Disclaimer: Edward Cullen owns me. I don't get to return the favor.

Thanks as always to my favorite (and only) beta Lillie Cullen. Love ya hard bb.

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EPOV

The truth hurt. It hurt when she told me that she was disappointed that I wasn't human. It hurt when she told me that I took more than she offered. And it tore at my dead heart when she told me that she wouldn't love me because it was the only choice she had left. The only choice I had left her with. That wasn't the only choice left, but I wasn't going to point that out. She was right to be angry, but it killed me to hear those truths.

She was right of course, about most of it. Although I had been watching her for weeks, learning about her, coveting her, she really didn't know much of anything about me. And, I had taken her choice. I knew through Alice's thoughts that Bella would have made that choice eventually, to join me, but I didn't have any idea how I had affected my future by losing control, by taking Bella as my own, without waiting for her to decide to join me. Had I doomed myself to a different fate? What would this mean for Bella?

Bella and I sat once again on the log we had spent hours on quietly sitting side by side today. As we sat, in utter and complete silence, I was both frustrated and elated that I couldn't hear her thoughts. The quiet was glorious, but the mystery was maddening.

"Can we start over?" I asked, desperate for something, anything that would let me be close to her in any way I could. I wanted to at least know there was a chance I could win her back, make her love me again, no, make her realize that she did still love me.

She sat in silence for several agonizing seconds before shaking her head slowly from side to side.

"No," she muttered, turning to meet my eyes, "but we can try to move forward. That's all I can give you right now. "

And that was enough. She may not ever let herself love me again, but right now she wasn't pushing me away or looking at me like a monster. She was sitting here next to me, willing to move forward. I didn't know what that would mean, but it was a step, and I was relieved and elated to be taking it with her. So then how would we move forward? How would I begin to mend the damage? One thing she said struck me hard, and seemed so obvious in retrospect. She didn't know me.

I had watched her for weeks, through my own observations and through the thoughts of others. I knew what she liked to eat, the type of music she listened to when she was happy, and the songs she played when she wasn't. I knew she was an amazing cook, and had excellent taste in books. While she dreamt, I learned about her heart. She talked to her grandmother who had passed when she was very young. She didn't like the rain, and she missed her mother. A pang of sadness shot through me at the realization that she will now miss her mother for eternity, and that she didn't get a chance to say goodbye. Both of my parents had passed before my change, so I hadn't really considered that aspect. Yes, Bella had real reasons to be angry and resentful, and I was going to have a long road ahead of me making things up to her. And I would start right now by giving her what I had taken from her before even biting her that night. I would give her the chance to know me. So I began talking, and she listened.

I told her about me. I told her about my life, how I became a vampire, and my life before then, at least the parts I could remember. She didn't ask any questions; she just listened, looking straight ahead mostly, but nodding slightly now and then and occasionally sneaking a sideways glace when something really caught her attention. She was trying, and for that I was grateful and hopeful. I knew our differences wouldn't be settled overnight, and I knew that she wouldn't throw herself into my loving arms tomorrow or anytime soon, but she was willing to try to be part of my life, and to let me be part of hers. I was elated.

When I was finished, she took a deep breath and spoke without looking at me.

"You said that you knew I liked you…how did you know that?" she asked.

Her question surprised me, as it was the first time she had spoken since I started my disclosure.

I was nervous about answering, but her asking directly made it clear that the answer was important. Honesty was necessary, as always, and this piece of information….was going to be potentially problematic.

"Well," I replied, "two ways really."

Her head tilted, encouraging me to continue.

"First of all…with our enhanced…senses...there are certain human reactions that are easy to identify." She was still watching me intently, so I kept going. "Fear for instance, adrenaline has a distinct smell." Realization of where this was going had not yet hit her. It was coming." And…arousal has another."

Bella's mouth popped open slightly and her eyes widened. Yep, there it was. I suppressed the grin that was fighting its way to my lips as she processed that information.

"You could…smell…my arousal?" Her eyes narrowed and although I should be afraid, I was trying desperately not to chuckle.

I nodded quickly.

"So every time I was…aroused …around you…you could smell it?"

"MmmHmm," I nodded again. "And even if you had just been…uh…aroused… earlier. It may be still on your…uh ...hands."

A look of horror crossed her face.

"Oh God," she muttered, her eyes wide as saucers. "The biology notes."

The smirk I had been suppressing broke free.

I waited for her to become angry or embarrassed or terrifying. But instead, she lowered her head into her hands and did the last thing I expected. She giggled. Her whole body shook with girlish laughter as she wiggled her arms and stomped her little feet into the ground. I couldn't help then but laugh with her. I chuckled loudly and we laughed together, for a second anyway. Suddenly her head whipped toward me, all humor gone.

"It's not funny." Her face was serious, but she couldn't hold it long. Her smile broke through, and soon we were giggling together again, like old friends sharing a private joke. It felt good.

When she regained her composure she tuned to me again.

"You said there were two ways. What was the other one?" She asked.

This was the explanation that I was more worried about. I wondered how much mythical information someone could take in one day.

"Well, I saw it a few times…In Angela's thoughts."

A variety of emotions flickered across her face then. I didn't have to be a mind reader to know that the mention of Angela had opened a deep wound, pulled the scab right off. I didn't want to do it, but we couldn't go eternity without speaking of our human loved ones, and I wasn't going to stop being honest now. I waited for her to process her thoughts and prompt me for more information, which I knew she would. Her expression eventually returned to curiosity, with a bit of annoyance.

"What does that mean…are you ...like...a mind reader?" She looked at me, her bright crimson eyes full of questions.

So I told her. I explained my ability, how it worked, and the fact that it didn't work with her -- only with her. She actually seemed pleased with this information. Ahh...my spirited Bella. And my Bella didn't miss a thing. She wanted to know if all vampires had extra abilities, and if she would too. I briefly explained both Alice and Jasper's talents, and was pleased to find that she was fascinated. She had actually suspected as much when it came to Alice and Jasper.

We had been gone for quite some time, and I knew my family would be getting worried. The silver phone in my pocket had yet to vibrate so I assumed Alice was reassuring them that all was well. I stood and offered my hand to Bella. "We should get back…unless you want to feed again before we do?"

She looked from my face to my hand and then stood without reaching for it. "No, I'm fine."

"Let's go home then," I said motioning for her to follow.

"I don't have a home," she muttered quietly, so quietly in fact that I almost didn't hear her.

I wanted to sweep her into my arms and hold her. I wanted to reassure her and promise to love her forever and tell her that she had a home -- many in fact, with us, with me. But I realized this needed to be her decision. That she would have to choose this life still, and that she very well may not. She may reject me, and go her own way. And I couldn't bear the thought of her walking away now.

"You have a home with us Bella, if you'd like." I poured my sincerity into my gaze hoping she would agree, begging her to stay with me.

Her eyes met mine, hardened, but full of sadness and longing.

"Let's go then," She consented, but it felt like a sacrifice, words of defeat.

I led the way into the trees with the love of my existence solemnly trailing behind me.

BPOV

"Look at you, you're a mess." Alice tapped her tiny foot, and glared at us as we emerged from the trees. Her hands were firmly planted on her hips, and her lips were pursed into a stern pout.

Emmett came bounding out of the back door as we approached, full of enthusiasm. "Hey…you guys are back, how did it go? Did you kill a bunch of stuff Bella? Wasn't it awesome?"

He stopped several feet away and chuckled lightly.

"Hey Ed, where is her shirt? Did you guys stop for a little detour and the way back?" His eyebrows wiggled playfully, and my anger began to swell.

"Emmett…" Edward stepped between us. "Remember, she is much stronger than you. I think you like your …uh…parts where they are, right?" Emmett took a step back. "Because...if she rips off both your dick and your hands, I'm not picking that shit up for you."

"Me either," Jasper chided as he strolled out of the house and over to us." How are you doing Bella?"

"Uh…fine?" I answered but it sounded more like a question. With so many people around it was harder to keep a handle on the rapidly shifting emotions. Emmett's comment had both pissed me off and made me want to laugh out loud. I was also nervous about being around Edward's family again. Waves of calm began to replace the turmoil and uncertainty and this time I knew how it was happening.

"Thank you," I smiled at Jasper knowingly. His eyes quickly shot to Edward, who nodded slightly.

"I'm glad you two had some time to talk," Jasper's voice was familiar and soothing. "I want you to feel comfortable with us Bella, we all do." The waves of calm turned to love and acceptance. I felt welcomed and safe. I wasn't sure how I would feel about Jasper manipulating my emotions. There may be a time when I would feel intruded upon, but for now I welcomed the relief from the turmoil.

"Can I have her now?" Alice's soprano voice was right next to me. Her tiny hand snaked around my shoulders gently and cautiously leading me toward the house. "Let's get you cleaned up Bella, and you really must see yourself."

"Alice…," Edward began, but Alice cut him off.

"Whatever Edward, she's not yours. She is my friend too, at least she will be, let me have a turn with her."

I wanted to protest, to tell them that I wasn't a possession to be shared and claimed. But I felt safe with Alice, and was relieved to have some time away from Edward and his shirtless torso. Plus, I really was a mess and could use a shower. And Alice's comment about me seeing myself had me intrigued. Would I look different now?

I took one more fleeting look over my shoulder at the boys, as she led me into the house.

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A/N - A special thanks to you wonderful reviewers! I know how easy it is to read a story and move along without reviewing and wanted to let you guys know again how much I appreciate you taking the time to drop me a note. Your continued support makes me smile, and keeps me writing! You guys rock. To those who add me to their favorties and/or alert the story but move along without hitting the review button- I love you guys too , and ...its never too late to start reviewing ;)