Right, so I thought i'd get these couple of chapters out the way as they were pretty much completed. Hope you like it :) again all reviews welcome good or bad. Anything to help these chapters get better as I go along. Thanks for reading it means a lot. x Finally be able to shut my eyes :D Until the next time!

Chapter 11

The after party for Maddie, Neil and Jono had ended well. It was a terrible nightmare for everyone to go through but each and everyone stuck by for who they could. Tilly couldn't really find it in herself to enjoy herself afterwards. She didn't feel like it was right. She wanted nothing more than for her friends to be there with her. Enjoying themselves like they always did without fail. Saying goodbye to one friend is terrifying, never mind having to say goodbye to three of your best friends. Tilly left the gathering after the funeral had ended straight away without anyone noticing. She didnt want to be around anyone right now, she didn't want anyone to see her the way she was. She'd held herself back for long enough but now, she needed her own time, her own space to grieve alone.

Tillys parents had been searching around for Tilly for quite a while. So before long they returned home to see where she'd got to. She wasn't home, but she'd left a message. She didn't want anyone fussing around her. Like she said before Today wasn't at all about her, about her feelings and emotions because everyone was equally going through the same. But it hit Tilly a lot harder. She couldn't bare it, she couldn't bare the thought of not seeing there happy chappy faces around College anymore. Maddie wasn't there to ask her questions about who she was texting, or who she was getting all dressed up for, or to go out and pull. She hated it when Maddie did all these but she knew she'd miss them more than she thought.

Mum, Dad. I just need a little time alone. Don't worry about me. I'm safe.

All though they really didn't like the idea of Tilly being alone at a time like this they agreed not to make a fuss for there daughters sake. She obviously wasn't taking the whole situation very well and she needed time by herself to even try to cope with the whole situation. Tillys parents didnt want to make a fuss out of it all but her mother rang Sinaed from the house phone and told her to keep an eye out but not to be alarmed and Sinaed agreed.

Tilly was sat, back at the graveyard alone. She was scared with the darkness, scared more than anything. But she felt safe, safe in the company of her friends looking down on her. She knew they'd protect her from coming to any harm or hurt just like they always did. She just sat, sat in complete silence. Memorising all the good times they'd had together, all the bad and most of all the best times they had. Tonight she wasn't thinking about anyone else tonight was about herself and her friends.

''Tillys mums just rang me, Tillys not at home. But she left a message saying not to worry, she was safe'' said Sinaed to her mother. ''Alright love, she'll proberly just need some time to herself won't she'' said Diane. Sinaed nodded. She knew Tilly, just as much as Maddie did. Definetly not the person to show her emotions infront of others. She was strong, always thinking of others before herself. Thats why she needed time, so she could cry alone, without anyone bugging her asking if she was ok.

Tilly had started talking, and it wasn't in a weird way it wasn't like she was loosing her mind it was in a nice way. It was like she was communicating with her friends. It seamed to help her cope a little. She felt like she was just blocking the whole world out it was just her, Maddie, Neil and Jono alone. Spending time together. It helped her, get through if she'd of went home she possibly would have just cried all night, might of even popped another bottle open to help her forget. But at least this way, it was helping her get through without harming herself. It was cold yeah, but that didnt matter. She wanted to spend some time with them. There was nothing wrong with that.

Until it was getting onto 11.00pm. Her parents were pretty worried, even though Tilly had told them not to be. Tilly had lay herself down beside them. She'd played her music outloud and mimed alone a little. She felt proud of the times they'd had but only wished they had longer to do so. She wished she didn't have the fight with Maddie before the accidant of course she did. But she explained herself over and over in her head. Maddie knew, she knew it would have blown over. It was just a silly argument, everyone does it don't they?

Tilly was oblivious to the outside world. She was in her own world. Where just herself Maddie, Neil and Jono existed. The music still playing, still talking along to herself. Until she fell asleep, on the cold, groggy floor beside them. But she was safe, protected. She felt more protected then ever before. If this was the way she could slightly deal with loosing her friends forever. Then so be it, no one could judge her of that. Everyone has there own ways of dealing with things.

''Maddie, I know I should of told you but well I couldn't risk it. The thing is I know you'd of loved to see me happy and I have been its been the best feeling I have ever felt. I was seeing Jen'' Taking a look around to make sure no one was there to witness her conversation. ''Shes not a bitch you know, she's amazing in everything she does, its just hard you know, loosing her for the final time then loosing you guys. I just wish it could have all been different''.

Tilly's music had played throughout the night, sleeping peacefully in the arms of her friends. In the company of those she missed the most. She was awoken with the light tap to her shoulder the next morning. She scrunched up her nose to the burning light which shun apon her. Opening her eyes to see Maddies mother standing there.

''Oh, I'm sorry Mrs Morrison'' said Tilly. ''Don't be sorry love, you have nothing to be sorry for'' she smiled. Tilly sat up and picked up her phone. ''You been here all night Tilly?'' she questionned. Tilly smiled down on the graves and nodded. ''That could have been dangerous that Tilly'' she said. ''I know, but I guess its the only way to help me cope. I just miss them so much'' replied Tilly. ''I just don't want to go home, my parents they don't understand. How can they? its not like they've lost three best friends all in one is it'' Tilly shrugged. ''They'll be worried about you, lets get you back. Mabye you could keep me company for a few days. It might help the both of us'' she said. Tilly nodded as she and Maddies mother walked back to the car together.

When Tilly arrived back home she was welcomed by her parents, Diane, Jen and Sinaed. She hadn't really compramised how worried they could have been. She didn't think really. Herself and Maddies mother arrived inside and Tilly didn't speak, she walked straight into the kitchen and put on the kettle. Everyone just looked at her, her parents didn't want to push her to far because they could see she wasn't her usual self right now. She just looked dead behind the eyes, no control over herself, no emotion. Tilly just blocked them all out, she didn't want them she wanted her friends. And this was the reason she'd agreed to go keep Maddies mum company for a little while. She needed the company just as much as she did.

''Where was she?'' Sinaed asked. ''I found her asleep next to the graves bless her'' replied Maddies mother. ''I knew she'd take it really badly she's lost the closest friends she had'' said Sinaed. They were talking about Tilly like she wasn't even there. It wouldn't of made a difference because Tilly wasn't listening to a word they were saying anyways.

Tilly went to the inside cuppod in the living room silently, no eye contact with anyone. She pulled out the oversized night bag and made her way upstairs. She packed up her bathroom supplys, some clothes, some pj's and headed back downstairs. ''Where are you going love?'' her father asked with everyone looking at her she just looked confused. ''Maddies'' she said. ''Maddies room'' she added. ''Lets go'' Tilly said to Maddies mother. She didn't achkowledge anyone else just Maddies mother. ''Erm, I'll be back. Some time I need money'' she said turning around to her parents blankly. ''Tilly, you can't just walk away from this. I know it's hard but it will get easier'' said her mother. ''I'll be with Maddie, she'll be there. I need to be close to her. Money?'' Tilly said blankly again.

Tillys parents gave Maddies mother some money and took her number. Off they went. She was lost, no hope not for anyone. All she wanted was to be close to Maddie, be able to smell the purfume in her bedroom. Be in the company who was hurting just as much as she was. Thats all she needed. Who could blame her?

Jen seen it, so did everyone else. Tilly looked so confidant in showing no emotion the day before but now, it was a total different experiance. They'd never seen anything like it in the young redhead before. It was agonizing to see. Jen just wanted to comfort her, be there for her like she was on the night of the accidant. But she couldn't, not because she didn't want to but because she couldn't and because it would kill her all the more to see her lover in such a state again.

A week passed and Tilly felt a lot more at ease. She'd been spending her lonely nights in Maddie's bed, spending time with her much alike mother and disconnecting herself from the outside world. She felt so much better being so close to Maddie's living now. She still felt bad about the argument she'd had with her best friend before her death but deep down she knew Maddie would never of held her to it so why should she? Of course she'd of been alright with her by now, having there usual conversations, listening to Maddie about a new boy and listening to her bitch about girls better than herself.

She hadn't reconnected with her friends or family since being in the company with Mrs Morrison. She'd had her phone switched of through out the week. Her parents had visited around a few times but Tilly didnt communicate with them as much. They thought it was better to leave Tilly to deal with her loss the way she wanted to, leaving money with Maddies mother for her food ect... Maddie's mother was also enjoying the company. It didn't help her as much as it helped Tilly but it kept her mind of things. Tilly was always there to help cheer the mood, and visit the graves with her.

It was a lot to take in for everyone, but Tilly took the whole situation real bad, Mrs Morrison didn't agree but Tilly had been drinking everynight and missing college. But who was she to question the way Tilly acted about it all. Because she knew just how much Tilly was going through and just how much it all hurt.

Tilly had lost the three friends she thought she'd live with forever. It hurt to think otherwise.

Ester had been down since the break-up with Tilly, she loved Tilly and finally thought Tilly would feel the same after all this time. But she hated the fact of not been able to be there for Tilly, not there to comfort her. Everytime she text she got no reply, and everytime she rang it always went straight to voicemail. The one thing she didn't want to do was turn up on her doorstep and smuther her again. She didn't know Tilly had been spending her days and nights around Maddie's mums so wouldn't of found Tilly at home anyways. But it did cross her mind a couple of times to just go around there.

Tillys parents had been in contact with Mr Keeler about Tilly not turning up to college. He understood at the best he could but it wasn't like Tilly could stay away from College any longer. It had already been a week and if she kept staying of from College she'd fall behind on work and assignments and its really not what he wanted for her. It wasn't his reputation he was worried about. He just knew how much Tilly wanted to get into Cambridge and didn't want anything to get in the way of that.

Jen and Tillys friends had missed the bright spark around the College. Cheering them up when needed. But they also understood. Tilly just needed time away, not wanting to be asked if she was ok 24/7. Having attention she didnt need or want for that matter.

Finally Tilly decided on Sunday night it was time for her to return home and face the reality of going back to College tomorrow. She didn't know what she was going to say or do but she definetly needed to return. If she stayed in Maddies room any longer she wouldn't want to leave at all.

Returning home and making her way straight upstairs is what she done. She ran the shower and jumped straight in, somehow being in her own home just instantly brought it all back for her. She was so used to been able to smell Maddies perfume it was hard for her. Tillys parents didnt question her, or be there for her to much. They'd missed her being around for the seven days and didn't want to push her away again so left her to sort herself for the night.

Tilly sorted her things for College and jumped straight in bed. It was only 7pm but she had nothing else to do. She switched her phone on and over 50 missed calls and 27 messages popped up on her screen. A lot of the missed calls were from Ester, a lot of the messages to. But there were a couple of messages from Sinaed. So Tilly decided to delete the ones from Ester and read the ones from Sinaed.

Sinaed had been going through something with her pregnancy and with Tilly being one of the only ones who knew Sinaed really wanted to talk to her. Sinaed had wrote in the message that it wasn't really important and would undeerstand if Tilly wasn't up to talking to her right now.

Tilly jumped out of bed and decided she most definetly wouldn't of slept without a little alcohol anyways, she kept her pj's on and headed out the door to get herself round Sinaeds. Just because she didn't have her other friends to talk to anymore didn't mean she was going to block her one other friend who needed her out. Tilly collected herself a bottle of Vodka from around the shop and headed straight around to Sinaeds. Knocking on the door to be greeted by Diane.

''Erm, is Sinaed in? She text saying she needed to talk'' Tilly spluttered not really wanting to communicate with anyone else right now. ''Are you sure your up for being there for anyone else right now Tilly, I'm sure she'll understand'' said Diane. Tilly just nodded and was welcomed inside. Only to see Jen in the kitchen and Sinaed on the sofa.

''Sinaed, i've only just switched my phone on. You wanna talk about it now?'' Tilly asked.

Sinaed instantly stood up and wrapped her arms around Tilly and sobbed. She'd been going through a lot with the pregnancy alone. No one else knew about Bart not being the dad and no one knew about her lieing to the University about being pregnant so she really did need to speak to Tilly about the whole thing.

''Hey, come on you. You don't need to cry, i'm sure we will sort it out together Sinaed. I'm always here for you'' said Tilly. Sinaed just nodded and brought herself from the hug. Tilly put down her bad and wiped away the tears from Sinaeds face. ''You have a really weird cry Sinaed'' Tilly smiled trying to take Sinaeds mind of things a little and she did Sinaed laughed.

Diane and Jen sat in the kitchen while Tilly tried to sort things with Sinaed in the living room. Diane and Jen hadn't been able to get through to Sinaed since the accidant and the interview so were glad Tilly turned up when she did. Sinaed hadn't been eating or drinking so it was becoming to be a harm to herself and her baby.

Sinaed and Tilly sat and talked in the living room for about fifteen minutes. Tilly listened to every word and always gave an amazing answer to everything Sinaed was asking. It made Sinaed feel so much better in herself hearing it all from Tilly and was glad to hear Tilly was there for her whenever she needed her. Sinaed hadn't really stopped crying about the whole situation but Tilly was there to help her through. Tilly had heard her belly going wild so left Sinaed in the living room and went to the kitchen.

''Is it ok if I make her some beans on toast or something Diane? She hasn't been eating and it can't be good for her'' said Tilly. ''Of course you can Tilly thank you for this'' said Diane. Tilly just nodded and began making the toast and beans for her friend. Also getting her a drink to go with the food.

''Do you not want to make yourself something Tilly? Diane asked. ''Oh no, I haven't been able to eat since before the funeral. I will have something when I feel like it'' replied Tilly not really knowing she'd just told Diane and Jen she hadn't ate anything in more than seven days. They both looked at each other shocked, neither wonder Tilly had looked so ill. It wasn't all because the loss of her friends but it was because she hadn't been eating either.

Neither even seen the change in Tillys figure until she'd said something, noticing right away she'd lost a little weight which couldnt be good, Tilly was one person who didnt need to loose any weight at all.

''Tilly you really need to eat something. This could be dangerous to yourself what have you been doing with all your time?'' Diane asked with concern. ''I'm ok honestly, i've been with Maddies mum, just spending time with her at the grave and stuff'' replied Tilly waiting for the microwave to finish. ''I seen the bottle of Vodka in your bag, have you been drinking every night?'' Diane asked. Tilly didn't want to answer, she didn't want to say she'd been drinking all of the time. Diane had already seen her before the funeral with a bottle of Vodka and already been told from Jen she had bottles of wine the next day. So she didn't reply, she picked up the plate and the cup and headed straight back into the living room with her friend.

Diane and Jen knew from the no reply that in fact Tilly had been spending all of her time drinking. ''This isn't Tilly you know Jen, she's the normal one out of the lot of them, not eating, drinking everynight. I'm worried about her'' said Diane. ''I know me too'' said Jen.

When Sinaed had ate all of her food and drank her pop Tilly returned into the kitchen to put the plate and cup into the sink after been told Diane would clean them. She didn't look at them either, she returned back to the kitchen to get a cup for herself and poured herself a very large Vodka which didn't go unnoticed by Jen and Diane.

Finally Sinaed had fell asleep in Tillys arms. After Tilly had drank more than half of the bottle of Vodka she'd woke Sinaed up at 10pm and taken her to bed. Tilly tooked Sinaed in and closed her blinds and made her way back downstairs to see Jen and Diane now in the living room looking at the bottle Tilly had drank so much from. Tilly had drank the last of her cup and placed it into the sink without a word. She placed the bottle back into the bag and walked to make her way out of the door.

''Tilly'' Diane spoke.

''Yeah?'' Tilly asked.

''Thank you for this, you've been a great help'' said Diane.

''No problem, anytime'' replied Tilly opening the door.

''I will walk you, it's late'' said Jen

''It's fine, i'll be alright'' replied Tilly

''No Jens right, its late and dark she'll walk you'' said Diane.

Jen put on her coat and done as she said, she walked up the path with Tilly on her arm. The drink had hit her a lot more than she thought. It was different when she was drinking in Maddie's mothers because she wasn't going outside for the air to hit her. Now, in the fresh air it had hit her a lot. She clung onto Jens arms as they walked in silence across the village. It felt nice to Tilly, knowing Jen was there to help and protect her without even asking, even when they wern't toegther and when they'd moved on from the past.

When arriving at Tillys her parents car was gone, when Tilly stumbled inside her parents had left a note to say they'd been called to a last minute meeting and had to leave. Jen entered Tillys house to make sure she got in ok and watched Tilly as she read the note. 'Foods in the oven, I will be making sure you've ate it' was also wrote on the note. Tilly took the food out of the oven and placed it in a plasic bag and hid it at the bottom of the bin and poured herself another a large drink.

Jen didn't like seeing Tilly drinking so much, and really didn't like seeing her hide food which was prepared for her in a bin. It was all to much for her to see, Tilly was obviously in a lot of pain and proberly dipressed as hell.

''Tilly, I really don't like seeing you this way'' Jen finally broke the silence.

''You don't have to miss, I never asked you to walk me home'' Tilly said

Tilly felt horrible for being so harsh towards Jen when really she wanted nothing more than to wrap herself up in Jens arms. Jen just nodded, this wasn't for her to say and she didn't want to hurt Tilly more than she was already hurting so she said her goodbye and left. Walking home with tears running down her face. Returning back to Dianes Jen tried to hide the fact she cared so much but it was obvious to Diane that Jen had been crying.

''Whats up love? Why have you been crying?'' Diane instantly asked. ''It was just the wind Di, I'm just going to head to bed'' replied Jen. ''Now look Jen, come over here and tell me now! Doesn't matter what it is you can tell me'' said Diane ushering Jen to the couch. ''It's Tilly, it's just painful to see her..'' Jen cut herself off straight away. ''See her what love?'' Diane asked. ''When I was round there, she poured herself another big glass of alcohol and hid her food at the bottom of the bin its just so horrible to see'' said Jen. ''Jen, its obvious your going to care or you wouldn't of went there in the first place, but I will help you get Tilly back on the straight and narrow. We will speak to her toegther at College tomorrow yeah?'' said Diane. Jen nodded and made her way straight to the bedroom and lay herself down on the bed falling into a worried deep sleep about Tillys heath and wellbeing.

Tilly on the other hand made sure she drank the rest of the bottle and fell asleep spralled out on the sofa in the living room. Dreading her day at College tomorrow.

Hopefully Jen and Diane could get through to her...