Author's Notes: A reminder that I don't own Big Time Rush or any of the characters borrowed from the show. If I made money off this it would be a good thing, but I don't.

It's been over a year since I've written Kames, and the only reason it's happening now is because I made the mistake of leaving James and Kendall alone for an entire chapter of "Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder." I knew better, knew I should've just stopped after getting Carlos and Kendall together, but I wanted to write more so I did and now we have this. There's a reason I try not to include Kendall in my Jagan stories, and this is it—he always ends up wanting James. So I finally gave in (as I always do with Kendall) and gave him what he wants—his own story where he can go after James.

Huge, massive thank you's to kathrynew30 and Aranelle for letting me spam them with fic. I don't know what I'd do without you guys. Probably stop writing. So thank you.

I am so behind on replying to reviews, but I wanted to say again how much I love you guys and how happy you make me with each one. Thank you so much for being so awesome.

Things are moving slowly in the next few chapters, but James is having a hard time with all this. Kendall does make progress, though, just not as fast as he'd like. I almost feel sorry for James the way people start to gang up on him. XD

Knowing it was important to Kendall that James not be scared away, Mrs. Knight allowed Katie to play a game at dinner in order to distract her from James. They talked mostly about San Diego, James relaying all the sights they needed to see and the best places to eat. Mrs. Knight did ask about Kendall's plans for the following day, sensing that the two boys would be in Kendall's room most of the night and this might be her only chance, and Kendall reminded her that he was going with Heather to the library the following morning. "Remember, you're driving us?"

"Yes, I remembered, I just wasn't sure what time."

"It's at ten."

James wiped his mouth and offered, "I'll take you guys."

Kendall raised an eyebrow. "Uh, no."

"No, really, I'll drive you guys there and pick you up."

"Not happening, James."

"Why not? You need a ride, I've got a car. I'll even stay for the lecture."

Kendall smirked. "Absolutely not. But nice try."

"What's the big deal?"

"You really don't want us to talk, do you?"

James shrugged, suddenly focused on his dinner.

Mrs. Knight saw the opening and took it. "I imagine it must be hard, James. Your friend spending time with your ex-girlfriend."

"It's not my favorite thing, no."

Kendall reached under the table and squeezed James' left hand. "It'll be fine. Promise."

Once again James returned the grip, hard, before letting go.

"Damn!" Katie suddenly yelled, pounding her fist on the table and making them all jump.

"Okay Katie, I changed my mind. No more video games at the table."

When Kendall and James were back in the room, Kendall locked the door. "So why are you afraid for me and Heather to hang out? Worried we're gonna talk about you?"

"Like you won't?"

"Oh, we totally will. Is there something you don't want me to know? Or maybe for her to know? I'm not gonna sit there and claim my territory, even though it's tempting."

James chuckled, coming to slide his arms around Kendall's waist. "I'm not worried about that."

"Then what is it?"

"Can we not talk right now?"

When James nibbled at his neck, Kendall caved. Talk was overrated. He hummed and pulled James closer, unable to get enough. "So we're basically spending the rest of the night in bed?"

"New horizons."

"Fuck yes."

James latched onto Kendall's neck and sucked, Kendall practically writhing against him as his breaths came faster. "Oh god, that's so amazing."

"Gonna mark you like you marked me."

"Fuck. James, fuck, yes." Kendall backed up to the bed and sat on the edge, James climbing up onto his lap and settling in to focus on making Kendall crazy. A few minutes into it Kendall was squirming again, unable to sit still as James' teeth and lips owned him. "Wait," he finally whispered.

"No," James answered, then went back to it.

"No, wait. Be right back." Kendall shoved James off him and managed to get control of himself before stepping out of the room, then returning a few moments later with a packet of baby wipes. "Here. Take that shit off your neck, I wasn't done."

"Oh fuck, Kendall." James ripped into the package and wiped at his throat, removing the make-up he'd applied before dinner. While he did his eyes followed Kendall's movements as Kendall stripped completely, James licking his lips when Kendall stood before him naked. "So fucking gorgeous, it's no wonder I can't resist you."

Kendall smiled, squealing a little on the inside. "Your turn."

James stood and dropped the used wipes into a trash can before removing his own clothes, eyes glued to Kendall's face as Kendall's gaze roamed over his body. "You look like you've been starving for days or something."

"It's how I feel. So much skin to cover. So beautiful." Kendall knelt in front of James, running his lips up and down James' thighs, mouth teasing James' dick occasionally. James' hands ended up in Kendall's hair before long, and eventually he guided Kendall's mouth to cover him, holding Kendall's head there. Kendall didn't mind at all, giving James what he wanted as James rocked in and out of his mouth, James biting his lip to keep from making too much noise.

When James was close Kendall pulled off, James letting him, and looked up. "What was it you said? I'd want to come but you wouldn't let me? Is that one of your kinks?"

"Oh god no, no Kendall please, don't do that. Let me come."

Kendall shook his head with a smirk, then stood up and climbed into his bed.

"You fucking little tease. Two can play that game."

Rather than blow him as Kendall expected, though, James spent the next twenty minutes sucking at random places on Kendall's body, driving Kendall insane as each spot ached when James was done. They were all places that would be covered by clothing, but Kendall already knew he'd feel the bruises when he moved and that only made him hotter.

"Every time you look in the mirror now, you'll know you're mine."

Kendall blinked, surprised. "Am I yours? I thought that was the problem, you didn't want me."

"I told you once. Never doubt that I want you."

"Then take me. Own me, James."

"I have since the day we met."

"Let me own you, then. Don't want anybody touching you."

"Oh god," James whined.

"Fuck, that really turns you on. Never would've guessed that about you."

James was silent, chest heaving but his eyes begging.

Kendall flipped James onto his back, pinning his wrists to his sides as his mouth moved over James, focused on doing the same and leaving bruises he knew wouldn't fade for days. As he did, James went crazy under him, turning his face into a pillow and biting down on it to keep from making too much noise. It set Kendall on fire, having James not only submissive to him but enjoying it so much he was about to go over the edge just from Kendall's mouth moving over his skin.

"James, you are the fucking hottest thing in the world, never letting you go, never."

"Promise me."

And that certainly wasn't what Kendall had expected to hear, but he moved swiftly up to look into James' eyes. "Promise."

"Swear it, Kendall. No matter what happens, no matter what my dad says or does, swear you'll be with me. I can't do this alone."

"I'm here, not going anywhere, right here." Kendall carded a hand through James' hair, leaning down to kiss him softly, and then James' arms were tight around him and holding him close as they kissed, James desperate and wrapping his legs around Kendall as well. "Mine, you're mine," Kendall repeated. "Say it."

"Kendall, I-"

"Say it. Please. I need to hear it."

"Fuck, you drive me crazy! Yes! I'm yours! All I ever wanted from the second I saw you, had to have you that first day, had to go up to that table and didn't know what to say so I talked to Logan and couldn't even look at you but you were there and beautiful and I fucking hate you so much!"

Had to have you that first day... "Holy shit, James, are you serious? That's why you came over to the table that day? Because of me?"

"Yes, okay? Yes."

"But in class you were such a dick to me."

"You scared me. Wanted nothing to do with you."

"But you wanted everything to do with me."

James nodded, miserable.

"Jesus Christ, James, this isn't a bad thing. It's the best thing to ever happen to us. Why is it so horrible to love me?"

"Because if I love you I have to do something about it. I have to take a stand because you're worth it, you're worth whatever happens, but only if I know I have you. If I face this and come out to my dad but then lose you, it'll be for nothing and I'll be alone. Don't leave me alone."

James was shaking and almost in tears; the level of desperation from James broke his heart."Swear it, James, I swear. You're mine and that's not gonna change. It's not just because you're gorgeous, it's because you're amazing and you have this fire and when you smile at me, when you let down your guard enough to let me love you, it's the most incredible feeling in the world. Let me in, James. Please. I won't leave you alone, won't let you face anything by yourself. Never again. We're a team now, it's you and me, and you've even got Carlos and Logan, those two will stand by your side no matter what. And my mom loves you, dude. You've got a family. Even Heather, I don't know what you two are to each other anymore but I assume you're friends with the way she was acting today and I promise, you are never alone. I'm right here."

James squeezed Kendall almost tight enough to cut off his air, but Kendall allowed it, hugging him back. "I could lose everything," James whispered. "You don't understand, he'll kick me out. I'll have nowhere to go."

"You'll have here. I guarantee my mom isn't going to leave you homeless."

"She hardly knows me."

"She knows enough. More than that, she knows you matter to me. Eventually she'll know just how much, but even now she would take you in. You always have a home here. I promise."

"Where the fuck did you come from, Kendall?"

Kendall grinned. "Minnesota."

James chuckled, the shaking subsiding as Kendall kissed him lightly. "You showed up and turned my whole life upside down. I hate you for that."

"But you love the way I suck your dick."

James laughed and it was music to Kendall's ears. "I do. I really do. Sure I'm your first?"

"To go that far, yes. Never made it to the pants coming off. Actually, I've only been with one guy before you. One time in the locker room at school. It was nice, but nothing compared to you."

"Remember that. I'm the best."

"Yes, you are." Kendall sighed in contentment and slid off James but cuddled up to him, James pulling him close. "Can we talk about your mom at all? Where does she fit in to all of this?"

"Mom...I love her, but she has no backbone. She won't stand up to my dad about anything. She was raised to believe that wives stay quiet and let the man rule the household. I kind of hate my grandparents for that."

"Are you close to your grandparents at all?"

"Nope. They're all assholes. I'm not exaggerating, Kendall. My dad finds out about this, I'm out of the house. He's told me that since junior high."

"So he has a suspicion you're gay?"

"He did back then. It's better since I've had Heather, he backed off on that. I think there's a part of him that still worries, though. Sometimes I wonder if he's so afraid of gay because he's in the closet himself."

"Dude, seriously?"

"Yeah. I think he might be attracted to guys but won't even consider the idea. His parents were just as bad as him. It's so stupid."

"It is. So um. While we're on the subject...does this mean you're my boyfriend? Can I actually call you that now?"

"How were we on the subject?"

"Shut up, just answer the question."

"Kendall, I'm still-"

"James. Say it. Just fucking say it."

"Okay, fine! You're my boyfriend. You don't date anyone else, don't flirt with anyone else, don't even think about kissing Carlos or Logan."

Kendall blanched. "Carlos or Logan? Dude, really? My mind hadn't even gone there, why would you do that to me?"

"Well, they're hot. It's only natural."

"No, it isn't. They're my best friends. I do not want to kiss either of them."

"Good. Let's keep it that way."

"Oh my god, you're jealous. You really think I could want anyone else? You're all I've been able to think about for weeks."

"And once you have me, the excitement might die. Maybe you just liked the thrill of the chase."

"I can't believe you'd ever worry about that. James, you really don't think highly of yourself, do you? We have to work on that."

"I'm just saying. You have me now, try not to get bored."

"You're fucking crazy if you think I could ever get bored with you. But if you're that worried about it, you should blow me again. Remind me how amazing you are."

"Such a horndog. But I can totally do that. Where are we on that list?"

"About halfway done, I think? Actually, more than halfway. All that's left is fucking on the ice."

"Yeah, wow. That...not sure I'm ready for that."

Kendall nodded. "Same here. But it's gonna happen one day. Promise me."

"That's a promise I can keep." James pressed his lips to Kendall's, running his hand down to wrap around Kendall and stroke. "For now, my mouth misses you."

"That's convenient, because I miss your mouth."

They grinned at each other, Kendall whispering "mine" once. Before James moved away, he answered, "Yours."

Love you, I love you so much, never letting you go. Better not ever get bored with me because-

"Oh my fucking god, James, your tongue. I want to marry your tongue."

"Marry my tongue, marry all of me. That's the rule."

As James returned his mouth to the task, Kendall thought maybe that was something he could wrap his mind around, because the idea of living without this even a day? Not even worth thinking about. Kendall Knight had always been one to know what he wanted and go after it, and even at sixteen years old he knew that he wanted James Diamond every day for the rest of his life. Marriage was a long way off in the future, but that didn't mean he couldn't dream about it now.

Wanting nothing but to make up for lost time, Kendall and James spent the night alternately sleeping and driving each other to orgasm in various ways. When they slept it was wrapped up in each other, both craving the closeness and James needing the reassurance that Kendall wasn't going to leave him alone.

Kendall awoke around nine P.M. and checked his phone to see a text from Carlos asking him to call when he was "not busy molesting James." Chuckling, Kendall rolled out of bed and threw on some clothes, then nudged James. "Hey. I'll be back."

"Where you going?" James grumbled.

"Bathroom, and Carlos wants me to call. Just didn't want you to freak out if you woke up."

"Wouldn't have freaked. Probably. Kiss me?"

With a smile Kendall did, not lingering long because he wanted James to go back to sleep. "I'll be back."

"'kay." James curled up under the blankets and closed his eyes, asleep in less than a minute.

So fucking beautiful. Can't believe you're mine.

After using the bathroom Kendall headed to the kitchen for a drink and a snack, mind on the following day. He had no idea where he stood with Heather but imagined she still wanted to date him and would therefore keep their lecture date. He sent her a text, hoping she'd still be awake. "We still on for tomorrow?"

She replied with, "YES! Can't wait. We have a lot to talk about. ;)"

Kendall sat at the dining room table staring at his phone, a ball of dread forming in his stomach. Oh god, she's gonna make a move. How do I get out of this? He considered canceling but felt she could give him answers that James never would, and with the wall James kept putting up Kendall would never get anywhere. Maybe he should be upfront with her, just tell her in no uncertain terms that he was gay and it was never gonna happen. Did she even suspect James was, though? If she blamed Kendall for the break-up, there went any hope of friendship.

Oh well. James is what matters. He's all that matters.

Kendall sent her another text. "I have some questions about James if that's okay."

"Absolutely. He's what I want to talk about. :)"

Okay. That didn't sound too bad. "Cool. See you tomorrow around 9:30. Goodnight."

"Goodnight! Have fun with James. ;)"

There was the damn winky face again. What the fuck was that about?

She knows. She has to know. And doesn't seem to mind. Yeah, we have a lot to talk about tomorrow.

Finishing the bag of potato chips he'd grabbed, Kendall was reminded of Logan. He placed a call to Carlos, smiling when Logan once again picked up.

"I don't want to hear it, Kendall. He's in the shower, that's why I answered."

"Suuuuure, wifey. Wait, didn't you guys shower this morning? How is it he needs one again, Logan? Did you get him dirty, you perv?"

"I'll never tell."

"Come on, you know I'll just get it out of him later. Dude, I feel like we haven't had a chance to even talk about any of this. It all happened so fast and you've been with Carlos every minute."

"And you've been with James every time I've seen you since the movies. It's crazy, isn't it?"

"Yeah. Awesome, though." Glancing around first to make sure there wasn't a stray Katie lurking nearby, Kendall said, "So. I officially have a boyfriend."

"Holy shit, really?"

"Yes, can you believe it! He even told me the only reason he came over to our lunch table the first day was because he wanted to meet me, but then he didn't know what to say and got scared because he felt so drawn to me."

"He liked you so much he hated you. Yeah, that sounds like James. Like you, too."

"So basically we're perfect for each other."

Logan laughed. "I'd say so. What about Heather? Is she still after you?"

"I don't know. We're gonna talk tomorrow about everything."

"Oh, that's why Carlos wanted you to call. He said maybe you guys can come since the game's not until two. What time is that lecture over?"

"Probably around eleven but then we're doing lunch so we can talk."

"Think you can be home by one? Carlos really wants you to go to a game."

"I can try. Is James invited, too?"

"Yeah, his dad got like six tickets. He's going, too."

"Have you guys decided if you're gonna tell your parents yet? About everything?"

"Carlos wants to. He has a horrible time hiding anything from his mom and it's only a matter of time. I'm not sure how they're going to react, but I think we're okay. My mom...I really don't know. I can see it going either way, but I do know she'll love me no matter what."

"Yeah. I can't imagine growing up with parents like James'. He says his dad really will kick him out. He's scared, dude."

"Do you mind keeping it a secret? For him?"

"He's worth it. I'd like to be out, but I'm leaving it up to James. And my mom keeps trying to push Heather on me, so even though she'll be okay with it, I think she'll be a little disappointed, you know?"

"Yeah," Logan agreed. "I think that's how my mom will take it. Carlos is positive his parents will be happy once they accept it, because they love me like a son already. I hope he's right."

Remembering his previous dinners at the Garcia home, Kendall nodded. "I think he is. They love you, even the kids do."

"Oh, hang on, Kendall. Carlos, it's Kendall. He says he'll let us know about the game tomorrow, if he gets home in time."

"Tell him to get home in time, then. He's going."

Kendall chuckled. "So I need to be at Carlos' or what?"

"Yeah, we're leaving here around one. Bring James if you can."

"I don't think it'll be a problem. I haven't done any homework this weekend, I'm so screwed. Guess I know what I'm doing tomorrow night."

"We're doing ours tomorrow morning. Where's James right now, anyway?"

"Sleeping. We've been busy," Kendall grinned.

"And you call me an animal. Okay, my turn to shower, so I'm gonna go. Call us tomorrow."

"I will. Have fun, you guys."

"Bye, Kendall!" Carlos yelled.

"Tell him goodnight. Talk to you later."

After hanging up Kendall sat there and ran through the previous three weeks in his mind, marveling over how quickly things had turned around to get him where he was now—best friends, a team that looked to be shaping up, a boyfriend. He had a boyfriend. Not just any boyfriend, but the hottest guy alive who was so much more than that, so amazing once you got past the armor.

Suddenly missing James and wanting to be in bed with him, Kendall got rid of his trash and moved down the hall, about to walk into his room when he noticed his mother's light was still on. He made a quick decision and knocked on her door, entering when she invited him in.

"Hey. Can we talk for a minute?"

"Of course." Mrs. Knight muted the television and patted her bed. "What's on your mind?"

"It's James, actually."

"I figured."

Kendall sat on the bed and put his thoughts in order, then asked, "Do you like him?"

"Do I like him? I hardly know him, but so far, yes. He's polite and funny and seems to enjoy being here. His parents are really that bad?"

"He says his mom isn't so terrible, she just doesn't stand up to his dad when his dad's a dick. Sorry, an asshole. I mean," Kendall sighed, "a jerk."

"Better. Is there abuse involved?"

"I don't think so, no. I get the feeling his dad would rather not have much to do with him, as long as he's not a disappointment."

"And what would his father consider a disappointment?"

"Well..." Kendall hesitated, not sure how much his mother would read into everything, but finally took the plunge. "If he was gay, for example. His father would kick him out of the house."

"Oh. I see." She let that sink in before asking, "Is he gay?"

"If he was, what would you-"

"Kendall, it's fine. He's still welcome here."

"Okay, good." Kendall let out the breath he'd been holding. "Yes. He is. But don't mention it, he's still having a tough time accepting it. Or at least admitting it."

"But if he's gay, what about Heather? Or is that why they broke up?"

"I'm not exactly sure how Heather fits into all this. I'm going to talk to her tomorrow. Hopefully she's not still after me."

"Would it be bad if she is?"

"Yes, because I'm not interested in her. At all."

Mrs. Knight nodded slowly. "So James is gay but his parents don't know and if they did..."

"He says they'd disown him. If that happened, could we take him in? I know it's a lot to ask but I care about him and he's miserable, Mom. He's doing what his dad wants and I'm gonna work on getting him back to skating but that's also something his dad would kick him out for."

"Honey, I understand how you feel but I don't even really know the boy. And his parents would have something to say about that, about where he lives."

"If they kick him out, they don't have any right to say shit."

"But the law would disagree. I'm sure he's probably exaggerating and his parents would be extremely upset, but I doubt they'd kick him out. Have you met them at all?"

Kendall shook his head. "No, but he's not the exaggerating type. At least not about this. He's honestly terrified, Mom. If he has nowhere to go, can he stay here? Please? I want to be able to tell him he has a family. Keeping it all inside is killing him."

Reaching out to touch Kendall's cheek, Mrs. Knight smiled and said, "You are such a sweet boy. I did well with you."

Will you still say that when it's me who's gay? For the first time it occurred to Kendall to wonder what his own father would say about his homosexuality. Not that Kendall really cared either way, but he didn't imagine his father would be overjoyed. "So is that a yes?"

"I don't know, honey. That's a lot to ask. How can you be sure he'd even want to stay here? He probably has other family that—"

"No. He has nowhere, Mom. No one. I want him to know he can be himself and people will still love him."

Mrs. Knight sighed. "Kendall, I'm not saying no, but why don't we see what happens? Is he planning to tell them soon? Is that why you're so worried?"

"I'm not sure. I think maybe he is. Like I said, though, he's scared. You wouldn't let him live on the streets, I know that much."

"I'd rather not have to make that decision."

"But if has nowhere to go, he's safe, right?"

"I...Kendall, you're asking a lot."

"I know. But it's James. He's worth it."

"What about Carlos and Logan?"

"What about them?"

"You just seemed so close to them and suddenly James is here instead."

"Oh, they'll be back. We'll probably have sleepovers all the time, if that's okay. All four of us."

"All four of you? What have I gotten myself into?"

"You love us." Kendall kissed his mother's cheek and stood up. "So I'll tell James he has a place to stay if he comes out to his parents. Thanks, Mom!"

"Kendall, I didn't say-" But Kendall was gone, leaving her shaking her head. "Why do I bother? That kid is worse than Katie sometimes."

Kendall stripped and slid into bed with James, heart fluttering when James snuggled closer to him. He figured they probably shouldn't make a habit of sleeping naked all the time, but for tonight it was what he needed. James nuzzled his neck and Kendall responded with kisses to his hair. "I have two questions for you."

"Okay," James mumbled.

"First, want to come with us to the Chargers game tomorrow? Carlos' dad will be there, too."

"What time?"

"After the lecture. Game starts at two."

James nodded. "Okay. I'm sure my parents won't care."

"Second. Are you hungry? I just ate but didn't grab you anything."

"I can wait for morning. Unless you were offering meat?"

Kendall snickered, feeling James smile against his neck. "Horndog. I meant actual food."

"Yeah, I can wait. Mostly I just want you to stay here because I'm cold and you're warm."

You are such a cuddler. Fuck, I love that. "So I talked to my mom. You can stay here if you get kicked out."

James' head shot up. "What? For real?"

"For real. You have a place to go if you need it." Kendall watched James, letting that sink in.

"Does she know about us?"

"She knows you're gay. I'm sorry, I had to tell her that much."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"You outed me but not yourself? How is that fair?"

"Because the second I tell her we're both gay, no more sleeping naked together. She'll figure it out eventually anyway. She knows me well and knows I care about you. I'm not exactly good at hiding my feelings the way you are."

"That's an understatement. You can't even look at me without drooling."

"Or smiling. Or thinking about you naked."

James laughed. "We waited way too long for this."

"Don't blame me, you're the idiot who kept pushing me away."

"We all make mistakes, Kendall. Yours was getting under my skin. Because now you're stuck with me."

"That's not a mistake. That's a gift."

"You're such a sap, I swear."

"Is that a bad thing?"

James leaned up to kiss Kendall. "No. Just means the more I'm with you, the more I never want to leave. And that's a bad thing."

"It's the best thing. I'm gonna keep being a sap, break down all your defenses."

"Shit, like you haven't already."

Not all of them, no. But I'm getting there. "So what are you gonna do about your dad? Think you're ready to tell him?"

"I don't know, Kendall. I really don't. Please don't pressure me on that."

"I'm not, I just...okay, maybe I am. I'm sorry. I know it's scary."

"Just let me get used to all this first, okay? To you and having a boyfriend and figuring out what I want to do about it."

"I guess I can live with that. Oh, and I told Mom you'd probably be over a lot. Carlos and Logan, too."

"Does she know about them?"

"No. They're considering coming out to their parents, though, so it's probably only a matter of time."

"There go all the sleepover plans. Enjoy tonight while you can."

"Oh, I will." Kendall rolled over onto James, nipping at his lips. "Hungry now?"

"Starved."