Saarebas - "The Dangerous Thing"

Chapter 11:

While Mayflower spoke, I tilled the field. It gave me something else to focus on. The sun was high above us and hot. She was pushing her hair behind her long ears to help keep it and the sweat out of her face.

"You do me great credit, Whistler. Though they questioned your excess before the meeting, it's been decided that you show all of the right attributes for a new role... I know this may be impolite, but may I ask what had driven you towards indulging before an important meeting?"

I brought my hoe down and cleaved the soil. "I guess I was nervous and wanted to calm my nerves."

"Hmm... I've always thought you were a little too serious for your own good. How old are you?"

"Just past 16."

Her smile was distant and a little sad. "Yes, well many of us have been in that situation before, young and prone to making mistakes. It's best you made that kind of mess-up now rather than later."

There was a large rock in my path that I worked at extracting. "Mayflower, Ma'am, may I ask what the Arigena Triumvirate has in mind for me?"

"Given you'll be accepting your new role soon, I don't see why not."

She paused and I continued my work. I had told the assembly that I would do whatever they'd thought best. I guess that counts as accepting my new role.

Mayflower spoke again, "You'll be raised to the position of Tamassran."

The blade faltered on the way to the ground.

"Such a high post. I am not worthy, Mayflower."

I felt her unseen hand rest on my shoulder. "Whistler, lets take a break for a bit and talk."

We moved away from the other Athloks as they toiled away. Soon, I would no longer be one of them, or even male anymore. I sat beside her feeling numb and hollow inside.

"Why do you feel you aren't worthy?"

"There are others I'm sure that show more remarkable skills than me. Really, the best that you can say is that I'm a dedicated and hard worker, but most of my work has been physical, not mental."

"True, you've grown stronger since becoming an Athlok, but you show gifts beyond this post. Any time I asked a question or posed a hypothetical scenario to the class, you were the first to answer. This hasn't gone unnoticed."

"It would mean becoming an Aqun-Athlok. That's extremely rare?"

"Does this bother you?"

From the back of my mind, I felt the stirrings of something. Lucas? There was no response. I turned back to Mayflower. How could I tell her that I wasn't sure what to think, and that in-and-of itself was a problem. The Qunari don't question their place in the whole, they accept it. This, combined with everything else, only further illustrated that I didn't fit in with the rest. This was more than needing re-education. The presence in my head was still there but not saying anything.

"Does what bother me?"

"Your re-assignment and new role, does it bother you?"

"No, Ma'am. I will do what's best for the Qun."

She gave me a long look.

"Take the rest of the day off, Whistler. We'll have to learn to get by without your help soon anyway. Take some time so you can become more comfortable with your new identity."

I nodded, got up, and walked off. Without knowing why, I picked a certain direction until I'd come to a place I hadn't been in years. I tapped on the frame of the door.

"Come in."

I walked in to see a horned Ashkaari with her back to me as she scribbled on parchment.

"Scribe?"

The scribbling stopped.

"Whistler! Have you been told yet?"

I nodded.

"Congratulations! Even when you were still a child, I knew you'd rise high."

I was surprised when she came running over to give me a hug. I let out a laugh and pulled her into a tight embrace.

"Did you mean what you said in there about wanting me to become an Ashkaari?"

"Absolutely. I just worried what that might have done to you so soon after being given your first role. I should have asked again, but maybe not. A Tamassran! It'll mean learning Qunlat and your new role, but wow."

"Is it really that impressive?"

"Yes. You do us all great pride."

Why does everyone keep saying that? If they knew that I was a Saarebas they wouldn't say that, they wouldn't say anything to me for fear of possession. Again, the presence stood out in my mind, saying nothing, but observing everything.

"Thank you, Scribe. I will do my best to live up to your expectations."

"They aren't just my expectations, but that of the entire Qun. I know that you will succeed."

I said nothing. She cocked her head and looked closely at me.

"Don't fear." She recited a long string of Qunlat. "Shok ebasit hissra. Meraad astaarit, meraad itwasit, aban aqun. Maraas shokra. Anaan esaam Qun."

Then she leaned in and kissed me on the cheek, the first I'd ever been given.

"What does that mean?"

"The kiss or the saying?"

"Both, I guess."

"The Qunlat was to put your mind at ease. It means struggle is an illusion. The tide rises, the tide falls, but the sea is changeless. There is nothing to struggle against. Victory is in the Qun. The kiss, well... that's a little more complicated."

I smiled. "Oh yeah?"

"Yep. But don't overthink it too much Whistler."

"No fair, you took all the fun and mystery out of it now."

She turned her head so that she could stare at me from the corner of her eye. "There are still a few mysteries left." Her eyes drifted down to my clothes and I felt my cheeks begin to heat. Her laughter only made it worse.

"I forget how young you are."

"And how old are you?"

"Not much more than you. 19."

I did the math in my head.

"That means when we met you were only 15 and had already mastered Qunlat. It should be me telling you about the pride of the Qun!"

"Don't exaggerate. I love reading and memorization, but that's where my stills end. I can recite what I read and put facts down on paper, but its all just observation with very little actual learning done."

"Still, I find it impressive."

"Just as I find you impressive."

There was something in the air between us, some sort of haze that was making it hard for me to pay attention to anything but her. Our bodies seemed too close. When I took a step back, things seemed to come back into focus. I looked away as my body warmed.

"I'd, um, better be going. I don't want to keep you from your work for too long."

"No problem. Come see me anytime you want to talk. I'll be here. I suspect we'll be doing quite a bit of talking."

She closed the distance between us. Unbidden, my hand went out to stroke her horns as her eyelids fell. I continued this but had no way to make the passage of time. Everything around us moved at the pace of a snail. The presence that had been so silent finally spoke again.

Yes, she likes this now, but how will things change when you become, what's the term, Aqun-Athlok?

I stopped caressing her and stepped back. My departure was abrupt. If she said anything to me, I didn't hear it.

And while you're at it, why not tell her about what caused the crops to grow?

While I would have done much and more to have him back a few hours ago, his sudden return only to jeer angered me. It'd been like a slap across the face, serving to remind me that I was lying to my people. I couldn't even claim that he'd stopped me this time. I could have turned myself in to the Arvaarad, but I hadn't. I was no pride to the Qun, I was just a dangerous thing.