Chapter Eleven: Still Broken

"And if you looked into my dark, unhappy eyes,
You'd see the tears that I'm choking.
And if you touched, if you touched my heart,
You'd feel the pain I call hoping.
And don't you know, don't you know I'd die
For just a lie from you, yeah, a token.
And even though, even though I know it could never heal,
My heart's still broken.
She always said:
A hey yah, a hey yah, a hey,
Yeah, I'm still broken."
---Blue October's "Still Broken."

When William and I arrived back at the clinic, Charles came outside and said that we were back too early; he said we had to leave, that we should go to his house.

I tried to ask about Ravine and Millie, but William started pleading. "I can't leave her again. I can't let her go through that alone. C'mon, please let me stay. Please, please let me stay."

Charles must have seen the nearly-silent desperation in William's voice. You could say a lot about the man, but William worshipped the ground his mate walked on.

"Let me go see what I can do," Charles said quietly, heading back inside.

William closed his eyes and took a breath. It wasn't long before the Marrok came out. With a sigh, he said, "William, you may stay; Millie didn't need as much done as Samuel suspected. She's resting, and you may have to help with Ms. Cunningham, but you can go in."

William's worry and joy both flooded around him. I could scent every emotion ranging from respect and thankfulness to minor panic. He was gone before I could blink again.

Bran looked at me, "I'm taking you to my home. I want to get to the bottom of all of this."

I swallowed and followed him.

The ride to his house was utterly silent. I hardly dared to breathe, and the Marrok kept glancing over at me, evaluating my mood, I supposed. I didn't dare meet his eyes.

I'd seen his house before, so it didn't come as a shocker to me that it wasn't huge. I guessed that the basement was enormous, though. It seemed like he'd keep a lot of spare room available. Spare room embedded with silver.

But his living room was comfortable. It was both homey and formal at the same time. It didn't look very lived in, but I sunk down in the seats, which allowed me to relax more than I normally would have. In a way, it was hard to believe that there were any problems when looking around in that beautiful room and sitting in that amazing seat.

I nearly asked if I could take it home before I remembered that I was in the Marrok's house and I didn't have a home to take it home to.

I heard him draw in a breath and hold it for a second, pondering what to say. Before he could, I said, "Why didn't you tell me about Jon?"

He actually looked caught off-guard. He never seemed surprised when anybody else said something or did something, but he always acted like I was unpredictable. As if.

"I - I thought you had other things to worry about." He acted like it was alright to just skip over a small detail like the murder of a child. A human child. "I thought about it, but it was obviously hard for you to see Ms. Cunningham in that kind of shape."

Amazing. He had read my mind. But, on the other hand, I'd probably been really easy to read when he told me about Ravine. Not to mention the - what would I call it? Flashback? Blackout? Schizophrenia? - uh, episode I'd had on the way to the hangar.

So, I just nodded and said, "It was."

And we sat in silence for a few minutes.

Then, Bran said, "I want to know what he did." I started to say that he probably didn't, but he cut me off, saying, "But I know you don't want to talk about it. And I understand- well, no I don't. But you get my meaning."

I sighed. He's done lots of things, Bran. No, I don't really want to talk about what he's done to me, but, hell, I guess I've got to.

I closed my eyes and forced the words out of my mouth. "Beatings, rapes, kidnapping, and flat-out abuse." I swallowed. "Those are some of the things he's done. I don't want to go into details, Bran, but," I shook my head and tried to keep myself from remembering. Now would not be a time to have an… episode. "He's done terrible things. Not just to me; to nearly all of us. He's fucking crazy, Bran."

He looked startled. I guessed I'd never really been blunt around him.

I continued. "You can't just sit here and let him go on. He's evil, and he takes things too far, and he kills anyone that threatens his dominance-"

Bran held up his hand, "Wait. Wait a second." He looked down, kind of around the room, and said, "He beat you? He kidnapped you? He raped you?"

I bit my lip and blinked a lot before saying, "Yeah."

He stood up and walked out, grabbing his coat and car keys. Just before shutting the front door behind him, he said, "You coming?"

I followed him. What was he doing? I mean, it was nearly dark out, and Samuel couldn't have been finished with Ravine and how would Bran know if he was anyway and - I gave up wondering and I just followed him.

The air outside was sticky and hot, being that it was late June, as we got back into his vehicle. I bucked up and he started the truck and we were out on the road again when I said, "What are you doing?"

"You're going to Charles'."

Um. Okay, then. "Where are you going?" Why was my mouth working faster than my brain?

"I'm going to Nevada." The way he said it made it out to be set in stone. I didn't try to talk him out of it, though. Doubtless he expected me to.

I said quietly, "I don't have to go?"

Bran stopped the car and turned to look at me. He shook his head slowly from side to side, "You're never going to have to go back there if I have anything to do with it. Unless you want to, of course." He stared at me for a moment. I looked down, of course, but I could see his dark eyes, so intent that it seemed they were looking under my skin. It should have been unnerving, but… it wasn't.

After what seemed like an eternity of that, he turned back to the road and gassed the humvee. I wondered what he was thinking, but I didn't want to know, not really. I did know that that had been him x-raying my skull with his eyes, not his wolf.

"What are you going to do?"

He said, "I'm going to stop this. If he has any inkling of control or shame for what he's done, then I'll have mercy."

I thought of how many times he'd beaten me until I saw grey spots, left me slumped in the corner bawling and praying for mercy. I thought, he doesn't deserve mercy. Then I thought, I shouldn't have thought that.

He deserved whatever Bran gave him. He deserved to lose every bit of blood he'd caused me to lose. Every bit of skin, every cup of tears. Every fragment of humanity.

Then I said something that surprised even myself, "Just kill him quick, Bran."

I knew he'd turn to look at me, but I didn't want to meet his eyes. I didn't want him to know how much I hated the man; it was ugly what I wanted to do to him, how many ways I wished to torture him. I didn't want Bran to see that in me. And I didn't want Bran to torture him. Somehow, it just didn't seem right that he should have to do something like that, no matter how much practice he'd had, for me. I didn't deserve it. His wolf deserved better than me.

So I stared at the Montana skyline, where the trees looked black and the sky went from a pale pink in the west to violet to medium to a deep, dark blue in the east that matched my eyes. I could see a single star.

Star light, star bright, I thought, first star I see tonight-

We pulled up in front of Charles' house. I was about to shut the door when Bran said, "You don't have to be so noble, you know."

I wanted to say that no, I wasn't noble and that he was, but I didn't. I didn't want to say anything and spoil that perfect picture he seemed to have of me, even if it was exponentially incorrect.

He continued, nearly under his breath, just before he drove away, "You deserve so much better than me."

I couldn't turn and get to him there before he drove away.

So I just sat down on the step and looked around, blinking back tears. No, sir. You're wrong this time.

I didn't even think to worry.

Another chapter. I know this one took a long time, and I'm sorry for that, but I have an actual valid excuse.

My laptop crashed. Or something. It said the boot disk was missing (blah, blah, blah, I'm not good with the fixing of computers,) and wouldn't read the installation disk, so I assumed, of course, it crashed. Then a friend of mine tried it and pushed some keys and viola! it worked.

So, yeah. And I had to register for school and sell yearbook ads and fix my schedule, so that took up some time, too.

Other than that, I am sorry, but I shall try again to get the next chapter up soon.

The reviews are marvelous! In every way! So... keep 'em coming. Review, pleeeaaaassssse.

I shall thank you for it!

-Em.