Chapter Ten

Our means of transportation happened to be no Blackbird, but a helicopter, clearly remodeled to some extent from a military one. Nobody complained about Remy taking the co-pilot seat.

Ah don't pay much attention to the landscape during the flight. Ah think about what Ah am going to say to Scott and nothing solid comes to mind. Did Ah once again make a spontaneous decision that will only complicate mah life? Is it even Scott Ah want to help or mahself?

Ah may be all positive and trying to change now, but the death of Jean Grey is still on mah conscious. She was the first person Ah used nah power on to kill. It doesn't matter that technically Ah used Remy's powers. Yes, the death of the Dark Phoenix prevented deaths of millions of people, but what about the lives of the people who knew Jean Grey? Ah admit that by running from the Institute, Ah took an easy way out, Ah left everybody to deal with the mess Ah made. Make amends. Yes, that's what Ah have to do. Amends to others and to mahself.

We lend at dawn. Ah must've fallen asleep at some point. The guys must've taken turns to pilot not sleeping at all. All for mah selfishness.

"We are here," Logan grumbles, climbing out of the chopper to get the needed fresh air.

Ah look around the plain. Logan wasn't lying: a lone house is surrounded by lifeless black ground. On the border of it stands a small cabin.

"The place where food and booze is left," Logan explains, noticing mah inquiring glance. "So what's the plan? How are we going to get there, Stripes? And remain alive?"

"Remember how the X-Men were looking at meh at the funeral? Afraid Ah'll be the next to go wacko? Afraid, the Dark Phoenix was inside meh? Well," the totally annoying cigar that Wolverine rolls in his hands flies at least a dozen meters onto the burned grass, "they were not completely wrong." If Remy's expression upon discovery of mah new powers was priceless, Logan's would've made meh the richest person in the world. "Ah am not going anywhere, Logan. Ah am going to enter Scott's head. But let's eat first."

Remy taught meh how to effectively pack food during our long bike travels. The secret was in metal bowls and Remy's powers. When he temporarily chargers the sealed bowl, it turns into a microwave, this way we can have warm food. This is exactly how we warm up Remy's culinary masterpiece of the previous day. Logan is actually impressed. Ah am sure he spent quite a lot of time on the road but didn't have such luxury.

Sometimes Ah think about civil applications of mutant powers. Like Pyro and Quing. They are crazy about their powers; they use them constantly and even get paid for it. But what can do mutants who can only destroy, who look like monsters from horror movies? Who will love them? Who will love meh? Meh, with poison hidden under the normal exterior?

Angie's words come to mind, "He knows what it is to destroy everything one cares about." Can Remy truly understand meh? Is this why he keeps this brother/sister charade?

"Should we leave you to your mental dialogue, chere?" Remy's voice cuts through mah contemplations.

"Yeah, Ah've never done it on such a distance." If he hears fear in mah voice, he is so right. Because mah wish to help Scott move on won't be enough if Ah am not able to even reach his mind.

"You'll be alright?"

"Yeah…"

He stretches out his arm to bring meh up from the ground where we had our impromptu picnic. Usually, in a situations like this, Ah grab his forearm, he takes mahne in turn and pulls meh up military style, but today Ah feel a change of heart – Ah take his hand. There is close to no skin contact, but it is still there and nothing abnormal happens. Even if Remy noticed he doesn't mention it, just pulls meh up as usual. Ah catch Logan's reproachful look – like Hell he could miss that little detail. But what was the reproach for?

…..

The ugliness of the scorched land transforms into something completely different the moment the enormous sun disk starts its rise over the sky. Ah treat this as a good sign, not that Ah am superstitious, but Ah feel Ah need all the help Ah can get.

'Scott,' Ah send a telepathic call towards the house. No answer of course. Ah try several more times. Ah believed he could be easier to talk to while asleep and sober to some point, but getting into his dreams doesn't look to be an easy task. If only…

"Hey, Rem!" Ah call out, interrupting Remy and Logan's intense conversation. What can they be talking about, Ah wonder? "Can Ah call… the Dreamcatcher? Ah want to ask something."

Remy looks confused by mah sudden wish, but nods his approval. Ah quickly dial Angie's number.

"Wow, good to hear from you, sister!" comes an excited squeal from the receiver. "What's up?"

"Ah need your help. No time to explain the situation, but Ah need to get into the mind of a sleeping person. But he is far away and Ah don't exactly know how to reach him. Ah don't feel his mental presence. Because he is asleep, Ah think. Well…"

"Just tell meh one thing, Marie, it's not my brother's dirty dreams you are trying to access, right?" she asks with mock warning.

"Gud no, this is serious, Angie. Ah really need your help."

"Okay, listen carefully," her intonation changes to serious in a flash, "you need to match his brainwaves."

"Like fall asleep?"

"Not exactly. Heard about meditation?"

"You mean trance?"

"Yes. Try to fall into deep trance with that person the only thing on your mind. Recall everything you know about him. Become him."

"Thanks, Angie. You are big help. It's of course none of mah business, but how do you know such stuff?"

"I need to enter people's minds to know what dreams are pleasant for them."

"But you are awake at that time, aren't you?"

"Well, I am not a telepath, only a dreamcatcher."

"Nice," Ah humph.

"You are not going to ask about Remy's pleasant dreams?"

"Not interested, sugarh, especially if you are going to say they are of meh or something." And that's not wishful thinking.

"Right on the spot!"

"Whatever. What are you doing up so early anyway?"

"Milking the cows."

"With a cell-phone?"

"Don't worry, I have a hand-free device."

The girl is crazy! Ah can't help but laugh at her antics. "Okay, Angie. Good luck with your… milking."

"Good luck with your dreamwalking."

Dreamwalking, hah? Let's go then.

Ah close mah eyes and recall memories of long ago. The drills, the Danger Room sessions, mah stupid crush, the way he saved us all when Mystique replaced Professor and reigned chaos onto the Institute. Ah remember how Ah borrowed his powers. Ah saw his feelings for Jean at that time. They were not yet formed, but they were there. Ah remember how Ah watched them at their graduation, how happy they looked, happy together.

And later Ah watched how they became closer day after day, month after month, year after year. They tried to hide it, especially from the younger students, but only blind couldn't see they were in love. They had a deep connection, deep on so many levels it was scary.

'Scott… Scott, do you hear meh? Scott… It's meh… Rogue. Please, answer meh… Ah want to help you.'

The void of endless darkness swirls to give meh a passage to the other side. To the side of chaotic movements and ripped… something. But that side is just as black.

'Scott, do you hear meh? It's Rogue.'

'Rogue, what are you doing here?' comes a weak whisper from somewhere below. Thank Gud!

'Ah came to help you. Why are you here, Scott? Why are you all alone?'

'I deserve it.'

'You did nothing wrong. It's mah fault. Ah am deeply sorry for taking Jean's life. Ah don't ask for your forgiveness which Ah don't even deserve. But Ah ask you to stop killing yourself, it won't do you any good. Jean did what she did herself, you had no say in the matter.'

An excruciating moan echoes through the darkness. It is full of eternal pain and suffering. 'It was all my fault.'

'Scott, you can't blame yourself for loving a monster. We love despite others' faults. Jean didn't become the Dark Phoenix because of you. It was her mutation-'

"It was my fault. I turned her into that monster. All those deaths are because of me being a coward."

'What are you talking about, Scott?'

'That night Jean told me she was pregnant. I got scared. We were so young. I was afraid there will be another baby with our curse. With my curse. I asked her to do an abortion. She didn't want to.'

'Oh mah Gud!'

'It's all my fault. If I had taken responsibility…'

'People make mistakes. Yes, usually with lesser consequences, but we all make wrong choices sometimes. Your self-exile won't help you or others you wronged. If you want to atone, you can save lives, helping in the new Institute. Staying here and drowning your guilt in alcohol won't help.

Mutant children will be born anyway. You can't prevent that, but you can help them as their guide. It's what you are best at. Please, think about what Ah've said and come back.'

Ah am shaken awake. Mah head weighs a ton. Ah am dizzy and sick. Ah throw up right there, with no concern if it gets onto mah cloths. Gud, Ah feel awful. No, much worse. Someone cares meh to the chopper. Must be Remy, Ah feel the rough material of his coat on mah cheek. Ah want to go home, Ah want Remy, Ah want children…

….

Ah had a dream, a pleasant one, but Ah don't remember what was in it. Only that Ah felt safe, happy, content. Ah see an angel… Without wings. She is smiling at meh.

"How are you feeling, Marie?"

"Angie? Is it you?" Gud, Ah have a splitting headache. When did Angie get here? And where is 'here'? Ah look around as fast as mah drowsy state allows which is ve-e-e-e-ry slowly. After a slo-o-o-ow excursion Ah miraculously come to an even more miraculous conclusion that Ah am at the Reservation.

"Yep, Remy brought you here, because it is closer than Vegas. He was… worried, to put it mildly."

"What?" Now she got meh totally confused. Worried about what?

"I don't know what happened during your dreamwalking, but it made you sick, dear sister. You must stay in bed for a couple of days."

Dreamwalking? And then it hits meh – Scott, the lonely house, the darkness, Jean, pregnancy, abortion… "Where is Remy?"

"Downstairs. Arguing with the bulky man."

"Logan is here too?"

"Well, year. They came together on the helicopter. When he called, he gave me quite a scare, Marie, with all his demands to prepare everything right away. God, I thought you were dying!" Angie exclaims exasperated.

"Ah'll go down-"

"No way, missy! You are staying right there," the girl ordered in a cute bossy manner. "And by the way, I changed your cloths (in gloves, I swear), but you're… much bigger than me, so you better stay under the covers if you don't want my brother to lose his sanity completely."

Ah look under the sheets to see what Angie is bubbling about and gulp. The pajama bottoms are more or less okay, but the top is so small that mah breasts are on the verge of falling out. Yep, stay covered at all costs.

A couple of minutes later, Ah hear heavy stomping on the stairs, the door flies open and Remy storms into the room the lapels of his coat fanning in his wake. It is a sin not to appreciate the view, and Ah am no saint. The view of his face is not that handsome however since it is crossed with a deep frown.

"The Hell you were thinking, chere?" he yells at meh. Actually yells, he has never raised his voice at meh before. Ah instinctively shrink into the corner of the bed.

"Cool your engines, Gumbo," comes Logan's rough voice from behind Remy. "She had a rough day as it is."

"That's exactly the point! Endanger her life for some unappreciative bastard who'll think it was all a dream, turn onto the other side and take another shot of scotch for breakfast! Merde!"

Ah blink with astonishment at Remy's harsh words and look for the words to explain mah actions, but he is already gone.

"Logan? What's going on?"

Wolverine releases a tired sigh and falls onto the stool near the bed. "Well, we were talking while you were… meditating and then Gumbo noticed you were crying. And then you kinda fell over. You kept muttering something incomprehensible and you… fainted, I think."

"And then Remy shook meh awake," Ah conclude. Why did Ah cry?

"More like slapped you awake."

"Is he crazy?"

"Well, he did look like he's lost it," Logan drawls somewhat mysteriously, as if he wants to tell meh something else. "Stripes, do you like this guy?"

Ah deadpan, and not from surprise but from the fact that Logan is totally serious. And he is waiting for an answer Ah am unable to provide.

Or do Ah? "Ah don't know." Coward.

"You sure?"

"Not at all."

"Well, you better be sure somewhere soon, because…"

"Because?"

"I don't know, Stripes. Something just tells me your indecision can really hurt you in the long run."

"It's quite unexpected to hear love advice from you, Logan. Does it have to do something with Storm?" Ah tease the 'tough guy' of the X-Men. A blushing 'tough guy' at that. Teasing helps meh forget about mah own love troubles.

"What are you talking about?" he barks as usual, but it is a defensive façade.

"Oro here, Oro there, we do this, we do that."

"Just a figure of speech!"

"Yeah, right."

"And what exactly do you do with your Cajun? Playing house?"

Now he is going too far. "Now wait a minute-"

"Do you do his laundry?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Just tell me."

"Of course, Ah do."

"You see!"

"Ah don't see anything, dammit! Just tell meh what you are getting at, Logan!"

"You are playing house without the play. And sooner or later it will blow into your face. He will live, he is used to things blowing up. You are not."

Our heated conversation, more a sparring match, is interrupted by a delicate knocking at the door.

"Marie, can I come in?"

"Yeah, Angie, go ahead." Gud, Ah am exhausted, and not physically.

So Angie floats into the room with a tray with something airy and no doubt delicious on it. Logan mutters an excuse and leaves us alone. The devilish sparks in Angie's baby blue eyes tell meh it is a very bad idea.

"Remy made you this to apologize for his inappropriate behavior earlier," she recites, putting the tray onto the stool. It happens to contain a bowl of chopped fruit with whipped cream. This is kinda twisted.

"Are those his words or yours?" Ah ask, sending a portion of cream into mah mouth without the help of the spoon.

"Mostly mine; he is not much of a talker, but guilt was all over his face, so I just voice his unsaid words."

"Ah'll live with that."

"So… what type is my big naughty brother? Briefs or boxers?"

"Oh mah Gud," Ah moan horrified. Mah only escape from complete embarrassment is to disappear under the sheets, which Ah gladly do.

"Common, you know, don't you, Marie? If you don't tell me, I'll sit and eat this fruity goodness while you are suffocating."

Angel mah ass! She is a devil in disguise! A true sister of Remy LeBeau. "It's boxers, okay?" Ah spurt, lowering the sheet. "Now give meh back mah fruit," Ah demand playfully, going for the bowl in Angie's hands.

"So what's up with discussing boxers, ladies?" comes the familiar drawl from the threshold.

Ah freeze. Not because we are discussing Remy's underwear, but because Ah come to a very painful realization that during our impromptu fight for the bowl, the sheet got way down to mah waste, exposing mah not so covered breasts. Moreover Ah feel some of the cream landed there during our fight. And such view is not to be shown to a man who can't 'appreciate it to the fullest'.

"O-ow," Angie sums up the mess quite fully.

Fortunately, Remy just turns on his heels and goes downstairs. All guds hate meh today, thus Logan passes the open door right at that moment.

"Yeah," he remarks, shaking his head after evaluating the situation.

"This day is officially fucked up," Ah declare, falling onto the sheets with no care in the world that the whipped cream is still all over mah chest.

"I couldn't say it better, sis." Is it worry, spoiling her beautiful features?

As Ah am informed later Remy and Logan left for a men's night out in town. Angeline is occupying the other bed in the room instead of Remy so Ah can't hear them coming back. Ah could've heard if Ah had been awake, but Angie put meh into a deep 'healing' sleep.

The next day Ah leave the bed, despite Angie's protests and set on fulfilling mah mission of finding out what happened last night in town. Ah know Remy won't tell meh no matter what, Logan won't tell meh either, but who says he must talk for meh to know everything?

Thank Gud, Ah find Logan still sleeping in the chopper. Today, luck seems to be on mah side. A light touch to Wolverine's forehead and the kaleidoscope of memories of the feisty men's night in town is right in front of meh.

…

At first they go into a bar and order a bottle of scotch.

"Ah am paying, bub. Tonight we are going to have all the fun we can get," Logan states with unexpected enthusiasm.

"What's with the attitude? Remy thought you hated his guts."

"It may be so, Gumbo. But now I can finally talk to you face to face. Getting you drunk is a start."

"Talk? What about?"

"Rogue, of course."

"Her name is Marie LeBeau," Remy retorts, frustrated by Logan continuously saying the name wrong.

"So she already has your last name?"

"As Remy's sister."

"Is it because your real sister doesn't have it?"

"That's none of your business, Wolvie," Remy snarls closing the subject.

"Yeah, it isn't. So what happened at Summers'?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean. If I hadn't jumped in, you would've flown away without me."

"Marie needed immediate care. Remy was in a hurry."

"That's understandable. It doesn't explain why you were so angry though. Or jealous perhaps? Jealous of Scott to whom Stripes runs to help the moment I mention he is in trouble? Of Scott for whom she is willing to do something she's never done before, willing to risk her life? Of Scott she had a crush on? I am sure you are aware of the fact."

Remy's glass brakes, but he pays it no mind. The bargirl appears right away and fusses over the spilled drinks, the shards, but over Remy's unharmed hand more so. He waves her away with a ten for the damages.

"I am an old dog, Gumbo. You can fool her, yourself, but you can't fool me. You were jealous, and that means only one thing – you want Ro-, okay Marie for yourself."

"He made her cry."

"Well, it doesn't mean anything."

"It does, Logan. Marie has the right to be happy. She has suffered enough. That drunk had no right to make her cry for him," Remy utters forcefully, emptying his new glass in one gulp. "What is going on between Remy and Marie is none of your business. You're part of our lives only because you are a part of hers. So no more prying. Or let's do it like men – let the pool decide. It Remy loses – he tells you anything you want, if he wins… you tell Remy something about Marie. Deal?"

"You couldn't say it any better," Wolverine accepts with a grin of a winner.

During the next several hours a lot of whisky is consumed and a lot of games are played. Remy loses two times. Ah am not lucky enough to hear the questions and answers since the memories are becoming rather hazy with continuous alcohol consumption.

The next stop (as per tradition) is a strip club. Ah am far from eager to follow them, but Ah don't have a choice. Ah am not exactly sure what Ah am looking for, but at least a partial truth which can easily fall from a drunk tongue.

The club is booming with clients. Remy and Logan take a seat in front of one of the poles with a curvy blond on it.

"You must have a lot of unreleased steam after seeing Marie practically topless and with all that cream on top of her. What were you thinking making the dessert, I wonder? Or maybe it was all a set up?" Logan taunts his companion, not without an agenda, of course.

"Stop talking nonsense, mon ami."

"Whatever you say."

With that Logan leaves to approach a red-head with large boobs. "Do you see that man?" he asks, pointing at Remy.

"Yeah, quite a hotty that one."

"I'll pay whatever you ask to get into his pants and tell me everything later."

"You can watch yourself, dear," the woman responses with a seductive smirk, "but that costs extra."

"I am not interested in the details, dammit. I am more interested in what he'll call you."

"I can do such cutie for free, but its five hundred from you."

And she works her money off, alright. It takes her forty minutes, but she manages to drag Remy away to 'somewhere more private'.

Thankfully, Logan didn't get any 'fun' himself, so Ah am spared the R-rated details.

The red-head appears unexpectedly soon with a pout of dissatisfaction on her bloody red lips.

"So?"

"He left."

"Meaning?"

"We were getting into it, but then he just stood up suddenly, threw some bills and left."

"Did he look guilty?"

"Nah, more like in pain."

Ah open mah eyes to come face to face with a real Logan, who seems to be watching meh for quite some time.

"That's cheating, Stripes," he remarks with a smirk.

"What were you thinking anyway? Going to that club?"

"Well, Ah was testing your Cajun."

"He is not mahne, dammit!"

"Then why are you checking on him?"

"Because no-one tells meh anything! What is the problem with men? Why don't you talk about yourself?" Damn, Ah am frustrated as Hell from this running around, squeezing out mere facts, not to mention feelings about them.

"Why don't you ask then, Marie? Scared, aren't ya?"

Ah hate him when he is right.