Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
"Why did the Espada cross the road?" Orihime asked.
"I wouldn't," Ulquiorra answered, "I would just use a cero."
"I didn't say you wanted to kill something, I just said cross," Orihime pointed out.
"What possible reason could I have for crossing a road?"
"Also, I just said Espada not you," Orihime sighed. "Just listen to the joke."
"Ok," Ulquiorra conceded.
"Why did the Espada cross the road?"
"Why?"
"Because Gin Ichimaru was on this side!" Orihime answered.
"You are right, a suitable course of action."
"So cruel," Gin said, walking in.
"Gin! Why are you here?" Orihime asked.
"Well, I was making dinner and I must have gotten distracted because I let the fish burn," Gin replied.
"I'm not going to make you dinner," Orihime said firmly.
"I disagree, please make him dinner. In fact, I insist," Ulquiorra said, remembering the last meal Orihime tried to feed him.
"Ulquiorra, your attempts to kill me are not as subtle as you think!" Gin said with a wide grin. "No Orihime, I want you to use your powers to reject the burned part and make it good to eat again."
"You want me to…I'm not sure that I can…," Orihime was flustered at the odd request.
"Let's go!" Gin said, grabbing her by the elbow.
"Wait! A joke first!" she said.
"Fine, if you can make me laugh I'll let you stay and cuddle with Ulquiorra."
"That is not what we were doing. That is not what we ever do," Ulquiorra said sourly.
"Um…ok, maybe I have something," Orihime said, trying to think quickly. "Why did the Captain cross the road?"
"Which one?" Gin asked.
"It doesn't matter," Orihime replied.
"I say all of them!" Gin decided.
"What?" Orihime said, startled.
"Lady Yoruichi challenges Captain Kuchiki to a flash-step contest and they race off, pursued by Captain Soifon, who wants to keep a close eye on her former Captain. Captain Kyoraku follows, hoping to catch a little woman on woman…er woman on cat, action. Captain Ukitake runs after him to tell him to mind his own business and start acting like a captain already. Captain Unohana dashes after Captain Ukitake because the poor man really shouldn't be doing that much exercise in his current condition. Captain Kurotsuchi sees Captain Unohana running and follows, thinking she's off to heal and hoping to loot injured or dead soldiers for spare parts needed for his experiments. Captain Yamamoto doesn't trust Captain Kurotsuchi enough to not follow when he sees him running, especially considering the open investigation into how he runs Squad 12. Captain Komamura runs after Captain Yamamoto out of loyalty, and also because Captain Yamamoto has steak'ems in his pocket. Captain Zaraki sees all the other captains running and joins them, hoping for an epic battle," Gin said without even taking a breath.
" …That's a lot to follow…," Orihime said.
"I wish you had said "swallow"; then I could have made a "that's what she said" joke," Gin grinned.
"That's what she said jokes are lame," she countered.
"Says the person who likes knock-knock jokes!"
"I don't get it. That is what she said," Ulquiorra said.
Orihime and Gin just looked at him.
"Wait, what about Captain Hitsugaya?" Orihime asked.
"He's in the world of the living pretending he doesn't like Rangiku's boobs, he doesn't count."
"Plus you didn't include yourself, Aizen, and Tosen," she pointed out.
"We're not captains anymore, and my flow chart was getting complicated," Gin admitted.
"You made a chart for your joke?" Orihime wondered out loud.
"Being this charming and clever is pure talent, but a little planning goes a long way too!"
"Did you plan to burn your dinner?" Ulquiorra mentioned.
"Which brings me back to me dragging you off to fix my fish. And we're off!"
"Is this really going to work?" Orihime asked.