid that, I never could truly relax them two years I could feel that Ethie was missing but I knew then that I could mirror her and still see her and I would see her in the hoildays" Esmerelda told the woman. Esmerelda had never admitted how much she cried at that time before, she was not like Sybil she cried when she was alone as she missed her sister so much them two years.
"But now you know you can't do that?" Gladys asked the girl.
Esmerelda nodded in response "I need Ethie, I can't function without Ethie, why could it not have been me? She would have not being this distraught over me dying" Esmerelda replied tears streaming out her eyes.
"I am sure Ethel would have been very upset as well" Gladys responded. If they had been that close Ethel would definitely be distraught if Esmie died.
"How is your sleeping and eating?" Gladys asked knowing these two things normally went bad when someone was grieving.
"Non-existent" Esmerelda replied honestly. She had not slept or ate properly since the day Ethel had died, she assumed this was common knowledge so there was no point lying.
"I heard about the drinking" Gladys commented gently.
"Yes so? People drink all the time" Esmerelda replied.
"And you seem to have a problem with hurting yourself, sitting on the road, falling of your broom" the woman told her.
"Yes so?" Esmerelda replied with a shrug.
"So, it is dangerous" Gladys responded.
"It is my my fault, I wasn't able to protect her" Esmerelda replied in a way feeling guilty about the girl's death and wanting to cause herself pain because of it.
"It is not your fault at all, it was an accident, now have you picked up any more dangerous habits?" Gladys asked. She knew a lot of people turned to drugs or alcohol when something like this happened and she had heard from Miss Cackle about her getting drunk so she was worried she had other bad habits.
Esmerelda shook her head as she scratched her wrist nervously, anyone else would not put two and two together but Gladys had been a counsellor for years and could tell the girl was trying to hide the fact she was either cutting or burning her wrists but they had to work on one thing at a time, the fact she had opened up so much was already a good sign.
"I think we will call it a day, try to start eating and sleeping again, you will find it helps" Gladys told the young girl.
"The only thing that will help is Ethie" Esmerelda replied as she left.
Gladys sighed knowing as a professional she had to tell the teachers all her worries about the girl but she had never met someone so far down in the pit of depression, not Esmerelda's age anyway and she had no idea if she could possibly help her or not. If the girl really was as obsessed with her sister as she said she was it could take years for the girl to even smile again.